Comments on: Oops! Did I say that??

By: tommygirl55

tommygirl55 — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 21:12:28 +0000

I have twins and another twin mom whose kids are older told me “if you correct him or don’t allow him to do things because it isn’t ‘your way’ he will stop trying.” My H is a fabulous dad and it is at least partly because my friend taught me that it would be far better for all concerned if I took a few steps back, buttoned my lip and then thanked him for what he did to help out rather than critique, correct or deny him the chance.

Obviously this is true about more than just raising kids. It’s the old honey v. vinegar rule and as simple as it sounds it can be hard to put into action

By: SweetSoft

SweetSoft — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 04:26:46 +0000

I try to avoid those, but I fall into some of these traps. Particularly, “I’ll do it myself” jumped out at me. It’s not so much that I feel he is incapable of doing something right (sometimes I feel he may not know what he’s doing, so I think this is why I built the following habit), but I’m trying to make sure I don’t overburden him with details. I don’t want to be the kind of wife who demands he do this, that, and the other constantly, as if any given household chore or task is solely his responsibility, and another task as if it’s solely mine. What I mean when I say “I’ll do it myself,” is, “I’ll do this now, instead of making you do it, because I feel guilty asking you to do it in the first place when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” But I say this when I know I’ve inconvenienced him in some way, like when he’s trying to focus on something else.

I guess partly why I do this is because I’ve watched other couples model for me, and the majority of them were bad models, so I try very hard not to make THEIR mistakes… and end up making them uniquely my own.

I hope I was clear with what I said… I’m not completely sure now.

By: Iamhis

Iamhis — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 18:51:46 +0000

Love this! Thank you!

By: MessedUp

MessedUp — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 22:02:16 +0000

My husband’s love language is words of affirmation, so this is helpful in knowing what NOT to say. Although most of it I don’t say anyway, but there are a few things that were an “ouch”. Especially the saying with actions more than words. It’s easier for me to just do things myself!

Along with the fact men need respect.

By: Wow! God is Great!

Wow! God is Great! — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 16:58:23 +0000

Great article, Spicy Nutmeg! My DH recently made me aware of how I was tearing him down with my words, and I was totally unaware of it! It wasn’t the specific words that I was using, but it was a pattern of being argumentative … simply saying “no” to “everything” he said. For example, if he said, “The music is too loud,” I said, “No it’s not.” If he said, “Our children can load the dishwasher,” I said, “No, I’ll get it. They’ve got to do their homework.” If he said, “That sermon was awfully long,” I said, “No it wasn’t! Every word the pastor said was important!” Finally, when he said, “You argue with everything I say!” You’ll never guess what I said … “No I don’t!” And then I got it! He was right! I had no idea! I’m generally a very positive person, very loving and compassionate. I pride myself in the fact that I build my husband up while other wives bash their husbands. Why was I doing this? And why was it bothering him so much???

Since he made me aware of my pattern of behavior, I’ve come to the following conclusions: Although my DH and I love each other very much, we are very different and have differing opinions on some things. That’s normal. However, sometimes when he voices his opinion to me, rather than blasting back with my opinion, he needs me to acknowledge, accept, and sometimes appreciate his opinion. That doesn’t mean that I have to agree with him. It just means that I need to show him that I love and accept him and respect his ideas. And yes, he NEEDS this from me. He actually told me, “You’re my wife! You’re the only person I can pour my heart out to! If you don’t want me to shut down (quit sharing his heart with me), then stop disagreeing with everything I say!!!

I took his advice, and I’ve been much more aware of my responses to him. Ladies, our husbands are not the tough guys we think they are! Our words truly do have the power to build them up or tear them down. I’m so thankful for a DH that was able to verbalize that fact to me!