I do not withhold sex on whim if my husband sins sexually, but I do think there is a place for abstaining for a time if a husband is addicted to pornography and not dealing with it.

The information I have read from those who encourage women to keep on pursuing sex no matter what when porn is involved, in my opinion, place way more responsibility on the wife than on the husband.

BTW, I am speaking for myself on this topic. The other spice sisters may or may not agree with me.

On to my reason for writing though… This is about the pornography, chastity belt, etc. and I felt the need to comment on what I hadn’t seen addressed by others.

I’d like to add to this blogline that the wife witholding sex after finding the husband had viewed porn is possibly completely backwards to what should be done (in my humble opinion). I have a strong libido. Have had it since I turned about 13. I remember the Bruce Springsteen song with the words about “waking up sweaty with a freight train running in my head” etc. The wife should ask what it is about the porn that her husband finds appealing as there may be some underlying problems/dissatisfaction in the bedroom. Maybe he wants or needs something from her that he’s not getting and is indulging in seeing what he wants from her in the porn.

Also, the only – well the main times I’ve been tempted and caught up in porn are when my Wife and I cannot find time for sex. I find her as beautiful and desirable as the day we met, and after 20+ years together I still quake and shiver with excitement when we are able to get together. If and when we are able to connect regularly there is no desire or urges that tempt me to look at porn. If she withheld sex after knowing I’d looked at porn, it would only make things worse. The Bible says it better to marry than burn with lust. Why? Could that be because married people are supposed to be able to relieve their sexual drive/lust?

About the porn, I have found, and know it’s wrong, that I tend to want to look at stuff with youthful actors and therefore beautiful bodies. BUT… I don’t lust after the females I see and don’t look at things like penthouse etc. where it would be me just lustfully looking at them. My “thing” is seeing the rapture and pleasure of the female during sex. That’s what I enjoy with my wife and am always thinking of and trying to find new ways to please her. So, while I’m pretty sure it’s just a sinful cop-out, again, I’m not lusting after females in the porn.

Like SO many things in this life though, like alcohol, I’m confused about what’s REALLY right or wrong. As a Baptist, it’s almost all sinful and bad, but I find things in Scripture like King David and the wine he served Uriah, Proverbs and the advice to Lemeul(?) about Leaders not drinking, but it being for the heavy-hearted etc. Well, I’ve digressed, but just meant to convey there’s confusion between what we’re taught or not taught and Scriptural references sometimes.

I wish you all a Happy and blessed New Year!

I stop by CN every once in a while; I’m not Christian, but my wife is, and I think that she might enjoy this site, so I told her about it. But that’s not why I’m here.

I was pointed to this particular post by Digger Jones, who has attempted to use such a device in his marriage a while back (and was disappointed). I happen to write quite a bit on the subject of chastity and orgasm control at my own blog, and I just posted an article this week that dovetails nicely with your own. I’m interested in your perspectives because they are very similar to what my wife and I have discovered over the last few years. As I point out to all and sundry who ask me about them, $200 worth of plastic hanging from your tonker is not going to fix any problems that are already extant in your relationship. Frankly, we can’t stand the men who write into the various support groups saying “I need a device to make me more attentive, more focused on my wife.” I tell them that if they approach their wives like that, she’ll most likely say “You big jerk – why aren’t you more attentive now?”

The devices can be fun toys – if you are so inclined. My wife and I don’t use them to keep me faithful; as you rightly point out, sex is not simply intercourse. We don’t use them to control my porn habit because, well, I dont’ have one. And we don’t use it to keep me more attentive and helpful in hopes that I’ll be “rewarded” because a good husband should be helpful and attentive in the first place.

We just like to use one because we make a fun game of it.

I was thinking about adding your blog to my own blogroll, but I’ve hesitated because a I suspect that a number of my readers might not be as tolerant as the could be, and might flood your inbox with unnecessary screeds. OTOH, I do get a lot of readers who might benefit from this site, as it is an incredible resource. Your thoughts on this?

I’ve posted a ton of resources on the Covenant Eyes blog for men who want to really deal with the heart issues involved in pornography. Here are a few:

Breaking the Cycle of Porn Addiction (http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/12/09/breaking-the-cycle-of-porn-addiction/)

Breaking Free of Porn Addiction (http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/11/12/breaking-free-of-porn-addiction/)

Six Reasons Why Guys Like Porn . . . and how to break free (http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/07/04/six-reasons-why-guys-like-porn/)