I’m lying in the sand. The sun is beating down upon my naked back and legs. A breeze comes by and fills my nose with the smell of suntan oil. He’s using the oil on my back and it feels oh so good. His hands are so large and strong. He moves them down to my bottom and applies more oil. I spread my legs a little to make sure he has room, and… then the bus pulls up and I’m yanked back into reality as my kids come running up the driveway. Oh man, that was a good one! My husband and me, alone on the beach. I wonder when we can make that one happen?
Fantasies. They are a natural part of a healthy sex life. I mean, of course I’m going to fantasize about my husband and I in some strange and exotic place making hot love! There is nothing in the bible that says that I can’t.
Fantasies can cross the line and become sinful. God wants us to keep our hearts and minds pure, and focused only on our spouse. So if we fantasize about someone other than our spouse, it is sin.
Matthew 5:28 (King James Version)
28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
I think it’s pretty clear that our Heavenly Father does not want us to lust after anyone else. Thinking of sexual scenarios between yourself and other people would definitely cross that line. This would include that handsome man you saw at the grocery store, as well as movie stars and singers. Just acknowledging that someone is attractive is okay. But when you start to mentally undress that person, or picture yourself with that person in an intimate way, that is where sin sets in. This would also include a fantasy of you and your husband and another person.
Genesis 2:24-25 (King James Version)
24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
We are one flesh with our spouse. There is no shame in having sexual thoughts and fantasies about the one you are married to. When I masturbate, I’m usually remembering the last time my husband and I made love, or thinking of the possibility of the next time we will make love. Sometimes I make up a whole new place or time, but we are always married and together.
Philippians 4:7-8 (King James Version)
7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Again, God’s word tells us to think on things that are good and pure. God joined you and your spouse together and your marriage bed is undefiled. Let the peace of God help to guard your heart and mind and keep your thoughts focused on yourself and your spouse. Sex between you two is not dirty. It is lovely and good and just and meant to be.
I want to encourage you to share your fantasies with your husband. Sharing fantasies together can be a very intimate and arousing thing. You may even be able to make some of them come true! Oh, and you remember that fantasy I was describing at the beginning? The one with us on the beach? Well, years ago my husband and I did indeed make love on a deserted beach, in the middle of the night. It was a fantasy of mine that we made come true, and it has given me a lifetime of memories to hold on to.
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