The second in our interview series on Sex As We Age, this interview was done with a woman in her fifties.
What changes have you seen in your sex life as the two of you have matured in age?
Our sex life started out strong, then declined practically to the point of non-existence. There were a few years in the recent past where the number of times we had sex that year could be counted on one hand. The past three years, however, have seen a miraculous restoration, to a higher level of quantity and quality than even in our newlywed days.
What are the most important factors you have found to be supportive of a love life that grows in intimacy?
- time together–alone
- a lock on the bedroom door
- transparency about likes, dislikes, fantasies, concerns, fears, worries, sadnesses
- absolute commitment to God, to each other, and to the vows you made
- listening and acting when your spouse “just has a feeling” about someone of the other sex
- commitment to be sure your spouse doesn’t “go hungry” sexually—if they say they’re hungry- they’re hungry!
- both sweet and spicy talk and touch throughout the day
What obstacles did you find along the way that you had to overcome which were attributed to aging? How did you resolve them?
Decreased stamina, increased medical issues, stiff joints, changes in speed and intensity of response. Keep a close eye on all-around health, take supplements, allow more time for sex, try new positions, use toys
What advice would you give to a younger husband and wife to help ensure that when they are celebrating the silver and golden anniversaries, they still have a passion between them?
MOST IMPORTANT: Find a way to be able to talk about sex—anything about sex–with your spouse. Write a letter, send an email, make a video conversation, talk while you ride in the car, talk on the phone, sit (or lie) in the dark and talk, but TALK! Get it all out on the table.
How would you describe your sex life today terms of frequency, intimacy level, passion level and so on?
Frequency is usually once a day–or more. Recently on vacation, it was more like 3-4 times per day. Intimacy, we’re closer than ever, and can pretty much bare our souls to each other–with fantasies, concerns, or confession. Passion is still very hot. There are still times when one of us will say, “That was amazing! What you just did was the most intense __________ I’ve ever experienced!”
In what ways has your sex life become better in recent years?
Because of a commitment to meet each other’s sexual needs, and God’s miraculous intervention as we both prayed to be the lover the other one needed, we have gone from a sex life that was basically dead to a frequency and passion that would keep pace with most newlyweds. Plus, after so many years together, there is a “knowingness” to our intimacy that can only come with time.
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