Sex and Intimacy Questions to Consider With Your Future Spouse

Intimacy questions
What does intimacy mean to you?
Read and discuss The Five Love Languages. Determine what love languages you and your future spouse speak.
Do you think it is important to continue dating after you are married? If so, how often?
Do you find it hard to ask for and extend forgiveness to others? To yourself? Do you find it hard to receive God’s forgiveness?
Do you know how to discuss differences of opinion in a respectful manner?
Do you and your future spouse view issues such as sex, finances and family planning in a similar way?
Sexual questions
Read and discuss a book such as Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman or Red Hot Monogamy by Bill and Pam Farrel.
What is your plan for your first night together? Do you want to try to have full intercourse the first night?
Do you know where the hymen is located? Do you wish to have it broken prior to your first night by a gynecologist or to break it together on your first night?
Is lingerie exciting to you?
Are you comfortable with your body? How do you feel about being naked?
What kinds of birth control options do you have and which one would you like to use to begin with?
How often do you think it is reasonable for a married couple to have sex?
What type of lubrication do you wish to use if there isn’t enough produced naturally?
Which sexual practices do you see as sinful?
Which sexual practices are you uncomfortable with performing even though they may not be sinful?
What are your views on giving oral sex? What are your views on receiving oral sex? Swallowing semen?
What are your views on anal sex?
What are your views on the use of sexual toys, such as vibrators?
What are your views on masturbation while you are together?
What are your views on masturbation while you are apart?
What are your views on manually stimulating each others genitals?
Have you participated in any masturbation until this point in your life? How do you feel about it?
What are your views regarding sexual activity during menstruation? Is it to be avoided completely? Should only intercourse be avoided?
Do you have any sexual sin in your past? Have you received God’s forgiveness for it? Have you prayed and broken the soul ties with those partners if intercourse was involved?
Do you have any sexual abuse in your past? Have you processed the pain (through counseling if necessary) and become free from its power over you?
Do you have any fears regarding sex?
Are you aware of the process of how a female becomes aroused and responds sexually? Do you know where the clitoris is? Do you know what it does?
Are you aware of the process of how a male becomes aroused and responds sexually?
Are you aware that there is often a time difference between how long a female needs stimulation and how long a male needs stimulation in order to orgasm?
Why is foreplay important?

Others of you may be able to add to this and I would welcome you to leave your suggestions of further questions to explore in the comment section. Thank you.

7 Comments

  1. Good questions!!!!

  2. yeah, i was a catholic bride. they did not teach much about this stuff 20 years ago either.

    i mentioned this in another thread, but i will repeat here. i got several sex books and read them. i found the one i liked, and bought my fiance the exact same one. it covered all the stuff above and was illustrated … one of those everything you wanted to know illustrated type books. i gave it too him several months before we were married and had him put post-it notes on the different pages, rating the different things. like 100 points for i want to try this right away, 80 points for i want to try it someday, 50 points for i do not care one way or the other, 25 points for i would rather not but might if you want, 0 for no way.

    then about a month prior we exchanged books and discussed. i actually combined our notes and brought the book on our honeymoon.

  3. Hi

    I just wanted to thank you so much for these questions! I am really nervous about the first night of our marriage but really want it to be special. My hubby to be is “born again virgin” and is really understanding of my fears and insecurities. However we have agreed to work through these questions and decided on expectations together so THANKYOU!

    Your site is a huge blessing it has taught me to set boundaries with my hubby to be but showed me that sex is a great thing to look forward. To often as Christian singles we are taught to despise sex but are never told what to do after we get married! God bless you all!

  4. that’s a good idea. my fh and i have a couple of marriedsex books from our premarital mentoring. might give that a try; we’re both still very unused to talking about sex… :P

  5. these are great questions! thanks!

  6. I am getting married in 4 days! My husband to be and I are both virgins (amazing since he is 40 and I am 44!!) and nervous but excited about our first night together. What is the name of that book?

    We are great communicators and have talked about our first time together but we really could use a “how to” book. After all as he says, “even stupid people can do it” we ought to be able to figure it out. We are finally getting comfortable with, the “it’s going to be okay now, we’re married…we can have fun” after so many years of celibacy and being good “Christians”

    Anyone out there with some helpful advice would be appreciated! Thanks.

  7. Nice and very helpful


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