What Does the Bible Say About Masturbation?

The Bible is notably silent on the issue of masturbation. Some people have argued that the sin of Onan in Genesis 38 was about masturbation, but that is not the core issue that displeased the Lord. Onan’s duty was to produce offspring on behalf of his brother who had predeceased him and he didn’t want to give his sperm for a child that wouldn’t be his. So he would have sex with Tamar and pull out and ejaculate outside of her. This displeased the Lord so much that Onan was struck dead. It was wicked in the Lord’s sight, not because of the act of pulling out, but rather because Onan dishonored his responsibility to Tamar. God is much more concerned with what is happening in our heart when we sin, than the actual act.

The understanding I have come to regarding the issue of masturbation is that it appears that in and of itself, it is not a sin. The problem is that often there is no separation between masturbation and other sin issues that the Lord has been clear about.

Let’s use this episode of Friends as an example. Chandler is caught masturbating by Monica, but the sin issue isn’t that he was masturbating, but rather that he chose to give into temptation and was lusting after someone in porn. If he had been talking to his wife on the phone and they were mutually celebrating their sexuality together, focused on growing in intimacy with one another, I would not have a problem with this situation (save that it isn’t something others should be watching occur on TV), but this is the problem: masturbation and lust are often viewed as the same act because the masturbation and the lust can be happening simultaneously. God has been clear about lust. In His Kingdom, lust and adultery are no different from one another so to get aroused from pornography and then masturbate with lust in one’s heart would be sin. This would displease the Lord not because touching yourself sexually is sin, but because 1) the person being lusted after is one of His kids and it disrespects them, 2) the person being lusted after belongs to their spouse (either now or in the future) and it disrespects their relationship with one another and 3) what a person focuses on when they orgasm becomes a tie in their soul to that thing which damages the sexual relationships they might have that God established and blessed as right.

The Lord is very concerned with anything that interferes with our relationship with Him. If someone is masturbating to the extent that it becomes a greater focus in their lives than the Lord, then it can become a sin issue, but a person could masturbate every day and still not have it be something that comes between them and the Lord in the same way that a couple could have sex every day and still be well balanced contributors in the Kingdom of God. If it becomes an addiction to them which then usurps the position of Jesus as Lord of their life, this is where the line is crossed to having masturbation become a sin. Again it is a heart issue, not the act.

Another consideration is that in marriage solo masturbation should not replace sexual union between a husband and wife. Under normal circumstances, the priority is for the couple to join together for sex. If the husband and wife mutually discuss and accept that there are circumstances when they bless the other to masturbate, then they just need to be sure that it is not replacing their union. “The two will become one flesh” is one of the most amazing promises and blessings from the Lord and that should be the priority.

So in summary, let us acknowledge that it is the condition of a person’s heart that determines if their masturbation a sin, not the act itself. Let us focus every part of our lives on the Lord and submit all issues pertaining to masturbation to Him. Let us always walk in self control and not let anything have mastery over us. I don’t want my kids growing up believing that their sexuality is bad or to be ignored while they are single. I want them to learn how to have self control and manage their sexuality in a godly way.

Giving Good Hand Jobs!


Okay ladies, this one is on hand jobs. It’s fun to try and think of things we know our husbands will enjoy. Some of you may think Why would I need to learn how to do that? Well, to me the answer is simple: Variety!

Of course I love making love to my husband. But there are occasionally those times where it’s just not convenient. Some couples do not like making love during that time of the month. Some couples may be practicing NFP and would rather not have direct intercourse during ovulation days. Sometimes one of you may be feeling a little under the weather. There are several scenarios where intercourse just isn’t the best option for you at that time. So what happens if, during one of these scenarios, your husband is still in need? Maybe it’s been a while since he last came. Maybe he needs a release to help reduce stress. Don’t laugh girls 🙂 Sex and/or orgasm is a stress reducer for me as well!

The key to giving a good hand job is attitude. It’s all in how you think of it. If you go into it begrudgingly, then it will show. If you go into it with anticipation and an eagerness to serve him, he will notice that too. He will love you and appreciate you for your giving nature. So smile, and tell him that you can’t wait to see him coming! Nibble on him here or there if you want, to add to the sensations he’s experiencing. Talking dirty to him may also be a turn on.

So now lets get to the fun part! Make sure you are both in a comfortable position. Don’t feel like you have to start out hard and fast. Do what you know your husband likes. He may enjoy a little teasing in the beginning, or light touches. Then again, he may be already hard as a rock and just aching for you to take control and go!

A couple of things to consider. First off, many women are afraid to have a firm grip on their husband’s penis. They think they are going to hurt him. The truth is that many times, we aren’t holding him tight enough. In order for him to get enough sensation and feeling, we need to be sure that we are NOT holding him loosely. A good firm, lubed grasp is key. Secondly, remember that the most sensitive part on a man’s penis is on the underside of his head, or glans. It’s called his frenulum. It’s the part where his shaft meets his head. So when you are moving your hands up and down along his shaft, make sure that you are coming all the way up and including that area! Watch next time to see if your husband moans or twitches when your hand moves over his frenulum.

I found a really good website that not only tells you different techniques that you can use on your husband, but it SHOWS YOU! This is the only site that I know of that is “safe.” There is a woman who uses a suction cup dildo (attached to a table) to show you different things you can do for your husband. So we women can be educated visually, without pornography! You will want to make sure there aren’t any kids around though. Click here to view the hand job advice link. You can even get out your own toy and lube and practice while watching if you feel so inclined! I tried a couple of those ideas out on my husband, and he was very happy with me. I showed him the site, and he thought it was good that there was something like that out there for us married gals to learn from!

Just remember that your husband loves you. Don’t be afraid to try some new techniques. If one doesn’t work then you could always try another. I watched those videos, memorized three techniques, and then proceeded to use what I had learned on my hubby. One of the techniques didn’t do anything for him. In fact, we both started laughing in the process! But you know what? He was so touched that I had tried to research and learn about new and/or different ways of doing that for him. And it made me feel good knowing that I made him happy.

Special thanks to nutmegnympho for the pic of her hands and banana 🙂


Looking for a Little Gift?

Hello All!

I just came across a very nice site and I thought I’d share it here. It’s called The Pure Bed. It’s a Christian run site and they sell all kinds of fun looking things to spice up your marriage bed. They sell toys, oils and gels, even stockings and costumes. I haven’t ordered from them (yet) but they seem to be pretty balanced and biblical in their approach to sex. Check it out!


Stripping for Your Husband

Stripping can be a very exciting way to release the sexual energy you have for your husband. If you are interested in trying this, I want to offer you a few tips.

First, think about what music feels right for you. Of course, you don’t have to have music, but if you want to dance while you strip in kind of helps. 🙂 Some of my favorite song options included Let’s Get It On, Leave Your Hat On, and for my husband to strip for me Save a Horse… Ride a cowboy. (Warning: these are youtube videos set to these songs and may contain suggestive lyrics or images.) So as you listen to your song choices think about how it would work to strip to it, what movements would work and how long the song is. You want a song that will feed your sexy vibe.

Next, you want to think about what you are going to wear. Choose something that will allow you to build the tease factor. Tops that have zippers or buttons that you can undo slowly are a good choice. A skirt that can slide over your hips easily and drop to the floor without too much fussing is a better alternative to pants which are simply not the kind of thing you can take off in a sexy way. Well, peppermintgirl has agility like none other so I’m sure she could take pants off in a sexy way 😉 , but the rest of us, not so much. For the lingerie, you might incorporate pasties or a sexy bra. Choose panties that your husband likes to see you in. If he likes seeing you in a thong, wear that. If he likes a skimpy, but full back pantie, wear that. You might also wear thigh high stockings and some sexy boots or shoes and maybe start out with your hair up and then let it loose as you get into it. If, as a couple, you enjoy dressing up in costumes as part of your sex life, you could dress up like an “office girl” or “nurse” and strip for him that way. Just see what works for you.

Let him know before you start if you have any rules for him to follow, like no touching you unless you direct him to. Sit him in a comfortable place so he can see you from many angles. Make sure you have enough space to move around the room. You may end up using the floor to lay on at times or to crawl around so try to keep that in mind too. When you start the music, just begin dancing around incorporating the classic hip swivel and gliding your hands down over your curves. Touch the places on your body that HE wants to touch. Rest them on your rear and slide them over your breasts. You might want to try out one of the many stripper aerobics DVDs out on the market to give you some ideas for moves. Or better yet, go with some girlfriends to a class.

When you are ready to start removing your clothes, start with accessories, then your top, then your skirt and then stay in your lingerie for a while just dancing in that. You might give him a lap dance at this point. Then remove your stockings, if you are wearing them, and then your bra and finally your panties. If your husband likes to watch you masturbate you could end of with a bit of that, but chances are you are both going to be ready for some immediate contact.

Your husband wants to see you free. If you feel confident, you will look great.

Spicy getaways!

Sometimes we just need to get away to recharge our sexual batteries. There are so many places that an overnight stay or a vacation or even just a daytime excursion can really do us good.

It’s been a long time since my hubby and I have been away together, but the overnight stay we had away in a secluded cabin was such an awesome time to rejuvenate our sex life and celebrate my sexual awakening. We got to experiment with some dreams I would have never had imagined would be fulfilled, and created some memories that will last a lifetime. How long has it been since you have been away with your spouse? Are you tied down with kids and it is hard to get away? If you can get Gramma to babysit or swap babysitting with a friend or neighbor, it is so very important to your sex life and your marriage to make some alone time for you and your spouse. Sex in a hot tub is great….video tape the event so you can go back and watch your own *home movies* of your experience, take a movie you’ve both been wanting to see and lounge in his arms in front of a roaring fire. Have breakfast in bed and him for dessert. Shower together. Take a stroll in the woods, along the seashore or in a park. Make love under the moonlight. Just enjoy that precious time with him and the gift that God gave you in your husband. We run in such a go go go world and we need to recharge those batteries in our marriage relationship just as much if not more than other things we do in our daily lives.

aka nutmeg nympho

Anal Play, Christians Can Like It Too!



Anal play is a popular thing in many marriages.You don’t have to have full-blown anal sex to enjoy back door play.Some women know from a young age, that they like stimulation in that area.Others may have no clue until they get married and an “accident” happens… and then “Oooooooo, that was kind of nice!” 😆

Anal play includes many things.One of the best things is your husband’s fingers!He can lube up his finger and use it to caress you either around that area or directly on the anus itself.There are many nerve endings located there, so it’s understandable that women can get some wonderful sensations from caressing that area.This can also be used to heighten oral sex and intercourse.If you are curious as to whether or not you would enjoy this, then the next time you are on top of your husband during sex, ask him if he’d reach around and caress you there. If he wants to, he can wear a finger cot. Or, the next time you are masturbating, caress yourself there, and see how it feels to you.If you like it, you could also try inserting a finger and see what kind of sensations that gives you.

Okay, so what are some pointers? Well, first off, if you and your husband have decided to try some anal play, please make sure that he has his fingernails trimmed nice and short. Trust me on that one. If you don’t make enough natural lube, then have some extra lube (or coconut oil) readily available. A lubed finger feels so much better down there. Make sure that you shower beforehand and are clean. That needs no explanation. Remember to never re-insert anything back into the vagina, after it has been in the rectum. And finally, if you aren’t sure about incorporating this into your sex life, or if you are just shy about trying it out the first time with your husband, then try it on yourself first. You can try different things and see what you do and do not like. (Trying some anal stimulation while in the bath is a great idea!) Then when you talk to your husband about it, you will already have an idea of what you want and like.

You may even decide that you’d like to try rimming sometime.(Don’t look so shocked!)Although some people may find it gross, others will tell you “Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it!”I am well aware that some people are not into anal play. You and your husband will need to talk about it and decide if this is something you are both comfortable trying. In the mean time, I think I’ll write my next article about adding toys to your play!


Making Your Bedroom Romantic

I love it when I walk into a room and the aesthetics in the room make me smile. All the more so when it’s my bedroom. Too often there is laundry piled on the bed or miscellaneous items laying on the dresser. It looks cluttered and far from relaxing. Of course, that doesn’t stop me from pursuing intimacy with my husband, but I do feel that when I take the time to make the room feel romantic it feels better to be in there. If you can relate to this, read on.

Most of us can’t afford the expense of totally redesigning our bedrooms, but there are little things we can do bit by bit to encourage an atmosphere of romance and relaxation. Most obviously, keeping the room tidy goes a long way. If we can take the bit of time it takes to straighten the bedding and pick up things off the floor we are well on our way to feeling relaxed when we walk in the room because we won’t be walking in and noticing something that needs doing.

Romantic Additions

Bedding ~ Find a soft comforter or duvet with the colors you love and invest in the best quality you can afford. For us, that was a good quality down duvet and an IKEA duvet set. Cotton is soft and comfortable, but you might also consider other fabrics. Satin sheets might be a nice thing to try.

Paint color ~ For the cost of a can of paint or two, depending on the size of your bedroom, you can really refresh the feel of your bedroom. Choose a color from the bedding you started with and surround yourself with it. I have seen every color work, from purple to red to beige to blue to green. If you love it, you can make it work. You could choose to do all the walls in a neutral beige or off white and then make the wall behind your headboard a feature wall in another color. Or you could cover all the walls in a rich, deep red, or bright, crisp white.

Artwork ~ What kinds of images stir you? Those are the ones you should have in your bedroom. Find one large print or a set of three that you like together. Another creative idea is to buy a blank canvas from a craft or art store. Then spend an evening painting one another with body paint and make love on the canvas. Afterwards, hang it in your bedroom. Voila, romantic art work.

Accessories ~ Find little things to add romance to the room. A little pillow with something kind of sexy written on it, soft throws, candles, lighting (small chandeliers, colored light bulbs or black lights for a special night), a vase of flowers. Add what you can when you can. And look in thrift stores. It doesn’t need to cost a lot.

Now, I need to go tidy my room…

Using games to spice up your sex life!

I don’t know about you, but there are some really fun games out there to play. I’m not talking about sex games (yet!), but regular board games like Monopoly, Pictionary, and Scrabble….or card games like Poker, Uno, Spades, Phase 10 or any other game you enjoy playing. Ever thought about spicing up a game with your spouse? Any game you can play with a friend can become a spice in your sex life with your spouse when you add the word ”STRIP” to it!

Let’s take poker for example. I am sure that strip poker has been played throughout the centuries. If you lose a hand, you have to take off an article of clothing. No fair cheating by loading up on clothes before the game starts! Put on some romantic music, candle light, and break out the playing cards. If you are really bad at poker, you could make your spouse a very happy person! But how about other games….Pictionary would be very interesting…..you could play this way., if your spouse doesn’t guess the word you drew, you take off an article of clothing…or maybe even DRAW something that you would like to do to your spouse and have them guess. Things could get very HOT that way!! Monopoly is a nice long game….if you have a monopoly on a property and your spouse doesn’t have the money to pay rent, maybe you could trade a *favor* like oral sex, a hand job, or something along that line to pay the rent. Scrabble….hmmm, you can only spell words related to sex or sexual acts you would like to do with your spouse….triple word score could really be a way to score big with your spouse.

There are also games that are sexual in nature. My husband and I once played a computer board game called Bliss. (http://www.gamesforloving.com/) It was my first sex game, I was a bit nervous about it, but it was with my husband, so we played. This is a game that can be customized to the level of arousal you want for the game. There are several skins for you to choose from for your game board. Each spouse has a profile that they fill out at the start of the game with things you are willing to do and things you are not willing to do. You choose! If you have toys at your disposal, you tell the game what you have or what you are willing to use. You tell the game what clothing you are wearing at the beginning of the game. Bliss also allows you to choose your arousal level at the beginning of the game. My husband is always NUCLEAR! Me, I may be warm or cold and need warmed up a tad to get things going for me. Once all your personal data is loaded into the game, you are ready to play! It was fun the time we played it. My husband is ready to play it again!

As long as what happens in your marriage bed stays in your marriage bed, there is no reason to not explore other ways and means to get you ready for good, hot, passionate sex with your spouse. If playing a game gets you there, have fun playing!

aka nutmeg nympho

Pleasing Your Wife

If you were to go to a dinner party would you just plop down and start stuffing your face? I’m going to assume that as you are reading this you are shaking your head no. First you would let the hostess know how thankful and excited you are to be there. Apply these same rules when engaging in cunnilingus. Let your wife know that: 1.you enjoy going down on her just as much as she enjoys receiving it, 2. There is no rush. You would stay there all day if she would let you, 3. That you love her scent and taste. These three rules will help your wife let go of her inhibitions thus making it easier to focus on the wonderful sensations you are giving her.

Now if her scent and/or taste bother you there are some steps we can take to try and diminish that as much as possible. You could try to encourage her to shower or bath before hand, you could try using a flavored lubricant or you could always try using a dental dam. Glyde “LOLLYES” is highly recommended for oral use. They come scented, colored and transmit sensation very well. You can find them at sheerglydedams or blowfish. One last thing before we get started, learn how her body responds to different stimuli. When we are in the heat of things it’s hard for me to verbally tell him where to go or what to do. Well, unless you are in a verbal mood and then there is no problem telling him exactly what you want him to do. More often he can reads your groans, moans and breathing. You can even grab a hold of his head just to make sure he does not change a thing.

For all the women out there you too can make this experience more enjoyable for your man. Praise him. Let him know how much you love and crave the feel of his tongue on you. Make sure you keep yourself clean.  If you are looking for more details on how to shave this area you may want to check out cumingirl’s “Pubic Shaving: for Women” thread. Another thing that you can do is “accidentally” graze his penis with your leg or whatever is readily available. You will most likely see a very positive reaction.

I strongly believe that variety is the spice of life. Try different techniques and see how she responds. You can be my guest to use this as a sort of guide. Be sure to create some sexual tension throughout the day. When you are ready to get started, make sure that you are both comfortable. He could be there for awhile and it would be a major bummer if you were at the edge of an orgasm and your husband suddenly developed a neck cramp. Have him start with some long, rhythmic ice cream licks. Then he can insert his finger or toy into your vagina while his focus starts to zone in on your clitoris. At this time what he does may varies. The one thing that is constant is that he should make you feel like you are the most delicious thing he has ever placed his lips on.

I’ll go over some various tongue techniques that are discussed in, “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. A flat tongue technique allows you to grind into him and it allows him a breather without loosing your connection.  Diagonal or horizontal strokes may be added in now. Make sure he goes over your clitoral head as he does this. Remember to do one or the other, don’t alternate one of this and one of that and really drag that tongue!! If you are getting tired revert back to the flat tongue technique until you are ready to go again. The “cat lick” is a series of short but precise licks all over the vulva. First avoiding the clitoris and then with more arousal comes more attention to the clitoris. “Follow the leader” lick is a nice different feel. Have your index finger follow the path of your tongue. Now for a biggie, “the suction cup”. He encloses his mouth over your entire clitoris and gently sucks while using his tongue at the same time. This is when most women do not want there husband to change a thing!!

Speaking of not changing a thing, if you are about to climax instruct him to not speed things up!!!! Just keep that steady pace and you will be sent over the edge.  Here are some tell tale signs of an orgasm. The vagina may throb like a beating heart, muscles tighten (especially legs), breathing quickens, body may become flushed and you may start yelling out phrases you never thought you would hear come out of your mouth.

There are those rare occasion where an orgasm just is not in the cards. Those experiences are just as meaningful as the ones that do end with an orgasm or two. It still feels incredible and it fills your visual rolodex.  One of the most giving, unselfish, loving things a husband can do is to perform cunnilingus on his wife. Remember that if one technique does not work on a given night it may work later down the road. Enjoy your journey and happy travels!!!!!


Fantastic Honeymoon Sex Guide for the Virgin

So you’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting. You’ve thought about your wedding night many times and wondered what it will be like. Anyone who remains a virgin until their wedding night in this culture did not arrive at that place by accident. It was a deliberate choice to live a life of purity. Good for you!

So now you’re engaged and you actually have a date that you know will be the night you first get to have sex. How exciting! What now?

Before the Honeymoon

The first step is to communicate with your fiancé long before your honeymoon. Talk about your expectations both for the honeymoon and for your sexual relationship in general. Click here for a list of questions to examen together as you approach your wedding day. Among the questions you will want to look at, consider how often you think is reasonable for a couple to have sex? Are there certain sex acts you feel are sinful? Are there others you may want to try sometime, but don’t think you will want to try right away? Do either of you have sexual sin issues? Talk about it now. What about masturbation? Are there some circumstances where you think it is acceptable for either of you to masturbate? While one of you is out of town? Women who masturbate can use it to keep their drive up, while men tend to have a refractory period which may mean that he is unavailable to get an erection when his wife wants to have sex with him. These are all important discussions to have before you get married because unexpressed expectations result in disappointment when things don’t go as you thought they would.

In addition to communicating your expectations and ideas about sex, you want to understand your sexual body. If you haven’t explored yourself very much take the time to connect with your sexual side. Do you know where your clitoris is? Do you know what it does? Do you know that you don’t need to have penis in vagina sex in order to achieve an orgasm so theoretically you can have an orgasm on your first night? Do you know that there are two kinds of orgasms that women can have? Consider all these questions and find the answer if you do not know it. You can ask any of the women you trust or you can ask us, the women of this blog. We are here as a source of information and support to all women, that we would embrace who God made us as sexual beings and for the purpose He intended. Good girls LOVE sex.

What to Pack for the Honeymoon

First, you will want things to set the mood. Lingerie (some guys like it more than others, but even if your man doesn’t it can be something that makes YOU feel sexy so that is reason enough to wear it), music, massage oil, candles. You’ll want some sort of lubricant and I would bring a variety so that you can see which ones you like the best. Some are stickier than others, some are flavored, some are warming (I have heard mixed reviews about these warming lubes). Coconut oil is a little known secret lubricant I will share with you, but do not use it with condoms as it can break down the latex. As you become accustomed to intercourse you may find you need lubricant less and less, but you may notice that you need it more during certain times of your menstrual cycle.

As much as you like the idea of having continuous sex the whole time, it just isn’t possible so keeping the fire going in other ways is a good option. A sex game and/or book such as Intimate Issues, Celebration of Sex or Red Hot Monogamy might be fun to enjoy together and all these books are written by Christians. My husband and I actually went to a library on our honeymoon in search of a book to help us. It’s a funny memory. I wish we’d thought to bring one with us.

On the practical side, whatever form of birth control you are using, be sure to bring that with you (pills, condoms…). If you anticipate that the place your are staying at for your honeymoon may not have enough towels, you may want to bring extra towels because sex can be messy and good sex is even messier. Both you and your husband will be producing lots of natural fluids in addition to any lubricant you add from a bottle.

The First Night

So now you have communicated your expectations and have packed for your honeymoon and you are days from you wedding which means that sexual awakening is just around the corner. This is one of the things you need to talk to your fiancé about. What do you expect on your first night? If you get to the hotel at midnight, you are going to be exhausted. In that kind of situation, how do you and your husband want to spend the first night together?

Leading Up to Penetration

If you enjoy alcohol it is a good idea to have a glass or two to relax you and continue building the mood. Spending lots of time in foreplay is going to help you produce your natural lubricants. Enjoy lots of kissing and exploring each others bodies. Allow yourself to let go of your inhibitions and embrace your erotic self. God made you a sexual being so rejoice in that. Your mind is an important tool in arousal. Let your mind become involved. Connect mentally with what is happening in your body and talk about how you are feeling. You will find that as you become more and more aroused that your vagina is producing more lubricant. So the more aroused you are the easier it will be for your husband to enter you. You will most likely benefit from additional lubricant before going for penetration.

The First Time

So now that you are aroused and ready to have your husband enter you, you want to be in a position that is comfortable for you. When your husband breaks through your hymen it will be anywhere from a little uncomfortable to very painful so you want to be in a position were you feel you can control the situation. No propped-up-against-the-wall sex just yet. Many women find it easiest if they are laying on their back with their husband on top and then guiding him in with her hand, but you may find that you feel it is easier with you on top because you can lower yourself on your husband as you feel comfortable. Communication at this point is key because your husband needs to know if you want him to go slower or faster or stop all movement. It won’t be hurting him so you need to tell him how to proceed. Not only will breaking the hymen be uncomfortable, but you also will be very tight which may be painful. The more you have sex, the more you will loosen up, but this can take quite some time for some women.

The key in all of this is to enjoy yourselves. It will be new and exciting and awkward all at the same time, but so much fun. Enjoy the journey and maintain great communication all through your marriage in every area.

Enjoy your honeymoon!

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