Fisting

This article is going to discuss a sexual technique known as ‘fisting’.  I have not experienced this activity for myself so I decided to find someone who has in fact engaged in this activity.  A Christian woman, named Nicole, was gracious enough to field my questions on this very sensitive subject.  I would like to thank Nicole for being so informative and transparent in order to educate others.  (Nicole’s answers are italicized.)

What made you pursue this activity?

At the beginning of our talks, my husband thought I’d be too ‘innocent’ to be interested in these kinds of things, and I thought he’d be horrified if I brought up some of the things I wanted to try. Thankfully for both of us, we’d assumed VERY wrongly as to how the other person felt and what they would think!

I guess I’ve always been very adventurous and very much an explorer when it came to sex. Always wondered if certain activities were possible, beyond your standard ‘penis goes in vagina’ type of event.

And one time we were talking about things we would like to try, and he brought the idea up of fisting. With the way of my nature, that delighted and excited me!

How would you advise a beginner to get started?

VERY VERY SLOWLY. This is the kind of activity where the journey is just as important as the destination. I would strongly recommend the couple attempt to get the woman as aroused as possible prior to starting – so doing whatever REALLY gets her in the mood (a vibrator, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc etc etc).

And then just start with one finger, and continue as long as you feel comfortable with. Be aware that things can change compared on your level of arousal, or simply how your body responds on a particular day. One day you may get everything including the fist, another day you might only get 2 or 3 fingers in.  It does not matter – just enjoy the journey and the feelings of pleasure.

I know that being well lubed is a must, what type of lube do you recommend?

I am very fortunate as I seem to make enough lube on my own. We have only used one lube in our history – ky jelly – which worked quite well, but we haven’t used lube in the past year or so. I hear good things about coconut oil.

Does your husband stack his fingers in a ‘beak like formation’ as he inserts them?

Generally we start with one finger and work up, so at first his fingers would be like a beak (just pressed in as close together as you can). We only start doing this once we get past 3 fingers – we always gradually work our way up. The hand only ‘stretches out’ once we get past the knuckles. If you’re going beyond the duck to the fist/full hand activity, you need to be REALLY aroused.

In my research I have read that the knuckles are the toughest part to get past. Do you and your husband do anything special when inserting his knuckles?

Until that point we seem to always start with the palm facing to my spine. When we get to knuckles, it seems to be the best point to flip over so the palm faces the stomach, and progressing further is easier in this position. We only do this when I am really aroused from prior foreplay.

Should any extra precautions be taken when a husband goes to remove his hand?

ALWAYS be aware of fingernails, no matter where you are in the activities. Bending the fingers slightly backwards makes it slightly easier – and again go as slowly as you did to enter in the first place.

Do you need to be more diligent with any tightening exercises such as kegels?

I have always had fantastic pelvic floor muscles (as noted by ultrasound technicians and the like), and I think that fact is part of the reason I find this activity quite easy and enjoyable. I would definitely recommend women to be doing kegels regularly, irrespective of what sexual activity they are involved in. For fisting in particular, you do need good control of your pelvic floor muscles to be able to fully enjoy the activity.

Do you feel any special type of connection with your husband when engaging in this activity?

I definitely feel a huge bond with my husband when we do this. I experience an overwhelming feeling of trust and complete abandonment in him.

Have you ever injured yourself in anyway while engaging in this activity?

Pain – not so far. I would say some days I’ve had mild ‘stretching’ muscle soreness afterwards, but nothing really noticeable. Again, extreme arousal is very necessary to get the whole hand to wrist inside, so this probably helps with the lack of pain and discomfort. You could do a heck of a lot of damage if you kept forcing it without allowing arousal to help, or knowing when to stop.

I would say that this activity, like anal sex, is not an activity I would want to pursue with someone I didn’t have complete and utter trust in to obey whatever request I made during it. You want to be COMPLETELY sure that your spouse will agree to stop at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable and will not pressure you into going further beyond what you are comfortable with.

I feel the need to reiterate that it is imperative to go slow and let your body adjust to your husband’s hand as he is penetrating you.  It can bring intense pleasure and unfortunately it can also bring intense pain if not done properly.  The minor damage would include vaginal tearing if not well lubricated.  The major damage is tearing of the actual vaginal muscle if the husband is over eager and forces his hand in without the wife adapting to it.  Take it slow and enjoy the journey!!

16 Comments

  1. I’d like to know what physical pleasure the woman receives from this? It just sounds painful to me. Also, what enjoyment does the husband receive? Picturing it in my mind, it would look like the male is trying to deliver a baby, and that just wouldn’t be sexy to me or my husband.

  2. Like you, ginger, this isn’t an activity my husband or I have any desire for, but I have heard that for those who enjoy it that it’s 1) one of the deeps forms to express trust in your spouse and 2) has the potential for intense orgasms.

    We’re all different and enjoy different things in the bedroom. Just like my husband and I don’t have any desire for anal penetration right now, the same is true for fisting, but if it is something that builds other couples intimacy and they enjoy it, I think they should feel free to engage in it as long as they are getting the green light from the Lord.

    Regarding it being painful, this is the reason for getting highly aroused first and stopping when you need to.

  3. Can’t believe I’m the first person to comment who has done this and liked it! I’m glad you brought it up- the only time I heard of it outside my marriage was in a skateboard shop in high school, where I saw a scary-looking book about lesbian fisting. I felt a little weird for wanting to try it, since that had been my only exposure to the idea.

    Anyway, it’s true you need to be super aroused first. The directions here are great. My husband only does it when I ask him, which is only when I’m REALLY in the mood. It’s very intense and satisfying- amazing orgasms! My man loves seeing me so deeply pleasured. Honestly, having given birth to three babies I’m plenty stretchy and find this much more comfortable and enjoyable than anal, which lots of women seem to love. This does the trick for hitting my G-spot more intensely than he otherwise could, so sometimes it’s just what I need on a given night.

    Also, doing this totally boosted my confidence for giving birth. When I saw how much my body could stretch with pleasure, it took almost all the fear out of childbirth. Our bodies were made to channel something as small as a finger or as big as a baby, and lots in between :)

  4. For me and my DH, although PIV sex is our staple, fisting is the most intimate and intense experience. We have always fisted vaginally, but after three years of very regular AS, we began trying to achieve it the other way and are now nearly there. One day I hope to be fully filled in both places at once, but this needs to be taken carefully and we are not rushing. For the first few years of our marriage this would have been unthinkable, but in the last three we have found a new freedom to please and enjoy each other in true love and freedom.

  5. I was just reading through this with my husband. I appreciate the comment peachesandcream left about boosting her confidence in child birth. I’m currently 12 weeks pregnant . This is my first pregnancy – is this something that is okay to start trying now? Could it be harmful to the baby?

  6. We’ve done it during pregnancy, but not during my first pregnancy. I’d say it should be ok as long as you’re gentle and make it less about depth than about width. Mainly you don’t want to irritate your cervix. The stretching is actually great preparation for your vaginal muscles and perineum.

  7. I spent two and a half years working in pornography and the last 6 months of that as a prostitute, before I was rescued by God and the man who is now my husband, and started to put my broken life back together.

    In Eastern European porn (where I’m from), there is an obsession with stretching girls anally. It makes me concerned to read a comment in this thread about anal fisting. I don’t believe anyone’s body will ultimately hold up to that. What I’ve seen is girls imagine that they are fine and can cope with it, before they’ve done it one too many times and suffered permanent damage. We all want to control our wind our bowel movements, and not be left with insides hanging out. If on the day or two (or more) after, someone is having problems with full bowel/sphincter control, the effect may wear off but if they keep repeating the practice it will become permanent. If someone is not seeing these effects (which I believe is unlikely), I believe they will at some point hit a tipping point where damage occurs. This is a different level of risk from simple anal sex.

    Personally I choose not to have any kind of anal sex. My and my husband’s choice is to have only straightforward very cuddly and romantic sex (also very big on long massages). I was the one who’d had all the sex, but my knockout husband showed me how to make love.

    Please don’t hurt yourself.

    God bless all.

    Anasztazia

  8. Anasztazia thank you for sharing your testimony!

  9. I just happened to stumble across this topic while I was perusing this site. Gotta say, I have never even heard of fisting before now. It doesn’t sound like something I ever want to try. But I have to ask: for those of you who do this, doesn’t it ruin it for PIV sex afterwards? I mean, if you get used to (or even need) that kind of fullness–that kind of stretching– what good is a penis after that (considering a whole hand is a whole lot bigger than any penis)? And doesn’t your vagina get all stretched out of shape so that it loses any tightness around your hubby’s penis? (in other words, does he notice a difference when penetrating you?) Just a few questions that popped into my head as I read this post.

  10. My question exactly Chloe. There is all this info out there about tightening the vaginal muscles with kegel exercises to make intercourse more pleasurable. Is this not counter productive?

    My dh and I might like to try this(vaginal only), but we are very apprehensive, and would only do so if we knew if was completely safe. Wikipedia says that death is even possible from improper fisting. (warning, the wikipedia article has a very explicit gay fisting photo.)

    I guess my questions for anyone who is experienced with fisting are:

    - have you experienced vaginal stretching, and if so, has that made PIV sex less pleasurable for either partner?
    - many have mentioned intense orgasms from fisting. Are these orgasms from fisting alone, or is there clitoral/other stimulation added along with the fisting required to achieve orgasm?
    - Are there special techniques/movements once inside to bring orgasm, like thrusts or twists, or do you keep your fist still?
    - is it safe? I mean REALLY, is it safe? any bad experiences?

    This is an old thread, but hopefully there are still some people interested in responding.
    Thanks

  11. In my experience, fisting is safe if done gently when the woman is fully aroused. I’ve never had problems with anything that seemed dangerous. It’s true that for that night, PIV feels a bit loose, but the next day I do kegels and everything tightens up (the vagina is amazingly elastic!).

    I can’t imagine what people are doing for this to result in death… that’s completely contrary to how it takes place in the context of a caring relationship. Women can die from PIV too if it’s done harshly. Fact is, the vagina is extremely elastic- the interior is actually sort of accordion-folded to enable a great amout of stretching during childbirth. Fisting is not at all beyond what the vagina is capable of (after all a fist is only a “midpoint” between a penis and a baby’s head). It’s worth noting that OBs and midwives often reach their entire hands in during birth, and I’ve never heard of a woman dying as a result.

    It’s not something we do often, nor is it something I find necessary for me to be satisfied. I haven’t gotten “used to” it in the sense of being overstimulated, because usually after we do it we go back to PIV for several weeks/months. There are so many ways the female body can receive pleasure, so we reserve this in our bag of “exotic” tricks.

    On the technique questions… :) Usually it’s clitoral stimulation that builds my arousal to the point of wanting to fist. A LOT of foreplay (oral, manual, verbal etc). I know when I’m in the mood for more… more… more… it’s not something we usually plan. For me personally, I find twisting uncomfortable, but I enjoy gentle rocking back and forth against my g-spot. We communicate a lot, like, “slower,” or “harder,” or whatever I’m looking for, or I get “on top” and do the moving myself. Communication is what keeps it safe and fun for both of us.

    Honestly I’m amazed… so many people on this site are all about anal, and it takes me way longer (2+ days) to tighten up from that than from fisting, which takes a few rounds of kegels and we’re back in the saddle!

  12. Thanks for replying Peachesandcream.
    I’m still pretty apprehensive about it but you’ve given some excellent information and answered my questions. :)

  13. Just a few months ago we tried fisting for the first time. This was after learning our way around anal play and AS.

    I’m not exactly sure how many exclamation points to put here to explain how much I enjoy it!

    It is true that the journey to it can be just as wonderful as the act. I enjoy being fingered. Always have. When I first read about fisting, the thought of having 4-5 fingers involved was a turn on for me. The thought of an actual fist was not. So, we talked about it and decided it might be fun to just play around and see if I enjoyed the pressure of it.

    And I did.

    And my husband loves it, because it does bring me such great pleasure. I am ALWAYS pleasuring myself during the process, or he is providing oral sex – tricky, but possible. He loves the visual.

    I had the same concerns about it “ruining” PIV sex. It. does. not. For either of us. After having birthed several children, I’m already very devout with me kegal exercises. I use those muscles all the time during PIV sex to bring pleasure to my husband. If we move to that after fisting, I just use my kegals. However, we both enjoy adding another change in tightness and sensation. My husband has said that he finds it even more of a turn-on, knowing what we just did. He has never complained about me being too loose.

    It is deeply personal and intimate. As we reached the “knuckle stage” I would ask my husband to just stay right there for several minutes. I would feel extreme tightness and pressure, similar to the stretching of childbirth (it has been almost 20 years since I gave birth). If it was painful, I would immediately have him back up some. Many times I would climax at that point. We never went any farther … for quite some time. It was such a great experience and I never thought I would want or need anything further.

    Then, one day, weeks later, his knuckles slid in easily.

    Since that time, I have also discovered that I love some anal/finger play during fisting. I still look at myself in the mirror and think, “You? You like doing this? Who are you??” If I had told myself in my 20′s I would be doing this with my husband, I would have run screaming.

    I have had some really mind-blowing orgasms with all of this type of play. I have also had some run-of-the-mill and still really wonderful orgasms. No matter what, the process has been something we wanted to do mutually and has taken our marriage to a new level of trust and intimacy we didn’t know we could have in our 40′s.

    If you don’t like the idea now, don’t write it off. Reconsider in another year, or two, or twenty.

  14. Ok I have a question? This is something I might want to try starting slow of course but my husband is so hesitant because he feels its not healthy or would stretch me out I’m not sure why he feels that way after three kids he says I’m still the same(one of those babies was 9 13oz!!!)! I don’t know its really one of the only things I have maybe wanted to try that he is pretty much a no on. Which is fine I dont want him to feel pressured! However I was wondering if your husband was ever hesitant with this was it your idea or his?

  15. steph,

    Yeah, he was nervous AND excited. But mostly nervous in the beginning. He didn’t want to “break” anything. :)

    It was my idea. I have a friend who told me last year that they enjoy fisting. I was mortified and started asking questions out of sheer morbid curiosity. As I listened to them explain the “duck bill” approach and they were holding their hand out, I started to think, “I can see how that right there would feel pretty great!”

    That is how we started. Not with the intent of actually fisting. I really did think it was just not something that would happen. But I loved the idea of lots of lube and pressure. So, that’s what we did. I would ask him to keep his hand more still and I would move around. We did that a lot. I would sometimes give him verbal cues. It was just “play time.” And it was fun! I truly did love the whole process of slowly working our way up to it. It felt amazing!

  16. thks!!!


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