What Does the Bible Say About Masturbation?

The Bible is notably silent on the issue of masturbation. Some people have argued that the sin of Onan in Genesis 38 was about masturbation, but that is not the core issue that displeased the Lord. Onan’s duty was to produce offspring on behalf of his brother who had predeceased him and he didn’t want to give his sperm for a child that wouldn’t be his. So he would have sex with Tamar and pull out and ejaculate outside of her. This displeased the Lord so much that Onan was struck dead. It was wicked in the Lord’s sight, not because of the act of pulling out, but rather because Onan dishonored his responsibility to Tamar. God is much more concerned with what is happening in our heart when we sin, than the actual act.

The understanding I have come to regarding the issue of masturbation is that it appears that in and of itself, it is not a sin. The problem is that often there is no separation between masturbation and other sin issues that the Lord has been clear about.

Let’s use this episode of Friends as an example. Chandler is caught masturbating by Monica, but the sin issue isn’t that he was masturbating, but rather that he chose to give into temptation and was lusting after someone in porn. If he had been talking to his wife on the phone and they were mutually celebrating their sexuality together, focused on growing in intimacy with one another, I would not have a problem with this situation (save that it isn’t something others should be watching occur on TV), but this is the problem: masturbation and lust are often viewed as the same act because the masturbation and the lust can be happening simultaneously. God has been clear about lust. In His Kingdom, lust and adultery are no different from one another so to get aroused from pornography and then masturbate with lust in one’s heart would be sin. This would displease the Lord not because touching yourself sexually is sin, but because 1) the person being lusted after is one of His kids and it disrespects them, 2) the person being lusted after belongs to their spouse (either now or in the future) and it disrespects their relationship with one another and 3) what a person focuses on when they orgasm becomes a tie in their soul to that thing which damages the sexual relationships they might have that God established and blessed as right.

The Lord is very concerned with anything that interferes with our relationship with Him. If someone is masturbating to the extent that it becomes a greater focus in their lives than the Lord, then it can become a sin issue, but a person could masturbate every day and still not have it be something that comes between them and the Lord in the same way that a couple could have sex every day and still be well balanced contributors in the Kingdom of God. If it becomes an addiction to them which then usurps the position of Jesus as Lord of their life, this is where the line is crossed to having masturbation become a sin. Again it is a heart issue, not the act.

Another consideration is that in marriage solo masturbation should not replace sexual union between a husband and wife. Under normal circumstances, the priority is for the couple to join together for sex. If the husband and wife mutually discuss and accept that there are circumstances when they bless the other to masturbate, then they just need to be sure that it is not replacing their union. “The two will become one flesh” is one of the most amazing promises and blessings from the Lord and that should be the priority.

So in summary, let us acknowledge that it is the condition of a person’s heart that determines if their masturbation a sin, not the act itself. Let us focus every part of our lives on the Lord and submit all issues pertaining to masturbation to Him. Let us always walk in self control and not let anything have mastery over us. I don’t want my kids growing up believing that their sexuality is bad or to be ignored while they are single. I want them to learn how to have self control and manage their sexuality in a godly way.

Giving Good Hand Jobs!

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Okay ladies, this one is on hand jobs. It’s fun to try and think of things we know our husbands will enjoy. Some of you may think Why would I need to learn how to do that? Well, to me the answer is simple: Variety!

Of course I love making love to my husband. But there are occasionally those times where it’s just not convenient. Some couples do not like making love during that time of the month. Some couples may be practicing NFP and would rather not have direct intercourse during ovulation days. Sometimes one of you may be feeling a little under the weather. There are several scenarios where intercourse just isn’t the best option for you at that time. So what happens if, during one of these scenarios, your husband is still in need? Maybe it’s been a while since he last came. Maybe he needs a release to help reduce stress. Don’t laugh girls 🙂 Sex and/or orgasm is a stress reducer for me as well!

The key to giving a good hand job is attitude. It’s all in how you think of it. If you go into it begrudgingly, then it will show. If you go into it with anticipation and an eagerness to serve him, he will notice that too. He will love you and appreciate you for your giving nature. So smile, and tell him that you can’t wait to see him coming! Nibble on him here or there if you want, to add to the sensations he’s experiencing. Talking dirty to him may also be a turn on.

So now lets get to the fun part! Make sure you are both in a comfortable position. Don’t feel like you have to start out hard and fast. Do what you know your husband likes. He may enjoy a little teasing in the beginning, or light touches. Then again, he may be already hard as a rock and just aching for you to take control and go!

A couple of things to consider. First off, many women are afraid to have a firm grip on their husband’s penis. They think they are going to hurt him. The truth is that many times, we aren’t holding him tight enough. In order for him to get enough sensation and feeling, we need to be sure that we are NOT holding him loosely. A good firm, lubed grasp is key. Secondly, remember that the most sensitive part on a man’s penis is on the underside of his head, or glans. It’s called his frenulum. It’s the part where his shaft meets his head. So when you are moving your hands up and down along his shaft, make sure that you are coming all the way up and including that area! Watch next time to see if your husband moans or twitches when your hand moves over his frenulum.

I found a really good website that not only tells you different techniques that you can use on your husband, but it SHOWS YOU! This is the only site that I know of that is “safe.” There is a woman who uses a suction cup dildo (attached to a table) to show you different things you can do for your husband. So we women can be educated visually, without pornography! You will want to make sure there aren’t any kids around though. Click here to view the hand job advice link. You can even get out your own toy and lube and practice while watching if you feel so inclined! I tried a couple of those ideas out on my husband, and he was very happy with me. I showed him the site, and he thought it was good that there was something like that out there for us married gals to learn from!

Just remember that your husband loves you. Don’t be afraid to try some new techniques. If one doesn’t work then you could always try another. I watched those videos, memorized three techniques, and then proceeded to use what I had learned on my hubby. One of the techniques didn’t do anything for him. In fact, we both started laughing in the process! But you know what? He was so touched that I had tried to research and learn about new and/or different ways of doing that for him. And it made me feel good knowing that I made him happy.

Special thanks to nutmegnympho for the pic of her hands and banana 🙂

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Looking for a Little Gift?

Hello All!

I just came across a very nice site and I thought I’d share it here. It’s called The Pure Bed. It’s a Christian run site and they sell all kinds of fun looking things to spice up your marriage bed. They sell toys, oils and gels, even stockings and costumes. I haven’t ordered from them (yet) but they seem to be pretty balanced and biblical in their approach to sex. Check it out!

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Stripping for Your Husband

Stripping can be a very exciting way to release the sexual energy you have for your husband. If you are interested in trying this, I want to offer you a few tips.

First, think about what music feels right for you. Of course, you don’t have to have music, but if you want to dance while you strip in kind of helps. 🙂 Some of my favorite song options included Let’s Get It On, Leave Your Hat On, and for my husband to strip for me Save a Horse… Ride a cowboy. (Warning: these are youtube videos set to these songs and may contain suggestive lyrics or images.) So as you listen to your song choices think about how it would work to strip to it, what movements would work and how long the song is. You want a song that will feed your sexy vibe.

Next, you want to think about what you are going to wear. Choose something that will allow you to build the tease factor. Tops that have zippers or buttons that you can undo slowly are a good choice. A skirt that can slide over your hips easily and drop to the floor without too much fussing is a better alternative to pants which are simply not the kind of thing you can take off in a sexy way. Well, peppermintgirl has agility like none other so I’m sure she could take pants off in a sexy way 😉 , but the rest of us, not so much. For the lingerie, you might incorporate pasties or a sexy bra. Choose panties that your husband likes to see you in. If he likes seeing you in a thong, wear that. If he likes a skimpy, but full back pantie, wear that. You might also wear thigh high stockings and some sexy boots or shoes and maybe start out with your hair up and then let it loose as you get into it. If, as a couple, you enjoy dressing up in costumes as part of your sex life, you could dress up like an “office girl” or “nurse” and strip for him that way. Just see what works for you.

Let him know before you start if you have any rules for him to follow, like no touching you unless you direct him to. Sit him in a comfortable place so he can see you from many angles. Make sure you have enough space to move around the room. You may end up using the floor to lay on at times or to crawl around so try to keep that in mind too. When you start the music, just begin dancing around incorporating the classic hip swivel and gliding your hands down over your curves. Touch the places on your body that HE wants to touch. Rest them on your rear and slide them over your breasts. You might want to try out one of the many stripper aerobics DVDs out on the market to give you some ideas for moves. Or better yet, go with some girlfriends to a class.

When you are ready to start removing your clothes, start with accessories, then your top, then your skirt and then stay in your lingerie for a while just dancing in that. You might give him a lap dance at this point. Then remove your stockings, if you are wearing them, and then your bra and finally your panties. If your husband likes to watch you masturbate you could end of with a bit of that, but chances are you are both going to be ready for some immediate contact.

Your husband wants to see you free. If you feel confident, you will look great.

Spicy getaways!

Sometimes we just need to get away to recharge our sexual batteries. There are so many places that an overnight stay or a vacation or even just a daytime excursion can really do us good.

It’s been a long time since my hubby and I have been away together, but the overnight stay we had away in a secluded cabin was such an awesome time to rejuvenate our sex life and celebrate my sexual awakening. We got to experiment with some dreams I would have never had imagined would be fulfilled, and created some memories that will last a lifetime. How long has it been since you have been away with your spouse? Are you tied down with kids and it is hard to get away? If you can get Gramma to babysit or swap babysitting with a friend or neighbor, it is so very important to your sex life and your marriage to make some alone time for you and your spouse. Sex in a hot tub is great….video tape the event so you can go back and watch your own *home movies* of your experience, take a movie you’ve both been wanting to see and lounge in his arms in front of a roaring fire. Have breakfast in bed and him for dessert. Shower together. Take a stroll in the woods, along the seashore or in a park. Make love under the moonlight. Just enjoy that precious time with him and the gift that God gave you in your husband. We run in such a go go go world and we need to recharge those batteries in our marriage relationship just as much if not more than other things we do in our daily lives.

aka nutmeg nympho

Anal Play, Christians Can Like It Too!

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Anal play is a popular thing in many marriages.You don’t have to have full-blown anal sex to enjoy back door play.Some women know from a young age, that they like stimulation in that area.Others may have no clue until they get married and an “accident” happens… and then “Oooooooo, that was kind of nice!” 😆

Anal play includes many things.One of the best things is your husband’s fingers!He can lube up his finger and use it to caress you either around that area or directly on the anus itself.There are many nerve endings located there, so it’s understandable that women can get some wonderful sensations from caressing that area.This can also be used to heighten oral sex and intercourse.If you are curious as to whether or not you would enjoy this, then the next time you are on top of your husband during sex, ask him if he’d reach around and caress you there. If he wants to, he can wear a finger cot. Or, the next time you are masturbating, caress yourself there, and see how it feels to you.If you like it, you could also try inserting a finger and see what kind of sensations that gives you.

Okay, so what are some pointers? Well, first off, if you and your husband have decided to try some anal play, please make sure that he has his fingernails trimmed nice and short. Trust me on that one. If you don’t make enough natural lube, then have some extra lube (or coconut oil) readily available. A lubed finger feels so much better down there. Make sure that you shower beforehand and are clean. That needs no explanation. Remember to never re-insert anything back into the vagina, after it has been in the rectum. And finally, if you aren’t sure about incorporating this into your sex life, or if you are just shy about trying it out the first time with your husband, then try it on yourself first. You can try different things and see what you do and do not like. (Trying some anal stimulation while in the bath is a great idea!) Then when you talk to your husband about it, you will already have an idea of what you want and like.

You may even decide that you’d like to try rimming sometime.(Don’t look so shocked!)Although some people may find it gross, others will tell you “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it!”I am well aware that some people are not into anal play. You and your husband will need to talk about it and decide if this is something you are both comfortable trying. In the mean time, I think I’ll write my next article about adding toys to your play!

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Making Your Bedroom Romantic

I love it when I walk into a room and the aesthetics in the room make me smile. All the more so when it’s my bedroom. Too often there is laundry piled on the bed or miscellaneous items laying on the dresser. It looks cluttered and far from relaxing. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from pursuing intimacy with my husband, but I do feel that when I take the time to make the room feel romantic it feels better to be in there. If you can relate to this, read on.

Most of us can’t afford the expense of totally redesigning our bedrooms, but there are little things we can do bit by bit to encourage an atmosphere of romance and relaxation. Most obviously, keeping the room tidy goes a long way. If we can take the bit of time it takes to straighten the bedding and pick up things off the floor we are well on our way to feeling relaxed when we walk in the room because we won’t be walking in and noticing something that needs doing.

Romantic Additions

Bedding ~ Find a soft comforter or duvet with the colors you love and invest in the best quality you can afford. For us, that was a good quality down duvet and an IKEA duvet set. Cotton is soft and comfortable, but you might also consider other fabrics. Satin sheets might be a nice thing to try.

Paint color ~ For the cost of a can of paint or two, depending on the size of your bedroom, you can really refresh the feel of your bedroom. Choose a color from the bedding you started with and surround yourself with it. I have seen every color work, from purple to red to beige to blue to green. If you love it, you can make it work. You could choose to do all the walls in a neutral beige or off white and then make the wall behind your headboard a feature wall in another color. Or you could cover all the walls in a rich, deep red, or bright, crisp white.

Artwork ~ What kinds of images stir you? Those are the ones you should have in your bedroom. Find one large print or a set of three that you like together. Another creative idea is to buy a blank canvas from a craft or art store. Then spend an evening painting one another with body paint and make love on the canvas. Afterwards, hang it in your bedroom. Voila, romantic art work.

Accessories ~ Find little things to add romance to the room. A little pillow with something kind of sexy written on it, soft throws, candles, lighting (small chandeliers, colored light bulbs or black lights for a special night), a vase of flowers. Add what you can when you can. And look in thrift stores. It doesn’t need to cost a lot.

Now, I need to go tidy my room…

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