“I am afraid for her to perform oral sex on me. In my mind I feel like I am a perverted middle age man trying to live out some teenage fantasy. I don’t like it. I love to give her oral pleasure, that is first and foremost. I wonder if I am now lusting my wife and not loving her. I don’t ever want to do anything that may hurt her but I am at a point where I am torn.”
Let me start out by saying that oral sex is NOT just for young people. Sure, you may have had some fantasies when you were younger, but everyone knows that oral sex is better when you are older! My husband told me just the other day that I was pretty good at giving oral when we first got married, but that I’m so much better at it now. He’s right! I have years of experience under my belt and I know what he likes and dislikes. I firmly believe that the older we get, the better we get at sex. Just think of how awesome we wives will be when we are 75!
You say that you love giving her oral pleasure and it’s important to you. That doesn’t feel perverted to you does it? Somehow I doubt it. My guess would be that you feel good knowing that you are pleasing her, and that you like expressing your love to her in that way. So what makes receiving oral sex different? Your wife likes what you do for her, so why can’t you sit back and accept the gift she is giving to you? It makes me wonder if she has said something negative about it herself. If that is the case, then maybe you two need to sit down and talk specifically about oral sex and your expectations and desires.
You bring up lust, and in most cases it is a bad thing. But in marriage lust is permissible! I most definitely lust after my husband, and there are times that I swear I can see the lust in his eyes for me. Your desire for your wife is natural. You are supposed to crave her and want her. God joined you two together and with marriage comes the wonderful gift of sex. It sounds like you truly love your wife and just really want to be assured that your desires in your marriage bed are okay. I will stand up right now to say to you that oral sex between a husband and wife is perfectly okay! You are most definitely not perverted for wanting it.
If you are feeling torn then my advice to you is to pray specifically about your sex life and to have a heart to heart with your wife. How about reading the Song of Solomon together? It’s such a beautiful book of the bible that is a testament to how loving and incredible sex is supposed to be between a husband and his wife. You can also post a prayer request on our prayer request page if you feel led to do so.
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