As We Age: Self Lubrication

It took me almost 11 years of marriage to love sex like I do now. I feel like I have lost something though…my body is older now, and it does not work like it used to when I was younger. The one thing that I notice the most that bothers me the most is my ability to produce my own natural lubrication. It just doesn’t happen anymore….well, it does slightly when I am ovulating, but that is the time when my husband and I practice our NFP and come up with other ways to satisfy our needs. I decided to do some research on natural lubrications.

It was disheartening at first to read that some women have the opposite reaction to me…they produce too much lube! But then I found one site that I giggled at…Dr. Sue Johanson suggests on her website that when we produce our own natural lubrication, that we are “horny” (her words). SO that is my problem! I am not horny! (Sorry, I just had to giggle there) Estrogen is a major factor in self lubrication. As you approach your late 30’s and early 40’s, the level of estrogen in your body may not be as high and when you were younger. THIS made more sense to me. I am possibly entering in the perimenopausal stage of my life, so changes in the hormones in my body do and will affect my sex life now.

So what am I to do about lubrication? I can tell you that sex without it can be painful for me, so my husband and I went through a process of elimination to choose the right lube for us. We tried KY Jelly and found it very sticky and not too comfortable. We tried Astroglide as well. I like it better than KY. Then we heard about coconut oil.

coconut oil

At first, I was like…”Don’t you cook with coconut oil”, but coconut oil was non greasy, it didn’t stain our sheets, it was inexpensive (we buy Louana coconut oil at Walmart for $3 a tub), and it worked awesome! Since we don’t use condoms, we have no problem with using coconut oil, but if you do use condoms, be sure to choose a water based lube. The oil will break down a condom. Now there are times when I do like to go back to Astroglide or we’ve even tried flavored lubes like Juicy Lube (great for oral sex!!!) , but for the bang for the buck (hee hee), coconut oil is the way to go.

aka nutmeg nympho


  1. This has always been an issue for me (for 20 years), regardless of my age. Sometimes intercourse just gives me a burning sensation. I do not get yeast infections and we use lube (same brand) everytime. I’m wondering if it’s a hormonal thing – maybe certain times of the month my vagina is more sensitive than other times in the cycle? I often wonder also – am I turned on enough? I think I am at the time, so then I’m surprised when it burns.

  2. I think it very well could be hormone and cycle related. There are some times that I am extremely lubed on my own, and other times that I’m very aroused but my body doesn’t produce much natural lube until I orgasm. Then the flood gates are opened, lol. I have experienced that burning sensation before as well. For me, oral sex helps. There is something about his tongue on me down there, that helps my body to relax and produce some more natural lube.

  3. Thanks cumingirl…………..sometimes it’s just good to know that I’m normal!

  4. Do you know if Coconut Oil is safe to use with sex toys?

  5. That is a good question…

    We seem to remember that we have heard a warning not to use silicone toys with CO. (Also, you should not use it with condoms as the CO could break down the latex.) Our suggestion is to make your way over to The Marriage Bed Forums (see banner in our blogroll for the link) and ask there. That place is full of very well informed people who can tell you for sure.

    Also, one of the spice sisters might be able to answer this for sure later, but for the ones I spoke with, we can not say for sure.

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