Proceed With Caution

I have been angered and saddened by some of the ideas that people in the Church have developed about God’s view of sexuality. When I had my sexual awakening I started researching more deeply what God wanted for my sexual relationship with my husband. Some of the things I have come across since that time have either helped me to shake off the lies I had believed about myself and my sex life with my husband or they have left me shaking my head and sometimes my fists. When I lose my peace like that I have to step back and ask God what I can do about it.

I have seen many websites where the authors have either put a stumbling block up for Christian men and women in releasing them to participate in sinful acts, or they have provided information that serves to become a burden to the women that we, the ladies of this blog, desire to see set free. I found one where the writer works very hard at establishing arguments for practices that are sin, even using scriptures in a gross misrepresentation of what the intent of the scripture is. The effort made to work so hard to validate sinful behavior seems to indicate to me that they are deliberately putting a stumbling block in the way of Christians which is sickening to me. Then there are others where I can tell that the authors have tried to understand what God honestly thinks about these things and they have just come to an inaccurate, legalistic understanding because of their sexual past pain and misguided information.

So on the one side we have a site that is filled with so much wrong information I don’t even know where to begin. They have a main page that is giving Christians “freedom” to participate in anal sex before marriage, pointing out that there are scriptures where God directs women to receive anal sex. In every case, the context of the passage is about something else entirely. The author suggests that since anal sex allows a woman to keep her hymen in tact so she can remain a “pure and unsullied bride” on her wedding night, it is therefore permissible. In the same way, the website validates unmarried people to participate in oral sex because it is not real sex and then says it is only OK if the woman swallows, taking out of context the sin of Onan.

Furthermore and perhaps the saddest of all of the articles is one where the author gives married people his reasons why it is OK for them to participate in threesomes, complete again with his misinterpretations of scriptures that “prove” that a husband and wife can incorporate another woman into their sex life and it will be OK with the Lord. Oh, but not another man, because that might cause the wife to lust after him. Do you see the inconsistency?

I can’t even reflect on the content of this particular website for long before I lose my peace at the way this person has made such an open door for people to sin and misrepresented the Spirit-filled Word of God. My heart breaks at how they are leading people seeking truth into deception.

So there are indeed many websites like this, where you will see people talking about God and even using scriptures to support activities that are unacceptable.

On the other side of the coin, you will also find a lot of Christian websites where people are setting up rules for what is and is not acceptable based not on what God has said in scripture, but on their own experiences. In one I found, I could tell that the woman was genuine in trying to help people understand what their sexuality should be like, however, I do think she is misguided in some of her conclusions and her information places a heavy yoke on men and women to keep certain things out of their marriage beds that are actually a healthy way to express Godly passion.

Some of the spices that are not recommended according to her line of thinking include wearing lingerie and stripping, positions that don’t have you face to face, role playing, “vulgar language” (which could mean anything from using slang words for body parts to character insulting language), and oral sex in some circumstances.

The problem with a legalistic position like this is that it makes rules for everyone without considering that people have different heart issues. Lingerie and stripping for your husband are discouraged in this website because when your husband sees other women in the same situation he is going to prefer them over you because they look better (she assumes). As you age he is going to be less and less interested in you because you have trained him to be visual. She purports that we should learn to connect to our spouse in a non-visual way, like we do with God. The reality is that God made men (and many women) visually stimulated and wearing lingerie and stripping for him are great ways to please that part of him. The more he sees your naked body, the more he becomes connected to you. It’s in his wiring for it to be that way. It is insulting to say that we need to learn to become aroused without any visual stimulation.

Also, according to the author, a sex position that doesn’t have you face to face and specifically if you position yourselves doggy style, it is a “trap door” for perversion like bestiality. I am certain that receiving sex from behind does not in and of itself breed a desire to have sex with animals. If a person is already perverse in this manner I can see how they would perhaps seek to participate in it, but most people like it because it’s just really, really fun. It has nothing to do with wishing to have sex with an animal.

It would seem that the author has taken her negative experiences and made rules about what does and does not belong in the marriage bed based on them. She recommends asking yourself if what you are doing in your marriage bed is worshipful to the Lord and I can tell you with certainty that God LOVES to see the worship that my husband and I offer Him in celebrating the gift of sex that He gave us with complete abandon to one another.

So the problem here is that someone took a behavior that came from a sinful heart issue and applied a rule about the behavior rather than guiding people to freedom from the heart issue that caused the sin to begin with. In other words, one may choose to strip out of seeing the delight it brings to their spouse and out of the feeling it brings them of being desired by their one and only OR they may strip because they have an insatiable desire to actually perform in front of other people and when they do it they are fantasizing about other men or women watching them. Though the same thing is happening externally, internally, these are two very different situations. One builds the marriage up, the other tears it down. So you can not make a rule to say stripping is not beneficial to marriage just because some people need freedom from the latter mindset.

My problem is that the content I have read on websites like this comes off as very controlling. I would recommend that we all set up our sexual boundaries based on our own heart issues, rather than attempt to establish guidelines for everyone else which come from our history of pain and sexual confusion. Unless an act is expressly declared as sinful in the Word of God (multiple sexual partners, homosexual acts, bestiality and so on), we need to extend grace to people to work out what is acceptable in their marriage bed with their spouse and the Lord.

If you have any questions about what you read here about this topic please do not hesitate to leave it in the comment section or send it through our Got Questions? page. We all would be happy to help you understand healthy sexuality in any way we can.

Intimate Jewelry

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There are several options out there regarding erotic jewelry. Some people have piercings in certain places, but that is too permanent an option for me. I’m also afraid of nerve damage. So I’ve looked into some other options and came across some interesting things.

We own a couple of penis rings. My husband mainly wears them for me. They have vibes and nubs on them for my pleasure. But I’ve recently looked into other penis rings. They make some pretty ones. I’ve also found that you can get sterling silver or gold ones to wear like jewelry! They actually serve two different purposes. Besides looking nice, they can also be used to help control the blood flow to the penis. This helps with maintaining erections. I found a site that is pretty clean (no nudity or live models). You can see what an adjustable sterling silver penis ring looks like by clicking here. This site also explains how to get an accurate measurement so that you will order the correct size.

I’ve also found some erotic jewelry for women. There are some beautiful nipple rings out there. It is hard to find a clean site though. Ebay offers the best assortment and no nude people modeling the jewelry. Here is one woman who makes them and sells them. Most of them are adjustable, and from what I’ve read, you need to get your nipples hard before you can wear them. Then they clamp on. I just think it would be something different to try one night after a shower. I wonder if it would add more stimulation when your husband is sucking on them.

They also have some amazing clitoris clips. I really want to get a matching set of nipple/clit clips. The clit clips work best when you are already aroused as well. They slide down over your clitoris. I’ve even found some labia clips that clip to the left and right side of your labia. They have a “bridge” in between that stimulates your clitoris. I found that pretty interesting, although I’m not sure how that would work during sex?

And then I found some pasties! These things are beautiful!! I really do see myself putting an order in soon for some of these. This same site also has some other erotic jewelry like clit clips/nipple jewelry/belly chains/navel rings. But beware that they do use live women models in these last two links.

So far I haven’t bought anything yet, but I’ve wanted to for months now. Maybe some day I’ll take the plunge and order something for us to play around with. I don’t think I’ll tell my husband though. I think I’ll surprise him.

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Comfort zone

There are times when I feel like a turtle…I creep back into my shell and don’t really want to face something new. It’s scary…it’s intimidating….it’s….naughty?

My hubby and I had a great date night one evening awhile back. We went to dinner and to see a movie… nothing out of the ordinary….except that night, I chose to come out of my comfort zone…

It is so easy to stay within your comfort zone. Especially for me, but that night, I did something that I thought was very daring. I dressed up in a dress that I would not normally wear. I am a tomboy, but this dress was rather skimpy according to my terms. While at the restaurant, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and while there, I removed my thong panty and stuck it in my purse. Later when we left the restaurant and before we got to the theater, I made a plan to reveal to my hubby that I was now commando in the movie. That for me was a major step out of my comfort zone! I stuck the thong in the pocket of his jacket. I believe he really liked it that I was being so daring. We were trying to get into the back row of the theater to “do some business”, but it was packed…we settled for the front row. He had plans, too…he had LUBE in his pocket! Needless to say, during the movie, with his coat over his lap and mine, he fingered me to a couple of orgasms during the movie….with a young couple just a few seats away from us! It was so exhilarating!

On the way home, I gave him a blow job in the car while he was driving…not the safest thing in the world, but it was so much fun. (He drove quite well, too) By the time we got home, we were wishing the sitter could drive herself home! When he got back from taking the sitter home, there was some really good lovin’ that night!

Coming out of your comfort zone can add a lot of spice to your marriage bed. It most certainly did for ours!

 

 

 

Morning Wood

                       

 

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When my husband snuggles up to me first thing in the morning I love feeling his erect penis against me.  If he’s lying on his back I admire the tent he has inadvertently pitched.  It is a beautiful site looking so perfectly peaked.  Not only can he not keep his hands off me throughout the day but obviously I am in his dreams as well.  Wow, talk about an ego boost.  Let’s discuss the ‘morning glory’.

There is no better way to start the day then having a romp in bed before the days pressures set in.  We have mornings that my husband’s penis seems to have a mind of its own.  It will be erect before he even wakes up.  Thinking that I am going to make the most of these rock hard erections I will start heading south so that he can wake up to my special kisses.  I pop an Altoid in my mouth and mentally run through the list I shared in Advanced Oral Techniques.  Hmmm, which technique should I use to wake him today?  This will usually last right up to the point if him really waking up.  Once he awakes he will usually mumble the following “I need to pee.”   As he heads to the bathroom I’m left there thinking “Pee? But we are just getting started.”  He usually takes extra long in the bathroom because he needs to let his erection subside and I encourage him to take his time so that I don’t need to clean urine off the walls.  When he comes back to bed more often then not he is not aroused and we will work to get things going again.  Sometimes we can and it is a wonderful way to start the day and other times we need to take a rain check.

The truth is those morning erections have nothing to do with arousal.  A healthy man will get an erection while he is in REM sleep.  The average man has about four a night.  Certain neuroreflexes are stimulated, increased blood flows to the penis and voila an erection occurs.  

There goes my ego boost.  It’s not my image causing that rush of blood to his penis; it’s his neuroreflexes that are causing it.  I know.  I found it hard to believe as well.  That’s OK.  I can live with it.  Heck, sometimes we can even enjoy the side effect and start the day of the way God intended.   Now I am wondering though, what happens when he’s traveling for work and falls asleep on an airplane?

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Making Water Wonderful!!!

Whether you are slipping into a hot tub on a cold winter night or cooling off in a pool on a warm summer day, the feeling of that water on your skin as you glide through the water is wonderful.

My husband and I have enjoyed skinny dipping together on occasion, usually in a hot tub because we don’t have access to a private pool. We would both love to have the chance to do it in cool waters though so we are keeping our eyes open for the right opportunity.

Things to think about

Getting Caught ~ While the thrill of the possibility of getting caught is likely part of the draw (it is for me), you don’t want to actually be exposing your nude body to others. So find a place to skinny dip that is private enough to have the risk of people seeing you minimal. When I skinny dip in a hot tub, I like to have my bathing suit within arms reach in case we are interrupted.

Lubricant ~ If you find that the water washes away the natural lubrication you are used to, you will find that a waterproof silicone based lubricant will help you to be able achieve slicker penetration. There is a huge selection available online and I am sure any one of them would help.

Where to do it? ~ In a pool. In a hot tub. In a lake. In the ocean. Anywhere you can ensure privacy and passion. 🙂

Is it a sin? ~ Not unless you are skinny dipping with someone other than your husband. Jump in and enjoy.

Skinny dipping is a fun and exciting way to spice things up so next time you have an opportunity to slip into the water with your sweetheart, take a chance and enjoy yourselves. You’ll probably be building a memory to last you a lifetime.

Position #3: On The Pillows

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This is position that has always been a favorite of ours. It’s not extremely difficult, although the man needs to have a good sense of balance and strong arms. We’ve never known what to call it so we just call it the “On The Pillows” position.

You start by stacking up three good-sized pillows in the middle of your bed (you may need 4). Then the wife is going to lay down on her back, but put her bottom up on top of the pillows. The husband may need to help lift her up on top. Now the wife should be lying on her back with her bottom angled up on top of a stack of pillows.

The husband gets on his knees directly in front of her, in between her legs, in a kneeling position. His penis should be close to the height of her vagina. If not, then you may add or take away a pillow as needed.

Then the husband can grab hold of the wife’s ankles, and hold her legs up and apart while entering her. He will then thrust while on his knees. He can move his hands down to hold onto her calves or thighs if he would rather do that. Or, the wife can rest her legs on her husband’s chest/shoulders.

And while the husband is thrusting and keeping the wife’s legs out of the way, the wife’s hands are free to rub her own clitoris. Here is a side view picture:

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Pros:
For women who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, this position is wonderful. You are able to get yourself to orgasm while your husband is inside you at the same time, making it really nice!

This position gives a WONDERFUL view to the husbands out there. He is able to look down and see himself entering his wife, and also see her rubbing herself at the same time.

Cons:
Although you can see each other, your bodies are not really touching except for the privates. You aren’t close enough to kiss or hug or hold each other tight.

This is not a difficult position to do. If you haven’t tried it yet, I encourage you to do so soon, with the lights ON!

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Vision of Love

Skimpy, satin, cotton, see-thru, mesh, lace, rubber, edible, silk, leather, rhinestones, costumes, peek-a-boo… SEXY! What do all these adjectives describe? It’s none other than LINGERIE. Intimate apparel manufacturers make millions of dollars per year selling these small items of clothing. Thankfully, they cater to all makes and models of women, because many of us know that one size doesn’t always fit most.

Just the word, lingerie, can make us feel a plethora of emotions. Some of us are empowered while wearing special bedroom outfits; others feel very awkward at the thought. I wasn’t always keen on wearing sexy outfits, because I knew that it would make my husband intentionally look at me and I wasn’t comfortable enough in my own skin to receive all that attention. You may be thinking… well, didn’t he see you naked? Of course, he did, but there was just something different about dressing up for him that I didn’t like.

Not too long ago, he reminded me of a conversation that we had before our honeymoon. We were in a store and I was browsing through their selection of unmentionables, looking for something simple to get for our honeymoon. He saw a garter set and asked “What about something like this?” I was shocked at his suggestion and replied “You’re crazy if you think I’d wear something like that! Those are for prostitutes and strippers!” Little did I know that at that moment, I crushed one of his fantasies.

Over the years, I bought a few items here and there to wear on certain occasion, but I never did it for me. It was a sacrifice that I made to please my husband. It was about seven years into our marriage and right before Valentine’s Day when a light bulb went off in my head when it came to lingerie and my husband. I should ask my husband what he would like to see! What a novel idea, right? My thinking began to change… it should no longer be a sacrifice for me to look sexy for my darling, but it should please me to please him. So, when I asked him what he would like to see for Valentine’s Day, he was surprised and excited. I went to the Mall and looked at lingerie with my husband in mind… again, a new idea to me. And when the day came for the fashion debut… it was a hit! He enjoyed the ensemble, I enjoyed the attention and my mindset was transforming.

All it took was that first step for change to begin. And with much encouragement from my hubby (and the Lord), he helped me change my mental image of my body. He loved me and wanted to see me even if I wasn’t the same size I was when we first married. I had new bumps and curves and he was in love with every single one! It made me want to buy more and more… all different styles, colors and textures. I no longer think that certain items are off limits and my spouse couldn’t be happier with the outfits that I have.

So… you may have a few questions, like:

“Do all men like lingerie?” And the answer to that would be, no. But, the majority of men are visual and there’s an easy way to find out if your hubby falls into that category: simply ask. Find out if he would like you to have bedroom attire and what he would like to see you wearing.

“If my husband says he doesn’t like it, can I try it out anyway?” And that’s a definite yes. Some gals like to dress up because it makes them feel good and if that’s you then more power to you. Lingerie can be thought of as gift wrap! Wearing something that makes you feel sexy will help you feel confident… and confidence is SEXY!

“What if my husband suggests something that I don’t like?” I’d encourage you to start out with an item that you do like, but get a color that he likes. Then you can try something new. You might surprise yourself once you step out of the box!

Look for more upcoming articles that delve into different types of lingerie and accessories. In the mean time, start to see yourself through your husband’s eyes. And remember that we are all wonderfully made in the sight of our Lord.

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