“My husband likes to talk and whisper ALL THE TIME when we make love. Why does he have to do that? He knows what I like, but he continues to ask me questions (like if I want him to suck my nipples or does he want me to have him pinch and pull on them?) Also when he gives me oral sex, he tells me how good I taste and how good I smell and how much he wants to taste me. I am very quiet when we make love. Do you think he wants me to talk too? Or do you think he might want me to talk “dirty” to him?”
Some people are definite talkers. Sounds like your husband is one of them! Whispering and talking during sex is a complete turn on for many people (myself included). Hearing things spoken audibly can heighten awareness and arousal.
Just think about it for a minute… when you are making love to your husband, many times you may think “I would love it if he _______ right now.” But you don’t actually say it. You may hint to him or give him some bodily language that tells him what you want instead. What do you think would happen if you spoke those thoughts aloud?
For me it was two fold. When I started talking out loud to my husband during sex, I noticed his arousal increased, his erection became even harder, and he became more passionate with me. What I didn’t plan on was the second factor. I became more aroused and I self-lubricated more. Hearing myself saying things to my husband out loud that I had once hidden in my mind was so invigorating and empowering for me! I loved the fact that my words had power over my husband. I loved seeing the physical evidence of his arousal and desire heightening as I spoke. I loved hearing myself claim words that were once too risqué for me to use. It felt so freeing to be able to speak in clear terms what I wanted to do to him and what I wanted from him during our love making, and my husband reveled in this new found freedom!
It may be the same for your husband. You say that he likes to tell you how good you taste or how badly he wants to taste you. It sounds like he is trying to use words as a part of foreplay. He is wanting to get you all hot and bothered and at the same time he is probably affecting his own arousal by hearing himself speaking to you in that way.
So, a couple of things come to mind here. First, does it bother you that he talks like he does? If this is something that is truly bothersome for you, then you need to talk to him about this. If his talking during sex is working the opposite way he intends for it to, then he needs to know that it’s a ‘turn off’ for you. If it’s not a bother, then my second question revolves around you talking. Is this something that you’d like to be able to do more with him? Taking that first step is often difficult, but once you break the ice you may find that giving your thoughts a voice enhances your love making experience with your husband. For some suggestions on how to get started talking, check out: Oh Yes Baby! Don’t Stop! or Dirty Words in the Bedroom.
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