So What Is “Kinky?”

There is a lot of discussion these days on things being ‘kinky.’  The term ‘kinky’ is rather subjective.  One couple will say something is too ‘kinky’ for them while another couple thinks the same thing is rather tame.  It really does depend on the general disposition of the people involved.

Here are a couple of different definitions found in the online dictionary for Kinky:

1.  Slang Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature
2.  (used of sexual behavior) showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes; “kinky sex”; “perverted practices” 
3.  Slang. marked by unconventional sexual preferences or behavior, as fetishism, sadomasochism, or the like.

Wow, those are some pretty strong words!  Bizarre, deviant, perverted, fetishism, sadomasochism… And here I am using that term to mean something a little, umm… less!  My husband and I use ‘kinky’ to describe something that is just a little out there or a little different than our normal routine, but not necessarily something that is related to fetishes or BDSM!

There are some couples that would say oral sex, anal sex, and toys are all kinky (to them).  On the other side of the coin, some couples would say that those things are just a normal part of their love making routine and are not of a kinky nature at all.  While we’re on the subject, let’s just make a list of some the things that could be considered ‘kinky’ to people:

Of course this isn’t a complete list of all things sexual.  It’s just a short list off the top of my head.  As you look through this list you’ll probably notice that there are some things that are on the tame side of the spectrum and others that are on the flip side.  Even though the dictionary gives us all of those strong words for ‘kinky’ I still use that word in varying degrees.  As an example, I think that oral sex, female ejaculation, using mirrors & hot oils, lingerie, masturbating for each other, and most sex toys are just a normal part of our sexual routine.  On the other hand, role-playing, submit games, light bondage, spanking, and rimming are all just a little ‘kinky’ to me.  That’s not to say that I don’t indulge in them.  Just that I have to be in a slightly ‘kinky mood’ in order to engage in those things.  (It works out great when my husband and I are both in a kinky mood together!)  There are also those things that I think are just ‘too kinky’ for me and have no interest in (chastity belts).  Then there are some things that are either dangerous or I think border on sexual sin  and I stay away from those.

Of course everyone’s list of what they think is kinky will be different.  Sometimes even within a marriage one spouse may feel certain things are too kinky and the other spouse may think differently.  My list above is just a starting point that maybe you could use as a discussion starter, to discuss how you feel about certain acts.  Maybe you and your husband could go down this list, or make up your own, and sit down and talk about what things you think are tame, slightly kinky, and too kinky for you.  Even if you have done something like this in the past, I’m here to tell you that things change over the years.  You may have had one set of ideas when you first married (or even just last year) and find that now your views have changed somewhat.  The key here is to be open to discussing these things together and then to respect how your spouse feels. Maybe you could plan some time in the next week or so, to discuss this topic together and see how you both feel about specific things.  God bless!

10 Comments

  1. Interesting and timely article, Cumingirl.
    Just this past weekend, during a really passionate time, my husband told me to just let go and get kinky…I was stumped for the first time in a long time and I am pretty creative ;-)
    I was not prepared for such freedom from him so made a promise to myself, there and then, that I would take time to have an arsenal ready to blow his mind next time he wants me to get crazy !
    We’re ready for our private adventures every time we make love. Totally awesome and all legal in our married framework, how wonderful is that…

  2. This is such a great article! Kinky is in the eye of the beholder it seems.

    I have a close friend who thinks we are wildly kinky because of what we regularly do, but then she does things occasionally that I could just never do. So who is the kinky one? We are both fulfilled and happy so who needs titles, right? ;)

    Thanks ladies!

  3. I saw a bumper sticker that read, “It’s only kinky the first time!”

    Now I have to go back and review that list, hmmm….

  4. So true. I have a friend who is so prudish she thinks flavored lube is kinky! (LOL) If she only knew what we good girls do behind closed doors!
    It’s between you and your spouse and as long as your both comfortable with things then Go For It. :)

  5. wow we don’t do even a 1/3 of these. i guess we’re not too kinky

  6. Each couple can create their own little heaven in the bedroom. It is true it is only kinky the first time. After a few years when it becomes the norm (assuming both agree) it can be a wonderful personal time together. You don’t have to follow others regarding what happens in the bedroom. It is what you want to do what counts. Sometimes a kink can reveal a depth of feeling which opens up in no other way. The beautiful thing is that it gradually opens like a flower provided it is really you and not just something imported.

  7. My husband asked me if I would “dance ” for him before we have sex when he comes back home. I feel a little embarassed , first of all I am extremely coordinationally challenged :P. I want to try to do this , I can’t dance but I really want to so that it would show him I want to try the things that he wants to try. How do I begin to practice it? And what kind of song would I dance to? If I don’t trip over myself first. Please, help me… :(

  8. My mom lent me some exotic dance workout videos that have been helpful. The videos are not Christian (the classes are taught by a former stripper) but they are reasonably modest- no nudity, at most there are a couple of women in bras and underwear, but all the students are average-looking women who won’t make you feel fat or flabby :) It’s called The Art of Exotic Dancing for Everyday Women. I have 3 volumes- I’m not sure if there are more, but those three were certainly a good start for me.

    Does anyone know of a Christian counterpart?

  9. “Leave Your Hat On” isn’t a Christian song, but it’s definitely a song to strip to.

  10. There’s always the classic instrumental “The Stripper” ;).


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