Q&A: Is Spicy Sex in the Bible?

This is an email we received from someone who found our blog.

“God intended married sex to be spicy. OK, but where in the Bible did He say that?
Sorry but coming up with your opinion and then attaching God’s name to it doesn’t mean God is attached to it.”

Oh, where do I begin…

Well, let’s start with the Bible. Does the Bible say that God wants married sex to be spicy? In the very beginning this is what God said about married sex.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:24-25

Our first reference in the Bible to married sex is that we would separate from our birth families and unite as one with our husband or wife; unite physically and relationally. God desired that a husband and wife have no shame between them in the most vulnerable of situations; nakedness. Adam and Eve had freedom to explore and enjoy one another without shame, and this did not surprise God. He created them naked in the garden with all their sexual parts in full function. Can you imagine how great it would have been to be naked all the time, in the sun with your husband and not have to carry any emotional baggage? They didn’t work, so they weren’t tired. They walked around all day enjoying the Lord’s creation, chatting without the distraction of a phone ringing or an email coming in. They had all the time in the world to connect emotionally and physically, and they were still without sin. What ideal circumstances for which to build a passionate love life.

Further, if we step out of this story and into another, the Song of Solomon is an incredibly erotic and passionate love story. In this book of the Bible we look at the marriage of Solomon and his bride. Specifically we look at how they relate sexually. After the bride and groom in the story have had a sexually charged encounter this is what is written, believed to be the only time that God speaks out in the book:

Eat, O friends, and drink;
drink your fill, O lovers.

Just as God was pleased with the unity of Adam and Eve, so was He pleased with this union. He encourages the lovers to take pleasure in one another. He wants them to enjoy their sexuality as much as they can. In the Song of Solomon, we find that the couple enjoyed a wide variety of pleasures. The specifics of what they enjoyed are not as important as the fact that they had the freedom and confidence to express their desires, and to meet those of their spouse. They most certainly had a spicy marriage bed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to pause here and explore what it means to have a spicy marriage bed. It doesn’t mean that everyone has hot, steamy, intense sex every day, twice a day, doing everything that is talked about on our website. It means that your sexual encounters with your spouse, whatever they look like for you, are intentionally focused on growing in passion. A spicy marriage bed is where you can be honest about your desires and trust that your spouse is a safe place for you. A spicy marriage bed is one where you desire to meet the sexual needs and passions of your spouse and they yours. Husbands and wives who have impassionate love lives are really missing out on the beauty of God’s plan for our sexuality. This is why it is such a terrible and damaging sin for a husband or wife to withhold their passion. It robs their spouse from expressing a desire that God put in them.

We haven’t attached God’s name to our opinion about sex. We look to Him to guide us into how He regards sex and we submit what we know to His Word. For many years many of us lived under many lies, but we are on a journey with the Lord and our husbands to fully embrace who God made us to be. We don’t claim to have arrived at perfection, but we have caught a glimpse of where our marriages are going and are fill with hope at the thought of what amazing thing God could do with two lives submitted to Him, united to each other.

11 Comments

  1. Great response!

  2. I am so glad you addressed this comment. Too many people think sex is supposed to be boring once you are married, or just for making babies. Babies are all well and good (I’m pregnant with #2 right now), but spicy sex is necessary for a healthy marriage!

    I finally finished the Peasant Princess series this week and topped it off by attending one of those adult house parties where they sell lotions and toys. While it wasn’t aimed at marrieds and all sorts of people were in attendance, I feel well armed to up the spice quotient in my marital bed. I really have to say if you haven’t listened to Peasant Princess, you are missing out on some awesome theology not just on sex, but on sin, relationships, and parenting.

  3. I listened to the Peasant Princess last week and can whole heartedly endorse the recommendation. It’s great teaching, and free online at peasantprincess.com.

  4. Great answer, Cinnamon!

  5. Proverbs is spiked full of speakings about sex.The 7th chapter is almost all about marital sexual union.

  6. Yeah, the Bible contains all the wisdom we need for growing in godly sexuality. Warnings against adultery (as in the chapter you mentioned in Proverbs), passionate sexuality in marriage (as in the references I made to Song of Solomon), and specific boundaries that we can establish to protect the treasure of sex as God intended. It’s all in there.

  7. I just read the above comment. This really frustates me that people think this way, it gives christians a bad name.God created women for man, designed there bodies and gave them sexual desires, that we might enjoy each other. It is only man that has taken sex out of marriage and perverted it.Also I believe the only purpose of a womens clitoris is pleasure during sex, why would God have made us this way if he did’t want us to ENJOY sex with our DH

  8. @ intended for pleasure
    You go girl! you just ‘spoke’ my mind!!

  9. I agree.. The Peasant Princess is a good series. Marshillchurch.org.

  10. Cinnamonsticks,

    What a thoughtful answer. As I have said many times before, I am so blessed by this site and share it with many.

    The particulars of my relationship with my beloved husband are private, but that I have a wonderful relationship with my husband is public knowledge.

    And that includes that after almost 23 years of marriage, this aspect of our relationship has only gotten better.

    Keep up the good work. This site has blessed countless marriages, this I am sure of.

  11. Sex most definitly not just for baby making. My husband and I are unable to have children. Should we just stop having sex? Of course not! We are bonded together through the act…and we have soooo much fun!


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