A reader recently asked us to address the issue of birth control because it is an important part of a couples sex life. It is my hope to present a non-biased approach to sharing what I have found in my research of different birth control methods. Please discuss these options with your OBGYN to determine which method will be best for you.
My husband and I found that it was very difficult to decide on birth control methods over the years. Nothing seemed to really be perfect and we just made due with the best possible option at the time.
There are a variety of different forms of birth control and so many variables to consider when deciding on the one that is right for you. I wish to overview a variety of popular methods with a description of each one. For more detailed information on these methods you may find these websites helpful:
Please keep the following in mind:
I do not promote or encourage any form of “emergency contraception” as I believe that the moment an egg is fertilized that a life has started. Apart from my moral conviction, I also believe it is very unhealthy to interrupt a pregnancy. Therefore I will not make mention of them in this article. However, keep in mind that most hormonal methods would pose some risk to an embryo if an unexpected pregnancy were to occur.
I am not promoting one of these methods over another. The best idea is to pray about which option is right for you and keep in mind that God may lead you and your husband the change methods over time. God surprised me with some of the things He told me when I prayed about the options so I’m really glad I took the time to ask Him.
Educate yourself extensively on the methods you are considering so that you can make a well informed decision. You can not always go by what other women have experience as our bodies can respond differently to the hormonal methods and we all have different preferences, but do take the time to talk to other women as well, if you can.
Hormonal Methods
Birth Control Pills ~ a pill is taken orally each day (sometimes with the option of skipping the week of your period) which you can get that either contains both estrogen and progesterone or progesterone only and primarily functions to keep a woman from ovulating.
Birth Control Patch ~ works similarly to birth control pills, but a patch is worn on the abdomen, buttocks or upper body rather than taking a pill daily. The patch is changed once a week and kept off the week of menstruation.
Depo-Provera ~ an injection of progestin that prevents ovulation in a similar way to the way progesterone would.
Mirena Intrauterine Device (IUD) ~ The Mirena IUD is different from other IUDs because it actually contains a hormone that is highly effective in preventing pregnancy as it blocks sperm from reaching your egg and makes the lining of your uterus thin (this may also result in benefits like less menstrual bleeding over time). Unlike other IUDs, this device is not primarily intended to keep a fertilized egg from implanting. For more details about Mirena, you can visit their website.
NuvaRing ~ it is inserted once a month for a three week duration. It contains estrogen and progestin which will result in preventing the ovaries from developing mature eggs. For more details about NuvaRing, you can visit their website.
Implants ~ no longer available. If you are currently using this method, you will need to consider your other options once it expires.
Barrier Methods
Male or Female Condom (option of adding spermicide for increased effectiveness) ~ a sheath is placed over the penis or in the vagina to contain the ejaculate and prevent sperm from remaining in the vagina.
Cervical Cap, Shield or Diaphragm (option of adding spermicide for increased effectiveness) ~ a dome-shaped device is used to cover the entrance to the cervix. Most of these methods require that the device be inserted hours before intercourse and remain in place for hours afterwards.
Contraceptive Sponge ~ the Today Sponge is primarily a barrier method, but also contains a spermicide.
Natural Methods
Fertility Awareness Method ~ charting your basal body temperature, cervical fluid and position of cervix, and typical menstrual cycling in order to prevent or encourage pregnancy. Abstinence or a barrier method is used on fertile days. A great reference for this method can be found in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.
Withdrawal ~ the man withdraws his penis just before ejaculating. Be aware that the pre-ejaculate liquid can contain semen and there can be a higher risk of failure in using this method, especially if the man is not fully committed to the method or if he is not well aware of his sexual function. i.e. he doesn’t know when he is about to ejaculate.
Breastfeeding ~ exclusive breastfeeding can help to prevent pregnancy if the baby is not receiving any formula and feeds every few hours, but does pose a higher risk of failure as some women will begin ovulating after only a few months even with exclusive breastfeeding. Thoroughly research and understand this method if you wish to incorporate it. You can also combine breastfeeding with the mini pill which contains progestin only.
No effort made to prevent pregnancy ~ continuing with usual sexual involvement without any attempt to avert conception.
Total Abstinence ~ refraining from intercourse completely (not a method I recommend in marriage under normal circumstances).
Permanent Methods
Vasectomy (Male sterilization) ~ Cutting, tying or sealing the vas in a male’s testicles so that sperm can not transfer through the penis with the ejaculate.
Tubal Ligation (Female sterilization) ~ Severing and sealing a woman’s fallopian tube so that the egg and sperm can not meet, thereby preventing conception.
Essure System (Female sterilization) ~ a metallic implant is inserted in the woman’s fallopian tube resulting in scarring that blocks the tube, again, preventing conception.
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Does anyone know if coconut oil is a safe lubricant for lifestyles skyn condoms? They are made of polyisoprene, not latex…I’ve done several google searches and haven’t turned up anything that tells me if coconut oil is ok or not.
Sorry, I’m posting all over the place, but from what I can tell, it’s looks like coconut oil is a no-go with the polyisoprene condoms too. I’m pretty bummed about that, because we just started using coconut oil and love it! SO…does anyone know of another natural lube that’s ok? Or if you have experience with the polyisoprene condoms, what lube do you suggest?
I believe you can use coconut oil with non latex condoms (such a durex avanti) as the oil only damages latex.
illiciumverum, have you had any experience with this? Thanks!
Have not myself used these in combination but I used to teach classroom sex & relationships education & my background is in nursing which is how I know. I said “I believe” though becuase its always important to check exactly what the condom is made of before combining with anything oil based.
Not to sound like a dummy, but I thought I’d add that breast feeding isn’t a very good “birth control” method… I Breast feed my 8 mouth old daughter exclusively; my husband and I had a little condom accident and BOOM! I’m pregnant again. Due in July…
It seems God wants me to have another baby!
For some women it works really well for a long time with exclusive breastfeeding, but there really is no way to know for sure if you have started ovulating or not until you have your first postpartum period. It really can’t be relied on too heavily for this reason, but it does help to a certain extent.
Congrats Lemon Zest!
Given that you are pregnant after exclusive breastfeeding and using condoms, I would agree that this baby is indeed a blessing from the Lord
The breastfeeding plan shouldn’t be thought of as birth control. I always breastfed and lucky me I got my period back between 2-3 months postpartum all nine times. Our first two girls are 2 weeks short of a year apart. I never got my period between the 2 pregnancies. They’re all blessings from God
Just want to clarify this statement: “there really is no way to know for sure if you have started ovulating or not until you have your first postpartum period”–if you are using fertility awareness methods, you can, indeed, know that you have ovulated prior to your first actual period. You can know this by charting your waking morning temperature, and seeing a sharp increase in temperature.
Also–breastfeeding exclusively means one thing, when you compare it to not giving your child any formula, milk, or juice. But when you are talking about using the LAM (lactation amenorrhea method), it also includes breastfeeding a child under the age of six months, round the clock, every few hours–no sleeping through the night yet.
Obviously, if you add temperature or other fertility signs, such as cervical height and mucus, to breastfeeding, you will be able to know when the breastfeeding alone no longer is preventing ovulation.
I personally was tired of various aspects of using FAM after using fertility awareness methods first to prevent (over four and a half years), then achieve (a year and a half worth), two pregnancies (one miscarriage, one full-term). So, I did not keep track of my temps after my daughter was born. I just added barriers, and kept more of a calendar-rhythm, and awareness of cervical mucus.
everyone’s body is different! i exclusively breastfed my daughter, she was nursing every 2 hours, and still got my period 4 weeks after she was born! i was really looking forward to not having a period for a while…
With both of my successful pregnancies, I had one “period” about two months after birth, then had no more periods till they were about 6-8 months old. My post-partum bleeding had ended after 3-4 weeks, so this was a completely new bleeding episode, and lasted a “normal” 4-6 days, like a normal period.
From some reading I have done, these may not have been actual periods, but, since I was not charting, I do not know if I was actually ovulating during that time (between months 2-8 after birth).
Funny you should mention God’s sovereignty over birth control. My DH and I have been blessed to conceive our four daughters, ALL while on birth control! Our first was a condom baby, the second was the mini-pill (I was breastfeeding), the third was the nuvaring, and the fourth again was a condom….
We are trying birth control again, but God’s plans for us are bigger than we can see. So we’ll see what He has in store for us this time, trusting Him for what He know is best!
Apparently God wanted us to have our four little angels and we wouldn’t change a thing!
Happy New Year Everyone!! Just discovered this morning another Natural Family Planning site called “Christian Family Planning”(.com I think) They have just recently launched. 26 yrs. ago my wife and I went thru the Couple To Couple League’s course on NFP. Being linked to the Catholic Church which we had left earlier, it was our only link to NFP. We didn’t agree w/ the abstenience part in phase 2, but most of the time used condoms or withdrawl. Plus phase 2 was always the horneyest part of her cycle.
I think this form has many advantages for those who especially want to be in tune with their bodies. It also helps the husband become “one” with his wife and makes him responsible too for her fertility. It does require some homework to learn, but the intimacy is well worth it. We were 100% successful w/ this system(for what it is worth). Blessings To All in 2010!!!
The correct link for the website to which the above poster refers is http://www.christianfamilyplanning.net
Update to this post — the implant device came back to market this past year – it’s called Implanon. It’s hormonal, placed under the skin in the arm, lasts about 3 years, I think.
How do that work exactly? Any experience with it? Side Effects? Effectiveness? Everything I have researched says its not available, but I would be highly interested in something like that. Thanks in advance for the info.
I have Implanon. It’s been a great choice for us in some ways and not so much in others.
I really don’t love the hormonal aspect of it. I am pretty sure that my libido has decreased somewhat since I’ve been on it. I’m not entirely sure, because I had it put in before we were married, so we weren’t having sex before I got it.
The other reasons I may have had a loss of drive are the same reasons it’s been a good choice for us. I moved to the US in August last year to marry my husband and wasn’t able to work until this January (visa stuff). These, added to being a newlywed, were BIG upheavals for me, which meant I needed birth control I didn’t have to worry about. Financially it was dealt with at one time, so we don’t have to keep paying out for it. And I have the peace of mind that I’m not adding a baby to the mix at a time when I am not well equipped to handle it because I’m still adjusting to all the other things!
I talked all this through with a Christian doctor friend of mine, because I was not comfortable taking something that could be abortive. I was unhappy at the idea of possibly compromising on a life for my own convenience. She told me to look into the Implanon, and said that even the most conservative Christian doctors in the UK are happy to prescribe it because it doesn’t have that abortive ‘back up’ aspect. The hormones don’t linger in the same way that the pill does. Once the implant comes out, you go straight back to the fertility you had before it was put in.
I have longer periods, but much farther apart than before. It’s been about a year, and I plan to keep it in at least another year or so.
I don’t plan on getting it again in the near future, but I have no idea what we’ll decide after we’ve moved past our child bearing time!
On a side note, it doesn’t hurt when it’s put in, but the few days after it was VERY tender! Now I don’t even notice it.
Hope this helps!
I had Implanon put in last July and I love it. I’m not disciplined to keep up with pills everyday and I’m tired of using condoms. This was our pre-permanent birth control choice and we both think it was worth it. I love that I don’t have to worry about a thing for 3 years….and that gives us plenty of time to decide if we truly want to be done having kids. It is a progestin-only option and I have noticed an increase in my depression, and irregular bleeding, but other than that, it’s been a breeze.
i’m wondering if anyone has any experience with the today sponge? my husband and i have no health insurance so birth control through a doctor is not an option, but we both HATE condoms. i’m a little apprehensive about inserting the sponge. do they ever get lost or lodged in place? can you feel it and does it interfere with love making?
I am sorry about the no insurance bit. That is hard. I want to echo hisbabe on the diaphragm bit though. It is VERY nice, and so much better than a condom. We do use spermicide with my diaphragm right now, b/c we are trying very hard to NOT conceive right now. (Therefore we have the expense of the spermicide every sexual encounter, but it is not much–usually just under a dollar each time.) I have never gotten pregnant while using the diaphragm without spermicide, mind you, but with three kids age three and under, we don’t feel ready to add to the quiver quite yet, so we are taking the full precautions.
I would also encourage you to learn FAM, because it would give you about half to two thirds of your cycle per month that you could skip using a diaphragm, condom, sponge, etc… REALLY nice. And there is quite a freedom to bareback sex that you are reasonably sure will not lead to pregnancy.
I have not actually used a sponge, but it is larger than both a diaphragm and an Instead menstrual cup (see the resources section of this site), so, no, it should not get lost in your body. Like learning how to use a tampon, there will be a learning curve.
If you decide to go this route, you may want to do a “dry run” so that you figure out how to insert/remove the sponge without dealing with the emotions of sex on top of it!
As far as I know, the primary function of a Sponge is spermicidal, not barrier. So you might consider the pregnancy rates of just using a spermicide, really. I have not done a bunch of research on sponges v. just spermicide, but if this is the route you are considering, it would be more comfortable to use a spermicidal “Vaginal Contraceptive Film” (looks like a dissolving breath mint strip) or an applicator filled with spermicide (inserted with an applicator like a tampon, then you push the plunger in, so the spermicide goes in your vagina, then you remove the applicator). While I have rarely just used spermicide, my mom did for a good ten years, and never had an surprise pregnancies.
Yep. They’re not hard to use. It goes up against your cervix, and there’s a little string/tab thingy on it to help you pull it out. It doesn’t interfere with LM, but you do have to leave it in for some hours afterward to make sure that the spermicide in it kills off all of his swimmers. So it can be an issue of forgetting to take it out, which could be potentially dangerous(infections, TSS). Also, my doc. told me that it is most effective when used along with some other form of birth control, (condom or diaphragm) lol, therefore defeating your original purpose. It kinda takes a lot of the spontaneity out of LM.
Haha. So my advise; listen to the doc., he/she knows what they’re talking about!
I thought that the extra BC wasn’t necessary, which resulted in sweet baby number three!
Also make sure that your lady parts don’t react negatively to spermicides, as it must stay inside of you for a while and this is the main component of the sponge.
I hope with whatever you decide, everything works out well for you!
not to scare you with the BC thing, but we actually switched back between the nuvaring and the sponge.. so there’s a teeny bit of question to this day as to which one failed us!
thanks everyone – the info is really helpful! the main thing that made me nervous was the website said it could come apart and leave pieces behind. it doesn’t really sound like it’s for me. one day i’ll probably try to get the diaphram. i’ve used the film strips before and forgotten about them – i’ll have to try to find them again. i track my ovulation so that we only actually use a condom for a week and a half each month, but that time that we do have to use a condom hubby usually likes for me to finish first and then use my hand on him. we’re not very furtile anyway (it took us 4 years to get pregnant the first time and 2 years the second) but all it takes is one time right?
I use a Diaphragm. A Dr. has to prescribe it, but you only have a one time fee! It will not cost you money through out the year! It will last several years if you take good care of it! I use spermicide with it and it last a long time! My DH and I have no problems with feeling it during intercourse! Best of luck!
i wish my husband were brave enough to go get a vasectomy. that would take care of it all
I echo that, but at the same time, things that are perm. take God out of the equation. I really do not want to have another child (have two angels already) but even through I do use the pill we have prayed so much about it. No God is bigger then any perm. action but just something to think about.
Sometimes things that are permanent are the only option. I love both of my children dearly, but I had severe Post Natal Depression with child number one. He was bottle fed because I ha no idea how to breast feed him. I was suicidal, and it took almost a year of treatment to get better. I was terrified of it happening again. We ummed and aahhed about another bub for a long time. Finally we did, and our son was a few days short of turning five when she was born. All went well until she was four months old I had learned to breastfeed, but she go a tummy bug that left her lactose intolerant.
I went downhill so fat it wasn’t funny. I went straight past suicide into psychosis. I saw and heard things, I sought help and very slowly recovered. Once I started to think straight again. I had myself booked in to have a ligation done.
I would rather have two kids and be unable to have more, than risk having three children with no mother alive.
This is really a comment for his_alone: You did the right thing. With God’s blessing we still have you and your children with us.
I don’t think that permanent actions take God out of the equation any more than any other birth control. Birth control is always something that should be decided on prayerfully, it isn’t something to be taken lightly, for sure. But I definitely think that if a couple feels that they should do a vasectomy/tubal ligation, and they pray about it and feel God’s blessing to do so, they are doing nothing wrong.
I agree with mdcccc- permanent actions can never take God out of the equation! I know a guy whose boss conceived twins after a vasectomy!
Also, they have a “reversible” type- I don’t know how reliable the reversals are, but if my guy was on board I think that would be a great option- no abortive risk or wacky hormonal side effects.
Using Breastfeeding as birth control is only considered effective for the first 6 months as long as 1. No supplemental bottles or pacifiers 2. No more than 3 hours between nursing sessions including at night. 3. No bleeding or spotting after 56 days after birth.
I feel sad about birth control, when my Hubby and I got married I hated the idea of having to use a condom. It seems strange to express “I love you so much I want you in me, but I don’t want to actually TOUCH you”. On our honeymoon it was 2-3 days before I expected my period, so I KNEW I couldn’t get pregnant. So we didn’t use BC, not pregnant. about a week later I couldn’t convince my husband to go to the store to get condoms so we did it once, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was pregnant. And sure enough we now have a super cute little boy, who is totally God ordained and there would be much more struggles without him than with him.
But I really wish we could just trust God with birth control, I undeniably believe that God controls the womb. But the voices of everyone saying you HAVE to use birth control is just so much louder, and life gets to you to. My husband who has a degree in Computer Science couldn’t find work, and is now making barely over minimum wage in retail. Additionally, I had a hard pregnancy but giving birth was the best thing ever, so I have a lot of mixed emotions….
btw, breastfeeding as b.c. might not be effective ever. I nursed all the time and my period came back when baby boy turned 3 months old. Same for my mom, every time she breastfed (she’s breastfed the last 5 of her 8 kids). Some women it just doesn’t work that way.
I always thought we should just trust God to give us a baby in his time, and that’s what we did when we concieved our baby. But this time around, since I got my period back so early, my husband wanted to do b.c. until bb is 6 mos. old, b/c of the heightened risks of pregnancies that happen less than 6 mos. after the previous one. (plus, i had a rough pregnancy with several complications, and so I’m afraid to go through it again, and with such a small child this time)
for various reasons the only thing option were willing to do is a condom, and I have discovered that I hate them.
I’d personally rather not do any form of b.c. – I’d rather trust God to control it like he did the first baby. But hubby thinks that it’s his responsibility to take care of me in this matter so after praying we decided to do b.c for a time, and I’m trusting my guy on this one. He’s the head of the family and i don’t think that using a condom is *wrong* so I’m gonna go with him on this one.
Btw, I’m doing FAM with a condom, so we don’t have to use them all the time. and there is an off chance I could still get pregnant, and we’re saying ‘well, that’s up to God then’
Well, Rachel, here I go again giving my two cents about birth control!
(notice I’ve posted here quite a few times?)
I just wanted to re-assure you of God’s almighty control over our lives.
My DH and I have always used birth control. We tried many different types also, but the funny thing is that apparently God had different plans for us. We now have four sweet little ones. (all conceived while on bc!) Haha. God is bigger than medicine! I wouldn’t change a thing. We are sooo very blessed with our dear children and our lives wouldn’t be the same without them. Thank God for His wisdom in seeing much futher into our future than we could have ever dreamed!
I did have some scary complications with my last pregnancy, and the Lord has given my body a break from pregnancy for a while now. My prayer now is that He will have control over my body, and our future. Only He knows what is right for us. I am using birth control currently, but with the knowledge that God is much more powerful! If His plan is for us to have another sweet child someday, then that, I’m sure, is what will happen!
So trust Him with your body, weather or not you use bc, because He is more powerful than even that!
Just want to let you know you’re not alone :0)
10 days ago, I delivered our 7th child (:0D \o/ ) right after our 8h anniversary!!
All were conceived using FAM & exclusive nursing. I won’t go into all the convolutions our thoughts & opinions have taken through these years, but just say that we are SO happy in the gifts God has given, and grateful to Him that we can communicate with Him about these things and how He wants us to do things, and that there’s not a hard fast “do it this way” across the board. He has parameters, but there is a lot of ground inside them, and He is a personal Father, who walks thru each thing with us :0)
Rachel, ignore the other voices and pressures around you. The decision to use/not use birth control, and what kind if you do is between you, your husband, and God. Maybe there will be trial and error, and you will figure out what you are willing to do and what you aren’t. How old is your baby now? Maybe you could use natural family planning until you are *sure you want to try again. (LOL how do you like my advice after I just said ignore all the voices around you…haha) I had four children, all spaced two years apart, and we almost started trying for another, about six months ago. I had an IUD, and I went to get it taken out. The Dr. tried two different times to get it out, but couldn’t find the strings at all. So unfortunately I am going to have to do a hospital visit for that eventually…but my point is, after that happened, I suddenly realized that I didn’t want to have any more children! My kids are ages 3, 5, 7, and 9, we homeschool, and I am pretty overwhelmed most days. My kids are just now getting to the ages where we can do fun stuff together and ALL participate. (It has been a long time that we either had a small baby, or I was pregnant…or both!) Anyway, I am definitely not saying you shouldn’t do exactly what you and your hubby feel is right for your family, and before God. I guess I’m just saying don’t feel pressured in *either direction, you know? I think that in society there is lots of pressure toward birth control, but in certain Christian groups there can be pressure to not use it. Just be open and honest with each other about what you want, and what your expectations are, and pray!