Fantasies

I’m lying in the sand. The sun is beating down upon my naked back and legs. A breeze comes by and fills my nose with the smell of suntan oil. He’s using the oil on my back and it feels oh so good. His hands are so large and strong. He moves them down to my bottom and applies more oil. I spread my legs a little to make sure he has room, and… then the bus pulls up and I’m yanked back into reality as my kids come running up the driveway. Oh man, that was a good one! My husband and me, alone on the beach. I wonder when we can make that one happen?

Fantasies. They are a natural part of a healthy sex life. I mean, of course I’m going to fantasize about my husband and I in some strange and exotic place making hot love! There is nothing in the bible that says that I can’t.

Fantasies can cross the line and become sinful. God wants us to keep our hearts and minds pure, and focused only on our spouse. So if we fantasize about someone other than our spouse, it is sin.

Matthew 5:28 (King James Version)

28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

I think it’s pretty clear that our Heavenly Father does not want us to lust after anyone else. Thinking of sexual scenarios between yourself and other people would definitely cross that line. This would include that handsome man you saw at the grocery store, as well as movie stars and singers. Just acknowledging that someone is attractive is okay. But when you start to mentally undress that person, or picture yourself with that person in an intimate way, that is where sin sets in. This would also include a fantasy of you and your husband and another person.

Genesis 2:24-25 (King James Version)

24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

We are one flesh with our spouse. There is no shame in having sexual thoughts and fantasies about the one you are married to. When I masturbate, I’m usually remembering the last time my husband and I made love, or thinking of the possibility of the next time we will make love. Sometimes I make up a whole new place or time, but we are always married and together.

Philippians 4:7-8 (King James Version)

7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Again, God’s word tells us to think on things that are good and pure. God joined you and your spouse together and your marriage bed is undefiled. Let the peace of God help to guard your heart and mind and keep your thoughts focused on yourself and your spouse. Sex between you two is not dirty. It is lovely and good and just and meant to be.

I want to encourage you to share your fantasies with your husband. Sharing fantasies together can be a very intimate and arousing thing. You may even be able to make some of them come true! Oh, and you remember that fantasy I was describing at the beginning? The one with us on the beach? Well, years ago my husband and I did indeed make love on a deserted beach, in the middle of the night. It was a fantasy of mine that we made come true, and it has given me a lifetime of memories to hold on to.

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7 Comments

  1. How about having “abstract fantasies”? Fantasies about “someone”? A married man and a woman somewhere, without even considering who they are? Any thoughts about that?

  2. My thoughts are this… Why even wonder about something like that? It’s almost as if we try to see just how much we can get away with before it turns into “sin.” We shouldn’t be concerned with fantasizing about others at all, even if it is just some random person that you don’t even know. Our fantasies arouse us and sometimes aid in orgasm. I want to know that my husband is being led to his orgasm by thoughts of he and I together, not thoughts of some random married couple out there.

  3. I do agree with you. I was actually just interested in hearing your thoughts on this, in perspective of this good and interesting article :-) I find your views and statements good and in-depth, and as far as I can see, solidly founded on the Biblical truth.

    I am happy that people like you make and maintain a website like this. Keep up the good work!

  4. My problem is this. My husband and I when we were first married used porn while we were having sex. We were up and down spiritually. When my DH masturbates he likes me to tell him stories now. The only stories that I can come up with are ones that have another person in them…usually a female which gets him hot… and it gets me hot as well. I have just been in the habit of this for so long it’s a hard habit to break. We were having some fun this morning and he wanted me to talk to him so I started out with a perfectly fine story that we were away from each other and had web cams…i eventually ran out of ideas so I did what I usually do..add more people..like I said it gets me hot too.no faces just the thought. This is something I’ve been battling with for a while. I’ve prayed that God would help me but somehow it always comes back up. Could you give me some advice? I just don’t know what to do.

  5. Hopefully, this note will get to you as often this site is censored to opinions that our leaders find objectionable. Just want you to know there are many, many, Christians out here who would find absolutely nothing wrong with the behavior you described. My husband and I play in very much the same way. We both enjoy it and have been happily married for almost 20 years. Nobody who knows us and our deeds would ever call us bad Christians. My guess is you know your relationship with your husband and your relationship with God. There is no reason to feel guilty.

  6. Just the offensive ones get deleted. We approve a lot of comments that we disagree with.

  7. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the though of having sex with multiple people is erotic, but it still doesn’t change that, in my understanding, this kind of eroticism is a compromise. If you require the idea of sinful acts in order to find pleasure in your marriage bed, I do think it’s unhealthy.
    How do you change it? I think your past use of pornography has conditioned you to have a preference for more than one sex partner at a time. Those visual cues have been impressed in your imagination and that is a hard thing to change. Like any of our other memories, inviting the Lord into them so He can speak truth is very freeing. Don’t hide those memories from Him, but bring them before Him and ask Him what He has to say about them. Remember, the Lord will not make you feel guilty for the things you bring to Him. He makes it very safe to fail and just wants us to come to him. If you feel guilty when you come before Him then your heart isn’t in the right position to find freedom. Come humbly and in repentance, but boldly knowing that you have access to His forgiveness because you are His child and have put your faith in Him.


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