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On a scale from 1 to 10, I’d give my marriage a rating of _____ for intimacy and _____ for communication.

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I remember:

• seeing the stats show that 1oo people had seen our blog.
• the time we had over 100,000 hits in a single day.
• the day we broke 1,000,000 hits.
• realizing that people were using rather general phrases about sex in search engines and our blog was being listed on the first page of links.
• getting emails asking us for interviews for everything from documentaries to international television and radio programs.

Some of my favourite articles that I wrote were:

• Giving Up on the Good Girl
• Dressing Sexy
• The Peasant Princess
• Shelley Lubben: A Porn Star Set Free
• The Balancing Act of Beauty

Some of the hardest articles for me to write were:

• Intimacy After Miscarriage
• Sexual Assault and Abuse
• Living With a Refuser

Our blog has evolved so much over the last 4 years. Remember the Position of the Week series? Or the Monday Missions? I enjoyed so many interesting and, sometimes, controversial discussions. What does modesty mean and how does it apply to me? Is masturbation really OK? You mean some Christian couples have anal sex? Can we just learn how to love one another even if we don’t agree? It’s been quite a ride and I’ve loved being a part of it.

I am so thankful to the women who have invested their time into reading here and getting involved in the discussions. I loved moderating comments from those of you who had proven to be respectful and helpful in your contributions so much so that I hardly had to even think about it before I approved your comment. There have been many, many of you over the years and it’s been great seeing people get involved and be a part of this community.

And I have loved the ladies I have worked along side of to make this blog happen. These women are amazing and they bless me all the time. They are there for me in situations when I can’t necessarily go to all my other friends. I still remember one night when my husband was out and I was feeling tempted to find erotica online, but instead I told Spicy Nutmeg, Cumingirl and the other friends in our circle about it. And there was one with a scripture to encourage me. Another one with a prayer of intercession. Another with a word of encouragement. All of them reminding me that I wasn’t standing alone against my sin. I was real and they didn’t judge me for it. I am blessed to be able to call them my sisters in the Lord.

I am thankful to my husband and friends who encouraged me in this ministry. Praying for me if I was doing an interview or telling me how important it was for me to be a voice encouraging women to embrace their sexuality in a godly way. I am humbled that the Lord called me to it for a season and used me in countless women’s lives. I pray that all the gold God released through me here would remain with those who caught it and that any words I spoke in carelessness, out of step with the lord, would fall off of you. May your marriages be rich and full and may you experience an ever increasing intimacy with your husband, that you may be able to say each and every year, “This year was better than last.”

I bless you and thank you, again, for the grace you have extended to me. Farewell, my friends!

I read through her 7 ways to live in holiness….

#1: separate yourself from the world:  I believe I have done this fairly well.  There are a lot of things that the world loves that I have personally chosen to avoid and not participate in.   Instead of filling up a credit card with things I want, my husband and I choose to work hard, save our money and only buy things when we have the money to pay for it.

#2: purifying yourself: this is the one I was failing on Friday.  My thoughts were not in line with God.  My day started off horribly, and I got so very angry.  Instead of saying a quick prayer for God’s assistance, I let the situations fester and anger me. This was definitely not holy.

#3: living in the Spirit and not in the flesh: this isn’t just sexual sin, it’s the anger I felt Friday.  It’s being jealous of your neighbor who has something you don’t.  Things from keeping our spirit pure and our lives focused on God and not on us.

#4: staying clear of sexual immorality: I am so glad I am past this area of my life.  I did sell myself short as a young adult.  I am grateful that my husband accepted me and forgave me of my past.   I promised to remain faithful to him, and that is a promise I plan on keeping until death do us part!

5: being sanctified by Jesus: once we belong to Christ, we need to shed off our sinful ways.   In many ways, I think I have.  But I realize I am a work in progress, even after 19 years of belonging to Christ.

6: walk close to God: it is so important to be close to God.  Not just when trouble comes, but all the time.  That way, we feel peace and comfort in knowing that God is with us no matter what.

7: let God keep you: holiness is God’s will for our lives.   He planned it from the beginning for us.  When we live right, God will keep us from sin.   This is such encouraging thoughts.   The more I am closer to God , the more I can be like God.  We all should strive to be as close to God as we can.

This is the last of the bible studies on CN.  I plan on moving my bible study on The Power of a Praying Woman to Monogabliss.  I will be starting the book study over for those who haven’t had a chance to read the book, but would like to from what they have seen on the study.   I hope you plan on joining me there and joining in on the conversation.

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When my husband prays for me, I hope he remembers to pray specifically for __________.

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It’s important to have a soft and secure environment for this type of thing.  You don’t want interruptions from kids or cell phones.  You want a nice place for him to lie down, and it is a good idea if you protect that place with plastic or an extra blanket that you don’t mind getting massage oils on.  You can easily purchase a cheap shower liner that would work perfectly, if you wanted to drape it over your bed.  Then I’d suggest placing a soft blanket on top of that for your dh to lie on.  This could also be done on the floor/sofa in front of a fireplace, or where ever else you and your dh find to be a soft, sensual, calm environment.

Have a table nearby with everything ready to go.  You will need to decide which type of massage oil you want to use beforehand, and whether or not you want to heat it up a little in the microwave.  I prefer using Coconut Oil myself, and I do melt it in the microwave and make it nice and warm.  Have a bath towel and hand towel available.  If you want to go the extra mile, then have your dh a glass of wine (or his favorite beer) to sip on.  You can also get a satin blindfold (think sleep mask- available at most stores) for him to wear if you want him to really be able to block out the world and heighten his physical touch.  Decide if you want a certain type of music playing in the background.  Decide what you will be wearing (if anything) and what you want the rules to be.  Ex:  He can’t touch you even if he wants to.

Have your dh strip naked and lie face down first.  You can use the bath towel to drape over his rear to start out with.  This isn’t supposed to be overtly sexual, just sensual, and you don’t want to distract yourself too early!  Drizzle some oil on his shoulders& neck.  Start massaging at his neck and move outward to his shoulder and all the way down his arm into his hand and each individual finger.  Don’t rush…take your time and really apply enough pressure to work his muscles over.  Repeat on the other shoulder, arm, hand.

Then go back to his shoulders and start working your way down his back (applying more oil when necessary).  Make sure you span his entire back, including his sides.  It may be helpful to straddle him and sit on his rear.  At this point you can remove the towel and drizzle oil on his bottom.  If you were straddling him then simply move down to his legs as you start to massage his buttocks.  It’s up to you how intimate you want to make this part.

After placing the towel back over his bum, move to his legs and you are going to do them one at a time just as you did his shoulders & arms.  Start with one thigh and work your way down to his calf, ankle, foot, and toes.  Be careful if he is ticklish…you don’t want to ruin the aura!  Repeat with his other leg.

This would be the intermission.  Offer him some of his wine/beer/cheese and tell him you are ready for him to flip over so that you may work on his front.  Replace the bath towel over his yummy bits.

Do the exact same thing you did to his back side, to his front side.  You may want to start off with his face though, gently massaging his facial muscles and ears.  Move to his neck and down both arms.  Massage his chest and belly, being careful to not tickle.  If your dh has an area of his body that is just extremely ticklish then you may need to skip that area.

At this point I would advise that you massage all around his yummy bits, but do not remove the towel and do not touch him.  It may be better to use a smaller hand towel on him now, so that you can massage his upper thigh areas better.  If you want to ‘accidentally-on-purpose’ allow your hand to graze by his penis that’s up to you, but try to work on finishing the massage before delving fully into sexual acts!  Work down both front legs all the way to his toes, just like you did from the back.  At this point his whole body should feel nice and relaxed.

It’s at this point where you can remove his blindfold if he has one on.  You can also remove your clothes if you have any one.  If you have decided that this will end with just a massage then his session is over.  If you have decided that you want this to end with a sexual encounter, then now is the time to move over into that arena.  You can then straddle him and remove the towel covering his loins.  Drizzle more oils on him and start working your magic on his manhood.  I’m sure you two can take it from here.

Of course you can change up any of this that you need to in order to suit your needs.  I’ve found that I have one very satisfied husband when I finish.  And of course, your husband can also follow the same steps and return the favor to you either on the same night (if you decided on a couple’s massage) or on a totally different night.  If any of you decide to do this, please let us know how it goes!

I have never been good at planting.  This past spring, my daughter and I planted some seeds as an experiment for her to see how well they would grow.  She planted them and faithfully took her watering pot out daily to water the seeds.   Soon, we began seeing little sprouts.  She was so excited!   Then, the summer hit.   We had the 2nd most 100+degree days on record.   The faithfulness for both of us to go outside and water those plants waned.   Pretty soon, much to her chagrin, you guessed it…the plants died.

I like her line where she says, “All of us are planting something in our lives every single day, whether we realize it or not. And we are also reaping whatever we have planted in the past.”   In Sunday school, we were talking about greed.  In 2 Kings 5, I think we all know the story of Naaman, who was plagued with leprosy, came to Elisha and was healed.   But if you continue reading, Elisha had turned down any payment from Naaman.  But his servant, Gehazi decided to hurry after after Naaman, and he lied to Naaman and took money from him and clothing in Elisha’s name.   Then when he returned home, he lied to Elisha about where he was.  The seeds that Gehazi planted affected all of his descendants…he was cursed with Naaman’s leprosy … him and his family for ALL generations.    Can you imagine what he thought after reaping what he had sewn?  How about his children… grandchildren…his great grandchildren….

Stormie’s producing great crops section goes through the Fruit of the Spirit.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.   If we plan these seeds, the seeds that the Lord oversees, Jesus helps us to plant and nurture, and the Holy Spirit helps us with the harvest.

I’ve planted things in my past that did not bear good fruit.  Thank the Lord for forgiveness.  Daily, I try to plant new seeds, good seeds, and I cannot wait to watch them grow into fruition.  Which one is the hardest one for you to grow?  I am working on joy and self control.  Joy is something I have been expecting, but not seeing.   My life is great now, but I don’t feel any joy.  For some reason, the Christmas season always seems to do this to me as well, and I haven’t figured out why.   I need to find where my disconnect is with the Lord.   Self control…. eek.  I am not TOTALLY without self control, mind you, but there are areas I need work on.

What did you glean from this chapter?  How is your harvest going?

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

In December,  we celebrate our fourth anniversary of running the Christian Nymphos (CN) blog. What an amazing blessing it has been to us to hear testimony after testimony from women who are discovering our blog and finding it a source of encouragement that they could not find anywhere else. That is what has kept the fire in our bellies for the years that we have fervently been blogging our ideas and opinions each and every week on the benefits of a spicy marriage bed. God is so good.

This past summer, however, both Cumingirl and Cinnamonsticks began sensing that their efforts towards maintaining their ministry on CN were overtaking things that ought to have a higher priority. In prayerfully seeking the Lord for wisdom on what to do, the Lord released them from the CN ministry, but they would finish off the year with SpicyNutmeg.

With just the three of us remaining as the founders of CN we intensively discussed what direction to go in with the blog since two of us were released from the ministry and one still felt commissioned to continue ministering in this way to married women. Managing all of the content and moderation of comments on articles dating back 4 years takes a great deal of time and energy for one person, and so we have come to the following decision.

SpicyNutmeg is starting a daughter blog. The new blog will have threads connecting back and forth with CN so you will still be able to have access to both blogs, but commenting on CN will cease to be available on December 18, 2011. SpicyNutmeg’s new blog is called Monogabliss.  It will begin Monday, December 19.  The content will still be basically the same with some new features. The link is provided above if you click on the blog name.  The guidelines and formats will be very similar to what you are used to on Christian Nymphos. With permission, she will bring over some of the articles that we have written in the past and will link them back to CN. It is her hope that the Monogabliss name will be a more “user friendly” name that you will feel comfortable with sharing the information with other married friends and pastors.

Message from SpicyNutmeg:   First of all, I want to thank all our faithful readers for coming back day after day.  It has really overwhelmed me, but blessed me at the same time to see the number of people who visit this blog daily.   When we first began this blog, I never imagined that we would still be around posting after 4 years.  When the six of us first met and became friends, we started talking about how we felt that God was calling us to a Mission field.  One in which the church never seems to want to pass along the RIGHT information, and one in which our parents and society may have given us the WRONG information, and we were living our married sex lives in a bed of lies from the Prince of Lies…I didn’t think there was much I could offer since I was coming out of years as a refuser, but I felt God telling me that my story needed to be told, and there were other women like me who needed to hear the truth.  So, I plunged into this adventure hoping that God would keep me from sinking.

I truly miss my sisters in Christ who started this blog with us, but could not continue.  GingerMama, Peppermintgirl and Sugar and Spice contributed many wonderful articles in our early years.   I want to thank Cumingirl and Cinnamonsticks for their support and friendship over these many years.  They are not just friends to me, they are my sisters.   I want to thank all of you for allowing me to tell my story and passing along any tidbits of truth that I had.  You have blessed me more than you can know, and I am going to miss CN.  I hope that you will join with me on Monogabliss and help me to continue the ministry that God has called me to do.  I do not feel released like my sisters yet.  I think God has more work to do with me and for me.   Thank you for trusting complete strangers to help you make your marriage bed the best and the hottest it can be!

Message from Cumingirl: Saying “goodbye” is never easy, and this one is no different.  When we started CN 4 years ago, with all our energies and enthusiasm, I never thought that I’d be leaving 4 years later.  Much is different now in my own life, and so goes the winds of change.  I am grateful to have had the opportunity to write on CN, and I am so thankful for my fellow spice sisters, whom I consider to be lifelong friends.  Watching our readership grow was fascinating, and seeing many of you come together on our forum to laugh together, cry together, encourage and support one another, was inspiring.  Thank you all so much for following us and commenting and asking questions.  May our Lord continue to heap blessings on your marriages for years to come!

Message from Cinnamonsticks:   Thank you for the way you have become involved and invested in our blog. It means the world to me to know that I had a part in encouraging you. It is my passion in life to help others and I have appreciated the opportunity to speak into your life. It humbles me to consider how many women have been positively impacted because of my contribution here. Even though the Lord has released me from ministry there will be a time of grieving in my heart as I let go of this ministry. It has been a significant part of my life for a long time and God has used it to refine my character. Thank you for all the times you said “Amen” to my articles or left a comment saying how much CN has helped you. I will forever remember the platform I was given here to share my heart honestly.

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I feel empowered, like a hot & confident woman, whenever I wear ____________.

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Keeping emotional love alive in a marriage makes life much more enjoyable. How do we keep love alive after the “in-love” emotions have evaporated? I believe it is by learning to speak each other’s “love language.” This week we will focus on physical touch.

For some husbands, when they hear the words physical touch, they immediately think of sex. But sexual intercourse is only one of the dialects of this love language. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, back rubs, or an arm around the shoulder are all ways of expressing love by physical touch.

Physical touch can make or break a marital relationship. Do you know how to speak this love language? To the spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than your tender touches. You may give them words of affirmation or gifts, but nothing communicates love like physical touch.

Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual foreplay. They can be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give a hug before you go shopping. You may hear less griping when you return. Remember, you are learning to speak a new language.

When you reach out with tender touch, you create emotional closeness. This is especially true if the primary love language of your spouse is physical touch. You may say, “What if I’m just not a toucher? I didn’t grow up in a touchy-feely family.” The good news is that you can learn to speak this love language. It can begin with a pat on the back, or putting your hand on their leg as you sit together on the couch.

Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? During these times, we need to feel loved more than anything. All marriages will experience crises. Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your wife in a time of crisis is to love her. If her primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care. In a time of crisis, a hug is worth more than a thousand words. Physical touch is a powerful love language.

While I was growing up, my Dad had a job he loved.   Until it was bought out by another company.  Instead of letting him go, the company started making him miserable.  I think there were some days he went to work and he had nothing to do for 8 hours a day.   He became very bored, very angry, and eventually they got their wish…he quit.   But before he left that job, we knew to leave Dad alone for 30 minutes to an hour after he got home.    He was miserable.   He stayed at the job because he needed to provide for his family.  He had a wife and three kids that depended on him.   The burden of the world was on his shoulders.   I don’t know if my Dad really ever had a job that he really enjoyed after that.  Maybe it was just work to him and a paycheck.

When DH and I married, we both decided that we learned something from our fathers… our work was not going to be that…it’s wasn’t going to be work.  We were going to really enjoy our work, even if we were dirt poor, living from paycheck to paycheck, we didn’t want to work at any job just to earn a paycheck.  We were both private music teachers…self employed, no insurance, but we were in love with each other, our jobs, life.   We were tested by our families…especially when I became pregnant with our son 5 months after our wedding.   “You should get a real job” … “You need to get a job with insurance”… “When ARE you going to get a real job?” … But we stood firm with our belief that we wanted to come home at the end of the day, and our son would enjoy two HAPPY parents who loved coming home after a long day to him.

Now about the real truth.   In May of 2005, I taught music lessons for one high school and it’s feeder schools…and at the end of that school year in May, they decided to let go ALL of their private trumpet staff…which included me.   Over the summer, I tried contacting other schools to see if they needed a trumpet teacher, but I couldn’t get a single bite.   So knowing that we needed a second income, I went to a friend that was the director of a child care center.   I asked if they needed any help.  I started out subbing for her, but eventually that September, I was hired on part time…. which later became full time…. which later became an afternoon supervisor…. which eventually I became the director of the center.   And I love my job.

You see, the realization I came to was that God has a season for everything.  He knows who needs to be where at what time to make things come together perfectly to His glory.  I had a vision as a child.  When I grew up, I wanted to have 50 children.  Yeah, seems really crazy, right…but it came true.  When I stepped into the office that used to be my friend’s office and realized that the sign on the door … Director… that was ME…and at that time, the center had 50 children enrolled…. and I loved everyone of them like they were my own.  I have now been Director of this child care center now for a little over 3 years.   It’s has grown to 66 children at this writing.  I love every one of them.  I love my staff.  I love the families.  I love my supervisors.   I feel that I am EXACTLY where God wants me at this point in my life.

Stormie is right.   God has given everyone a job, whether you are a SAHM or you work outside of the home.  Whether you volunteer or get paid for what you do.   Whatever work you do, do it well to the best of your ability.  One of my teachers came up to me the other day and told me that she has worked at several different child care centers in her life.   She loves mine the best.  She loves working for me.  She loves that everyone loves her.   I am sad that I am going to lose her at the end of December….but she is a pastor’s wife and she has work to do.   I told her when we talked once that I couldn’t help but treat everyone, staff and families, like they were Jesus.  At any point, any person that I come in contact with, could be the Savior.  Like in Genesis 18 when the Lord visited Abram.  Abram saw three visitors.   At any time, anyone who walks into my life could be the Lord, and I rejoice in treating them as I would treat my Savior, if he were to appear.   There is no other way to treat others, is there?

“No matter what your paycheck reflects, your work is important to God, it’s important to others, and it’s important to you.”  Amen to that.   Amen.

What did you glean from this chapter?  What stories do you have to tell about revelations you have had in this chapter?  I need to email my Dad…..

(PS… I am writing this during one of my “worship” times with youtube!  It’s so easy to write that way!!)