The new baby and sex

The more I read this title, the more I think it’s an oxymoron. New baby? Sex? What, are you nuts lady?

To tell you the honest truth, there is one sex drive that doesn’t go away after the baby is born….his. I learned this the hard way after my son was born.

We were very apprehensive when we read the pregnancy test. We had only been married 5 months, and we were pregnant! That wasn’t what we planned (even though we sure had lots of fun getting there!) So here we were, newlyweds, still in the process of getting used to things as a newly married couple.

Fast forward 8 months and our healthy, screaming baby was born. He was the apple of my eye. I think from that point on, something changed in me. I was a Mommy. I was someone’s Mommy. Satan took that precious moment when I gazed into my son’s eyes and he stopped crying at the sound of my voice, and he planted the worst possible lie into my unsuspecting head. Satan whispered to me, “Mommies don’t have sex.”

As I adjusted to the first days of my precious baby being home, the middle of the night feedings, diaper changes, the tiredness, my body feeling really awful from the 4th degree episiotomy, the raging hormones….there was no way I was even thinking about sex…until that 6 week postpartum appointment when the doctor cleared me for sexual intercourse. What? Hadn’t he heard? Mommies don’t have sex!

My poor husband. I don’t think I can possibly imagine the hurt, pain and frustration that he went through for the next 9 years. Yes, I said 9 years. Until after the birth of my second baby and then some. What happened? I fell for the oldest lie in the book. Mommies don’t have sex. Satan was on a euphoric high every time he looked in on us. “She really believes it! Look at how it is destroying them!!”

Instead of rehashing my life story, let me give you Mommies a bit of advice. You are still a sexual being. You may not feel like it at first, and that is understandable. Babies take a lot of time and energy, but PLEASE don’t forget the man you love. Here are a few tips and suggestions.

1. Please be open and communicate with your husband your feelings and your needs, and be receptive to his feelings and needs as well. He may believe that now that the baby is born, your sex drive will match his. Communication is very important here.

2. Daddies, please be sure to be very involved with helping your wife with the baby.
Help out around the house. This can be a serious turn on for new mommies…..

3. Mommies, take the time when you don’t *feel* like having sexual intercourse to satisfy your husband in some other way. Treat him to some manual stimulation or oral sex. If you aren’t feeling up to that, then give him permission to release himself via masturbation.

4. Oh, and guys, snuggling, hugging, cuddling….all those things are A-OK.

The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:5 ” 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It takes time, patience, communication and understanding to return to a normal, intimate, loving partnership after your first baby is born. Keep those lines of communication open and get help from your doctor if hormones and depression are getting in the way of your recovery. Mostly, remember what drew the two of you together in the first place. That beautiful baby you are holding was a beautiful creation through the beautiful coming together of a loving married couple. God blessed you with a child, but he still wants to bless you, your marriage and your marriage bed with the most intimate gift that only God could give you and bless you with.

aka nutmeg nympho

How To Have a Sexual Awakening

Most of the contributors to this blog will tell you that a point came in their marriage when they suddenly had a revelation of God’s intention for them to have a richer sexual relationship with their husband. The result; a sexual awakening.

For the first several years of my marriage I had a minor interest in sex. It isn’t that I felt I was “putting up with it,” but I just didn’t have a great passion for it most of the time. Although the times my husband and I did have sex it was a pretty good time, we didn’t have sex very often and we had very poor communication about it. Then in the fall of 2006, quite all of a sudden and surprisingly, I had my sexual awakening. My husband didn’t know quite what to do with all of these sudden changes in me and honestly it took some time for us to adjust to it. My husband found the sudden change overwhelming at times. Remember we had poor communication about sex and that didn’t change just because I now wanted him every chance I could. So we have been working through that and trying to improve our communication in general, but also in relation to our intimacy.

“So how did it happen?” I can hear the wives and husbands asking. There were several situational circumstances that caused it, but at the core there were several things that were the key.

First, this revelation came from Jesus. In much the same way that I can not know the love of God unless He chooses to reveal it to me, I could only have had this revelation by His hand. So if you or your wife or husband need to experience a sexual awakening then pray, pray, pray. God promised that if we sought Him with all of our heart we would find him. Read books like Red Hot Monogamy, Intimate Issues and Sheet Music, and study the Song of Solomon in a variety of translations with much prayer. Ask God to show you His view of sex. Why did He create it? What more does He have for you in your marriage bed? Show Him that you are seeking Him with all of your heart.

Second, in this revelation that God had more to bless us with in our marriage bed, was also a revelation of how beautiful I was to my husband. I suddenly realized how much he desired me and I believed him when he told me how beautiful I was to him. I didn’t resent it if he wanted my body because I knew that my soul was part of the package. He wanted all of me. And it was a good thing.

And third, even before my heart believed it, I started behaving as the sexy wife I was starting to understand that I was. I became more responsive to my husband’s touch and started communicating that I wanted him. And soon, my heart started believing it so much so that my sexy heart and my sexy behavior were one and the same. They spurred one another on to deeper and deeper passion until I seriously thought I was going to explode. I remember the one night that I couldn’t sleep because of all my passionate thoughts towards my husband. That was the highest my drive ever was and I can thankfully say that I have never had a night like that again because I seriously need my sleep, but I love that I know that part of me still exists. So my drive may go up and down a bit, but I still continue behaving sexually. I keep thinking sexy thoughts of my husband. I realize that I really can choose how I will think and feel about sex in any given moment.

So if you need and want a sexual awakening, seek God for it and start acting sexy. Let your mind think sexy thoughts. If your husband or wife needs a sexual awakening, the most practical thing you can do the change it is to pray continually for God to change it. He is on your side. He wants your spouse to be free even more than you do. Ask Him to show you how to reach out to your beloved. Ask Him to make you who you need to be in order to be a blessing to your spouse. Do all that He leads you to do.

I bless your marriage bed!

Anal Beads, Plugs, and Vibrators

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Okay, so if you like anal play, and you enjoy your husband using his finger, then you may be interested in some anal toys. There are so many of them to choose from now a days! The secret to making anal toys work is having lots of lube, and knowing how large or how small you like yours to be.

Anal beads are good for beginners. They can be inserted slowly and then pulled out during orgasm. Some women really love this added stimulation. They usually aren’t that big around, although you can get larger ones if you like them better.

An anal probe is also something that comes in smaller sizes for beginners, and larger sizes for those who like a little more girth. You can use this yourself when masturbating or your husband can use this on you while making love.

There are also some good anal vibrators out there.  This one is a good one because of it’s graduated girth. If you just want a little stimulation, then you only insert it a little. If you want more, then you insert it further. The ones that vibrate are definitely my favorite.

In the beginning, you could try some Anal Eaze, to help get used to larger things being inserted. It will numb the area slightly.  It may help when transitioning to anal sex.   After a little while though, you probably won’t need it anymore.  As long as you have lube, you’ll be fine.

These toys can add some spice if you and your husband already like anal play. If I happen to hear of another good one sometime, I’ll update this blog with a review on it!

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