Okay, I am going to start this off by saying I love you, honey, and you’re the best!! :) That’s something we should say all the time!
Today’s article is in relation to an article that I read called 8 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband by Denise Schipani. As I read through it, I realized that sometimes I have said things to my hubby that I meant differently but they came out the wrong way and it hurt him. What is it that the Bible says, “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” (Proverbs 15:4). I know there are times when I need to stop crushing my husband’s spirit with my tongue. The times I do are not intentional. Anyhow, I thought we could discuss these 8 things that the article says you should never say, then see if we can come up with some more….
1. “You’re just like your father.” : Raising my hand that I have said this one and other variations of this one. From the looks I get from my DH, you would think I just insulted him. There are times when he does PHYSICALLY look like his Dad, which is not a bad thing, but when I say “You just looked like your Dad there.” well, that was probably not the thing to say. My DH is very different from his Dad, so when I feel that one on the tip of my tongue, I try to rephrase it.
2. “When are you going to find a new job?” : that one is not in my que. I grew up with a Dad that worked because he had to bring in a paycheck. I want my DH to do what he loves. He is much happier when he is doing what he loves in his work. Having a happy Daddy come home to our kiddos and not being in the camp where you need to stay outta Dad’s way when he gets home is so much better in my book. My hubby has a good reputation in his work. He may not be a lawyer, doctor or mechanic making big bucks, but who cares! As long as he is happy with what he does, I support him.
3. “My mother warned me you would do this!” : again, this isn’t relative to me at all. As you can see from my former article Cutting the Apron Strings Pt. 1 and Cutting the Apron Strings Pt. 2, I don’t share things about my life with my husband to my folks at all. Why would I? It makes me look like a whiney little kid and it puts a bad taste in their mouths about him, so I just never do it.
4. “Just leave it! I’ll do it myself!” : I don’t think I say this one out loud, but I know I do it with my actions. Or say it in my head. It’s just the Type A person I am. I do it at work. I do it at home. When our kids were little, I used to get so frustrated when he didn’t do things the way I did it, but I did learn that they did still work out just fine. I am still learning that sometimes I just need to let it be. He is a very capable man that can tear a Camaro apart and put it back together again, so surely he can handle other tasks around the house with ease as well.
5. You always _________ ” or ” You never __________”: Those words…always and never. Those are absolutes. I catch myself using them, but they aren’t true. He doesn’t ALWAYS do something or NEVER do things…. maybe he doesn’t do them as frequently as I would like, but saying, “You NEVER put your clothes in the vicinity of the laundry basket.” … well that’s not really true. I am sure he does sometimes. Maybe not as often as I like, but it is all in how I ask him.
6. Do you really think those pants are flattering? I know BOTH of us have had our issues with our weight and HE is the better one at working on controlling his weight through diet and exercise. I am the one who sees a Reeses Peanut Butter cup package in the vending machine at work and I swear I see my name on it. I won’t say I have never said anything, but I know myself that all I have to do is take a look in the mirror and see that I am no Bo Derek. I can see the plank in my eye, so I don’t complain about his. I DO try to tell him when he looks nice. We need to build up our men and not tear them down. Ephesians 4:29
7. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again?”: I happen to like all my hubby’s friends. Now I have been guilty of when a friend texts him at 11pm asking him to ignore it… Some of his friends actions do bother me, and I have been known to let my DH know it or encourage him to talk to his friends, but I hope that he doesn’t consider me rude or pushy when I do that.
8. “Please watch the kids. Don’t do this, take them here or forget that….”: When our kids were little, I might have been more inclined to say, or at least think something like this. I know our kids have fun with their Dad. My daughter adores him and looks forward to her “Daddy/Daughter Donut Days” My son loves shooting the breeze with him about baseball and learning how to drive 50 mph in a parking lot and learning how to come to an emergency stop in the car. He’s a cool parent and I let him parent the way he feels natural to do. I know he would never intentionally put the kids in harms way and I trust his judgment. Would I do some of the things that he does? Probably not, but that’s because I am the uncool parent. LOL!
Okay, reading #6 reminded me of one more that I think I really need to add, so here’s my #9….
9. “Honey, do these pants make my butt look big?”: All I have to say is if you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask.
So….what do you think about these? Are there others that we tend to say, not meaning to hurt our DH’s, but they end up doing any way? Advice ? Suggestions?