Eyes Open Orgasm?

Okay, so I’ve heard about couples experiencing orgasms together with their eyes open, and it got me to thinking. I’ve never really done that. For as long as I remember, I’ve always closed my eyes at the point of orgasm. It’s just an automatic thing that my body does. I wonder why?

I’ve heard a lot about Dr. David Schnarch and his books. I will go ahead and admit here that I have not yet read his book Passionate Marriage, although I want to. This book talks about passion in marriage and different things we can do to strengthen that bond with each other, but for the purposes of this post, I am only focusing on the topic of having an orgasm with your eyes open. (The book is on my Amazon list. I’ll probably get it and write a book review on it later.) But in researching this topic, I came across a couple interviews with him in which he was asked about this topic.

In an interview by SheKnows, an online magazine devoted to women, Dr. Schnarch was asked specifically about this topic. He gave out some statistics and said that most people are like me, in that they close their eyes at the point of orgasm. Here is a quote from the article:

“In informal surveys I’ve conducted around the world, it seems that only about 15-30% of all couples have sex with their eyes open, and only about half that number can orgasm that way. This means that most people have to shut their eyes to “tune out” their partner in order to be able to orgasm.”

To read the full interview, click here.

Wow, that really makes me think. Am I really tuning out my husband when I close my eyes during sex? I certainly don’t mean to, and my initial reaction is that no, I am not tuning him out. But upon further reflection, I think I must admit that there is some truth in that for me. I don’t close my eyes for the whole duration of love making, but I do go back and forth from eyes open for a while to eyes closed for a while. And I find that when my eyes are closed is when I am able to concentrate on my building orgasm better. It’s easier to experience all the wonderful euphoric feelings that are rising within me. Is that such a bad thing?

Well, when I have my eyes open I am usually watching us. I’m watching us in a nearby mirror, or watching his body, or watching my own body, or sometimes looking in his eyes. When I connect with his eyes, I see love. It makes me want to kiss him and tell him I love him too. But those thoughts do not help me achieve orgasm. They are nice and make me feel good, but in order to achieve orgasm, usually, my mind needs other, more…raw thoughts. Not all the time though. If I know orgasm is just a few seconds away, I can open my eyes and look at him, and say or think, “I love you,” and let it happen. But, right as orgasm hits, my eyes will automatically shut again as the waves of pleasure hit.

So of course I’m now wondering about trying to keep my eyes open the next time I orgasm with my husband. For some reason this seems…a bit scary to me. How ridiculous is that? I have no problem masturbating or using a toy in front of my husband, but the thoughts of looking into his eyes while I orgasm, makes me a bit uncomfortable. :( I think I’ll be giving this some more thought in the future, and I know that I want to order that book. In the mean time, I really would love to hear from any of you ladies out there. Are you able to orgasm while looking into your husband’s eyes, or are you like me?

20 Comments

  1. We have to make a concentrated effort to do this. Usually, I orgasm first, so sometimes I will tell my husband to “look right at me” when I know I’m just about there. Then we can look into each other’s eyes, and it truly is a mind-blowing experience. I agree though that it is hard, for all of the reasons you described. I also think the uncomfortableness that you feel could be from the embarrassment of the sounds people normally make when having an orgasm combined with the contorted look on their faces. Closing your eyes somewhat blocks out those ideas from your mind, if that makes any sense?

  2. locking eyes with the hubby makes it so much more intense. sometimes I can’t handle it… but I always enjoy orgasm more when I watch him or he watches me or we watch each other.
    Mine almost always triggers his so I like to watch it sort of roll over his face.

  3. We have done this a few times and it is wonderful. It started out with me on top and right as I knew it was about to hit, I’d tell him to look at me. Amazing, but find my hair tends to get in the way! Not too much later he picked up on it and now asks me to keep my eyes open. I have a much harder time doing that with him on top, not sure why. But sometimes it feels so amazing I can’t help my eyes closing! But, if the kids are running around I do need to keep my eyes closed to focus.

  4. **UPDATE** Since writing this article, I have indeed been able to orgasm with my eyes open! It took some work, but I was able to do it, and I felt really good about it! I was proud of myself for overcoming that fear. I’m not saying I will do it every time now, but at least I know that I can do it :grin:

  5. You know what cumingirl? I could’nt agree with your initial comments on this thread more. After thinking about it I’ve come to the conclusion that for me maybe it’s about thinking that I certainly don’t look very pretty at that moment and perhaps I’m scared of seeing that thought reflected in his eyes. OK, more honestly, I guess it’s a case of – I’m at my most vulnerable (dignity, poise and all out of the window) and another human being is there just drinking in the sight ! Forget that he’s my husband, he’s still another human ! And the thought is so distracting, I won’t be able to concentrate enough to come.
    Having said that, I love watching him come, and it certainly does’nt put me off. I feel – wow! you mean I caused all this?

  6. I have an interesting body change when I am close to climaxing…my eyes change color and my pupils narrow !!! My husband thought it was really cool when he first noticed that my eyes go from olive green hazel to a luminous yellow green. Makes me feel like a werewolf/vampire (been watching too many movies…lol.) Anyone have the same reactions.

    I am multi orgasmic and have been working on keeping my eyes on him as I let go. It was hard at first but I realized that he wanted to see my eyes changing as I lost it because it was so wonderfully special to him to be part of such an intimate journey with me every time we make love.

    I have had to deal with the issue of not looking great when I climax but we have waited so long for this gift that being self conscious about my face grimaces, or whatever, pale in comparison with what we are sharing together.

  7. I’ve done both, eyes open and eyes closed. Especially if we climax at the same time, I love to make eye contact, it makes it so much more exciting if we see each other’s reactions :D Other times it’s easier for me to get to an orgasm if I close my eyes and concentrate on how my husbands body, hands, etc, feel. so, I don’t think eyes closed are always shutting out your husband, because for me sometimes I orgasm the best if I close my eyes and relax my body and completely surrender to him, and concentrate on what he’s doing. I can usually only do that with my eyes closed, at this point.
    Other times it’s best with my eyes open and some light, so I can watch him loving me (I know ppl say a lot of women like it dark, but I want to see my man’s body, and I know he wants to see mine, so I like some light, esp candles!)

    As for the sounds and the facial grimaces, I don’t try to stop b/c a) I love them coming from him, they thrill me, and b) if I make them he knows he’s pleasing me, and he thinks it’s gorgeous and wonderful. So, I’ve never really been embarrassed.

    But, ya’ll with kids, do you think you should be quiet with sex noises? JW. I haven’t decided yet what I think about how careful we should be, beyond obviously that we don’t wanna wake up an infant.

  8. It’s an interesting thought, and to be honest, I’ve never really thought about it much. I just can’t focus on my love for my husband and my sexual desire for my husband at the same time. He’s kept his eyes opened and locked with mine once when he came, and it was…. really amazing and really scary at the same time. It’s good once in a while, I think, but all the time would probably weird me out. There’s so much intensity in those eyes and I don’t know if I could handle it all the time.

  9. I don’t mind the eyes closed thing, but I know that I like to see my husband’s face while he orgasms. And I know he watches mine. That is intense and very pleasurable in a mental sort of way.

    And for me, it isn’t about shutting him out, it is about being able to concentrate on what he is doing for me.

  10. Just tried this. I loved looking at my DH in the eyes as I O’d! It is nice to know that I can do it! Wow! I will not do it all the time, but once in awhile will be great!

  11. Wow, I loved reading everyone’s input on this. I always close my eyes, and I honestly don’t know if I could keep them open. I think it would just feel weird, esp. if dh didn’t know I was planning on doing it. He’d probably be thinking “Why is she staring at me?” He might even stop and ask what’s wrong! I’m sure it would turn him on, though.
    Thanks for following up, cumingirl, and telling us how it worked out for you. I hope any other ladies that decide to try this out will update for us too! I’m not sure if I will have the guts to try it or not!

  12. mdccc,
    I feel I gave the wrong impression about how I did this. I did not stare at my dh through my whole O I kept my eyes open and went with the flow. I looked around and brought my gaze to meet his eyes right in the middle of my O. I held it there for a few seconds, the bond was great! I would try it this way if you feel uncomfortable about staring at him the whole time! I wish you luck!

  13. We have both done it either way. I guess it just depends what kind of mood were in. i think the times we have slow, long lasting, sensous sex it’s more likely that i will keep my eyes open, as opposed to the wild sex.

  14. I don’t know that it’s a shutting out (or not necessarily so). I think it’s just an instinctive response to the physical intensity – like closing one’s eyes to sneeze. Although we both normally close our eyes at that particular moment, we have, on occasion, kept our eyes open and locked. It takes a concerted effort, though!

  15. My husband’s eyes turn from blue to green when he’s very excited – it’s pretty cool :) …. same happens when he’s angry but it’s not quite so cool.

  16. cumingirl

    The links to the article do not work any more.

  17. Thanks for letting me know! I always like to give credit to sites that I use in my blog posts. Apparently that online magazine changed their links. I believe it’s fixed now.

  18. I seem to have the opposite problem, I actually have trouble closing my eyes during making love and orgasm. I love gazing into my partners eyes, and he loves the fact that I’m able to do that, he tells me that my pupils dilate when I orgasm and so he knows when I’m done. For some reason keeping our eyes open, seems to connect us on what I can only describe as a spiritual level, rather than a physical level.

  19. We have 3 kids 2 girls 14 & 11 and a boy 8. We try to be discreet but do not worry about if they know whats going on. They have made comments about “knowing what we’re doing” when they hear music in our room. We think it’s healthy for them to know we love each other. We have a smaller house. If we waited for a time when they are all in bed asleep there would never be any lovin going on.

  20. Interesting that I found this article this morning. Since coming to CN in the summer of 2010 I have learned so much and grown closer to my husband as well as to my faith. One of the journeys I have been on since then is being “present” during love making.

    After reading about fantasies here I realized that I had been mentally bringing other people into our marriage bed as voyeurs. My first step toward fixing this was to work to rid myself of those images and replace them with pure ones where it was just me and my H and no audience. That has been successful but the second step…focusing on the moment with my H rather than escaping to a fantasy has been tougher and I am still working on it.

    Well last night we had some of the best lovemaking ever. We had no lights on and it was pretty dark but I made an effort to visually focus on him and found that he was doing the same back. I could see his eyes glinting in the light and we kissed a lot more than typically. I now want to work up to doing in in candle light so that I can see him better. Thanks for this article. I would love to increase the intimacy of our intimacy even more.


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