Toys: Spice or Poison?

If you would have asked me when we first got married if I would ever own a sex toy, I would have told you emphatically NO! And I couldn’t explain to you why I felt that was such a dirty thing to own. For a girl who had found her clitoris very stimulating from the time I was about 8 years old, what was the difference in the masturbating to achieve that feeling back then and a toy? They both achieve the same thing. I found a bunch of Playboy magazines that were my father’s when I was 8 and seeing women touch themselves made me explore my own body.

So when my husband asked me about one, I wasn’t so sure about it. I did some research online. Believe me, there is a lot to choose from! I didn’t know if I wanted something that was like my husband because I didn’t want it to replace him, but in the end, I chose and ordered my first toy. It was a vibrating dildo and it broke within days of getting it! Argh! Over the years, we have built up a small collection of vibes….bullet vibes, egg vibes, gyrating dildos, waterproof vibes, a g-spot vibe, an anus plug and even made a clone a willy! (molding kit of my own dh) Each one was a new experiment for me. A step out of my comfort zone.

These toys have helped me in many ways. First and most importantly, they have helped me to explore my own body. I can find out what feels good, and I can communicate that to my husband during intercourse or oral sex. Bullet vibes helped me to learn how to orgasm, what point of the clitoris needed the most stimulation to achieve that orgasm, and it has helped me on days that it was very difficult for my honey to wait for me to come first.

Secondly, they have really eroticized our sex life. There have been occasions where my husband has been out of time and I have had HUGE desires for him. He gives me permission to achieve a release when he is gone. I never fantasize about someone else, it is always about HIM. And the vibes and dildoes have been a great source for turning him on. We have added a 3’x4’ mirror to our room, and I use it and angle our webcam when he is on trips to show him what I wish he were doing to me at that moment. It is extremely erotic and arousing for both of us when we use our webcam when we are apart.

The webcam and our video camera have become tools for sexual pleasure for us. Whether webcamming while he is out of town or video taping a very pleasurable lovemaking session, we take advantage of opportunities to enhance our stimulation and pleasure with each other.

Okay, if this sounds like something out of a porn movie, there is one big difference. Everything my husband and I do with toys, cameras, whatever is only with and for each other. The bible tells us in Matthew 19:4-5 “ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” We believe thsi wholeheartedly. I had this read in our wedding vows. We have never added another presence into our marriage bed. It’s just us. Yeah, we get a lot of eroticism from watching our home movies, but it’s just him and me. We have never added pornographic videos into our sex life. We have never added other people, whether a threesome or intermarital affairs into our marriage bed. We have never even entertained the thought of bestiality into our bedroom because biblically, God does not approve. The only other presence in our marriage bed is God, who blesses our union every time we come together.

The bible is silent on certain topics. There is no passage in the bible that says sex toys are wrong or right. But there are passages that let us know what IS wrong… like adultery, bestiality, fornication and homosexuality. As long as you don’t bring into your marriage bed the things God construes as a sin, I do believe that God approves. (And yes, dear one, this does include what and who you are thinking of while you are making love to your spouse)

Now my life does not revolve around my sex toys. Honestly, I don’t use them as much anymore. I know how to maneuver myself so that I use my husband to achieve the same goal that they were originally intended for. It is nice to know that they are there for the next out of town jaunt he must take, so I keep those batteries charged for their next use!

aka nutmeg nympho


  1. We as a human was created in the image and likeness of God. We are His reflection and sex is the our highest or ultimate physical, emotional and spiritual expression of our self and love towards our wife/husband which leads to the satisfaction of both parties, not just physical but emotional and spiritual as well. If you masterbate and you use toys, you are doing it alone, it is somehow a selfish act, unless you are doing it for medical purposes. Do not believe in SATANS lies. Enjoy each other in many ways. God Bless.

  2. If you read more closely in the article it never say that I do it for my own pleasure. It is with my husband’s permission when he is away, out of town or whatever. If I have a desire and he is not there, then I ask his permission to use a toy. Never do I do it to take away from something that I can give to or get from him. We have found webcam to be a wonderful way we can share this together when we are apart.

    There may be people who do this, and this article helps people to understand when toys can be used to spice up the marriage bed. At this point in my life, as I get older, I find the desire is harder to come by… and my husband approves me using one to try to help get my desire up. I could never imagine selfishly doing something that would take away from my husband. I hope our other readers feel the same.

  3. Toys are new to me. Bought my first one (a bullet vibe) a month ago. I agree with you Nutmeg. It can be a really fun thing to experience together and I really do not feel it means your husband is cut out of the deal. Oddly since we bought it we have only used it twice but have had WAY more sex in the last month than in the 6 months before put together. It seems to me that deciding to try one just made me loosen up when it came to being with my husband and giving of myself in the bedroom. I do not feel I need the toy at all but it is a fun add on….like lube. I totally agree that when it comes to marital sex most anything can happen so long as it doesn’t involve any other person….and maybe even if that means not allowing other people to interfere with what is allowed in our marriage bed. We can let other people into our bed just by letting them tie us up in what we will give and how we will give. This can be such a suttle yet equally hard blow to the marriage bed!

  4. I think that is a valid point Jaysrib about how maybe allowing a third person (other that God!)’s comments to dictate what is and is not permitted within our own marriage beds can be unhelpful. People get so hung up on the subject of sex toys but I always wonder where we draw the line over what constitutes a “sex toy”…I mean flavoured condoms, satin sheets, sexy underwear could all be deemed “sex toys” in a way. Just its worth thinking about what we label in this way…in my humble opinion…

  5. That is such a good point about re-thinking what constitutes a sex toy! I have never thought about it that way. Thanks!

  6. Hi I am new to this site and very glad to have found it. I’m not really sure where the best place for this is but it seems to fit here.

    Eleven years ago my husband and I married both vergians and both very shy about sex. For him so much so that it was difficult for him to discuss problems or even desires with me. Although we both enjoyed our union there were problems that lead to frustration.
    All I can say is that the Lord watches out for his children. About for years in . Another couple in our church that had become somewhat of mentors to us discovered they were unable to attend a couples retreat they had booked they sent us instead. It was there that we learned to open up to each other.

    I think stumbling on to this site was another of those blessed intervention at just the right time.

    I have always had a very hard time reaching O. I have learned over time that this is very much MY problem. Tries very patiently we have had some seccess over the years but very inconsistently and never together. Years ago I heard someone mention the use of a vibirator to help at the time he was not open to the idea so I let it drop. Resently he came to me and apologised saying that he had not said no becuss of a moral objection but pride. He felt as if it was a failure his part if he could not bring me to O on his own. He said that if I still wanted to try this we could explore it together and he will support anything that might help. I am very excited about the possibilities with no conviction becusse this is NOT about replacing our lovemaking but inhancing it. My problem now is I am clueless where to start and far to shy to ask people in person. I’ve looked at the pure bed and hardly no what to chose for a first timer. We have been reading a lot of great info here and want to get someting we can use in exploration, foreplay, and inhance intecourse.

  7. Shykitten – this is the first vibrator I got and it was a good beginner one. You might want to try it out. It’s the first one on the page:

  8. My husband and I are planning to get some new sex toys as soon as we have some spare cash, those things are sooo expensive! Then today I woman at his workplace had the Pure Romance catalog. I had dropped by and she asked me if I wanted to take a look. I said yes, but maybe some other time. In actual fact I didn’t have the confidence to tell her an outright no. The importance of this is that before I was saved I would have seen no problem with it at all. But now I want no part of it. This is something special and fun to be had between my husband and I. Wow…I don’t even have to think of how I will feel in situations I just have to go with what I feel. It’s the Lord that has changed me! Amen!!!!

  9. I know this is a late post, but I have a couple of questions. Say I want to get a toy from a reputable brand (Fun Factory or Lelo), and I find that I can get it at a cheaper price on Amazon. Is it worth it to get it via Amazon as opposed to the official site? Just wanna save and still get my money’s worth, if possible. Thanks!

  10. I usually go with whomever has the lowest price.

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