Deep Spot Orgasms

Okay, so by now we have all heard of the g-spot and know basically how it works.  But have you ladies also heard of the “deep spot?”  Apparently it responds much the same way the g-spot does, but it’s…deeper in the vagina.

In fact, the “deep spot” is all the way at the back of the vaginal wall, beside the cervix.  From what I have read, there is a “front” which is in the small pocket in front of the cervix, on the upper part of the vaginal wall, and there is a “back” which is behind the cervix on the back part of the vaginal wall.  These are both supposed to be sensitive areas that can be aroused, stimulated, and made to bring about orgasm.

I found mine over a decade ago, but had never heard of it.  All my husband knew was that I had a spot waaaaaaaaay deep inside that could send me over the top if he was able to consistently brush it with the tip of his penis.  It was tricky because if he hit my cervix, it HURT! :shock:   I found that the more aroused I was the easier it was to find, because my body would “balloon” a little inside and the cervix would tilt a little.  (It was made even easier to find after I had my hysterectomy a couple years later and said buh-bye to my cervix!)

You stimulate the deep spot by having your husband use the same “come here” motion that he uses on your g-spot…just deeper.   He will need to insert his middle finger as far as he can get it.  Your husband can also use his penis to brush back & forth, trying to hit the same spot each time.  For me it has remained a mystery because it isn’t something that works for us every time.

The few websites that have information about this are…questionable at best.  I was planning on linking to one for you, but when I tried to close out of it, it started giving me all kinds of pop-ups asking me not to leave the site :roll:  There is one very good video that I found though.  The website is slightly questionable, but the video is very well made.  All it shows is a partial woman’s body made out of foam, and a man using his finger to demonstrate how you reach and stimulate the deep spot.  If you are interested in this then click here.  There is no nudity, but there may be questionable links in the sidebars and crude comments in the comment box.

So have any of you ladies noticed that you have a “deep spot?”  What works for you in achieving orgasm this way?

True Orgasm

 

I have a question about climaxing. Considering I was not a Christian and I watched WAY too many movies growing up that did have sex in them (nothing porno, but definitely R rated), you see a lot of “YES YES YES” and then this calming down smile.

For me, I get immense pleasure, “yes yes yes” and then…. I am not sure. It feels REALLY good, but the after effects are nothing like what I have seen (of course, what IS like anything you see on TV?). What DOES an in real life orgasm look/feel like? I have always heard if you don’t know if you had one, you haven’t had one. Well, that just isn’t true if you don’t have a godly picture of what ONE IS. Does that make sense? I could totally be having one and not know that is what it is because my mind has a different image of what a true orgasm is (based on movies).

 

This question had my mind going in circles because really, what is a “Godly picture of an orgasm”?  I think whatever you do when climaxing with your husband is considered (in my book) a ‘Godly orgasm’.  Everyone has their own thing they may do when climaxing but our bodies are experiencing the same things and I think that is how you know if you have had an orgasm.  Unlike a man it is not so obvious on the outside when we climax but a woman should be able to tell if she has by her rapid breathing, increased heart rate, maybe some flushing, muscles throughout her body become rigid, secretions outside the vagina all followed by muscle contractions within the vagina that vary in length of time.   Those muscle contractions feel incredible and they are pretty difficult to overlook or mistake for something else.  ;)

 

Now, we all react differently on the outside with our facial expressions/body language.  Some of us may be extremely vocal.  The ‘When Harry Met Sally” scene where ‘Sally’ shows ‘Harry’ what she sounds like when she experiences an orgasm is an example of how loud we can get. Some are quiet as a mouse while they even hold their breath.  One woman may flare around in bed while another barely moves.  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to have an orgasm.  I know that I, for one, may be extremely verbal and flare around one time and be quiet the next.  Is one way better than the other?  No, what I do may just depend on my mood or whether we have the potential of being heard.  I have heard some ask “Why do people say that they are coming when they are climaxing?  Isn’t that strange?”  It is not strange.  It is a way of expressing and enjoying yourself.  My husband can tell if I am climaxing without me being verbal about it but that doesn’t stop me from expressing myself.  Now that I think about it one of my favorite memories is when my child first rode his bike without his training wheels.  He was so excited to be riding without any assistance that he yelled “Mommy, I’m doing it!!!!”  Suddenly I began yelling “You’re doing it!!!” just as enthusiastically.  So why do we state the obvious?  Well, I guess we do it because it is fun.  It is a way to share joy with my loved one and isn’t that part of being ‘Godly’?

So, just as I stated at the beginning, I think that whatever you do is a ‘real orgasm’ and sometimes it will resemble what is depicted in the movies and sometimes it won’t.  Just enjoy yourself and do what comes naturally.  If your husband likes to hear sounds or see you so excited that you can’t contain yourself then let it all hang out.  Some women are not comfortable losing control but this is the one place where you can feel safe to do so.  It could make for some great memories for your husband and it may increase your arousal to.  If you would rather stay quiet and concentrate on the sensations that are going through your body then that’s great too.  It’s all good and all very real.

Orgasm Through Intercourse

Question: I would like to be able to orgasm while my husband is inside of me. I have orgasmed orally and with fingers for so long, I am not sure if it is possible. I am 43 and would love to be able to orgasm together –any suggestions?

I would view being able to orgasm through oral or manual stimulation as a great indicator that you can achieve an orgasm through intercourse. You already know what one feels like and what it takes to push you over the edge.

Think beforehand about which position would give you the most clitoral stimulation.  Why clitoral stimulation?  Because women who have orgasms through intercourse are more then likely having their clitoris stimulated, they just are not using their fingers or a toy to do so.  Personally, I recommend either “Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)” or “Cowgirl”. You could try having him stimulate you orally or with his fingers just short of bringing you to orgasm. When you are ready to get into position don’t be afraid to adjust. If you are in “CAT” move around so he is in direct contact with your clitoris. The same goes for “Cowgirl or WOT”, if you are not getting the right stimulation on your clitoris then prop your husband up with pillows and/or really grind down on him to get the right amount of pressure. Here are some great illustrations from ‘The Marriage Bed’ that explains the benefits of grinding (or sliding) vs. thrusting.

There really is no shame in having him stimulate you manually during intercourse if you are unable to do it without using any means. A bunch of positions the expose the clitoris for stimulation with either fingers or a vibrator are listed under our ‘Positions of the Week’ section.

Thanks for your question!!!

Eyes Open Orgasm?

Okay, so I’ve heard about couples experiencing orgasms together with their eyes open, and it got me to thinking. I’ve never really done that. For as long as I remember, I’ve always closed my eyes at the point of orgasm. It’s just an automatic thing that my body does. I wonder why?

I’ve heard a lot about Dr. David Schnarch and his books. I will go ahead and admit here that I have not yet read his book Passionate Marriage, although I want to. This book talks about passion in marriage and different things we can do to strengthen that bond with each other, but for the purposes of this post, I am only focusing on the topic of having an orgasm with your eyes open. (The book is on my Amazon list. I’ll probably get it and write a book review on it later.) But in researching this topic, I came across a couple interviews with him in which he was asked about this topic.

In an interview by SheKnows, an online magazine devoted to women, Dr. Schnarch was asked specifically about this topic. He gave out some statistics and said that most people are like me, in that they close their eyes at the point of orgasm. Here is a quote from the article:

“In informal surveys I’ve conducted around the world, it seems that only about 15-30% of all couples have sex with their eyes open, and only about half that number can orgasm that way. This means that most people have to shut their eyes to “tune out” their partner in order to be able to orgasm.”

To read the full interview, click here.

Wow, that really makes me think. Am I really tuning out my husband when I close my eyes during sex? I certainly don’t mean to, and my initial reaction is that no, I am not tuning him out. But upon further reflection, I think I must admit that there is some truth in that for me. I don’t close my eyes for the whole duration of love making, but I do go back and forth from eyes open for a while to eyes closed for a while. And I find that when my eyes are closed is when I am able to concentrate on my building orgasm better. It’s easier to experience all the wonderful euphoric feelings that are rising within me. Is that such a bad thing?

Well, when I have my eyes open I am usually watching us. I’m watching us in a nearby mirror, or watching his body, or watching my own body, or sometimes looking in his eyes. When I connect with his eyes, I see love. It makes me want to kiss him and tell him I love him too. But those thoughts do not help me achieve orgasm. They are nice and make me feel good, but in order to achieve orgasm, usually, my mind needs other, more…raw thoughts. Not all the time though. If I know orgasm is just a few seconds away, I can open my eyes and look at him, and say or think, “I love you,” and let it happen. But, right as orgasm hits, my eyes will automatically shut again as the waves of pleasure hit.

So of course I’m now wondering about trying to keep my eyes open the next time I orgasm with my husband. For some reason this seems…a bit scary to me. How ridiculous is that? I have no problem masturbating or using a toy in front of my husband, but the thoughts of looking into his eyes while I orgasm, makes me a bit uncomfortable. :( I think I’ll be giving this some more thought in the future, and I know that I want to order that book. In the mean time, I really would love to hear from any of you ladies out there. Are you able to orgasm while looking into your husband’s eyes, or are you like me?

I Think I Can!

I want to let you in on a little secret… I have trouble achieving orgasm through intercourse. And I know that I’m not alone. I also know that it has nothing to do with my husband because he’s always been a very attentive and passionate lover. Through out the years, he has always made sure that I reach orgasm either through oral sex or manual stimulation, but there is always something so special, to the both of us, when I can orgasm while having sex.

We’ve been at this for over ten years and the story has always been the same. Every once in a while, the planets align (or something like that!) and I will have an orgasm during sex. A few months back, I had an epiphany of sorts… maybe I could teach myself to orgasm through intercourse! A couple of years ago, we introduced sex toys into a regular part of our foreplay. I was amazed at how quickly I learned to orgasm from those, so that made my wheels begin to turn. Instead of just using them during foreplay, now we often incorporate a vibe during sex. My thinking is that maybe I can train my body into recognizing what it feels like to orgasm with my husband inside of me.

I am blessed because my husband is not intimidated by the incorporation of something extra into our repertoire. It provides a great visual for him and great stimulus for me… but is my experiment working? Am I able to orgasm during sex without the use of a vibe? I wish that I could say that the results have been immediate and outstanding, but I know that anything worth achieving demands a lot of practice and I’m willing to put in that work. However, I do believe that since I have started this journey that my ability to orgasm during sex without the use of anything extra has increased by a little. It’s a jumping off point that I’m willing to accept. And I’m so thankful that I can thoroughly enjoy lovemaking even though I don’t orgasm from it on a regular basis.

If you are one of those ladies who also have orgasm difficulties, please be of good cheer even during the frustrating times. You may want to experiment to find something that works for you, and then continue building from there. For me, it was making a conscious decision that this was something that I’d be willing to work through. It was also finding a position that worked (which for me is WOT, Cowgirl style) and taking some other good orgasm advice… like making sure I’m relaxed and enjoying the moment and when the moment seems to be on it’s way to tighten up my kegel muscle. But, I think the best thing that I do is enjoy my husband no matter what the outcome may be.

 

Just because I can’t always orgasm through intercourse doesn’t mean that I’m deficient in the lovemaking department! It just means that I’m a work in progress! I’m hoping that in the months to come that I have some more good news to report.

 

Bunches of O’s (Multiple Orgasms part 2)

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 Whenever I heard of a woman saying that their orgasms would last forever or come right after one another I usually assumed that they were over exaggerating.  Then it happened.  I experienced this wonderful phenomenon for myself.  My husband and I were making love and I actually had to ask him to stop because it was just going and going.  The only analogy I can think of is riding this wave of pleasure but instead of coming down from the crest I just kept going and going. 

These types of orgasms usually come from a little luck and a lot of hard work.  First my body had to learn how to shorten my refractory time to nothing.  You read that correctly, women have a refractory time too.  I talked about how to do this in “Multiple Orgasms; Part One”.  Once you master sequential orgasms then your body may start having these “bunches of  o’s”.

Bunches of O’s:  This type of orgasm comes one after the other in a continuous string until you decide to stop.   They are much less common then the sequential o’s but they are possible.  You just need to work at shortening the time between your sequential o’s and with some persistence these “Bunches of O’s” can be achieved.  Instead of basking in the glow like we discussed in part one of this series you keep the stimulation going constantly. The last time I had one of these my poor husband thought he was going to have to perform CPR.  Do I have this type of contraction every time I have an orgasm?  No, but when they happen it is a nice surprise.

Warning:  If this is making you lose focus on what lovemaking is really about then it is not worth it.  Becoming one with your spouse is much more satisfying then any orgasm.  Trying for multiple orgasms should be a fun thing not something that consumes you. These are much easier to obtain if you just happen to ‘fall upon them’.  Meaning, don’t think about them too much. If you find yourself frustrated then just go with the one orgasm.  Quality is far better then quantity.   

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Multiple Orgasms (Part 1)

                                                                                               

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 Are you one of those women who think that she isn’t capable of having multiple orgasms?  Every woman is capable of having them. I’m going to try to explain how they can be achieved and what the different types are.  Grab yourself a snack, a drink and a positive attitude and we will be on our way!!!.

Sequential O’s:  Having multiple orgasms is a learned response.  If you are going to teach yourself first, a bullet or vibe may work better then your fingers.  Get nice and comfortable.  Think of how you can bring yourself to orgasm without over stimulating your clitoris.  In the past an ultra sensitive clitoris has been what has held me back from going for more but with time and retraining of my brain I have learned to get past it.  If your husband is a willing participant then having him performing oral or using a toy on you first would be ideal.  I wrote some oral tips in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article.  Once you do have that first orgasm bask in the afterglow for a minute and slowly begin exploring again.  You want to keep that clitoris engorged so don’t bask too long!!! 

This second orgasm will take longer to achieve because your body is not use to going for more.  You may be sensitive when you first start again but keep working through it just be gentle.  After that ultra sensitive time period has passed you can begin using more pressure to bring that second O on.  If I am doing this solo I like using a dual stimulator at this point.  This allows penetration, possible G spot stimulation and stimulation of my clitoris as well. Here are some examples of dual vibrators. My husband is always willing and eager to help bring the second one along particularly if I brought the first one on solo.  We like either oral or the woman on top position that I discussed in my “Cowgirl” article.  Obviously you should get into what ever position sends you to ecstasy the easiest.  After your second orgasm make note of how long it took you.  We are trying to get them as close together as possible.  The more you try to achieve multiple o’s the easier it will become.  Just like so many other things, practice makes perfect!   After sequential orgasms are obtained you are ready for what I like to refer to as “Bunches of O’s” which I will discuss in part two of this segment.

We all know that you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk.  If you haven’t been able to have an orgasm then let me first encourage you explore your body and learn how to bring yourself to orgasm.   Cumingirl’s article “Touching Yourself” has some great tips.  Once you are comfortable enough to have one with your husband or by yourself in a short amount of time then you are ready to try for multiples.  Try bringing yourself to orgasm throughout your cycle.  Where you are in your cycle does effect how easily you can orgasm.  Remember that a positive attitude is everything!

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