Enjoying Sex During Pregnancy

Sugar & Spice wrote a great article on embracing that beautiful belly and your sexy self while you are pregnant, so I wanted to offer you some information on the physical side of enjoying your sex life while pregnant.

I really loved being pregnant and found that I felt sexy during those seasons. It was probably the season I had the highest drive, although it did come and go a bit, before I had my awakening. It helped that my husband adored my pregnant body as well. However, pregnancy is met with a lot of questions about how to incorporate your sex life into your changing body.

Is it safe to have sex while pregnant? Will it hurt the baby? What positions work in each trimester? Normally we enjoy breast play so when will my breasts stop hurting so we can enjoy that again? How do I feel sexy when I feel sick all the time? Why is my libido so low? How can I please my husband sexually and maintain a good attitude about it when I feel so tired?

As with every other issue surrounding marriage and sex, good communication and an attitude of generosity will help both you and your husband to ride the waves that come in and out over the 40 weeks of pregnancy. Talk about your expectations and feelings. If your once C cup breasts are now a DD and your husband wants to enjoy them, but it is painful for you, tell him. Tell him that they are sore now, but they won’t always be. The tenderness will subside, but the fullness will stick around. As long as he knows that he can not touch them, consider doing a little strip show for him to enjoy followed by intercourse that is comfortable for you.

If you are concerned about whether sex would be harmful at all to the safety of the pregnancy, the information I repeatedly received from my obstetrician and all the other research I did on my own was that unless your doctor has given you instructions to refrain from engaging in sexual intercourse because of a high risk pregnancy, there is no reason to abstain while you are pregnant. In fact in those last weeks of pregnancy sex may help to induce a pregnancy that you are eager to be over with, though I never had any success with it, and not for lack of trying believe me. My husband and I said we were getting our last bit of sex in as much as we could before we would have to refrain during the postpartum period.

The reason why sex may induce labor is that semen contains a hormone called prostaglandin and it works to help dilate and thin your cervix. As well, nipple stimulation releases the hormone oxytocin which causes the uterus to contract. Once you have your baby and you are nursing this will aid in causing your uterus to return to its proper, non-pregnant size more quickly. Isn’t God brilliant the way he designed our bodies!!!

Once your belly is getting bigger, you may find that certain positions you have enjoyed in the past become harder to do successfully, but we found that nearly all of them can be altered slightly to allow room for the baby. The bigger issue is that as your baby gets bigger it will affect the usual position of your cervix and the angle of the penetration may change and be uncomfortable. It’s a little bit of trial and error in learning which positions are going to work for you. Woman on top can be used pretty much as you always use it and we found that scissors or spooning could be used with quite a bit of success. We didn’t use the missionary position once I was large enough that the weight of the baby pushed on my lungs when I was lying on my back, making it difficult to breathe and causing me to become light headed. However, thinking about it now, if there was a way to prop me up more and maybe have my husband enter me from standing beside the bed that might have worked well, but I was less creative then.

It can be hard to balance a pregnant woman’s fatigue, discomfort and pregnancy sickness with a husband’s drive that has not changed at all. Again here, communication and a generous attitude is the key. Your husband will still want and need to have sexual release with you and both of you are going to need to talk about your expectations and serve each other as best you can. I urge you not to allow pregnancy to become an excuse not to have sex with your husband as I also urge your husbands to extend grace to you as your body deals with housing the creation of a human being. This season will require a lot of give and take. That is why God put families together as he did.

Often the second trimester is a great time to enjoy sex with your husband. For most people, pregnancy sickness has passed and you are feeling good about yourself. Not to mention the benefit of a really great orgasm to your psyche. This is the time to plan a romantic getaway together if you can and focus on connecting as a couple.

Before you know it your sweet baby will be here and this time will be behind you. Enjoy it as much as you can. Get lots of support from whomever you can. Don’t allow the negative people around you to effect your mood. I pray that all of you pregnant Christian nymphos will have a blessed and meaningful pregnancy.

31 Comments

  1. Wonderful. Thank you.

  2. I’ve been having a few contractions when we ML – (25 weeks pregnant) – sometimes during foreplay (usually not so bad) but sometimes when we’re both about the climax together, and when that happens, there it goes for me, that totally de-stimulates me, even though I still WANT release; I just can’t get there. Unless hubby has the energy to basically start all over again AND I am not too disheartened by it… usually not the case.
    So usually we go to sleep, both somewhat disappointed, then I often wake up slightly grouchy.
    So I’m a bit grumpy this morning :D
    Anyways, anyone else ever had this problem? (not the waking up grouchy, LOL, I mean the contractions) Is there anything I can do about it besides just hope it doesn’t happen often?
    Thanks!

  3. Hisgirl,
    I use to experience the same thing. It depends on the frequency and intensity of them. If they become to intense/take your breath away painful you should stop. You don’t want to go into labor this early.(All from my OB) I tended to ignore them, seeing as all my babies were 40+ weeks gestation :(
    It would be good to mention it to your OB
    Keep having fun there’s a six week drought after the baby arrives :(

  4. IfP – they take my breath away, but usually there’s only one or two at a time, so I haven’t been concerned about preterm labor.
    I’m actually doing a homebirth with a midwife, but I will probably talk to her about it at our 28 week appointment, thanks :) She’s an easy person to talk too.

    yeah we aren’t looking forward to that drought!
    I can keep taking care of my hubby w/ oral, but I might have a grouchy couple weeks, myself :)

  5. Hi Hisgirl,

    Have had 7 babies at home with midwives in attendance.
    Yes, do chat with your midwife about the contractions.

    From flacid abs, I was almost unable to function and sex was REALLY uncomfortable, whatever position, until I did some research and found a preg. abs. toning exercise program which I followed strictly, every morning and evening during my last 2 pregnancies. Began the program from the second trimester until the day of each baby’s birth…literally! I had energetic pregnancies and incredibly fast, strong labors with no problems.

    May I bless you with another thought process regarding the ‘drought’? Instead of calling something into being, prematurely, why not come up with a plan to sexually bond whilst you are taking care of your newborn.

    Since my sexual awakening, I have concluded that postpartum sex could have been cherishingly beautiful if I had had knowledge and a better attitude. ‘Taking care of’ my man was empty for him because he ached to adore his baby’s mommy and his beloved wife.

    Do some research into postpartum sex. Get a better attitude about this time coming up and look forward to bringing another precious human being into the world surrounded by two sexually alive, and committed, parents. Loved tiny baby, happy parents, precious in God’s eyes.

  6. smokeypuss: thank-you.
    You’re right, I haven’t had a good attitude about postpartum sex. I’ve just taken what I hear from everyone (mostly worldly sources) and accepted it as ‘well, guess I’ll have to be miserable, part of the experience.’
    God forgive me, that’s not the right way to think at all. I don’t want to ruin the first 6 weeks of our parenthood by my attitude.
    I shall take your advice, then, with gratitude.

    I think I need to look into some exercises to do now, also.

    Your comments are a blessing to me, SmP, thanks :)

    P.S. I must say that it is difficult to research postpartum sex and find anything but ‘sex, specifically oral and vaginal are off limits until your doctor/midwife gives the okay’… I’m gonna try to find more helpful suggestions, definitely, but I was wondering if you had any resources towards which you could point me? (or anybody else)

  7. Actually, about the 6 wk drought- that doesn’t usually have to be the case. After I had my 3rd baby, my midwife told me “Now, you know you don’t have to wait to have sex, right?” I looked at her like she was crazy, because the way the OBs push that, you’d think a bomb would go off if you did it any earlier, lol. She did say something about using condoms, to lessen the chance of infection. I don’t remember how long we waited, because I had a hard time getting myself to believe I really didn’t have to wait, I think it was maybe three weeks? Of course many women just won’t feel like having sex so soon after having a baby, but for me I was in the mood a lot, and waiting was hell! Anyway, I just thought I’d pass on that happy bit of info. I even asked my OB after baby #4, and he said that no you don’t really have to wait, they just suggest it, to help with healing. He even told us that he and his wife didn’t wait 6 wks either.

  8. hisgirl, read my comment above-both my midwife and OB told me that the waiting thing was just a suggestion, and that it was ok to go ahead with sex when I felt ready. We went ahead with it after about three wks with the 3rd baby, and about two weeks I think with the 4th. There was some tenderness, so we were just slow and careful so I wouldn’t be in pain, but everything was fine. I always felt closer to my husband when we had a new baby, so we naturally just wanted to be together. We had no problems. And I would think since you are using a midwife, she might be more prone to tell you the 6 wk rule is not such a hard and fast rule after all. :)

  9. Yeah, I read for the first time today that it didn’t have to be six weeks, I was like ‘huh, another thing the doctors tell mostly us for their own convenience rather than for accuracy’ (that was what this one website kinda plugged it as, I mean).

    Cool, thanks for sharing, my darling will be glad :)

    (oh, and I might be just a little relieved myself, LOL :D )

  10. Sorry all,
    I didn’t mean to sound negative re: postpartum. My DH and I were intimate right up to the delivery of our children (sometimes hours before) and never waited the entire 6 weeks after. I know there are other ways to express your love for each other and baby, which I am all for, but it still isn’t PIV sex. Which is what I missed.
    You don’t ever have to wait but you do risk infection and possibly tearing yourself. I work in surgery and have seen this more than once. Can be painful. I’m just sayin. :)

  11. I DEFINITELY waited the whole 6 weeks before we had vaginal intercourse with both of my children. My babies were large (over 9lbs) and I had some really bad tears that left me in quite a bit of pain. I was scared and needed to be fully healed before I was able to be brave enough to have sex! I think that some women have an easier time of delivery than others, and that makes a difference.

  12. It’s fun to see people commenting on this topic! I’m 39.5 weeks preg right now and am actually on assignment from my midwife to be having lots of sex over the weekend to hopefully “jumpstart” things, lol. Fine by me! We’ve been enjoying sex through pregnancy, but I have to admit I can’t wait to get my body more back to normal. My belly is totally in the way and I have a lot of aches and pains to deal with!

  13. Hi again, Hisgirl,

    Probably,the most important factor for postpartum love making is internal healing and comfort which is monitored through your postpartum check ups, staying in touch with your body as it changes back to its non-pregnancy state and then of course taking it easy, physically.

    Mothering hormones drown me in sensation so I am pretty whacked out for a good number of weeks. In our marriage, our infant took my first strength with my husband’s blessing.

    I have experienced a natural inclination towards ‘gentle motherhood’ when nursing and nurturing newborns so I would approach my sex life with the same gentleness. Time for the ‘ruff stuff’ later when you are 100% again.

    Much depends on the strain your body undergoes during labor. Some women have long, arduous labors whilst others have quick, relatively easy labors.

    As always, use discernment when researching on the web and keep your husband in the loop with you. Pregnancy changes my intuition. My husband has been invaluable for keeping me grounded and focused on our individual family values.

  14. We had to abstain wth both of our successful pregnancies for about 2-3 months before the babies’ due dates. NOT EASY. And by abstain, I will be clear–no vaginal play, and no orgasms for me. That is SUPER HARD. I tend to orgasm very easily, so, after several weeks of no sex, and being desperate for sex, I even had to watch how much I let myself go while we were french kissing!

    I want to encourage anyone who has bad tears, or is otherwise uncomfortable after delivery, but wants to be really physical about sex, beyond her hands and mouth, to consider some outercourse–between her breasts (if they are not too tender, and shortly after nursing, not when you are all hot and swollen!), or his penis on her back. You can do that by lying on your back or on your side. (The CN Position page has several outercourse positions explained)

    It really helped to have outercourse once the babies came, instead of waiting till I had a full go-ahead from my doctor! I was also pleased that my last doctor discussed sex with me when he checked my c-section incision (a week after the twins were born). He is really, REALLY concerned about discussing using a condom (encouraging it!) if you are having sex before your first check-up. He has seen too many moms come in for their six-week check-up, completely oblivious to the fact that they are already pregnant.

  15. Wiser Pregnancy recently conducted a scientific survey that found that the majority of women have less sex during pregnancy, with most reporting less sex drive as the reason.

  16. Spice Girls, do you have any recommendations for women who normally have the most pleasure on top, but just can’t do it in the last tri because of severe round ligament pain? This has become a big issue for us, and I’m really not sure how to remedy it. :(

  17. I’m not a spice girl, but I was there not long ago so I’ll put in my 2 cents :)

    Since the best way that I’ve heard of to deal with round ligament pain is to bring your legs up… have you tried WOT with your feet flat on the bed and your knees up? That was easier for me sometimes. You could even switch from that to putting your legs over your husband’s shoulders which could help a lot more with the tension.
    Or you might be able to do it reverse WOT, lying down with your belly between your husband’s legs.

    The recovery position might work for you, too, but it just didn’t feel that good to me – you can find a description of it on the position page here.

    Oh, and while I’m at it, thanks to the spice girls and other ladies here for your encouragement while I was pregnant, and for the things I’ve read that have helped me while recovering from pregnancy haven’t commented much but I try to keep up with it and I read SO much while I was pregnant that I was ‘stocked up’ with knowledge for post-pregnancy ;)
    just, thanks :)

  18. Still waiting for our twins to arrive and the best place for us is in the shower. Lots of room and easier to get into position especially if I can hold the babies in place. I will say that after my first one I was very engorged and uncomfortable. Hubby helped me out there and I have to say that all that breast play when I am so swollen really motivates me. Encouraging him to keep it up so I can go into labor ASAP. I am thrilled to be having identical twin boys but I’m ready to give birth to my 14 pound bowling ball.

  19. Wow! You ladies are soooo lucky to have hubbies that still want to be with you while you are preggers. Am I the only one who’s sex drive doesn’t decrese with pregnancy? My husband doesn’t come near me once my belly shows, and doesn’t push me for it afterwards either (although he might be trying to be sensitive, as I HATE sex until I start menstruating, My first was the worst with EXTREME dryness, and terrible tears….My hormones were very out of whack) But I look back kind of sadly, because it could have been wonderful during both my PG’s

  20. You certainly are not the only one! My husband is loving, and caring, but overall, his desire to have sex with me definitely goes down when I am expecting, particularly when I am showing, and the more I am showing, the less “sexy” he seems to find me.

  21. Just curious, Kellir and Tiger Girl, do your husbands give a reason why? I wonder if it’s just because they have trouble reconciling the “sexy you” that also happens to be housing babies at the moment, lol. My husband wasn’t like this while I was pregnant, but I always had a hard time after my babies were born, especially when he wanted to go near my boobs. I was always nursing, so it was so weird for me knowing that there was just a baby on there and now my husband was using them sexually!
    Have you communicated to him that you still want to, Kellir?

  22. My husband always wanted sex during pregnancy also…. I believe he actually found the changes in my body to be sexy…. full breasts, etc, and my belly never phased him… we literally had sex throughout each and every pregnancy right up until I gave birth. -Obviously it is more difficult position-wise… but we always found ways around it! ;-)
    I also wonder, as mdcccc asked, do your DH’s give a reason? Have you ever explained to him how you’re feeling, and asked him why he is reserved about preggo sex? -He could simply be worried that he might hurt you, etc. Maybe he doesn’t realize that your sex drive is still wide awake?

  23. Fear of hurting was there. Unfortunately, during one pregnancy, so was porn. Having sex, along with images in his mind of other women to compare me with, was too uncomfortable, spiritually. The guilt made it really awful.

    The Lord was already working in his heart, and he was actually glad when I found the evidence. We have grown through the experience together.

    Lots of people talk about how their husbands enjoy their larger breasts during pregnancy, but mine are already large, so that is not anything new.

    We did learn that shower sex worked, and that was great. My belly was not so much in the way then.

    Since I generally have a more frequent desire for sex anyway, (and desired it all the more while pregnant,) we had sex many times when he was not as “in the mood” as I was.

    Thankfully, since we both want our babies to be breastfed, the milk/leaking/spraying/babies were just here have not been too much of an issue. Some laughter, but not a big deal. The first baby, we had to adjust to the newness of it all, and get used to it all (tenderness, nurse first if I am swollen…) but otherwise, I would say nursing plus sex has not been a big deal, or hurt our sexual one-ness.

  24. We enjoyed a lot of great sex during all of my pregnancies. I think pleasure is heightened during that time, because certain areas of your body become engorged and more sensitive!
    There are a lot of positions that work well, you just have to experiment.
    I think communication, openness and just a willingness to experiment are crucial during pregnancy or any other change in life.

  25. Well,
    The PG’s are over now……My DH is a great guy, but has a much lower sex drive than me anyway….I think maybe we didn’t really talk it over much because I just assumed that he just wasn’t “in ” to my larger body…He meantioned being kind of weirded out by the fact that there was a baby just on the other side of the fence if u KWIM…but sex has always been an issue for us. I think I just “let sleeping dogs lie” as it were, because in most other ways he is a wonderful husband & father & having been extremely mistreated in a previous relationship, I guess I feel like I could have it worse, so what’s the big deal?

  26. Just a tip for preggos having a hard time with positioning… I have terrible heartburn and most nights I sleep on the couch sitting up. But when I start to feel like I can’t take the tension anymore I plan to come after hubby the next night. I have to watch what I eat all day long – nothing spicy and nothing acidic (so no tomatoes, oranges, juices, etc) and don’t eat for SEVERAL hours before bedtime. Then I take papaya enzyme pills (chewable) about 30 minutes before bed (otherwise if I take it too close to bedtime it totally takes away my saliva production which I need, lol). He usually falls asleep watching tv in our bedroom so I go after him, which is a huge turn-on to him. Unfortunately our regular WOT position doesn’t work very well these days because it’s so exhausting to me that I end up unsatisfied and sad. So we’ve had to find other ways. I lay on my back (hence the careful eating to avoid heartburn) with my butt on the very edge of the bed while he stands in front of me at the edge. Sometimes my legs are straight up, sometimes folded like indian style sitting and usually it works best if he comes at me from a downward to upward angle (bends and then straightens his knees). It hits just the right spot for me and for him, I don’t get exhausted, my 8 month belly isn’t in the way and it doesn’t take very long if we have about 15 minutes of foreplay first. We like it so much we will probably use it after pregnancy too. Just a tip also for additional turn-on – I felt like my breasts (which grew from D to DD) we too saggy and I was self-conscious so I kept my bra on (underwire and gives me a great shape). He likes to take them out over the top of the bra and then they are still supported and look great and we both feel good about it. There are definite pluses and minuses to sex during pregnancy, but we are trying to enjoy the pluses because they usually disappear after baby is born! Blessings too all of you and safe deliveries!

  27. Shower sex worked great with us; even face to face until into the third trimester (lots of things to prop up feet and hold onto)! And I definitely agree with intendedforpleasure – all the extra blood there really makes for a more intense coupling!

    I totally had the problem with the boobs and the nursing. I just couldn’t reconcile nursing and letting him even touch the nipples during sex. The milk let-down was such a Maternal sensation.

  28. For us – we had sex 4 weeks postpartum after our 1st, and 5 weeks after our 2nd. It was more about the lochia discharge ending than anything else. We always took it easy – and the sensations were different. I didn’t have a lot of expectations and he didn’t want to hurt me, so we actually enjoyed our reconnection.

    During pregnancy – I’m just starting my 2nd trimester with our 3rd – I can tell you WOT brings me to climax much faster, and the WOT with feet flat on the bed (or couch) really brought both of us so much more pleasure than we’ve ever experienced, we were shocked. My husband was turned on by my own enjoyment and trying something new with him – we haven’t stopped talking about it… And we will keep trying it as long as its comfortable for both of us.

  29. I really enjoyed sex while I was pregnant. With all the natural incresed blood flow to the genitals it felt as though I was always aroused which made for multiple orgasms.

  30. I’m 8 weeks pregnant, we miscarried the first time, this is our second baby so we are trying to be careful. But hubby is convinced that it’s not safe to be intimate until I’m 4 months! I dressed up for him but not working. Not even getting a proper kiss. He said he just doesnt see any sexyness, doesn’t have any energy left from working all day. But on the other hand, he’s been complaining how much he needs to have sex.. I’m just so confused and not sure what to do. Frankly I’m very sad he doesn’t see me like before. I even put on fresh makeup just before he gets home, he doesn’t seem to care… I’m really sad and desperate… Please pray for us.. Thank yoiu!

  31. So sorry that you are having this difficulty during what should be a very fun and happy time in your life. If your husband’s decreased interest in sex has occurred only since you found out you are pregnant, it is probably due to fear that you will miscarry again. In that case, perhaps it would be helpful for him to go to the doctor with you and have a frank and open discussion about sex during pregnancy. Also remember that your hormones are changing a lot right now, and your emotions and feelings about things may be a little out of whack. In general, this is certainly a time for very honest communication between you and your husband. Try to be open with him about how you are feeling and encourage him to do the same. And definitely be praying about it – God can work through this situation to bring you closer together. I will pray for you too.


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