Comments on: Q&A: Correcting Wrong Thinking About Sex

By: cece

cece — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 11:13:10 +0000

Kudos to you Ann for being helpful and honest with your daughter about sex and marriage!

By: Ann

Ann — Wed, 26 May 2010 16:24:35 +0000

Just had to post and let the women sharing their sorrows know that someone out there is reading and praying for them.

I am an extrmely conservative Christian woman. My friends are always surprised about what I will not allow into my life. Especially when it comes to media choices. I don’t like swearing, violence, or ungodly sensuality. I have spent 22 years protecting my husband and children. And do not want worldly things to defile my marriage or home.

That being said, after becoming a Christian, and studying, I found that the church was doing a dismal job on teaching young women about their sexuality. So 22 years ago I started studying and seeking information on this subject. And I am so glad that I have.

I have been able to teach my children ‘wait’, not ‘wrong’ when it comes to their sexuality and have seen them grow into the knowledge that they need to know, when they need to know it.

I have a daughter that is getting married in a short time. Titus teaches that the older women will teach the younger women to love their husbands. God has created men with their sexual desires, and as wives, it should be our privilege to meet these. It was my privilege to teach my daughter about her future husbands needs. How to create a home for him. To create a marriage bed with him.

I have provided information, advice, and a listening ear to my daughter. My husband and I are affectionate and flirtatious in front of them, and they have figured out that we ‘know’ each other.

I have also let other young women know that they can come to me for advice, and a few have honored me with coming to me. Most of them were taught ‘wrong’, not ‘wait’, and we are slowly undoing those patterns that have shaped them.

I am so thankful for this site, and have lost track of how many women I have given this site to.

I am so glad that women continue to seek out information so that they can improve this part of their relationship with their beloved husbands.

By: Kaye

Kaye — Wed, 26 May 2010 12:45:18 +0000

Hi, This is my first comment to this site. I’m a christian woman in my mid 30′s, married for nearly 11 years. I too have been drilled that you are not to have sex until after you are married. In my 3rd month of marriage, my husband had pointed out to me that I still would not undress and get dressed infront of him. This was the first issue that I remember having with him leaning towards oneness. It hit me as if time stood still for a moment because it was true and I had not realized it untill then. That should have been a normal everyday thing but over the years, it’s been hard to get over hearing my moms voice in the back of my head stressing that sex is bad unless you are married. The problem with this is, if you have been told this over and over again since childhood even if you wait till marriage to have sex, you still feel uncomfortable because you feel like you only can recall how bad sex is, not being taught it is a rewarding and beautiful privilage for married couples. It wasn’t until a recent experiance of (no children in the house for 3 hours so that I could be alone with my husband), his and hers KY lube, slow dancing, and long awaited desire for sex that I have begun to embrace our sex life together and want more of it. It’s nice to know there is a place were christians can come and talk / get advice about something so personal! Thank you to the people who were obedient to God for doing everything necessary to launch CN.

By: samenume

samenume — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:14:15 +0000

I just stumbled on this site last night, Can I say as well. I am pentacostal also, so i know how you feel. I have been married for 11 years myself and did not know why I felt this way about sex. I had 2 extearms in my life. 1 a mother who told me,” well just dont get pregnent” and 2, others in my life who I looked up to as godly roll models in my life but were the extream. And because we were young girls then, it was always how sex is bad. never hearing other adult women say they liked sex. It was usually a comment of, ” I just want him to do his thing and get off”. But as a young adult I did not want that for me and I sure did not want to be the other exteem. I thought there has to be a grey area where sex is good and ok to enjoy. not just black and white. But I never found other adults talking positive about sex. It was one exteem or the other. Being a young girl who wanted to please God I just listened to the exteem of that sex is “bad” or “dirty”. sex is only for making babies and should only be done in the old fashioned missionary position. So after getting married to a man who was a christain but not of my beliefs and was an occassional attender of church. he was confused by me and did not know why I had no sex drive. At this time I was not 30 something years old. I was like 20 something. I mean, I should have been haveing a great sex life with my husband. I finally would have to force myself to turn off my religious thinking and pretend I was not saved so that i could actually enjoy sex. But later that made me fill like I turned my back on God. HuuuuuG. so anyway. my husband and I grew and so did our sex life but there has always been that unerlined “this is tabu” at the back of my head. So thank you, thank you, thank you, for this web site.
My husband is now deploied for 14 months. we are a military family and I have had concerns and yesterday night as I sat here, I thought there has got to be some sort of answer for me. I am struggling. And that is when I found this site. I was even hesatent to click on the link because if the name. And was really not expecting to fine actual christain advice here. I thought is was going to be some kind of mockery of christains and so on. But to my suprise I am wong. I am so happy I found this.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:01:13 +0000

I am so glad that this person sent in this question. I am not only from the Bible Belt, but grew up Pentacostal. It was at the point when we first got married that I was telling myself constantly during sex “I am not doing anything wrong, this is my husband. I am suppose to have sex with my husband”, because in the back of my mind, I was sinning in some way. I know it sounds crazy, but when you have been indoctrinated so much that sex is a sin to keep you from sinning it is second nature to think that even after 9 years of marriage. I still cannot relax enough to orgasm. When things started feeling really good, its like I automatically shut down because I started feeling bad or wrong. It’s so frustrating!!! I even went to a sex therapist, although she could not help me because she dealt mainly with male problems. It was to the point that I thought something was anatomically wrong with me, although my doctor assured me everything was as it should be and told me “some women just will never orgasm”. Once again, very dissapointing. However, I pray now before we make love and remind myself that sex was created by God for me and my husband, and things are getting better. I just pray that I can get to that point that I am not ashamed of the naturally sexuality God has given me and enjoy the gift of lovemaking fully with my husband. Once again, thanks for the post so that I know that I am not some oddball who is too stupid and indoctrinated to know how to enjoy her own husband.