What Does the Bible Say About Masturbation?

The Bible is notably silent on the issue of masturbation. Some people have argued that the sin of Onan in Genesis 38 was about masturbation, but that is not the core issue that displeased the Lord. Onan’s duty was to produce offspring on behalf of his brother who had predeceased him and he didn’t want to give his sperm for a child that wouldn’t be his. So he would have sex with Tamar and pull out and ejaculate outside of her. This displeased the Lord so much that Onan was struck dead. It was wicked in the Lord’s sight, not because of the act of pulling out, but rather because Onan dishonored his responsibility to Tamar. God is much more concerned with what is happening in our heart when we sin, than the actual act.

The understanding I have come to regarding the issue of masturbation is that it appears that in and of itself, it is not a sin. The problem is that often there is no separation between masturbation and other sin issues that the Lord has been clear about.

Let’s use this episode of Friends as an example. Chandler is caught masturbating by Monica, but the sin issue isn’t that he was masturbating, but rather that he chose to give into temptation and was lusting after someone in porn. If he had been talking to his wife on the phone and they were mutually celebrating their sexuality together, focused on growing in intimacy with one another, I would not have a problem with this situation (save that it isn’t something others should be watching occur on TV), but this is the problem: masturbation and lust are often viewed as the same act because the masturbation and the lust can be happening simultaneously. God has been clear about lust. In His Kingdom, lust and adultery are no different from one another so to get aroused from pornography and then masturbate with lust in one’s heart would be sin. This would displease the Lord not because touching yourself sexually is sin, but because 1) the person being lusted after is one of His kids and it disrespects them, 2) the person being lusted after belongs to their spouse (either now or in the future) and it disrespects their relationship with one another and 3) what a person focuses on when they orgasm becomes a tie in their soul to that thing which damages the sexual relationships they might have that God established and blessed as right.

The Lord is very concerned with anything that interferes with our relationship with Him. If someone is masturbating to the extent that it becomes a greater focus in their lives than the Lord, then it can become a sin issue, but a person could masturbate every day and still not have it be something that comes between them and the Lord in the same way that a couple could have sex every day and still be well balanced contributors in the Kingdom of God. If it becomes an addiction to them which then usurps the position of Jesus as Lord of their life, this is where the line is crossed to having masturbation become a sin. Again it is a heart issue, not the act.

Another consideration is that in marriage solo masturbation should not replace sexual union between a husband and wife. Under normal circumstances, the priority is for the couple to join together for sex. If the husband and wife mutually discuss and accept that there are circumstances when they bless the other to masturbate, then they just need to be sure that it is not replacing their union. “The two will become one flesh” is one of the most amazing promises and blessings from the Lord and that should be the priority.

So in summary, let us acknowledge that it is the condition of a person’s heart that determines if their masturbation a sin, not the act itself. Let us focus every part of our lives on the Lord and submit all issues pertaining to masturbation to Him. Let us always walk in self control and not let anything have mastery over us. I don’t want my kids growing up believing that their sexuality is bad or to be ignored while they are single. I want them to learn how to have self control and manage their sexuality in a godly way.

Giving Good Hand Jobs!

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Okay ladies, this one is on hand jobs. It’s fun to try and think of things we know our husbands will enjoy. Some of you may think Why would I need to learn how to do that? Well, to me the answer is simple: Variety!

Of course I love making love to my husband. But there are occasionally those times where it’s just not convenient. Some couples do not like making love during that time of the month. Some couples may be practicing NFP and would rather not have direct intercourse during ovulation days. Sometimes one of you may be feeling a little under the weather. There are several scenarios where intercourse just isn’t the best option for you at that time. So what happens if, during one of these scenarios, your husband is still in need? Maybe it’s been a while since he last came. Maybe he needs a release to help reduce stress. Don’t laugh girls 🙂 Sex and/or orgasm is a stress reducer for me as well!

The key to giving a good hand job is attitude. It’s all in how you think of it. If you go into it begrudgingly, then it will show. If you go into it with anticipation and an eagerness to serve him, he will notice that too. He will love you and appreciate you for your giving nature. So smile, and tell him that you can’t wait to see him coming! Nibble on him here or there if you want, to add to the sensations he’s experiencing. Talking dirty to him may also be a turn on.

So now lets get to the fun part! Make sure you are both in a comfortable position. Don’t feel like you have to start out hard and fast. Do what you know your husband likes. He may enjoy a little teasing in the beginning, or light touches. Then again, he may be already hard as a rock and just aching for you to take control and go!

A couple of things to consider. First off, many women are afraid to have a firm grip on their husband’s penis. They think they are going to hurt him. The truth is that many times, we aren’t holding him tight enough. In order for him to get enough sensation and feeling, we need to be sure that we are NOT holding him loosely. A good firm, lubed grasp is key. Secondly, remember that the most sensitive part on a man’s penis is on the underside of his head, or glans. It’s called his frenulum. It’s the part where his shaft meets his head. So when you are moving your hands up and down along his shaft, make sure that you are coming all the way up and including that area! Watch next time to see if your husband moans or twitches when your hand moves over his frenulum.

I found a really good website that not only tells you different techniques that you can use on your husband, but it SHOWS YOU! This is the only site that I know of that is “safe.” There is a woman who uses a suction cup dildo (attached to a table) to show you different things you can do for your husband. So we women can be educated visually, without pornography! You will want to make sure there aren’t any kids around though. Click here to view the hand job advice link. You can even get out your own toy and lube and practice while watching if you feel so inclined! I tried a couple of those ideas out on my husband, and he was very happy with me. I showed him the site, and he thought it was good that there was something like that out there for us married gals to learn from!

Just remember that your husband loves you. Don’t be afraid to try some new techniques. If one doesn’t work then you could always try another. I watched those videos, memorized three techniques, and then proceeded to use what I had learned on my hubby. One of the techniques didn’t do anything for him. In fact, we both started laughing in the process! But you know what? He was so touched that I had tried to research and learn about new and/or different ways of doing that for him. And it made me feel good knowing that I made him happy.

Special thanks to nutmegnympho for the pic of her hands and banana 🙂

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Looking for a Little Gift?

Hello All!

I just came across a very nice site and I thought I’d share it here. It’s called The Pure Bed. It’s a Christian run site and they sell all kinds of fun looking things to spice up your marriage bed. They sell toys, oils and gels, even stockings and costumes. I haven’t ordered from them (yet) but they seem to be pretty balanced and biblical in their approach to sex. Check it out!

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