Sacred Sex: Chp. 2

The first thing that I found interesting was the discussion of  “common grace”  (pg 28).  This gift of sex is available to everyone to enjoy.  Everyone is free to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex and can also use it to reproduce.  But he goes on to explain: “Christians are the only ones who can fully grasp and benefit from the holiness of sex.”

In the next few pages he talks about illicit sex and how that factors in to things.  Unbelievers who have sex are still becoming one with each other.  And if a Christian has illicit sex with a friend/stranger/prostitute/coworker etc., he or she not only uniting their physical bodies as one, but the believer is “uniting the body of Christ with the other person.” Isn’t that something to think about?  “As believers, if we have sex outside the bonds of marriage, we have dishonored God with our bodies by becoming one in the wrong way.” Of course I have heard teachings on adultery before, but this is the first time that I’ve ever heard it explained this way.  Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and when we sin against our own bodies (sexually) we are essentially sinning against God.  He references those familiar verses of 1 Corinthians 6.

I think that page 37 was the biggie for me in this chapter.  God created everything and it was all good.  God created Adam and he was good.  The first thing that wasn’t good was that Adam was alone.  Sin had not yet entered, so there was nothing coming between he and God, but it was still “not good” that he was alone.   God could have done any one of several things for Adam, but He chose to give Adam, Eve.   God knew beforehand that Adam would be lonely (because God knows all)…and He told Adam that without Eve (his wife) a part of him was missing.  Listen to what he says:  “Even though Adam was created in God’s image, without Eve he didn’t yet fully represent God’s image.  The work of creation wasn’t complete until God formed Eve from Adam’s rib.” If you are reading this article without having read the book, then you may be wondering if that somehow means that unmarried people are “less.”  The answer is NO!  Not at all!  But I would like to encourage you to read this chapter to gain further insight.

I was glad to see him use an example couple (Michael and Sarah) as well.  The example he used is like so many emails that we get here at CN.  The wife has no libido of her own and feels like sex is just something on her list of things she needs to do for her husband and to have children.  I was glad to hear the resolution to this couple’s stagnant intimacy.  It is never just one person’s problem.  A marriage is two becoming one, and when one had an ‘issue’ the other is indirectly (if not directly) related to that issue as well.

I didn’t mention every single thing covered in this chapter.  These are just the points that stuck out to me as I was reading.  What stood out to you?  Anything that challenged your thinking or views?  Anything that you disagreed with?   What did you get out of chapter 2?

9 Comments

  1. This was yet another great chapter! I think that I will really like this book. I really loves that he used an example of an accutal couple. It makes what he says more concreat to see what happens in real life whenw e look at sex differntly. I have struggles with sex alot. Not the same way the couple in the book did, but it makes me see that there can be a sloution and it doesnt need to be a struggle forever!
    I also loved that Adam needed Eve, that his lonliness was not good. The creation story has always spoken to me, but this was a new idea for me. I sometimes feel that I need my husband as much as I need God and that makes me feel really guilty since I know that I am supposed to rely on God for everything. I now see that we are supposed to need our spouses because God said that it was good. I can need to be with my DH, to talk to him, to see him, to feel him, because it is something that God knew was good for us. Wow! I am not offending God by needing another human, I am honoring his design for life! I am becoming closer to him because of my closness with my DH!

  2. I found his whole section on “unlocking the mystery” very challenging. The comparison that Paul uses in Ephesians to the relationship between husband and wife being a reflection of The relationship between Christ and the Church was a section I had to read more than once. It was difficult to connect in my mind the oneness of intimacy and the oneness of the body of Christ, but it goes back to what I discovered in
    Chapter 1 I have never viewed sex as a Holy act but I have alwYs viewed the Church as Holy. I really like how this book continuously refers back to the scriptures because I find myself acting as the Thessalonians and going back to
    the Word and reading for myself.

  3. the first thing that i highlighted in this chapter is ‘sexual intimacy, even for the atheist, is by God’s design a spiritual experience.’ – so many people don’t understand this, that when you have sex with someone you connect your soul with their soul! later on he says ‘sex and oneness can’t be separated.’ and then he says ‘a man’s wife IS his own body’. i love that! my husband’s body is mine and i am to love it and care for it as if i’m caring for myself. i think this is an essential lesson in marriage! you can not be selfish and successfully married at the same time!! marriage is not 50/50 like the saying goes, marriage is 100/100. you have to be giving 100% of yourself and your spouse needs to give 100% of themselves to the marriage for it to be the best relationship possible.
    i love that he brings out an often forgotten bible verse: eph. 5:21 says “submit to one another…..” so much is said about wives needing to submit to their husbands, but many forget that it also says that husbands and wives are actually to ‘submit to one another’ my husband is the head of our family, but when he makes the decisions for our family he submits what he wants to what is best for our family.
    i have to admit that i didn’t really make the connection between sex being like entering the holy of holies. does anyone have a way to explain that part of the chapter?

  4. I am not offending God by needing another human, I am honoring his design for life! I am becoming closer to him because of my closness with my DH! i hadn’t thought of it that way, but i love it!! when you’re single a lot of times in christian circles we are made to feel guilty for longing for a husband. but it was actually God’s idea!! we can get all we need from God if we are single, but we don’t have to feel guilty for needing or wanting a spouse. love, love, love it!

  5. And if a Christian has illicit sex with a friend/stranger/prostitute/coworker etc., he or she not only uniting their physical bodies as one, but the believer is “uniting the body of Christ with the other person.” Isn’t that something to think about? “As believers, if we have sex outside the bonds of marriage, we have dishonored God with our bodies by becoming one in the wrong way.” Of course I have heard teachings on adultery before, but this is the first time that I’ve ever heard it explained this way. Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and when we sin against our own bodies (sexually) we are essentially sinning against God.

    The above comment has hit me that hardest. I had not sex, but pretty close with someone who was not my spouse this year, we are staying together and working through it and stronger even but this paragraph hit me hard. I never realized exactly what I had done, how wrong what I did was, how I sinned aginst God and betrayed my husband. I was hit with the enormity of what I had done, and am still reeling from it and working through it. Thank you to Mr. Gardner for opening my eyes, I am working even harder to show my love for my husband and earn his forgiveness.

  6. I think the key to understanding this mystery of God is first to have a picture of worship in Biblical times. God had the people construct a temple where the gathered for worship and to receive remission of sins. The temple was huge! Near where the priests would gather to present offererings and sacrificies, there was The Holy of Holies which was considered to be where the presence of God existed. A huge curtain separated this part of the temple from the rest. Once a year the High Priests entered to present the sins of the people for forgiveness. Bells were attached to his robe and if the other priests could not hear the bells, the feared he had died in the presence of God. Each Priest was only allowed to do this once in their career. Now this was how we were made right with God, sinfree and holy, before Jesus. Once Christ came to be our High Priest, when he was crucified, the huge curtain was torn form top to botton. The presence of God was now with all men. We walked with God from that day forward. As husband and wife, united as one, one flesh, before God, in his presence, we are on holy ground in the midst of our Holy God, just as he created us. We are now in the presence of God, the Holy of Holies!

  7. The other thing I thought was profound about this chapter was his football practice analogy…. why does the whole team have to run a lap because one player made a mistake? Why did we have to pay the penalty that was obviously Adam and Eve’s?

    I loved this statement, “Adam and Eve – as sinners – had no choice but to give birth to sinners. Two imperfect things can’t produce a sinless one. We’re all sinners.” I struggled with this for a long time when I became an newbie Christian back in the early 90’s…. but I know now that it wouldn’t have taken me all that long to sin, just like he says in the book of himself.

    11-12 years ago, I was Sarah (his case study). I probably said the exact same words that she did. Praise God for my redemption!

    Can’t wait for Chapter 3!

  8. I’m just now getting to read this book. I just found CN a couple weeks ago and I had to wait until my book got here!

    I was reading Chapter 2 tonight, and the part that stuck out to me the most is… “By inviting your mate inside your mind, your heart, and your spirit, you’re working to create the wholeness of oneness that gives sex its meaning and, ultimately, its true pleasure.” I can personally testify to this. When I felt that hubby just wanted my body for sex, I was a refuser. However, when it became more than just sex, it meant so much more. We began to truly “make love” and not just “have sex”.

  9. I just starting reading the book last week. I too can relate to Sarah in the book. I’ve “known” a lot of the truths in this book, but have not been able to come to terms and understand them very well. This book (and this website) is opening up my heart and mind to becoming a better wife.


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