Q&A: What About Sodomy?

We recently received the following email:

My wife and I love one another and love the Lord, and want a fulfilling love life that’s pleasing to ourselves and to Him.  With so little info we’ve struggled with what is OK sexually within our marriage. Particularly with respect to anal sex, your site indicates that the scripture does not speak to this between a married man and woman.  If I look up “sodomy” in the dictionary it appears to address all anal intercourse, regardless of whether man/man or man/woman. When the scripture talks about sodomy, how do we know whether it limiting to man/man or extends to man/woman?  any input on this area would be greatly appreciated!

What a great question and we knew just the person to ask when the CN spice girls and I said “If only we knew of a pastor who had deep Biblical understanding regarding this question.” Sugar & Spice’s husband! So rather than attempt to answer it ourselves, I asked him if he would be so kind as to lend us his knowledge on this topic. To our delight he said yes and having already done an in depth Biblical study on this, he offered us the results of his study for this article. Our thanks to him for his lending us his expertise. Here are his findings:

Abraham was camped near an oak grove when three men appeared to him in Genesis 18. One of the men was God who stayed with Abraham while the two other men (“angels” according to Gen 19:1) proceeded to Sodom. In Sodom they met Lot who prepared them a meal at his home. That evening the men of Sodom surrounded the house and wanted Lot to bring out the men in the house so they could have sex with them. Lot refused and the men were struck blind by the angels. Then the angels told Lot that they needed to escape because God was going to destroy Sodom.

This is our knowledge of Sodom and the picture we see is a group of homosexuals trying to rape two men. It is believed by many that since homosexual men engage in anal sex then anal sex must be a sin. However, there is no Biblical evidence to back up this claim that anal sex between a married heterosexual couple is wrong. Many people feel that the Bible condemns sodomy but it does not. The word “sodomy” doesn’t even appear in scripture. Sodomy is a legal term that varies from state to state but typically includes legally forbidden acts such as anal sex, oral sex, and bestiality.

What were the sins of Sodom? Certainly homosexuality was one of them by looking at the whole council of scripture (Romans 1:26-27) but what else does the Bible say about Sodom and its sin?

Ezekiel 16:48-50
“As I live,” declares the Lord God, “Sodom, your sister and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it.”

From Genesis we see that homosexuality was a sin of Sodom but according to the above passage, there was much more to the story. It seems that their sexual perversion was one of many sins. God destroyed Sodom because:

  • Arrogance
  • Abundant food and careless ease
  • Not assisting the poor and needy


So how are we to define sodomy biblically? If Sodom was guilty of the above sins as scripture teaches, then a Sodomite could be defined as anyone who doesn’t help someone in need and is arrogant. If you have plenty but your neighbor does not and you fail to act, you are also committing sodomy!

So to the question: “Is sodomy a sin?”  According to the Bible verses stated above, the acts of the people of Sodom were indeed sinful and we too would be sinning if we behaved in the same manner.  But, is anal sex between a man and wife equivalent to today’s standard definition of sodomy?  I would have to say, according to the Bible, no. It is true that homosexual men engage in anal sex but it is also true that they engage in oral sex. They also hold hands and kiss one another. Does the fact that a homosexual does these things too mean that heterosexuals are forbidden to do these acts as well? It most certainly does not. I believe that God created our desires and it is we who have perverted it. God gave sex to us as a gift for a husband and a wife to share and it is we who have perverted that. Homosexual sex was stolen from heterosexuals, not the other way around. We can conclude that anal sex or any sex by a homosexual is sin. We can also conclude that according to the Bible anal sex, oral sex, or any sex by an unmarried heterosexual couple is sin too. But if you are married and both partners agree to any sex act within the confines of your marriage bed, it is indeed pure.

I hope this clarifies for you the question of what sodomy refers to. You can view further information regarding anal sex according to our world view in the category listing on the right side of every page.

Q: Why do you believe that anal sex isn’t a sin?

I got a comment on my recent blog entry about “Can our sex life send us to hell?” and I wanted to address the answer to this in a blog. A young newlywed asked me why we didn’t believe that anal sex is a sinful behavior.

A: The Bible is silent on anal sex. Of course it tells us that homosexuality is a sin and that bestiality is a sin, but it really says nothing about this type of sexual experience between a man and his wife. Since the Bible doesn’t give us a “Thou shalt not participate in anal sex with your spouse” commandment, we take it as to mean that God wants us to use our own judgment on it. In some marriages, there will be a spouse that wants to dapple in it, or try it out. There also may be a spouse that thinks that anal sex should never happen. The biggest thing to remember is that you and your spouse need to be unified in your decisions as a married couple…Personally, I feel that as long as this remains between you, your spouse and God, that your marriage bed will remain undefiled in the eyes of God.

Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I believe that anal sex between you and your spouse falls within the bounds of this verse.

There are two different articles on our blog that I want to refer you to. One was written by my sister in Christ, Cumingirl who wrote Anal Sex: What Does the Bible Say and also another perspective from my sister in Christ, Cinnamonsticks, who wrote Anal Sex: Weighing Your Options. I think the main thing I would recommend to you is to discuss it with your husband. Find out why he feels the way he does, and you present why you feel the way you do. If there is still a disagreement on it, I would table the discussion and the thought of anal sex for a period of time. Pray about it, both of you, and see where God leads you on this. If you should both choose to try anal sex together, I feel that you may do so without worry about sin. God would have told us it was a sin in the Bible if he didn’t want a married heterosexual couple to engage in this act. If you both feel that God has given you the approval to do so, and you are both comfortable with anal sex, then go for it!

Thanks for your question!

Related Article:   What About Sodomy?

Anal Sex: Weighing Your Options

Until a year or so ago, I had no idea that heterosexual couples enjoyed anal sex with one another. I had never had any desire to explore anal sex and my husband didn’t voice any desire either. People told me that he probably secretly wanted to do it and was just afraid to say anything. We have talked about it many times over the last year and he has been clear that anal sex is not something he is interested in. So while we have enjoyed a little bit of anal stimulation, anal sex is not something we wish to incorporate into our sexual relationship at this time.

Primarily, we feel that God did not intend for the anus to be used for penetration of the penis. Its tissue is so vastly different than that of the vagina. It is thinner and tears so easily. Because it is so thin in comparison the thick wall of the vagina, sperm can easily penetrate the lining which causes the immune system to shut down temporarily. The caution that is needed in order to minimize the risk of tearing the anal wall and damaging the intended function of the rectum is too much for me to consider participating in anal sex. Additionally the pain that I understand is involved seems unnecessary to me. My husband and I have a great sex life and I don’t feel inclined to endure the pain of anal sex in the off chance that it would be enjoyable for me.

With all the caution that is necessary in order for anal sex to be achievable, we just don’t find that it is worth the worry, pain and risk. I am not opposed to exploring prostate stimulation if my husband begins to express interest in that, but for me anal sex crosses the line of what I believe is appropriate.

On the other side of the coin there are couples who like to incorporate anal sex into their sex life for a variety of different reasons, all of them valid for their circumstances. For some women who may have given away more of themselves to other men prior to marriage, it is one thing that they share with their husbands only. Others like the full feeling of having something in their anus and vagina at the same time. Some find anal stimulation to release their erotic feelings like nothing else. Others want to actually experience something to know if they like it or not. And still others do it just because their spouse likes it, as a gift to them.

I want to free you to make your decision of whether or not to participate in anal sex with your husband based on what you as a couple feel is acceptable for you. The Bible is not explicit that anal sex is right or wrong so choose whether or not you will incorporate it based on what God has spoken to your heart about it. And if you do not have clarity, wait. If you are in disagreement with your spouse, communicate about it without pressure or anger. The rule of thumb that my husband and I follow is that whoever doesn’t wish to incorporate whichever act is in question has the deciding vote. However, we continue to talk it through as best we can and try to incorporate things that are uncomfortable for one of us if the other would like to experience it. Having said that, no one should feel pressured to do something that they feel is wrong.

My Spice Sisters and I fill the spectrum of views towards anal sex, but we all treat each other graciously without passing judgment. That is the key. Find out what God says to YOU about anal sex based on who you and your spouse are as people and make your decision with that in mind.

Rimming, Anilingus, and Anal-Oral Sex

Anilingus is defined as oral stimulation of the anus. Some people call it rimming or anal-oral sex. Most people are either for it or against it. Very few people are neutral. If you are really not into this then you may not want to read this article. I will be writing about this slightly taboo subject here, so don’t say you weren’t warned! :lol:

First, let’s discuss rimming for the husbands.  If your husband really likes having his perineum massaged or caressed or rubbed during oral sex or intercourse, then he may very well like having oral attentions there.   Some men would never dream of asking for it though, so it may be up to you to take the first step.  If you want to suggest trying it, then you could both take a shower together and make sure that you are all clean first.

You can start out with oral sex.  Suck and lick on his testicles as well, and then dip down to his perineum area. Stay there for a while if you want, and make him anticipate what you are going to do! While you are giving this oral attention to him, it’s beneficial that you are giving him a hand job at the same time. Or, to make it easier on you, you could ask him to stimulate himself while you are doing this.  When you are ready, dip your tongue down to his anus, and gently graze over the area as if you were licking an ice cream cone. See if it makes your man spasm or shudder! (If it does, that’s a good thing!) Then, just continue to move your tongue all around his anus area. You can go in circles or just flicking back and forth. Don’t be afraid to apply some pressure!

You have different options in how you and your husband want to finish. Your husband could masturbate while you are rimming him.  Men who respond well to rimming say that it really increases the intensity of their orgasms. Your husband may want you to bring your mouth back to his penis to finish him. If so, you can still use your lubed finger to rub him there while he is reaching his climax.

Rimming for us wives can easily be added to the oral sex repertoire.  Again, just make very sure that you are super clean down there.  A shower just beforehand would be optimal.  When your husband is giving you oral delights, he can just move his tongue a little lower than usual.  He can graze over your anus delicately or apply more pressure if you like that.  For maximum pleasure I suggest that you figure out some way to keep the stimulation going on your clitoris.  You can do this by using a small vibe, using your own fingers, or if your husband is coordinated enough, he can keep his fingers on you himself!

There are health issues that need to be taken into consideration when thinking about rimming. You should make sure that you take extra lengths to be clean down there when you are going to incorporate any kind of anal play into sex. But something even more effective is using a dental dam. Amazon even has them for sale! A dental dam is a good way to prevent disease, especially if you want to actually insert your tongue a little (which some men love and some men hate, by the way). Here is a link that shows you how to make one out of a condom yourself.

I wanted to include this in my articles about anal play and anal sex, because some people think Christians don’t practice this.  Some Christians are curious about it, but afraid to ask someone (I mean, who are you going to ask about this subject? :oops: ).  Just make sure that you are practicing good hygiene and taking precautions to protect both you and your spouse against disease.

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Anal Sex: What Does the Bible Say?

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The bible spells out many sins. God’s word tells us that adultery is a sin.It is even a commandment.

Leviticus 18:20 (King James Version)

20Moreover thou shalt not lie carnally with thy neighbour’s wife, to defile thyself with her.

Exodus 20 (King James Version)

1And God spake all these words, saying,

14Thou shalt not commit adultery.

His word also tells us fornication and bestiality are sins.

1 Corinthians 6:18 (King James Version)

18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 (King James Version)

3For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

1 Corinthians 7:2 (King James Version)

2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Leviticus 20:15-16 (King James Version)

15And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

16And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

The bible doesn’t, however, spell it out for anal sex. There are no specific verses that say that anal sex between a married couple is a sin. There are verses that deal with homosexuality, but not a married couple. I believe that if it were a sin, God would have included it in with the others He mentioned. But since the bible is silent on this issue, there is a debate among Christians regarding this.

This is something that you and your spouse will need to discuss and pray about. The Holy Spirit will convict you as to what is best for your marriage. If one of you has a history of deep porn use, where anal sex was depicted, then it’s possible that engaging in anal sex could become a slippery slope for you, and lead back into your old, sinful lifestyles. You’ll need to ask yourself: Will doing this cause me to lust for more or for others? Will it remind me of the pornography and cause me to revert back to that? While participating in anal sex may be okay for one couple, it may cause another couple to stumble.

Just because something is permissible, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s beneficial to you. There are precautions and health concerns that you need to be aware of. Cleanliness is important, and so is being gentle and slow. I have heard a couple stories from women who say that they have become damaged from having anal sex, and now suffer from incontinence. I have heard more stories from women who say they have participated in anal sex with their husbands for years and have had no side effects at all from it.

Some couples may be interested in anal sex or anal play, but after weighing all the pros and cons, decide that it isn’t edifying for their marriage. I respect and understand this. I humbly ask for that same respect in the decisions that my husband and I have made. May God bless your marriage!

Related Article:  What About Sodomy?

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Anal Sex: How To Get Started

Okay, so let’s say you and your husband are into anal play, and you want to take it a step further. You are both comfortable with the idea of anal sex, but you feel like you need some pointers to help you get started. Well, you’ve come to the right article! Anal sex is easily achieved by some couples, but a little harder for others. It can be difficult to learn to accommodate your husband’s penis. Most women need to start out with something smaller and work their way up to it. Here are some things to keep in mind when you are ready to try anal sex:

Use copious amounts of lube. I cannot stress this enough. While the vagina self-lubricates, the same cannot be said of the anus. It will be in your best interest to put lube on both places (your anus and the object being inserted). In fact, if your husband is down there with his fingers or a plug, just tell him to keep the bottle of lube with him!

Start out with your husband’s finger. Seriously. He can easily use a finger cot or glove if he wants. If you like the feelings you get from his finger, then that is a good indication that you may be ready for a little more. If his finger is uncomfortable to you or feels strange when inserted, then you may ultimately not like anal sex. You may be on this stage for one night or several months before you are ready to move on to anything else.

Move up to a small anal plug. Anal plugs come in so many sizes now and are relatively inexpensive. You and your husband can even pick one out online discreetly to avoid potential embarrassment of physically going to the toy store (although I think that’s part of the fun!) You can also try having your husband try and insert two fingers at this point. The goal here is to get your anus used to something slightly larger fitting in there. Again, some of you may have absolutely no problem with this stage either, or it may feel kind of foreign to you. Make sure that you experience having an orgasm while trying this, so you’ll know what you are getting yourself into! (Remember to use tons of lube!)

When you feel you are ready to try full-blown anal sex, then start slowly. You may be surprised at the difference in size between an anal plug and your husband’s erect penis. I will tell you that getting the head in is the biggest hurdle, and after that it’s easier. Just go slowly and start out with very shallow mini-thrusts. By that I mean to just barely thrust enough to get most of the head in. When you feel like you are able to take more in, then take it a little further. Remember to add more lube each time you take in another inch.

Make sure you are in a comfortable position. Some positions are tighter for anal sex and other positions are more relaxed and may work better for you. So if you aren’t able to achieve penetration in one position, it’s possible that another may work for you. Here are some good positions we have that work for anal sex:

If it feels uncomfortable to you then stop. Do not force it if it hurts. You could potentially damage yourself.

I encourage you to take it slowly, and don’t get upset if it doesn’t work immediately. Some things take time, patience, and practice. Once you have it down, try adding a vibe to your clitoris at the same time! Many women who like anal sex, also like experiencing double penetration as well, so that may be something worth looking into.

If you and your husband are interested in anal sex, then you’ll also need to decide on going bareback or wearing a condom. The use of a condom is cleaner, and you can always remove the condom for regular vaginal intercourse afterwards. If you decide to go without one, just remember that you should never re-insert his penis (or finger) into your vagina after it has been in your anus. That is a sure fire way to spread bacteria and get an infection.

So talk to your spouse about your expectations and/or concerns. Make sure that you are both comfortable with whatever decisions are made. You may try this only to find that one or both of you don’t like it. If that’s the case, then there are hundreds of other ideas and positions to try. Pray about it, take it slow, and HAVE FUN!

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Anal Play, Christians Can Like It Too!

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Anal play is a popular thing in many marriages.You don’t have to have full-blown anal sex to enjoy back door play.Some women know from a young age, that they like stimulation in that area.Others may have no clue until they get married and an “accident” happens… and then “Oooooooo, that was kind of nice!” :lol:

Anal play includes many things.One of the best things is your husband’s fingers!He can lube up his finger and use it to caress you either around that area or directly on the anus itself.There are many nerve endings located there, so it’s understandable that women can get some wonderful sensations from caressing that area.This can also be used to heighten oral sex and intercourse.If you are curious as to whether or not you would enjoy this, then the next time you are on top of your husband during sex, ask him if he’d reach around and caress you there. If he wants to, he can wear a finger cot. Or, the next time you are masturbating, caress yourself there, and see how it feels to you.If you like it, you could also try inserting a finger and see what kind of sensations that gives you.

Okay, so what are some pointers? Well, first off, if you and your husband have decided to try some anal play, please make sure that he has his fingernails trimmed nice and short. Trust me on that one. If you don’t make enough natural lube, then have some extra lube (or coconut oil) readily available. A lubed finger feels so much better down there. Make sure that you shower beforehand and are clean. That needs no explanation. Remember to never re-insert anything back into the vagina, after it has been in the rectum. And finally, if you aren’t sure about incorporating this into your sex life, or if you are just shy about trying it out the first time with your husband, then try it on yourself first. You can try different things and see what you do and do not like. (Trying some anal stimulation while in the bath is a great idea!) Then when you talk to your husband about it, you will already have an idea of what you want and like.

You may even decide that you’d like to try rimming sometime.(Don’t look so shocked!)Although some people may find it gross, others will tell you “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it!”I am well aware that some people are not into anal play. You and your husband will need to talk about it and decide if this is something you are both comfortable trying. In the mean time, I think I’ll write my next article about adding toys to your play!

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