Creating waves of passion

 

 

Early on I would forget about all the possible erogenous zones and I would go straight for my husband’s penis. He has so many other responsive areas that shouldn’t be passed up. Some men get an erection from softly biting their buttocks. Others many love to have their ears paid special attention to with either your tongue or breathing. To know these responses is to know your husband.

We can start with his head. Yes, I mean the one between his shoulders. Men have a visual rolodex that we need to keep full and fresh. Arouse him mentally. Use your words to tell him exactly what you want to do to him. Take those seductive pictures you have been thinking of taking and make sure to stick them in his computer bag before he leaves for work. Flash him throughout the day. Grab for him. Flirt with him. Show him that he is important to you and that he does excite you.

Next is the kiss. I like to relax my lips. I don’t pucker or clench my teeth. Kissing someone who is acting like they have lockjaw just doesn’t give me warm fuzzies. I let my lips go almost limp and relax my chin. This way my mouth opens slightly for some sensual tongue play as the passion mounts. Even when I come up for a breather I’m always nibbling on his lips or kissing his eyes, nose or cheeks then I go in for some more. Lingering is the key. I even do a signature thing where I may suck and play with his tongue and lips. This way he can imagine what my mouth can do elsewhere on his body.

Take hold of his head. Now I’m talking about his lower head on his penis. When I am making love to my husband I become enmeshed with his thrusts. I don’t lay there like a rag doll. I’m active and enthusiastic about all the attention he is paying to me. I like to use my pc muscles and give my husband what we call “special hugs”. If you are wondering those are the same muscles used to do your kegel exercise and to stop urine flow. (New Year’s resolution time, do kegel exercises.) Also, don’t be afraid to wriggle. I always thought that good girls shouldn’t wriggle and that is so far from the truth. My husband loves a good healthy wriggle.

Enjoy oral sex. If you have any reservations then try focusing on this: First, experimenting will lower your inhibitions and cause greater intimacy between you and your husband. The more you do it the more confidence you will have. Secondly, he will love you for it. If you need some ideas on how to do oral sex you may want to go back to cumingirls article titled “Tasting His Fruit”. I love experimenting with my husband. I could tell what he likes by his breathing, body position and the grunts that only I can translate. Don’t be afraid to try a new technique that you developed yourself.

Become a “hands on” woman. I love to use my hands on my husband. If his head is the only part of his body I can reach because he is enjoying my lower delights then I run my fingers through his hair. If he is on top of me or below me making love then I grab whatever I can. Whether it is his buttocks, running my nails gently down his back, over his pectorals or reaching between his legs to get at his testicles or his perineum I am always using my hands to help drive him wild.

The most important thing is to have fun in your bedroom. Enjoy it, cherish it, and thank God for it!!

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Pornography: The Spice that Destroys Sexual Taste Buds

It’s no secret that the contributors to this blog view sex as one of God’s most brilliant ideas. Since Satan can not create anything himself in his efforts to take as many people to hell with him as he can, his only option is to distort what God has already created. Pornography is one distortion that ensnares a lot of people, robbing them of the pleasure they were intended to enjoy in their sexual relationship with their spouse.

Veiled as a harmless act of watching something to aid in arousal, pornography is actually something that has destroyed more relationships than I care to think about for very long. So what is the problem? Why does it matter? How does it affect us? Does God care if we use pornography? I will interact with these questions and more in this series Pornography: The Spice that Destroys Sexual Taste Buds.

Doesn’t this definition from Merrium-Webster make pornography sound innocent?

“The depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement.”

What could be wrong with this? Sounds like a great way to make sex spicy, doesn’t it? The problem is that this definition doesn’t speak to the men who saw pornographic images at the age of 10 and have be ruin from it. Or to the women they married who battle trying to figure out what is wrong with them that they can not seem to please their husbands. Or to the women who have found themselves viewing pornography and wondered why they struggle with a “men’s issue.” Isn’t pornography just something that men deal with?

Pornography can come in many forms; pictures, videos, erotic literature and so on. It does not discriminate between men and women, sinner and saint, old and young. Anyone left unguarded is vulnerable to it’s grip. Pornography is dangerously addictive so it is important that we be fully aware of the potential it has to leave a wake of destruction in it’s path.

God and Pornography

The Lord God holds the answer to everything and he has given us a guide to show us the way to live. The word pornography does not need to be in the Bible for us to understand God’s view of it. Consider these words He has given us as they relate to pornography.

Matthew 7: 24-27 Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Matthew 5:27-30 You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Matthew 6:22-23 The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

2 Samuel 11:2-3a One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her...

In the case of David, he allowed the lust of his eyes to become a snowball of destruction. The good news is that, as my favorite teacher Bill Johnson says, God can win with a pair of twos. He can take a situation where a king commits adultery and murder, and release His Plan despite that to make the king’s family line the one that eventually bares the Messiah. If you or your spouse have battled pornography, God can bring healing, but let there be no confusion of how He despises the way pornography has diminished His original plan.

Marriage and Pornography

Allowing pornography into your marriage, whether you view it individually or as a couple, is damaging on so many levels and I will touch on some of them here. My husband and I have both had minor struggles with pornography and we have been open with each other about our battles, but we have also been clear that it is such a slippery slop and thankfully we have avoided watching it together which we believe would be even more damaging.

When pornography is factored into the equation, the following issues contribute to establishing a block to intimacy.

~ A person who uses pornography to become aroused is taking an emotionally easy, non-relational path to arousal which not only numbs them to the less overt methods of their spouse, but also, because it requires nothing of them, it establishes a belief that they aren’t required to be a participant in arousing their spouse.

~ The spouse of a person who views pornography can not compete with the images being portrayed because they are based on fantasies. The one viewing pornography is building up a sexual situation in their mind which doesn’t actually exist. This type of fantasy is impossible to live up to. We are not talking about a fantasy where, for example, a husband would like to see his wife wear more lingerie. We are talking about a fantasy where the objectified person looks a certain way, acts a certain way, possesses certain characteristics. It is a total package that is impossible for a real human being to live up to, and they should never have to.

~ Not only can the spouse of a person using pornography not live up to the expectation of becoming a real life version of this fantasy, but they also find themselves questioning why they are not adequate as a lover. Why does their spouse need to go to pornography when he or she is available? Are they unattractive? Are they not good enough in bed? This reasonably leads to feelings of insecurity. Although they are not to blame for the problem, they often find themselves feeling like they are.

~ Another way that pornography blocks intimacy is that it contributes to feelings of jealousy. It’s not going to go over well to have a husband or wife know that their spouse is getting aroused by looking at other naked people, and rightly so. God planned for us to find fulfillment of our sexual desire in the eyes and arms of the person we are married to.

~ Finally, rather than love making being a time of enjoying one another and building intimacy, each one has images and/or questions running through their head. The one viewing pornography has those images attached to their sexual arousal and desire so it becomes part of their marriage bed. The one married to the one viewing pornography participates in sex and thinks “Is he thinking about those two girls doing it? Are my boobs big enough? Do I have to do what that other girl did?” “Does she wish I were more like that guy with such a large penis? What if I don’t satisfy her? Does she think I’m a bad lover?” These are not the things you want to have running through the minds of two people united in the most amazing act in all creation.

If you are battling pornography I suggest that first of all, you acknowledge it for what it is. No excuses. Come to the Lord and confess your sin and ask him to take it from you. If it is something you battle habitually, talk to your spouse and get some accountability. If your spouse is the one battling porn, pray. Pray a lot. God is the only one who can change someone’s heart. Also be clear about your expectations with your spouse. There is a fine line between nagging and being straight forward about how you want your spouse to behave. Find the line. You may still be accused of nagging, but you are fighting for what God intended for your marriage.

Pubic Shaving: The Man’s Turn!

Some of you, who have read my article on women, may be wondering about this one. I don’t think people discuss men shaving nearly as much as they do women shaving.  But believe me when I tell you that yes, many men do shave their junk! 😆

Some men think of shaving all on their own.  Other men have their wives to thank for giving them the idea.  I mean, show of hands here ladies… How many of you have had the pleasure of having to stop giving oral sex so that you could fish out a stray hair that is stuck in between your teeth?  Or better yet, have any of you had to stop and do that hacking thing to try and get a hair dislodged from the back of your throat?  It isn’t very sensual to say the least.

So when men shave, or at least keep things trimmed down for us, it really helps when it comes to oral sex.  Stray hairs are kept to a minimum and we ladies do not feel as though we are flossing our teeth.  But beware ladies, of the look of horror that may come forth from your husband’s face if you suggest to him that he shave.  You need to understand how scary it is for a man to think of his manhood and a razor blade in the same thought. 😯

Men can follow pretty much the same guidelines that we talked about in the article on shaving for women.  Instead of worrying about opening up lips though, men have the issue of how to shave the boys. Just tell him to go slowly and carefully.  On the testicles, it helps to pull the skin tight to help prevent nicks and cuts. Afterward just apply lotion or coconut oil to help keep the skin moisturized.

To keep it from itching, have him try shaving every day.  It really doesn’t take very long once he gets the hang of it. Something else to keep in mind is that once your man shaves, it appears to give him an extra inch in length. With all that hair removed from the base of his shaft, he just looks longer!  So ladies, if you are having trouble convincing your husband to give this a try, let him know about the optical inch. 😉

I’ve heard some good things about the Philips Norelco Bodygroom. I don’t have any experience with it firsthand, but it does sound like something that may work nicely for men.  Good luck to all of you first time shavers out there!  If you think of any other pointers for our readers, please leave them in the comment box below.

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Pubic Shaving: For Women!

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Pubic shaving is a pretty common topic.  Women generally have tons of questions (and opinions) about it.  Some women start shaving at a young age, while others may not even think to do it until much later in life.  There are also some women who shave for the first time after childbirth, in the hopes of keeping the mess under control.  But yes, we girls do like to talk about it.  I have a few girlfriends who trim or shave part of their pubic hair. One, in particular, likes to have a landing strip.  But to some, bare is best.  This article was written for those of you who have wanted to try shaving, but was a little nervous.  Here are some tips of the trade, for those of you who are interested.

Make sure you have a fairly new razor. Old or dull razors will leave you with irritation and ingrown hairs (i.e.: bumps) I use a regular Venus razor and some Skintimates shave gel.  If you don’t have shave gel, then hair conditioner works GREAT as a shaving gel!

Trim up. If your hair is fairly long, then you may want to trim it first with either some electric clippers or scissors to get it close to the skin.

Shave all the outer parts first. This includes the bikini area where your thighs meet your torso and also the whole ‘top part’ above where your clitoris is located.

Open the lips and carefully shave the inside parts where hair also grows. That small patch of skin right above the clitoris is a little hard to get. Just spread the lips open with one hand and take it easy, but don’t keep shaving the same patch of skin over and over. That will result in a shaving rash or irritation.

Shave the perineum (the area of skin between the back of the vulva and the anus) and the anus area. Yes, you read that right. Squatting in the shower helps to open that area perfectly, so that you can get your razor in between the cheeks.  If you don’t want to do this part then just skip this paragraph, but some women like all their girlie parts to be smooth! 😆

Afterwords, put on some kind of lotion. It helps to moisturize the skin. Coconut Oil could also be used.

Shaving at least every other day helps reduce irritations and ingrown hairs. Also, if you shave daily (or every other day) then it doesn’t take you long at all. You can easily add this to your shower routine and it will only add 2-3 minutes to your shower time. (The very first time you shave it will take longer though.)

I know that shaving is not for everyone.  Some people think that God gave us hair there for a reason and we shouldn’t mess with that.  If that is how you feel, then I totally respect that.  I just happen to think this falls on personal choice.  I wanted to write about it because it’s something that many women enjoy doing. It’s also something that many husbands love for their wives to do!  I’ve heard so many people say how much nicer oral sex is with smooth skin, or how they really love the feeling of intercourse since they started shaving.

If you’ve been thinking about trying to trim or shave a bit down there, then I encourage you to go for it! You don’t have to shave your entire region. Just start out with a little here and a little there. Then the next time, you may decide to shave a little more. Or you may decide that you like having it half shaved like my friend does. Just do what you are comfortable doing.  You could even invite your husband to help shave you sometime!

Related Articles:  Pubic Shaving:  The Man’s Turn!

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Don’t They Do That in Porn?

There are certain activities and practices related to sex that always stir up the comment “But don’t they do that in porn?” Whether we are talking about anal sex or shaving the pubic area completely or masturbation or a variety of other things, over and over we hear this.

This really shows a lack of the ability one possesses to carry thoughts to their natural conclusion. Porn is also filled with people having sex, but no one is running around using porn as a reason to stop having sex. The truth is that long before porn became widely acceptable by our society, these activities and practices were being used for many different reasons and not all of them even sexual.

But let’s say that, in the example of shaving, the only reason we do it is because of the influence of porn in our culture. So what. It isn’t a sin to shave. Why would it matter? We don’t believe it does.

So our basis for weighing what we do and don’t do in our sexual relationship with our spouse as pleasing to the Lord is not what happens in pornography. It is what God has outlines in Scripture as right and honorable. How has he told us to relate to one another, not only in our sexual relationship, but outside of the bedroom as well. We serve one another as He has called us to and we don’t bring third parties of any kind into our bedrooms.

If you want to challenge us that something we have said is wrong, we welcome that, but please do not use the argument “They do that in porn.” It doesn’t hold water here.

Threesomes: Are Christians Tempted?

Sexual temptations can come in many forms.  One temptation that can sometimes come up in a marriage is the idea of adding someone else to the mix.  I believe that viewing pornography together is one of the things that can put these sinful thoughts into a couple’s head.  It looks so enticing on the screen.  Everyone looks like they are having the time of their lives.

Threesomes are so common in porn that it kind of normalizes it in your head.  You may start thinking “We love each other so much, so it’s okay to just try it once.”  “Our marriage is so strong.  We can handle this.”  “We’ll just get someone that we already know and trust.  We’ll be okay.”  The truth is that you won’t be okay.  Giving in to these thoughts will do permanent damage to your marriage.  Look at what God tells us in 1 Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 6:18-19 (NIV)

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

“FLEE,” He said!  God tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality.”  To flee means to run away from swiftly.  He did not tell us to think about it and weigh the pros and cons.  He said to run away from it!  There is no compromise.  Don’t you think that God knows what is best for us?  The couples who do not flee end up in a bad situation.

The wife may secretly wonder…

  • Did he enjoy having sex with her more so than with me?
  • Does he find her body more appealing than mine?
  • Was she ‘tighter’ than me?
  • Was he happier with her oral skills instead of mine?
  • If he wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for him?

The husband may secretly wonder…

  • Did she like the way he/she moved/thrusted/grinded better than the way I do it?
  • He looked slightly larger… I wonder if she found him more satisfying?
  • I wonder if she liked his/her oral skills better than mine?
  • She was more vocal with him/her…so does that mean she enjoyed it more?
  • If she wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for her?

From that day forward, their marriage will never be the same.  Trust issues will come up, especially if the third person was someone they both knew.  It will begin to eat away at their marriage bit by bit until their marriage becomes a shell of what it once was.  God knew what he was talking about when he told us to FLEE.

1 Thessalonians 4:2-4 (NIV)

2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,

We are told to control our own bodies.  We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us and we are to keep ourselves holy and honorable.  Committing acts of fornication or adultery is not consistent with keeping ourselves honorable.  It doesn’t matter that you both consent to it.  A threesome has to involve either fornication or adultery, and both are an abomination to God.

Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)

32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

God’s word is clear on adultery and fornication. Inviting someone else into your marriage bed is sin, plain and simple.  What I would tell young couples now is to guard your hearts and your minds. Never say “It won’t happen to me” because it can. Satan is always at work, looking for areas in your life that he can slip in, unnoticed. Cleave to each other and pray together. Know that, as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside us, and we should strive to keep our temples pure and pleasing to God. But also remember that God loves us all. He knows we are human and will be tempted, and He will always be there with open arms, ready to forgive us when we stumble, if we but ask.

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The Diva Cup

My friend gingermama was the one who first tipped me off about this wonderful little invention. The Diva Cup is an alternative to tampons and I have loved using mine. I love it because the Diva Cup is reusable so people who use a Diva Cup are saving money and space in the landfill. I love that it is comfortable to wear and as long as it is properly fitted it is leak proof. It probably took me three cycles to get used to using it, but it really has been great. You can buy it online which was the cheapest way I found, but there are also a growing number of health food stores and pharmacies that are carrying it.

Why wait? The repercussions….

Did you read the latest headlines? Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant at age 16. Why is that even in this blog? Who cares, right? I think the biggest thing that disappoints me about this is the fact that the media and society glorifies premarital sex and having children out of wedlock. Kids are participating in sexual activities at an alarmingly younger age these days. Unfortunately, by not obeying God’s commands, society is placing a huge obstacle in the perfect gift that God has intended for married couples.

 

Did I wait? No. Do I regret it? Yes. Did it hurt my marriage bed? You bet. The most unfortunate part is that I came into my marriage with many partners in my past. Not just one, not two, but more than that. I had no clue what sex was all about when I lost my virginity at age 18. I had no idea that the thoughts and pain associated with that first partner and subsequent ones after that would really put a huge damper on my married sex life.

 

Neither my husband or I were virgins when we met. I think one of the first things that I did when I met him and I really started to have feelings for him, was to confess my past to him. Right up front, probably after a week or so of dating him. I wanted to put my past right out there so he could decide whether or not he wanted to pass me up for someone else. I had my bible with me that day because my past embarrassed the crap out of me. I read the part of the bible to him from John 8:1-11 where the woman was caught in adultery and she was about to be stoned. It reads….

1But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”


At that point a burden was lifted from me because he admitted his own indiscretions as well.

 

Did either of us go and sin no more? Nope. We decided to get married and moved in with each other….into a one bedroom apartment. We fooled ourselves into believing that we wouldn’t have sex with each other, but we did. Little teasings led to articles of clothing being removed, which led to the bedroom and sex. I think we did somehow manage to *not have intercourse* the month before our wedding day, but we really should have committed to remaining pure to each other until our wedding day. There are always ways to justify doing things in your mind. Satan loves to help us with that! Anything to get us to ignore God’s wishes and drag us into the pit with him. My justification? My husband lived in a rat hole apartment where gun fire was heard nightly, so I wanted him to live long enough to marry me. Could he have moved out and in with his parents? Probably, but we took the easy route to sin.

 

After we got married, sex was really good for 5 months. It was so good, we got pregnant right about the 5 month mark in our newlywed year. After our first born arrived, I lost my sex drive. Nope, don’t come within 10 feet of me. I am a Momma and Momma’s don’t have sex. I had no clue about all the hormones that were going through me and Satan found the perfect time to start all the lies he would feed me for the next 7 years or so. It started with the Momma thing and progressed to feelings of inadequacy about my postpartum body, I didn’t want him to see me naked, so my Granny jammies and panties started coming out of the dresser drawer. Then feelings of anger toward my husband and his incessant need for sex started coming out.. I didn’t look forward to going to bed at night. I didn’t want him to touch me. It didn’t just start out of the blue, it slowly festered within me until I realized that something was really wrong with me, but I didn’t know how to fix it and we couldn’t afford counseling. I really wanted another baby, but to make a baby, you have to have sex. Sex wasn’t for fun, it was for procreation…where did that one come from?? My husband finally agreed to have another baby and a few months later we were pregnant with number 2. Hormones again. I had trouble for the second time with breast feeding and was feeling really inadequate about not being able to provide what every mother in the universe can provide for their babies, but those same breasts were fascinations to my husband. He has always loved my breasts. I didn’t want him near them…they were for the baby. The lies continued to pile on. He was really at a point where he just wanted God to take his drive away. He would never leave me, but he couldn’t stand that a need that God had given him was not being fulfilled by the woman God intended for him. At this point, I broke down and realized that something needed to be done. I had read several books, and I started to understand more about how God had created my husband’s sex drive, it wasn’t something that he could turn off, and God truly intended it for our pleasure, not just his. I broke down crying out to God to change me to be the wife He intended for my husband. God knew I was ready to hear the truth and He started speaking to me about all the lies Satan had filled my head with. God, the voice of truth, started allowing me to see myself through my husband’s eyes. I realized I carried a lot of baggage and guilt about my past that was buried down deep, and God gently revealed to me that He had forgiven me, hubby had forgiven me, but I had never forgiven myself. When I finally gave my past over to God, I felt like a new woman. A completely new creation. The weight that was lifted from my shoulders made me feel lighter than air and I was a new sexual being as well. I call it my awakening….that’s what it felt like. My sex drive had been asleep for a very long time, and God awakened it. I loved it!

 

My past….well, it’s in the past, but it’s also in the Sea of Forgetfulness. God remembers it no more, so I do not dwell upon it. I have forgiven myself and I have vowed to work with my 2 blessed children so that they will learn from my mistakes. Will I tell them everything? No. Will I tell them that being promiscuous was the biggest regret I have ever had in my life? You bet. You cannot rewind time and go back and change things that are in the past. You can learn from your mistakes, repent and sin no more. I treasure my relationship with my husband and I thank God on a daily basis for giving me such a loyal and loving soulmate. He is the Lover in my life that is spoken of in Song of Solomon. The true spice in my life.

 

aka nutmeg nympho

Toys: Spice or Poison?

If you would have asked me when we first got married if I would ever own a sex toy, I would have told you emphatically NO! And I couldn’t explain to you why I felt that was such a dirty thing to own. For a girl who had found her clitoris very stimulating from the time I was about 8 years old, what was the difference in the masturbating to achieve that feeling back then and a toy? They both achieve the same thing. I found a bunch of Playboy magazines that were my father’s when I was 8 and seeing women touch themselves made me explore my own body.

So when my husband asked me about one, I wasn’t so sure about it. I did some research online. Believe me, there is a lot to choose from! I didn’t know if I wanted something that was like my husband because I didn’t want it to replace him, but in the end, I chose and ordered my first toy. It was a vibrating dildo and it broke within days of getting it! Argh! Over the years, we have built up a small collection of vibes….bullet vibes, egg vibes, gyrating dildos, waterproof vibes, a g-spot vibe, an anus plug and even made a clone a willy! (molding kit of my own dh) Each one was a new experiment for me. A step out of my comfort zone.

These toys have helped me in many ways. First and most importantly, they have helped me to explore my own body. I can find out what feels good, and I can communicate that to my husband during intercourse or oral sex. Bullet vibes helped me to learn how to orgasm, what point of the clitoris needed the most stimulation to achieve that orgasm, and it has helped me on days that it was very difficult for my honey to wait for me to come first.

Secondly, they have really eroticized our sex life. There have been occasions where my husband has been out of time and I have had HUGE desires for him. He gives me permission to achieve a release when he is gone. I never fantasize about someone else, it is always about HIM. And the vibes and dildoes have been a great source for turning him on. We have added a 3’x4’ mirror to our room, and I use it and angle our webcam when he is on trips to show him what I wish he were doing to me at that moment. It is extremely erotic and arousing for both of us when we use our webcam when we are apart.

The webcam and our video camera have become tools for sexual pleasure for us. Whether webcamming while he is out of town or video taping a very pleasurable lovemaking session, we take advantage of opportunities to enhance our stimulation and pleasure with each other.

Okay, if this sounds like something out of a porn movie, there is one big difference. Everything my husband and I do with toys, cameras, whatever is only with and for each other. The bible tells us in Matthew 19:4-5 “ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” We believe thsi wholeheartedly. I had this read in our wedding vows. We have never added another presence into our marriage bed. It’s just us. Yeah, we get a lot of eroticism from watching our home movies, but it’s just him and me. We have never added pornographic videos into our sex life. We have never added other people, whether a threesome or intermarital affairs into our marriage bed. We have never even entertained the thought of bestiality into our bedroom because biblically, God does not approve. The only other presence in our marriage bed is God, who blesses our union every time we come together.

The bible is silent on certain topics. There is no passage in the bible that says sex toys are wrong or right. But there are passages that let us know what IS wrong… like adultery, bestiality, fornication and homosexuality. As long as you don’t bring into your marriage bed the things God construes as a sin, I do believe that God approves. (And yes, dear one, this does include what and who you are thinking of while you are making love to your spouse)

Now my life does not revolve around my sex toys. Honestly, I don’t use them as much anymore. I know how to maneuver myself so that I use my husband to achieve the same goal that they were originally intended for. It is nice to know that they are there for the next out of town jaunt he must take, so I keep those batteries charged for their next use!

aka nutmeg nympho

Why Wait for Wild, Crazy, Awkward Honeymoon Sex

I grew up being taught that sex was for marriage and I made a decision before I started dating that I would be a virgin on my wedding night. I saw that as a very precious gift that I could give my husband and started praying that he too would be a virgin when we got married. I dated through high school and college, choosing guys who respected that decision. One boyfriend, in fact, I dated for nearly two years and his hands never roamed to places that were sexual. My rule to myself for having guys touch me or me touch them was “If it gets covered by a bathing suit, it doesn’t get touched.” It was a simple way to have my boundaries clear in my mind and I knew how far was too far.

So why does it matter? What is really wrong with sex outside of marriage? Does the Bible really say that sex outside of marriage is wrong?

Let’s start by looking at the Bible to understand what God’s intention was for marriage and sex. God created Adam and Eve to work together in the garden and from the beginning He said they would be one flesh. This is a reference to sexual oneness. God arranged it so that when a man and woman have sex it is a union of their spirit, soul and body. In the right context this is a very good thing, but in the context of having multiple partners before marriage it is a very dangerous thing. Why? Because ties you have to other people which are only intended to be had with your spouse become a block to intimacy.

There is no verse that says “Thou shalt not have sex before marriage.” It isn’t that clear, just as the concept of the Trinity isn’t overtly stated anywhere in scripture. We need to look at scripture as a whole to understand God’s view of something and included in the category of sexual immorality is this concept of “fornication” which is simply premarital sex.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

Live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Ephesians 5:2-3

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

God doesn’t establish what is right and what is wrong to punish us or make our life hard. The truth is that the way He calls us to live is perfect in every way and will result in blessing and joy if we follow it. So by giving us parameters by which we are free to release ourselves sexually, He is giving us a safe place to be who He made us to be. It is damaging to us if we participate in acts He has instructed us to avoid.

The only problem with sex is that it’s wonderful and the secret is out. We have explored the spiritual reasons for committing yourself to abstinence before marriage, but on a practical level, apart from God having established that sex is to be enjoyed in the safety of a committed marriage relationship, why would anyone choose to remain a virgin until marriage in a world that doesn’t value purity.

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) and unexpected pregnancy without the security of a marriage in place are among the higher, most practical reasons to commit oneself to sexual purity. Most of the people being infected by STIs are between the ages of 15 and 24 and teenage pregnancy is overwhelmingly rampant. Once a teenage girl becomes pregnant her life is changed forever. Whatever she does at that point will affect her for the rest of her life. And with STIs that can affect your ability to have children later in life, cause a plethora of very uncomfortable infections, and possibly even become fatal I am saddened and surprised that the message is so strongly on safer sex when the real solution is to remain abstinent. I do not sit on the side of “they are going to do it anyway, so let’s minimize the damage.” I believe that our young adults possess a tremendous ability to stand with sexual integrity and I find it insulting that so many “professionals” don’t believe that unmarried and sexually aware young people can control their sexual behavior. They certainly can, but they need to be empowered with the knowledge to do so.

Apart from these reasons, it is intensely gratifying to know that you have shared every sexual experience with one person only. My wedding night was amazing, and my husband was a virgin too. We have enjoyed years of exploring each other and finding out what we find erotic and pleasurable without thoughts of prior partners. Whether we are referring to body parts, sex acts or technique, I know that I am the best he has ever had because I am the only one he has ever had. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Having said all this, if you have made mistakes in your sexual past and given away more than you wanted to, it isn’t to late. God can bring forgiveness and offer you a second chance at renewed virginity. If you want to recommit yourself to purity and abstinence it is a simple as coming to God the Father, acknowledging your sin and asking His forgiveness in the name of Jesus, and then inviting Him to cleanse your heart and mind and empower you by His Spirit to remain pure. He can take your broken heart and make it whole again.

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