Oral Sex: Spice or Sin?

Did you grow up in a family or church that taught that oral sex was a sin? That it is dirty? That good girls don’t do that? Many people in the church did. We’re here to tell you that not only is it an amazing expression of love for your husband (many husbands love both giving and receiving oral sex), but the Bible also seems to allude to oral sex as something that it is expected to be part of the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife. Consider these verses taken from the Song of Solomon:

“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”

“Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance. Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!

The poetic language of Song of Solomon seems to imply that the bride and groom were both giving and receiving oral sex. I have also understood from several sources that Song of Solomon was given to Hebrew newlyweds as a sex guide. When you read Song of Solomon, notice that the Shulamite woman is not shy in her passion for her man. She has given herself fully in her love for him.

If you grew up with the idea that oral sex was a sin or dirty, or if you were sexually abused, it may be difficult for you to be comfortable pleasing your husband with oral sex let alone actually enjoying it. But if you have not been comfortable with oral sex until this point and it is something you wish to include in your marriage, there are ways to become comfortable with it.

First, pray. Ask Jesus to give you His revelation to see your sexual relationship with your husband, and specifically oral sex, as He does. Ask Him to lift off anything you feel is keeping you from enjoying this as part of your marriage bed. Guilt. Shame. Disrespect. Ask Him to heal you from past hurts which rise up in you when you participate in oral sex. He wants to bring freedom to you in every way.

Second, start small. A little kiss on the head of his penis or a lick down the shaft might be a good start. Sometimes you might need to mentally prepare yourself, or you may be better off if you just do it as soon as you think about it without putting too much thought into it. So start off small and just add to it as you feel comfortable. Find a position that is comfortable for you. Often having your husband lay on the bed is a good one to start with.

Third, let him know that you would like to incorporate oral sex more into your love making and I can assure you he will do all he can to cooperate with you. As you feel comfortable in offering your husband more than a kiss and a brief lick, if your senses are turned off by it, surprise him when he is fresh from the shower or with a small candy in your mouth (something minty could give him an extra nice sensation), or with a flavored lube or chocolate. (Just avoid intercourse until after the chocolate is washed off if you are sensitive to getting UTIs as the sugar may contribute to one.)

Finally, realize that there are no rules about this. You don’t have to do any of this, but it is a wonderful way to add spice and variety and intimacy to your relationship in the bedroom. Just do what you feel comfortable with now and stretch yourself as you can.

For those of you who have come to a place where you are enjoying oral sex as a regular part of your love making already and you are looking for a way to spice it up I humbly bow out and offer you our very own Cumin Girl, who is the most brilliant “how to” writer I know when it comes to all things sexy.

5 Comments

  1. Hi, I heard not too long ago at a Christian teaching session, by a guy very experienced in the deliverance ministry saying basically that Oral sex is wrong as he has helped to deliver women (and men) from spirits of perversion which he says came about by giving Oral sex which I guess he was saying is a form of perversion… I myself got great relief from other issues in my life at this session, so I know that the teaching was worthwhile but was obviously concerned about what he said about the particular issue of Oral sex. My own pastor of a great church wrote a book and said that between a married couple we should be able to do whatever we feel comfortable with…I am confused and concerned, please help!

  2. Speaking for all of us who write here, it is our understanding from Scripture that anything a husband and wife want to enjoy together by mutual agreement is blessed by God unless he has expressly forbidden it. Since the poetic language of Song of Solomon actually indicates that the husband and wife were engaging in oral sex, we certainly wouldn’t agree with the general statement that oral sex is perverse.

    Speaking personally, it is my opinion that any time we have sex (oral, anal or intercourse) outside of marriage, we are creating a sole tie with that person which, while in tact, keeps us from experiencing our full freedom in the Kingdom of God, and specifically receiving the blessing of God in our marriages. People most certainly need to be set free from this, in whatever way God leads them to be.

  3. Nice article actually thought it was sin

  4. This is so refreshing to see an honest presentation of sex in context of a healthy monogomous marriage in Biblical perspective. There are so many references to oral sex in the Bible — and we as women should not be prudish about understanding our roles as a wife and lover. I think that understanding our sexual responses and how to give and recieve pleasure is essential. Having a mother/daughter talk about this is one thing… have a network of sisters is another. THANK you!

  5. A part from the book “Songs of Songs”, where would you find references about oral sex in the Bible?
    Thanks for your answer.


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