Q&A: Painful Intercourse

My husband and I have been married for 5years and have two boys ages 4 and 1. We have never had a great sex life in the sense of intercourse. We have made do with oral sex for the majority of our marriage. Reason being, sex is painful for me. Still, after 5 years. We’ve tried everything I can think of and still nothing helps. We’ve tried more foreplay, more lubrication, less lubrication, more frequency(sex every day), less frequency (every other day…every week etc…), I’ve asked a dr. and they showed me a muscle I could try to relax, but still that hasn’t helped. I still hurt when we have sex, I have never once enjoyed sex, not in the slightest, it is painful the whole time and I don’t know what else to try.

I should mention that both of my sons were c-sections because my dr. told me my pelvis was too small to deliver them. So I have not had a vaginal birth, which after I got pregnant with my 1st I was hoping that would help my problem with how tight I am.

What else can we do?? I don’t know what the problem is, I’ve tried relaxing, we’ve tried different positions, it’s just so tight and it stings with almost every lubrication we’ve tried, and it feels dry no matter how much lubrication we use.

We invited Lauren Jorden to respond to this question and her response is below.

What you are describing is called Dyspareunia – which means, painful intercourse.  You may also have some involuntary muscle spasms, which can in some cases make intercourse impossible.  When intercourse is impossible, we call that Vaginismus.  There is treatment for this very frustrating problem.  Usually a combination of sex therapy – where you would talk with someone specifically trained to look at any thoughts, feelings or anything traumatic in your past, which could be contributing to the problem.  The other part of treatment would be to work with a Physical Therapist who is specifically trained in Pelvic Floor Dysfunction.  In Dallas, the Dallas Center for Women’s Sexual Wellness is a wonderful resource for women who need the Physical Therapy.  It is important to address both the mind and the body part of the problem for the best recovery.  So there is hope!  Unfortunately, some ob/gyns are not familiar with this problem at all, and do not know how to help their patients in this area.

If you don’t live in Dallas, you could still call the Dallas Center to ask for a referral in your area.  Their number is 214-818-5300. Good luck.

Lauren Jordan, LCSW
Certified Sex Therapist

34 Comments

  1. To anyone who has struggled with painful intercourse, I highly recommend http://www.vaginismus.com. This website and their book ‘cured’ me. My husband and I struggled with painful intercourse our first year of marriage. We had a difficult honeymoon with disappointing and painful sex which I could not understand. I was so jazzed up about finally consummating my marriage with my best friend! I was a virgin and was warned there would be initial pain, but my husband and I were dismayed at the amount of pain. Sex quickly became a hardship not a joy in our new marriage. Finally after months of seeing several different doctors and nurse practitioners, one of them mentioned the word vaginismus but with no real solution for me. I decided to take my health into my own hands and came across vaginismus.com. The site helped me realize I was not alone. I bought their kit and worked through the book of emotional, mental, and physical exercises at home at my own pace. By the time I was halfway through the book, my husband and I were able to experience pain free intercourse. Praise God! I learned to relax and train my PC muscles along with my thoughts and anxiety. It won’t work for everyone, but it sure ‘cured’ me. Our one-year anniversary was what we dreamed our honeymoon would be like and we’re looking forward to a second, redo honeymoon someday. :)

  2. Pelvic floor therapy works! I had pain for most of our 7 years of marriage. Pain that no one seemed to be able to help me with. So, so frustrating. finally went to see a Pelvic Floor therapist this January and within 6 weeks we had gotten rid of the pain. Turns out I had muscle tension spots that were causing the problem. If you have pain, seriously, find a specialist in your area!!

  3. Are you and your doctor certain you are not suffering from endometriosis? It makes sex very painful. I was burdened with it for years and ended up having surgery for it. Make sure that you don’t have that problem.

  4. I wish I had found this out after I had my daughter! I am finally able to enjoy sex again though, but I will keep this information in mind after I have my second one. Hopefully I won’t have problems again, but I know it will take time.

  5. Our struggles with intimacy seem to fall somewhere in the middle of all these experiences. Both virgins beforehand, we’ve been married a little over a year and sex has increasingly become a point of contention and stress in our marriage. I experience pain, at least initially, every time – though there have been times when it has been painless and enjoyable, yet anti-climatic for me. I don’t think I’ve ever orgasmed (as I’m told by friends, “oh, you would know!”) and I’m uncomfortable and bored when he tries oral sex. There is, of course, a mental battle to keep my mind focused on my husband and to take pleasure and get arousal from him instead of other images/ideas. I desire to be aroused, pleased, and brought to climax by HIM! My husband is a gentle, sensitive, and handsome partner to have in the bedroom and in life – and I feel like we’re missing out.
    The vaginismus site LJ recommended looks great! But I feel like I shouldn’t have to pay $100 for this information and help. Does anyone know how to get access to the information, excercises, literature, etc. that has been so helpful to others? Surely, vaginismus.com doesn’t own the market on helping women in this way.

  6. Have you talked to your OBGYN about your pain? That would be my first step. They may have ideas or refer you to someone else who can be helpful. I would start there.

    Also, take some time to ponder what it is that isn’t happening with your arousal by your husband. Is there something he can do that you can communicate to him? If oral isn’t doing anything for you, you should let him know that. Maybe somewhere down the road, you might be in a better place with oral, but if he thinks it is pleasing to you at all, he’ll keep trying that avenue. What other images and ideas are getting you aroused that aren’t of your husband? I would try to delve into what it is about them that arouse you, and how can your husband take that role back. Please be sure to communicate what you like and what isn’t working for you.

  7. I have been married for a month and thus far I have not experienced sex without pain. I understand that new brides often experience pain but although I am strongly arroused and produce lots of natural lubricant, I still experience pain every time we have sex. I am blessed with a loving and deeply caring husband. It is deeply concerning to him that his wife who loves and deeply desires him should experience pain every time we have sex. He lost his job four days after we married and the problem in our sex life means that he feels as if he has failed me. I often reassure him that this is not true.
    I am Australian and only came to join my husband who is working in the US a couple of weeks ago. I am unfamiliar and duanted by the US health system and would appericatte advice as to whIere we can seek help. I live in Chapel Hill / Carrboro, North Carolina. An explanation and possiable treatment would be of great comfort to us. We understand and accept that this is part of God’s will for us. Any advice would be much appreciated.

  8. You might consider purchasing the dilators mentioned in this article. They can be helpful. The rest of that article may be helpful too if you haven’t read it yet. Is the pain you are experiencing all throughout intercourse or only in the beginning? Unfortunately this is a problem for many women and it could take quite some time for you to have completely pain free intercourse. But I hope you are able to find the added help you need. I am not a US resident so I can’t help you with the medical insight you need, but I have an Australian friend and I know how excellent their health system is there. I can imagine that it would be disconcerting to be in an unfamiliar system when you are in need of care. I pray that you and your husband are able to walk in peace through this transition.

  9. I know that $100 seems like a lot, but if you add up the cost of doctors appointments its worth it. You get two books, 4 dilators with a handle, and entrance into a private forum for women struggling with this. I’m working through them myself right now (after 3 1/2 year of marriage!) and they are much more helpful than any doctor has ever been. I didn’t buy the products for a long time because of the cost, but now I am so thankful I did, and I know in the long run that the $100 will be well spent! I also had trouble getting sexually aroused and climaxing with my husband in the first year or so, but I was so hurt emotionally by the vaginismus I just couldn’t. I learned to retrain my mind, and even though we still can’t have intercourse we have a much more exciting sex life because we have learned how to bring more pleasure to each other. Your story sounds almost exactly like mine, and I can understand the pain. I hope you can find something that works for you.

  10. I know exactly what you are feeling. I have tried to work with the same problem. My hubby and I have been been married for 5 years and we tried anything we aould think of. I dont have pain so much anymore, but its still not making me orgasm. I can if I have a ton of other iamges that I think of and if I touch myself while he’s in me. But this is not what I want our sex life to be. I really want it to be more about us together. Does the $100 program teach you how to work on your mental state or is it mostly about fixing the pain?

  11. I have commented on a similar thread elsewhere on this site, but just wanted to add to this… the dilators are VERY HELPFUL! (I ordered the ones from Vaginismus.com) Also would probably recommend a vibrator (a very small non-threatening one) if that hasn’t been tried already. I like the little bullets best, personally.
    Having been through this personally (and it stinks!!) my biggest problem in some ways was that hubby was trying *too* hard to be helpful, he wanted to “do” something to help, but it really was something I had to work through myself (at least for me it was). Also I had to learn to give him feedback to help me once we got to a point where we could try again (we had no P in V for at least 2 years). Men like firm, direct stimulation, and I had to continually remind him “Gentle” and “Soft touches” or I would get completely over stimulated and then it would more difficult for me to relax and be comfortable and softened down there.
    I know the $100 for the Vag books sounds expensive, but seriously, isn’t it worth $100 to fix your sex life? The books are very comprehensive, they cover the mental aspects before they get to the physical stuff. The books never say this, but Vaginismus is actually a psych diagnosis, so the mental aspect of fixing it is HUGE.
    I am pretty much through this, once again IT STINKS. I think the book program is worth trying for anyone serious about putting effort into that program. The nice thing about the books is you can go at your own pace, and spend more time on things that are more applicable to your personal situation.

  12. Can you tell me more about the therapy and what they did? In the last 3 years I’ve given birth to triplets and 2 singletons (all c-section). The pain during intercourse gets worse after each baby. I ask my OB every visit about the pain, and she says everything looks normal. I also saw the posts about vaginismus.com, and may order that just to see if it helps. We were both virgins when we got married, and I had a hymenectomy before the wedding. I still had the typical pain that comes from being too tight, but that got better. On our honeymoon I thought I had food poisoning bc every time we had intercourse, it made me feel nauseous and like I had diarrhea. I had to run to the bathroom. After a week we realized it was the angle, but we couldn’t figure out which angles were the problem. One slight shift of position from him and I was sick. For the first 3 years, that angle problem was the only problem, but since I’ve had kids, the pain in my vagina is horrible, and gets worse with each baby. We’ve tried all kinds of different lubricants, vibrators, liberator furniture, everything we can think of. The vaginismus and pelvic floor therapy are the only things I’ve ever come across that sound like they might match my problems. We’ve been married 7 years, and sex has been our only source of contention. It happens to be his love language, which makes it even more contentious. I hate sex bc it hurts so much! It’s not any easy subject to research online bc I don’t want to end up on inappropriate websites. We are both so frustrated. I WANT TO LIKE SEX TOO!

  13. Hey Stephanie, mrsdmk is right what she wrote below. The book is about 1/2 mental exercises and then 1/2 physical. It’s a very good, go at your own pace book. I didn’t even make it to the dilator exercises in the book. Once I worked through the mental blocks, strengthened my pelvic muscles, and trained myself how to relax my husband and I were finally able to experience a whole session of intercourse pain free. :) I agree with mrsdmk that it’s worth a try if you can afford it and so worth it for the sake of the marriage. There are a few other good articles on this site that talk about retraining your mind (can’t remember where right now) to think about your husband and fantasize about him only – really good tools that I have benefitted from as well. :) Don’t give up!!

  14. You need to find a physical therapist who specializes in Pelvic Floor therapy. I know there is a big center in Florida (I am in the Southeast). Since I didn’t go that route, I don’t know specifics, but I did have a friend recommend it to me (she personally knew someone that did a pelvic floor program and had excellent results).
    Another thing I’ve heard of, is getting Botox injections down there to help relax the muscles that are tightening up. I seriously considered it, $$$ and all, but thankfully didn’t need it. But, once again, you’ll need a specialist for that. I am lucky because I live near a big Medical Center that has specialist care.
    Good luck — don’t give up!

  15. Stephanie, if you nor your DH object, I recommend a small vibrator. Don’t think that there is something “wrong” with you if you can’t O from intercourse alone. It’s very difficult and very very rare for me — love my DH and my bullet! I was kinda worried about being dependent on the toy instead of DH, but I can say it’s much better to be in the moment with him, and just that little bit of extra oomph to push me over the edge and then he’s right there with me. That versus me by myself with the bullet, when I was first learning and trying to get over the painful intercourse situation. No comparison, the husband makes the O way better, even with assistance from the vibrator.
    I know another lady, she does girl talks and sharing about married sex, she says she cannot O without a little vibrator assistance. It’s her normal, and her husband is okay with that.
    Try side-by-side or X-like positions where he can apply the vibe and still thrust at the same time, if you are willing to give it a go.

  16. I second the dilators! Very helpful! I was a virgin when I married 4 months ago. Our honeymoon was a huge disaapointment. My hubby couldn’t enter me. He managed to get one finger in, which made me scream in pain. That burning was near unbearable! I started reading up on vaginismus. Therapy was too expensive, so I chose to order the set of silicone dilators on soulsourceenterprise.com. its taken me 2 months only to move from their smallest dilator (mini tampon size) to largest (average penis size) and I feel NO pain or burning. I’m now attempting intercourse, and while its still mechanical – more therapy-focused than pleasure-focused – and a little painful, it feels GREAT being able to take my husband inside me. I’m not discounting the importance of mental therapy, but if you can’t afford it, save $100ish and get a dilator set. I’m so happy I did, and I’m actually starting a female sexual health group at my church so any women sufferring silently can find some help. God bless you all!

  17. I’ve been married for almost 6 months now, and had to go through painful intercourse in the first month or so. Our honeymoon was a big, big disappointment. I was so looking forward to it, we booked this perfect mountain lodge in the rainforest, and then we just couldn’t get past the pain. Luckily my DH is an incredibly sweet and understanding guy and although he was frustrated, he wanted to help me as much he could. We got through this together and I can now say, the dilator method does work, just make sure you go at your own pace, don’t let DH rush you. Let him help you only when you’re ready for it.

    Also what I think is important, is not to be afraid to go see a doctor about it. Even if it’s just for peace of mind. I honestly thought something was wrong with me when we couldn’t have intercourse. It hurt so much I was screaming! Poor DH :’( Anyway, the morning after our wedding night we called my Mum-in-law, she’s a nurse. Yes, that was a bit embarrasing, but she was so helpful and referred us to a lovely female doctor. We went there the next day (yes, on our honeymoon… we didn’t want to waste any time and become more frustrated!). The doctor booked me in for an abdominal scan that same day and she could reassure me; there was nothing wrong with me. She did give me a referral letter for a gyneacologist, to get minor surgery to ‘open me up’ if necessary, which I am happy to say we haven’t had to use. To be honest, I think she may have used some form of psychology on me so I would try hard to overcome the pain so I wouldn’t have to go in for surgery, lol.

    DH found a website that described my problem and a solution for it. I can’t remember what it is, but this is what the method came down to. Use your finger, candles or a small vibrator. Try two or three times a day, when you’re alone and not rushed, to slowly – very slowly! insert your finger, well lubricated, into your vagina. Stop when you feel the slightest bit of pain, take a break, try again when you feel ready. When you’re able to slide in your finger without discomfort, move to a bigger dilator (candle, vibrator). Follow the same steps, up to the point where you can insert a dilator the size of your DH’s penis. When you’re ready, you can try intercourse with your husband again, but go slow. If you feel pain again, stop and go back to using the dilator. Don’t be afraid to take a step back! You shouldn’t feel any pain.

    This has really helped us! It took about a month for me to get ready to have intercourse again, but I am so so glad we took the time and effort. DH was a great support. He said some guys would just push through (literally!) if their girlfriend/wife was in pain, but he obviously wasn’t like that :) I have cried lots of big tears during the first month of our marriage, I felt unworthy and a freak, I was very depressed. But if you experience this you’re not abnormal! In fact it has brought us closer together, having to face this first big hurdle together. And pray, that sure helps too. God is there in all your pain and He’ll give you strength to overcome it.

    PS: We’re going to have a second honeymoon sometime this year, without pain, just us and our love for each other :)

  18. What a great testimony! Thanks for sharing it. I know that other women will be blessed by your struggles and success.

  19. Ladies, physical therapy for tight pelvic floor muscles is a HUGE help!! While trying to get pregnant, I got very frustrated and discouraged with not being able to get pregnant. I have PCOS and it took me 15 months to ovulate and during that time, I think all of the stress got to me and had an adverse effect on my pelvic floor muscles. My obgyn referred to my a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic therapy. She did manual therapy at my appointments and had my do some physical exercises at home. I had my hubby also do the manual therapy because it helped so much. You will need someone else to do the manual therapy for you. They need to insert one or two fingers (start with one first) up the first knuckle and apply pressure. It will sting/burn and be uncomfortable and you may feel a throbbing. If it’s too uncomfortable, apply less pressure. At some point, that feeling will go away and that means that area of the muscle has relaxed. Repeat a few times on each side. The leg of the side that’s being worked on needs to be bent at the knee with your foot flat on the floor (or bed) and the leg of the opposite side needs to be flat. When I first started going to therapy, I think I went 2-3 times a week for a couple of weeks. Then I went once a week for a couple of weeks and then once every 2 weeks. The therapy helped SOOOO much! It’s also beneficial for helping lessen or prevent tearing during a vaginal birth. I believe it’s very similar to perennial massage. The therapy retrained my pelvic floor muscles to be in a relaxed state instead of tight and angry. Hope this helps!!

  20. Thank you for this encouraging message! I hope to try this method. I’m also going to see my OBGYN next week, so we’ll see if she has any advice/encouragement. Being proactive AND lifting this up to God are both important in physical and emotional healing – hoping that my DH and I will be able to BOTH enjoy this wonderful gift that God has given us!

  21. I am still a 39-year old virgin, 7 months into my marriage. Working on the http://www.vaginismus.com book, ready to try the dilator. However, I have been having some serious pain trying my lubricated finger. I worked hard to get to this point that I am finally able to insert my fingers but it hurts a lot even I can insert without problem. Now I am very anxious and wonder if the vaginismus stuff would really help? My PC muscles seem fine – I can insert my fingers with no problem, but my vagina wall hurts when my finger is in contact with it or moves slightly when it’s inside. And I am a kinda of person who can not stand any slight pain. I live in Washington DC ares so if anyone has any referrals for specialists, please kindly let me know

    BTW, I am researching Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy since my pain seems to also involving the nerve endings and skin in my vagina. I might try that also: http://commonhealth.wbur.org/2010/10/pain-free-sex-pelvic-floor-physical-therapy/#more-2652

  22. I am currently doing physical therapy for my pelvic floor. I’ve been asking OBs about this for years, and nothing. I read about it here. Anyway, the OB who checked me had no clue, but gave me the referral anyway. My PT, who specializes in this, said that going more than once a week is not effective bc the muscles need time to recover. When I called around, I looked for one who SPECIALIZES in pelvic floor. Another thing she mentioned is sometimes it’s the actual skin inside your vagina that is sensitive and painful. I don’t remember what that’s called, but it’s something to ask about. She said most lubricants can really irritate it, and the one they recommend is called slippery stuff. I found it cheapest on amazon. I haven’t asked about coconut oil.
    One more thing, I have a question. We were virgins when we got married, so my honeymoon was my first experience. Since my honeymoon, when we have intercourse, it triggers the sensation that I have to poop, and as soon as we’re done, I have to run to the bathroom and go. I thought I had food poisoning that first week. It feels like he’s stabbing my guts. The slightest shift in position and I am running for the potty. It really kills the mood, and doesn’t make me feel like experimenting, you know? Has anyone heard of anything like this? My PT is going to look into it. She hasn’t come across it, but it’s not the kind of thing that comes up in conversation, or that most women are going to bring up. This is the only place I feel like I can ask this question. I hope someone can help. I want to be that sexy girl who wants to try new things that feel good, but intercourse has never felt good. It got worse after the pelvic floor damage, but it’s never been good.

  23. Both my husband and I were virgins… Sex killed me! I have endometriosis… Some of y’all might need to get checked for that. It makes sex very uncomfortable and painful beyond belief! It took me 4 years to eventually loosen up enough and stop flinching before I even enjoyed sex. I’ve since had a orgasm! Yay! Still it’s a battle in my mind because I always think it’s going to hurt. I hope y’all can can find help… Sex is supposed to be good. Took me a long time to see that.

  24. Regarding the feeling of needing to poop, my doctor said that with the penis inside there is simple less room for everything else. She recommended pooping before intercourse. I found that taking fiber supplements helped me poop more frequently on a regular basis. I also found since I knew why I was feeling like I needed to poop it was easier to ignore the feeling.

  25. My body is regular like clockwork. I’ve tried going before, but I can’t. It’s not on the schedule :) My PT thinks it could be related to the muscle problems in my pelvic floor, but we’ll see.

  26. This is the cause of my pain, endometreosis. Before saying for sure that it’s Vaginimus, and going with that, I would definitely see my OBGYN!

  27. My husband was my first sexual partner and I didn’t experience pain with intercourse until a few years into our marriage. I thought that to be very odd and I went to an OBGYN and left crying. It wasn’t a good experience for me. The doctor was a man, he performed my exam which hurt a lot more than usual. When it was over, he basically patted me on my arm and said it was all in my head. NICE bed side manners!! I fired him that day. Would an OBGYN think to check for endometreosis when you mention pain or is it something you have to ask for? I get tired of having to research myself before I go to these doctors. It is putting a strain on our marriage b/c my husband does not like to cause me pain.

    My new OBGYN did mention vaginismus and just handed me some lube and said increase the foreplay, not working. I think I’m going to look into that sight. I guess it’s time to take recovery in my own hands for awhile and see what happens. I’m 35 and it’s time to start enjoying sex!!

  28. I have been married for just over a year and have had pain during sex almost every time. My experience is that doctors don’t know much about muscle spasms in your pelvic floor causing pain during intercourse. The various doctors I visited told me pain can be caused by infection, STDs, a partially-intact, tough hymen, among other things. However, all of my tests came back negative and so I was referred to a PT. The taught me pelvic floor exercises. To do one (also called a kegel), pee normally and then stop your pee with the muscles in that area. The muscles you used to do that are your pelvic floor muscles. Through PT, I found out my pain was caused by contracting/tensing these muscles during intercourse, which makes it difficult and painful for anything the size of a penis (or sometimes smaller) to enter the vagina.
    Every time we had sex, it hurt, so that constantly reinforced the idea that “sex hurts” in my mind. Now, I am convinced every time, sex will hurt and my body reacts by tensing up.
    Therefore, during sex, I have to relax those pelvic floor muscles. Doing kegels helps you understand which muscles you are tensing during sex and therefore, which muscles you need to focus on relaxing. It also helps to focus on relaxing your butt and upper leg muscles too. All of those muscles work together and everything needs to be loose in order to allow the penis to enter the vagina painlessly. Inserting the penis slowly and having some control over how fast he is entering you helps. Every time the penis goes in a centimeter more, I have to relax those muscles again and keep doing that until it is in all the way. Since learning this, I have had pain-free sex a few times and less painful sex more often. This can be a very difficult, depressing thing to deal with. I used to think something was wrong with me, too, since the doctors didn’t really know what was wrong and didn’t offer any solutions. Now I’m realizing this is more common than I thought.
    Also, some doctors will tell you you need more foreplay. For me, this is not true. I can have an orgasm if my husband manually stimulates me outside of actual intercourse. I have been fully aroused and have had an orgasm before or after intercourse and still have painful sex.
    So, overall, I’ve found that doctors aren’t very educated about these things. Try some of the tips found on this site and if those don’t help, consult your doctor. If they find nothing wrong with you anatomically and all of your tests come back negative, ask to be referred to a PT for pelvic floor exercises.

  29. You are right, newhorizons, it is time! For me personally, the vaginismus book helped so much since it was an at home remedy. I would not have been comfortable going to a physical therapist, but also, the book from the website spends have of its pages talking about the mental aspect. It really helped me stop the crazy cycle in my thoughts and feelings of “this is going to hurt” – “it did hurt, see I knew it would” – “now it’ll never feel good.” I was in a downward spiral of negative destructive thought but by the grace of God the vaginismus book helped me see that. It’s amazing how much power our thoughts have over our physical body! It will not work for everyone, but it really worked for me and if you can afford it, it’s worth a shot. A joyful marriage bed is worth it!

  30. I’m experiencing pain while entering. Once my DH is all the way inside me, I’m able to relax and enjoy (thoroughly). :-P But the entering is causing a massive pinching feeling. We’ve tried more foreplay, more lube… Any suggestions?

  31. Yep, there is a muscle, about a 1/2 to 1 inch inside, that is the culprit. That was my big problem too. Have you tried seeing if you can O before he comes in? That forces your muscles to relax, hopefully that one too, and then maybe you could try for a second with him.
    Otherwise, I’d suggest the dilator methods above, just to see if you can work that muscle, identify it, and learn to consciously relax it. It’s difficult, but doable and so worth it! Good luck!

  32. Kegel exercises may help you notice the difference and enable you to better relax those muscles prior to penetration. Takes practice, but in time you will feel more comfortable upon entry :).

  33. Actually Ari-Chan, that’s really not accurate. If there has been foreplay or anything sexual for that matter that’s been painful, those muscles that mrsdmk is talking about will get tight and the kegels will only make that worse.

    Keges are a fantastic way to strengthen those muscles but what really helps are learning how to RELAX those muscles. Close your eyes and do a kegel. Do a kegel very slow as if you’re going up an elevator as you’re tightening those muscles. Imagine floor one, then two, then three, then four (as tight as you can be). Then slowly go back down identifying what “floors” you’re on. When you think you’re at the bottom, go to the “basement”. Try to relax even further.

    Doing this exercise numerous times in practice BEFORE the sexual encounter will help to teach you what floor you’re on when you start having sex. If you’re anything other than the very bottom floor, it could be painful. Doing this exercise just before he penetrates will help to relax those muscles as well.

  34. I’ve been experiencing vaginal pain for 3 year, and was diagnosed by a vulvar care specialist as having vulvar vestibulitis, which is a type of vulvodynia/vagnismus with extreme pain at the opening. After 15 months of celibacy during our engagement, my husband and i were married in june. The pain was unbearable, and left me depressed and shying away from intimacy. I would recommend that you seek therapy or a good support group so you have someone you can ralk these things through.i continue to pray to God for healing and restoration.


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