Fantastic Honeymoon Sex Guide for the Virgin

So you’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting. You’ve thought about your wedding night many times and wondered what it will be like. Anyone who remains a virgin until their wedding night in this culture did not arrive at that place by accident. It was a deliberate choice to live a life of purity. Good for you!

So now you’re engaged and you actually have a date that you know will be the night you first get to have sex. How exciting! What now?

Before the Honeymoon

The first step is to communicate with your fiancé long before your honeymoon. Talk about your expectations both for the honeymoon and for your sexual relationship in general. Click here for a list of questions to examen together as you approach your wedding day. Among the questions you will want to look at, consider how often you think is reasonable for a couple to have sex? Are there certain sex acts you feel are sinful? Are there others you may want to try sometime, but don’t think you will want to try right away? Do either of you have sexual sin issues? Talk about it now. What about masturbation? Are there some circumstances where you think it is acceptable for either of you to masturbate? While one of you is out of town? Women who masturbate can use it to keep their drive up, while men tend to have a refractory period which may mean that he is unavailable to get an erection when his wife wants to have sex with him. These are all important discussions to have before you get married because unexpressed expectations result in disappointment when things don’t go as you thought they would.

In addition to communicating your expectations and ideas about sex, you want to understand your sexual body. If you haven’t explored yourself very much take the time to connect with your sexual side. Do you know where your clitoris is? Do you know what it does? Do you know that you don’t need to have penis in vagina sex in order to achieve an orgasm so theoretically you can have an orgasm on your first night? Do you know that there are two kinds of orgasms that women can have? Consider all these questions and find the answer if you do not know it. You can ask any of the women you trust or you can ask us, the women of this blog. We are here as a source of information and support to all women, that we would embrace who God made us as sexual beings and for the purpose He intended. Good girls LOVE sex.

What to Pack for the Honeymoon

First, you will want things to set the mood. Lingerie (some guys like it more than others, but even if your man doesn’t it can be something that makes YOU feel sexy so that is reason enough to wear it), music, massage oil, candles. You’ll want some sort of lubricant and I would bring a variety so that you can see which ones you like the best. Some are stickier than others, some are flavored, some are warming (I have heard mixed reviews about these warming lubes). Coconut oil is a little known secret lubricant I will share with you, but do not use it with condoms as it can break down the latex. As you become accustomed to intercourse you may find you need lubricant less and less, but you may notice that you need it more during certain times of your menstrual cycle.

As much as you like the idea of having continuous sex the whole time, it just isn’t possible so keeping the fire going in other ways is a good option. A sex game and/or book such as Intimate Issues, Celebration of Sex or Red Hot Monogamy might be fun to enjoy together and all these books are written by Christians. My husband and I actually went to a library on our honeymoon in search of a book to help us. It’s a funny memory. I wish we’d thought to bring one with us.

On the practical side, whatever form of birth control you are using, be sure to bring that with you (pills, condoms…). If you anticipate that the place your are staying at for your honeymoon may not have enough towels, you may want to bring extra towels because sex can be messy and good sex is even messier. Both you and your husband will be producing lots of natural fluids in addition to any lubricant you add from a bottle.

The First Night

So now you have communicated your expectations and have packed for your honeymoon and you are days from you wedding which means that sexual awakening is just around the corner. This is one of the things you need to talk to your fiancé about. What do you expect on your first night? If you get to the hotel at midnight, you are going to be exhausted. In that kind of situation, how do you and your husband want to spend the first night together?

Leading Up to Penetration

If you enjoy alcohol it is a good idea to have a glass or two to relax you and continue building the mood. Spending lots of time in foreplay is going to help you produce your natural lubricants. Enjoy lots of kissing and exploring each others bodies. Allow yourself to let go of your inhibitions and embrace your erotic self. God made you a sexual being so rejoice in that. Your mind is an important tool in arousal. Let your mind become involved. Connect mentally with what is happening in your body and talk about how you are feeling. You will find that as you become more and more aroused that your vagina is producing more lubricant. So the more aroused you are the easier it will be for your husband to enter you. You will most likely benefit from additional lubricant before going for penetration.

The First Time

So now that you are aroused and ready to have your husband enter you, you want to be in a position that is comfortable for you. When your husband breaks through your hymen it will be anywhere from a little uncomfortable to very painful so you want to be in a position were you feel you can control the situation. No propped-up-against-the-wall sex just yet. Many women find it easiest if they are laying on their back with their husband on top and then guiding him in with her hand, but you may find that you feel it is easier with you on top because you can lower yourself on your husband as you feel comfortable. Communication at this point is key because your husband needs to know if you want him to go slower or faster or stop all movement. It won’t be hurting him so you need to tell him how to proceed. Not only will breaking the hymen be uncomfortable, but you also will be very tight which may be painful. The more you have sex, the more you will loosen up, but this can take quite some time for some women.

The key in all of this is to enjoy yourselves. It will be new and exciting and awkward all at the same time, but so much fun. Enjoy the journey and maintain great communication all through your marriage in every area.

Enjoy your honeymoon!

Creating waves of passion

 

 

Early on I would forget about all the possible erogenous zones and I would go straight for my husband’s penis. He has so many other responsive areas that shouldn’t be passed up. Some men get an erection from softly biting their buttocks. Others many love to have their ears paid special attention to with either your tongue or breathing. To know these responses is to know your husband.

We can start with his head. Yes, I mean the one between his shoulders. Men have a visual rolodex that we need to keep full and fresh. Arouse him mentally. Use your words to tell him exactly what you want to do to him. Take those seductive pictures you have been thinking of taking and make sure to stick them in his computer bag before he leaves for work. Flash him throughout the day. Grab for him. Flirt with him. Show him that he is important to you and that he does excite you.

Next is the kiss. I like to relax my lips. I don’t pucker or clench my teeth. Kissing someone who is acting like they have lockjaw just doesn’t give me warm fuzzies. I let my lips go almost limp and relax my chin. This way my mouth opens slightly for some sensual tongue play as the passion mounts. Even when I come up for a breather I’m always nibbling on his lips or kissing his eyes, nose or cheeks then I go in for some more. Lingering is the key. I even do a signature thing where I may suck and play with his tongue and lips. This way he can imagine what my mouth can do elsewhere on his body.

Take hold of his head. Now I’m talking about his lower head on his penis. When I am making love to my husband I become enmeshed with his thrusts. I don’t lay there like a rag doll. I’m active and enthusiastic about all the attention he is paying to me. I like to use my pc muscles and give my husband what we call “special hugs”. If you are wondering those are the same muscles used to do your kegel exercise and to stop urine flow. (New Year’s resolution time, do kegel exercises.) Also, don’t be afraid to wriggle. I always thought that good girls shouldn’t wriggle and that is so far from the truth. My husband loves a good healthy wriggle.

Enjoy oral sex. If you have any reservations then try focusing on this: First, experimenting will lower your inhibitions and cause greater intimacy between you and your husband. The more you do it the more confidence you will have. Secondly, he will love you for it. If you need some ideas on how to do oral sex you may want to go back to cumingirls article titled “Tasting His Fruit”. I love experimenting with my husband. I could tell what he likes by his breathing, body position and the grunts that only I can translate. Don’t be afraid to try a new technique that you developed yourself.

Become a “hands on” woman. I love to use my hands on my husband. If his head is the only part of his body I can reach because he is enjoying my lower delights then I run my fingers through his hair. If he is on top of me or below me making love then I grab whatever I can. Whether it is his buttocks, running my nails gently down his back, over his pectorals or reaching between his legs to get at his testicles or his perineum I am always using my hands to help drive him wild.

The most important thing is to have fun in your bedroom. Enjoy it, cherish it, and thank God for it!!

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Pornography: The Spice that Destroys Sexual Taste Buds

It’s no secret that the contributors to this blog view sex as one of God’s most brilliant ideas. Since Satan can not create anything himself in his efforts to take as many people to hell with him as he can, his only option is to distort what God has already created. Pornography is one distortion that ensnares a lot of people, robbing them of the pleasure they were intended to enjoy in their sexual relationship with their spouse.

Veiled as a harmless act of watching something to aid in arousal, pornography is actually something that has destroyed more relationships than I care to think about for very long. So what is the problem? Why does it matter? How does it affect us? Does God care if we use pornography? I will interact with these questions and more in this series Pornography: The Spice that Destroys Sexual Taste Buds.

Doesn’t this definition from Merrium-Webster make pornography sound innocent?

“The depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement.”

What could be wrong with this? Sounds like a great way to make sex spicy, doesn’t it? The problem is that this definition doesn’t speak to the men who saw pornographic images at the age of 10 and have be ruin from it. Or to the women they married who battle trying to figure out what is wrong with them that they can not seem to please their husbands. Or to the women who have found themselves viewing pornography and wondered why they struggle with a “men’s issue.” Isn’t pornography just something that men deal with?

Pornography can come in many forms; pictures, videos, erotic literature and so on. It does not discriminate between men and women, sinner and saint, old and young. Anyone left unguarded is vulnerable to it’s grip. Pornography is dangerously addictive so it is important that we be fully aware of the potential it has to leave a wake of destruction in it’s path.

God and Pornography

The Lord God holds the answer to everything and he has given us a guide to show us the way to live. The word pornography does not need to be in the Bible for us to understand God’s view of it. Consider these words He has given us as they relate to pornography.

Matthew 7: 24-27 Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Matthew 5:27-30 You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Matthew 6:22-23 The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

2 Samuel 11:2-3a One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her...

In the case of David, he allowed the lust of his eyes to become a snowball of destruction. The good news is that, as my favorite teacher Bill Johnson says, God can win with a pair of twos. He can take a situation where a king commits adultery and murder, and release His Plan despite that to make the king’s family line the one that eventually bares the Messiah. If you or your spouse have battled pornography, God can bring healing, but let there be no confusion of how He despises the way pornography has diminished His original plan.

Marriage and Pornography

Allowing pornography into your marriage, whether you view it individually or as a couple, is damaging on so many levels and I will touch on some of them here. My husband and I have both had minor struggles with pornography and we have been open with each other about our battles, but we have also been clear that it is such a slippery slop and thankfully we have avoided watching it together which we believe would be even more damaging.

When pornography is factored into the equation, the following issues contribute to establishing a block to intimacy.

~ A person who uses pornography to become aroused is taking an emotionally easy, non-relational path to arousal which not only numbs them to the less overt methods of their spouse, but also, because it requires nothing of them, it establishes a belief that they aren’t required to be a participant in arousing their spouse.

~ The spouse of a person who views pornography can not compete with the images being portrayed because they are based on fantasies. The one viewing pornography is building up a sexual situation in their mind which doesn’t actually exist. This type of fantasy is impossible to live up to. We are not talking about a fantasy where, for example, a husband would like to see his wife wear more lingerie. We are talking about a fantasy where the objectified person looks a certain way, acts a certain way, possesses certain characteristics. It is a total package that is impossible for a real human being to live up to, and they should never have to.

~ Not only can the spouse of a person using pornography not live up to the expectation of becoming a real life version of this fantasy, but they also find themselves questioning why they are not adequate as a lover. Why does their spouse need to go to pornography when he or she is available? Are they unattractive? Are they not good enough in bed? This reasonably leads to feelings of insecurity. Although they are not to blame for the problem, they often find themselves feeling like they are.

~ Another way that pornography blocks intimacy is that it contributes to feelings of jealousy. It’s not going to go over well to have a husband or wife know that their spouse is getting aroused by looking at other naked people, and rightly so. God planned for us to find fulfillment of our sexual desire in the eyes and arms of the person we are married to.

~ Finally, rather than love making being a time of enjoying one another and building intimacy, each one has images and/or questions running through their head. The one viewing pornography has those images attached to their sexual arousal and desire so it becomes part of their marriage bed. The one married to the one viewing pornography participates in sex and thinks “Is he thinking about those two girls doing it? Are my boobs big enough? Do I have to do what that other girl did?” “Does she wish I were more like that guy with such a large penis? What if I don’t satisfy her? Does she think I’m a bad lover?” These are not the things you want to have running through the minds of two people united in the most amazing act in all creation.

If you are battling pornography I suggest that first of all, you acknowledge it for what it is. No excuses. Come to the Lord and confess your sin and ask him to take it from you. If it is something you battle habitually, talk to your spouse and get some accountability. If your spouse is the one battling porn, pray. Pray a lot. God is the only one who can change someone’s heart. Also be clear about your expectations with your spouse. There is a fine line between nagging and being straight forward about how you want your spouse to behave. Find the line. You may still be accused of nagging, but you are fighting for what God intended for your marriage.

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