Anal Sex: How To Get Started

Okay, so let’s say you and your husband are into anal play, and you want to take it a step further. You are both comfortable with the idea of anal sex, but you feel like you need some pointers to help you get started. Well, you’ve come to the right article! Anal sex is easily achieved by some couples, but a little harder for others. It can be difficult to learn to accommodate your husband’s penis. Most women need to start out with something smaller and work their way up to it. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are ready to try anal sex:

Use copious amounts of lube. I cannot stress this enough. While the vagina self-lubricates, the same cannot be said of the anus. It will be in your best interest to put lube on both places (your anus and the object being inserted). In fact, if your husband is down there with his fingers or a plug, just tell him to keep the bottle of lube with him!

Start out with your husband’s finger. Seriously. He can easily use a finger cot or glove if he wants. If you like the feelings you get from his finger, then that is a good indication that you may be ready for a little more. If his finger is uncomfortable to you or feels strange when inserted, then you may ultimately not like anal sex. You may be on this stage for one night or several months before you are ready to move on to anything else.

Move up to a small anal plug. Anal plugs come in so many sizes now and are relatively inexpensive. You and your husband can even pick one out online discreetly to avoid potential embarrassment of physically going to the toy store (although I think that’s part of the fun!) You can also try having your husband try and insert two fingers at this point. The goal here is to get your anus used to something slightly larger fitting in there. Again, some of you may have absolutely no problem with this stage either, or it may feel kind of foreign to you. Make sure that you experience having an orgasm while trying this, so you’ll know what you are getting yourself into! (Remember to use tons of lube!)

When you feel you are ready to try full-blown anal sex, then start slowly. You may be surprised at the difference in size between an anal plug and your husband’s erect penis. I will tell you that getting the head in is the biggest hurdle, and after that it’s easier. Just go slowly and start out with very shallow mini-thrusts. By that I mean to just barely thrust enough to get most of the head in. When you feel like you are able to take more in, then take it a little further. Remember to add more lube each time you take in another inch.

Make sure you are in a comfortable position. Some positions are tighter for anal sex and other positions are more relaxed and may work better for you. So if you aren’t able to achieve penetration in one position, it’s possible that another may work for you. Here are some good positions we have that work for anal sex:

If it feels uncomfortable to you then stop. Do not force it if it hurts. You could potentially damage yourself.

I encourage you to take it slowly, and don’t get upset if it doesn’t work immediately. Some things take time, patience, and practice. Once you have it down, try adding a vibe to your clitoris at the same time! Many women who like anal sex, also like experiencing double penetration as well, so that may be something worth looking into.

If you and your husband are interested in anal sex, then you’ll also need to decide on going bareback or wearing a condom. The use of a condom is cleaner, and you can always remove the condom for regular vaginal intercourse afterwards. If you decide to go without one, just remember that you should never re-insert his penis (or finger) into your vagina after it has been in your anus. That is a sure fire way to spread bacteria and get an infection.

So talk to your spouse about your expectations and/or concerns. Make sure that you are both comfortable with whatever decisions are made. You may try this only to find that one or both of you don’t like it. If that’s the case, then there are hundreds of other ideas and positions to try. Pray about it, take it slow, and HAVE FUN!

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46 Comments

  1. I’m interseted in trying anal sex, but my husband is quite big… would that just make it painful?

  2. The short answer is that yes, having a larger member can make it very uncomfortable. It may take you a while to work up to being able to take him. I’d advise you to start out with his fingers (one then two) and to get an anal plug that is an in between size (something that is in between the size of his finger and the size of his penis).

    Anal sex is easier to achieve when ever you are EXTREMELY aroused. Make sure that you use copious amounts of lube the entire time, but be aware that you may not be able to take him in without some discomfort. It took me many months of working up to it, to be able to take my husband anally. You may try it and decide that this is just something that you will not be able to do, so don’t put any pressure on yourself over this. There are many other things that you and your husband can do together. I don’t think you should continue to focus on something if it is causing you any pain or discomfort.

  3. thank for the respnose (: the thing is, he hasn’t mentioned it, but i know he would love to do it if i let him. i just don’t want to get him excited about it then tell him he can’t. is there a penis size that is just TOO big to even bother trying or should i just go for it and hope for the best?

  4. You and your husband will have to decide for yourselves if you think he is too large for anal sex. Some women have found that their anus can accommodate a penis rather easily, and are able to have full blown anal sex on their first try. Others (like me) have to work their way up to it. Just talk about it with him one night. Be honest, and tell him that you aren’t sure if it will work or not. Don’t have any pre-conceived expectations. If you try it and it doesn’t work, it’s not a big deal.

  5. ok, thanks cumingirl (like the name by the way) i’m actually pretty excited about trying now! especially with the possiblity of easy accomodation…

  6. My husband and I have tried anal sex in the past and it’s more often than not uncomfortable for me. I don’t completely hate it but I hate that he wants it all the time. Well a few months ago I made the mistake of telling him that I MIGHT be up to TRYING it out again now that’s all he talks about he is rather thick and besides that I just would rather not do it, any tips for making it more enjoyable or at least tolerable? He just wants to lube it up and stick it right in…

  7. Regina, it sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with your husband about this subject. If you would rather not do it and it is uncomfortable for you, then you need to tell him that.

    As far as tips to make it more enjoyable, foreplay! You need to be very very aroused via other means before anal penetration is attempted. The more aroused you are the better. Also, while anal sex is going on, don’t neglect the clitoris! Continue stimulation there with your hands or with a small vibe so that you stay in a state of arousal during penetration. That makes all the difference in the world.

  8. I actually talked to him that night about it and he told me the only reason why he kept asking in the first place was because I mentioned it to begin with and that if I was uncomfortable with it he is satisfied with our sex life as it stands now so not to worry about putting the pressure n m self. Then we had amazing two and a half hour long sex!

  9. I’m so glad you two talked! A little communication goes a long way :)

  10. Its all about woring up to it. It hurts b/c hes just trying to shove it in there go slow and relax, gradually loosening the sphincter until penetration is comfortably acheived, then he can get busy!!!!!

  11. My dear husband and I tried anal sex for the 1st time in our 12 year marriage last night and it was wonderful. It is true the women has to be fully aroused but we used a numbing agent and he was able to penetrate very easy and things were great.

  12. You should be carefull when using a numbing agent/lube, specially if it’s your first time. You could very easily tear or damage something if you are not carefull, and you wouldn’t even know because of the lotion.

  13. Both my husband and I want to try anal sex. I have pleasured my self this way and want my husband very badly. The problem is he gets overly excited before he is able to enter. Is there something we can do to enable him to get in and last long enough for both of us to enjoy it?

  14. You could always let him ejaculate first by either regular vaginal intercourse or by oral sex. Then let him rest up a few minutes. Then start over and try the anal sex for the second round… after he has already ejaculated once, the second time he should be able to last longer. :smile:

  15. when my wife and i have anal sex, we follow all of these guidelines about lube and slowness and arousal, but we also found that if she pushes out like she is going number 2, it helps get me in even easier. just a helpful hint that works for us….by the way, it works for me too guys : )

  16. Through my life, I have had so many questions concerning sex and what God allows and what HE considers a sin… My mother never talked about it so we were on our own. I tried to read scripture to figure out what was good and what was “bad”. That didn’t really help me. Yet I LOVE sex. Some of the things I like to do,, others would consider a sin. I really enjoy “regular” sex. I was taught all my life to do kegel Exercises so it comes natural to me and my husband has always enjoyed that.. I actually enjoy Anal sex too. I thought,,,, well if this is a sin then something will go wrong and maybe it could kill me..?? So I don’t do it.. I still wonder if it’s OK to do.. My husband (the one that talked me into it) said it isn’t all that great. He said it leaves a burning sensation inside his penis. After reading on this site, I feel that it is OK to do but now I don’t know how to get my husband to participate in it.

    I wanted to say,,,, Thank you to all the Christian woman on this site that have been so brave to give advise to those of us who are lost and have lots of questions.
    Any advise would be greatly appreciated,
    Curious

  17. If your husband has said that it makes him physically uncomfortable, then whether or not it is a sin isn’t a factor. It shouldn’t be an activity the two of you enjoy together if it causes him pain. (The same would be true of an activity that caused you pain. )

    But there is nothing wrong with talking about your opinions on it. Feel free to let him know what you are learning. Keep your communication open and honest.

  18. As far as the numbing agent, hypothetically speaking, could that work enough so that anal sex would work the first time we tried? And after the agent wears off, wouldn’t she be in a lot of pain?

  19. Bababooey –
    The short answer is if she experiences pain, STOP, you’re doing it WRONG. With first time anal, as stated in the article above, it is best to spend some time working up to something the size of a man’s penis, first starting with fingerplay and toys.
    If she is totally aroused, fully lubed up, relaxed, and safe, then it shouldn’t hurt. If she has any pain at all, that’s an issue – signifying that possible damage has been done to the anus or colon. Which is NOT GOOD. Anal sex is absolutely wonderful, and needs to be approached gently.
    First time anal is NOT like first time vaginal. The vaginal canal is a relatively tough membrane, and it can withstand a fair amount of heavy friction. Which is why we generally don’t spend hours, days, weeks, or months physically preparing for first time vaginal penetration – working up from fingerplay and all that. But that thin anal membrane just can’t be be treated as roughly, especially not the first time. Tears in the anal membrane = severe discomfort/ serious possibility of infection. Ick.
    Also, use a condom. What the above article failed to mention is that microscopic amounts of fecal matter and funky bacteria can get pushed into the urethra of the penis during anal penetration even after she’s cleaned herself – voided, had a shower, etc… possibly leading to decidedly uncomfortable infection. Ick again.
    Good luck. Go slow. Like, an eighth of an inch every minute, until she either asks you for more, or tells you that you’ve reached her limits.
    And enjoy!

  20. one word. [penis]ring.

  21. Thank you for the advise. I do believe that the condom just might be the answer to my problem. My husband enjoys anal but has the burning feeling after… Cleansing helps but did not do the trick. I will ask him if he wants to try the condom.
    Again thank you for your input ;)

  22. I let my husband try Friday night. He was very considerate and patient and took things slow but still it was a little uncomfortable (not really painful, just uncomfortable). I had a very strong orgasm, and I found blood when I wiped afterward. I also leaked a mixture of his semen and blood during the night. We didn’t use any numbing agent and it didn’t feel like he was huritng me at the time. But I still bled a liittle even the next morning. Plus I have been sore ever since, and not just at the opening. It feels funny just to get up and walk around. I feel like the muscles and bones are out of whack–like my whole area down there has been rearranged.

    Is this normal? Can you help me?

  23. What you are describing doesn’t sound healthy. Leaking his semen is normal but the blood should be taken as a warning sign. It sounds like anal sex isn’t something that you and your husband should continue to do. Your overall physical health is worth more than continuing to do a particular sex act that brings only temporary pleasure.

  24. Follow up: My husband is very large and I felt as you say “rearranged.” I felt more normal after a week or so, and started really wanting to try again. We did, and it was even better than the first time. At this point, I am crazy about anal. I prefer it to vaginal sex. Oh, BTW, once I got over the bleeding and being “rearranged” the first time, I didn’t have those problems agian.

  25. My husband and I tried rear entry last month, and oh my gosh it hurt so bad! I told him, and he stopped immediately. Now, I want to try it again, and so does he…. The thing is, the lube we used (KY jelly- sensual silk) did something to his penis – he could not erect for almost a week and a half. Is there a certain type of lube I need to get for anal sex?

  26. There’s not really a certain specific type that you must use, you just have to figure out what works best for both of you. However, yikes! -that reaction he had to the KY is not good! See If you can check the ingredients, that might help you in comparing lubes, because you don’t want that to happen again.
    The Slumber Parties web site has a lube called “Anal Ease”, but be aware that there’s some suggestive photos of women on the site.
    Another lube that’s great is called “Liquid Silk”, but it’s usually hard to find.
    Or for the sake of his bad reaction you could just try good old fashioned coconut oil or almond oil. They work great too. Just as long as he doesn’t have an allergy to either.
    But be careful, it shouldn’t hurt you like you said it did. If it does, than something is def. wrong. Also, don’t try it if you have any little tiny cuts around you anus, (they’re called “fishers” I believe), they’re very common and are caused by the warm environment of the area and a little yeastyness.
    I hope it works out for you!

  27. I am only responding because I assume this is something you want to do, if you do not WANT to try, do not continue reading.

    My husband and I both enjoyed a little anal play, but because I was afraid of pain, he was too much of a gentleman to suggest anal sex. I wanted to try, but did not want to associate “pain” with “making love to my husband.”

    My solution was to condition my body privately over the course of a couple of weeks. I used our favorite lube Gun Oil on an anal toy with a small tip and a broad base. We did not attempt anal sex until I could comfortably accomodate something his size, because when you are afraid of pain you are tense. When I finally suggested anal sex, I was relaxed because I knew I could handle it.

    We used lots of lube and he stimulated my clitoris manually until I was close to climax. By the time he put it in, I was almost embarrassed about how pleasurable anal sex was, I was shocked. It was the most powerful orgasm I had ever had. I don’t think either of us lasted a minute. An act I once thought was mostly for the man has turned out to be more for me. We don’t do it often, its more of a special treat.

    If it has been months since the last anal encounter, I also recommend doing the above “stretches” in advance to avoid discomfort.

    None of this is meant to be adivce, just trying to be open about my personal experience. Be open and honest with one another, and your marriage bed will be blessed.

  28. First time poster here. I LOVE this site and thank you so much for it! I’ve been reading for a few weeks and am very interested in all of it. We do ‘anal play’ but I could not have imagined actual sex. Well…last night it happened, perfectly! Super slow, super lubed and it was wonderful. Only pain was initial entry and like one of you said, once the head was in it didn’t hurt anymore. No pain afterwards and I admit to a desire to do it again! Just wanted to post another positive experience from a former skeptic :o)

  29. I feel sorry for you girls out who got hurt. We do it quite regularly, and I have only been hurt once. ( Got too enthusiastic and tried too hard, ecusing the pun.) The rest of the time we love It!

  30. Hi, I read a lot of this site and decided to start anal sex by my self first and I started whit one finger and it didn´t heart but I`d been feeling very unconftable since then. I prefer no to mention this to my husband, because I think I wont like anal sex and he might.

  31. My husband of 12 years and I have played with anal play off and on over the years. Mostly just him touching me around the outside. We have talked on and off over the years of trying to go further but I was always apprehensive about the potential pain and the ‘ick’ factor as I called it.

    Last night, we decided to go a little further and he played a little deeper with his fingers, actually penetrating me. I was shocked at how good I felt with just a little tease and gave him permission to push the envelope a little more.

    With lots of lube, we weren’t able to penetrate further comfortably. I was still pretty tense in the muscles. After playing around a little to keep the mood, he discovered that if he inserted his penis in my vagina that I relaxed all over. At that point, he was able to slip a small vibrator (one with a cord that you control from an attached remote) into me. Then, he could slip his penis out. He actually had to because he could feel the vibration and felt he would finish too soon if he stayed inside of me.

    At this point, he provided clitoral stimulation while the vibe was on and honestly, I think that was the most powerful orgasm I ever had. It surprised me how good it felt.

    And more honestly, as good as it felt, I am not in a hurry to do it again. While I have no objection to it morally or spiritually and it sure felt good, I was just left feeling like it was all too much. My husband and I laid in bed afterwards cuddling and “processing” what we did. I think my post-coital reaction was as surprising as how good it all felt.

    Not sure all what that last part means, but just wanted to share my experience overall in case it could help someone else.

  32. My hubby and I have been having anal sex for the last few months. I finally got up the courage to bring the subject up with him in the early part of the year. He had asked for it a couple years ago but I was not at all interested so he was very understanding and respectful of that. He occasionaly would mention it, but never pushed and probably only mentioned it 3-4 times over the course of several years.

    I guess I was one of those ‘lucky’ girls that wasnt in pain the first time even though I didn’t “stretch” first haha. I mean sure there was some pressure and thightness of course, not comoftable at first but not bad at all.

    Something I’ve learned really helps ‘speed it up’ for me is once I get him inside I have him hold still for a moment and then start with thrusts., For whatever reason when he just holds still for even a short time (30 seconds or less even) I seem to just be able to accomodate him easily and it is a very pleasureable experiance for us both. Once I discovered this I wanted anal sex much more frequently and I am often the one to request it.
    I am lucky that he is very understanding and takes my direction with it, however I have grown to like it a little bit harder than most probably would. Infact I liked it and my husband is so turned on by how much I like it he just gets super excited whenever I ask which turns me on more!
    We also started experimenting with DP recently but I feel as though we need a differant vibe (something smaller I guess because it was AMAZING. If you are enjoying anal, certianly look into DP as an option for more fun.
    If you want to enjoy anal sex more, I do suggest trying what I suggest about having him sit there for a moment before he really thrusts.

  33. My husband and I are planning to try this one day soon. I am very scared, but also excited to try this for him. My question is this– how do you prepare yourself? Aside from the stretching, etc listed above. I mean, do you not eat certain foods to keep from being gassy or bloated? Do you prepare your bowels in any way? Right now I think I’m nervous about passing gas or worse, seeing feces when he withdraws. What can I expect and how can I get past these concerns?

  34. What i found helpful with this is to first use the restroom and make sure i have a bowl movement. If i don’t i don’t like doing anal. When we do it there is air that comes out when he pulls out from trusting back and forth… it was kinda embarrassing for me but he assured me it was okay.. and it sounds just like air not farts :)

  35. I too have found using the bathroom first makes it a lot easier. I have even done an enema first and that worked really well but I just dont do that often. As Redlove said, I think it helps very much to have him just hold for a moment when he first inserts so that I have time to stretch or adjust (however you want to say it). After he pauses, I tighten up on his penis for about 20-30 seconds. When I let go it slides right in and feels great. It really makes it easier.

  36. What is DP?

  37. Double Penetration. It refers to having something in a woman’s anus and vagina at the same time.

  38. so how much do you really have to “clean out” yourself first?

  39. My husband has been asking repeatedly for anal (again). When we first were married, we had anal about 3 times – it was GREAT until the last time. I was in pain for 2 days – could not get out of bed, I was bleeding and could barely have a BM. If I had not been so embarrassed I would have gone to the ER. Because of this, and the pain I went through I do NOT want to risk doing it again. My husband is so angry/frustrated about not having it that he stated our marriage is over if he can’t have my entire body and that I should do whatever it takes to please him and keep him from lusting over it. I see this view as wrong and selfish, I feel that both should want to be pleased in the marriage bed and if one is doing an act they resent it will destroy intimacy…….

  40. Unfortunately for you, your husband is very selfish and he needs a doctor to explain to him what you will be going through if he keeps having anal sex with you. It sounds like he does not care about what the words “compassion” and “pure love” means. Sexual intimacy can only be uplifitng if it is shared fully by both. Marriage does not give him the right to do whatever he wants with your body…Lusting after you and acting accordingly without your consent is the road towards rape.

  41. Okay…my man loves to do it without the condom. We take care not to go for vaginal after anal (we always keep it to the end). is it dangerous for him to insert in my anus without a condom?? I try to clean before. Ok TMI… He also likes to come inside my anus and has a fetish of tasting the semen oozing out. I am not too sure if this is a healthy practice for him to taste it and for me to have it inside my anus.

  42. I would think that if you have flushed yourself out prior to anal, that him not wearing a condom is fine, but that is just my opinion. As far as him tasting his semen that is coming from your anus, I would think that there is a possibility of him becoming ill due to the germs associated with the anal cavity. Is this something that he does only after anal sex, or does he also eat the semen after other forms of sexual activity?

  43. YellowBird, tasting is something that is there on the platter, it is a case of frequency though. I do see what you are talking about the associated germs. Need to me more careful I guess. Yes we usually do flush before anal.

  44. Help me out here, ladies! Lately, I’ve become much more interested in anal play/sex. I can “accommodate” a small vibrator w/out any problem at all. I’ve read all your comments and helpful hints, like squeezing & then releasing for entry. We tried the “full Monty” last night, and even with the pre-stretching, super-lube, foreplay, and me REALLY wanting it, we got to a point where he couldn’t get in any further. Hubby did get at least one/third in, enough to thrust and orgasm. We were in front of a mirror, so I got to watch him, while he was watching himself do it. VERY erotic!

    I’m sure that he’s just butting up (sorry!) against my internal muscle/sphincer, but I can’t manage to relax it to allow more entry. Any suggestions/ideas? Thanks for your help – our love life has gotten so much better since I found this site!

  45. Try bearing down slightly, as if trying to pass a motion. that will help your internal sphincter to relax. It can also be easier if he doesn’t thrust, but that you move yourself back towards him. If he stays still inside you, and you do the moving, it can be easier.

  46. my husband and i are very interested in trying anal. we bought a butt plug. my question is… do couples only use the plug to help stretch her beforehand or is it also part of the sex?
    also, even with using a lot of lube, it was VERY uncomfortable trying to insert the plug. is it going to be this way every time or will it get easier? like i said, we’re excited to try anal, but the pain issue makes me very nervous.


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