Sex Toys = Pornography?

Question: Aren’t sex toys just another form of pornography because they are used for arousal?

Answer: Whether or not a person is sinning when they use sex toys depends on what they are thinking about while they are using them. It is our conviction that unless a sex act is expressly declared in Scripture as wrong (adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, incest and so on), we are to consider what is happening in the mind according to the principles Jesus gave us to determine if it is sin or not. Since masturbation, with or without a toy, is not talked about in Scripture we use what Jesus taught us about lust and remaining in control of our bodies to separate masturbation that is sin from masturbation that is not sin.

So if a woman uses a sex toy and is thinking about what her body is doing and how it is responding, and/or what she would like to be doing sexually with her husband, we do not believe this is sin. However, if a woman is using a sex toy and fantasizing about a man at work or thinking about a sex scene she saw in a movie then we believe this is sin. As well, if masturbation/the use of sex toys controls her to the point where she plans her day around it or it interferes with her responsibilities and so on, then we believe that it has become something which controls her which we believe is sin. The final issue that we believe would make toy usage sin is if it replaced a wife’s sexual experience with her husband. We believe the needs of the couple come first. So if a wife is using a toy and it results in pleasing her to to point where she is no longer available to him, then we believe the woman is sinning.

So although sex toys are tools that are used for arousal, we believe that they do not fit into the category of pornography because they can be used in ways that are free from lust and a loss of self control.

Thank you for your question.

Not in the Mood for Love?

hotcold.jpgIf you’ve read more than a couple of our posts here on Christian Nymphos, you might think that we are all always on the lookout for sex, ready to pounce on our loving husbands as soon as we see them.

This may be the case for a couple of us (lol), but not all.

As much as I enjoy making love with my husband, there are times when I’m preoccupied, or tired, or busy, or just generally “not in the mood.”

Earlier in our marriage, I would think nothing of giving my husband an excuse, or pretending to be asleep already, or secretly wishing he’d just go masturbate if I wasn’t in the mood for sex. This was what my friends did, this was what the world told me was normal and acceptable. But then I read a book called Intimate Issues. It challenged many of my perceptions of marital intimacy, and specifically it challenged me about ignoring my husband’s needs.

I now understand that I am the only person in the world who has been ordained by God to meet my husband’s sexual needs. My body belongs to him, and his belongs to me. Through the bonds of marriage, our bodies are God’s gift to one another. For this reason, I have a duty to try to fulfill his desires, and he mine.

Now please don’t think that I’m talking about that kind of grim old, “oh-great-just-what-I-need-another-duty” kind of thing. I find that it’s all in how you look at a thing…how you approach it. You can say “I have to do it, so I will” or you can say “I get to do it, so I will.” If we view sex as a gift from God, something really special and good that He’s given us for pleasure as well as procreation…well that’s a different kind of duty, isn’t it?

Intimate Issues (the book that I mentioned above) offers an excellent technique for getting yourself a new attitude about sex on those doldrum days. Start off by saying a silent prayer. Ask the Lord to help you to make love to your husband right now, not just to lay there and “have sex.” Ask Him to help you to make your husband feel desired. Ask Him to help your body to respond. Even as you begin to make love, look deeply at this man whom God has given you. Thank the Lord for him. Thank the Lord that He has given you this special person as your mate in life. Thank the Lord that this man wants to be with you, and that he is able to perform. Thank the Lord that he is doing this or that right now to bring sexual pleasure to you.

And then just relax. Just enjoy the moment. Don’t allow your mind to go back to your “to-do” list or to what is less than perfect about your husband’s technique, or the fact that the dog needs to be fed. Just be right there in that moment with your beloved.

This works for me. I hope that it will work for you. I have seen myself go from bored and uninterested to wildly orgasmic by employing this technique. Ask and you shall receive, ladies, ask and you shall receive.

(I do find it necessary to mention here that I am not talking about times when a woman legitimately needs a night off. There are situations in which sex drives are wildly incompatible and the couple must find a way to balance that. I’m not talking about those cases, but rather the “I just don’t feel like it” moods.)

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Faking It!!!!

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OK girls; sit down for a little lesson on faking it. Before I go any further I am not talking about faking an orgasm. I don’t recommend or believe in faking an orgasm. Here’s why, if your husband is trying to get you over that hump to have that toe curling orgasm and you start faking it do you realize what will now happen? That move he just did, the one that sent you into “fake ecstasy” will probably now become his signature move. From then on when you are teetering on the edge of a big O he will try this new “signature move”, that does absolutely nothing for you, and he will expect fireworks. Meanwhile all that will be running through your head is, “Oh no. He’s doing ‘it’ again.” My advice is just tell him if it’s not happening and you would rather focus on just him. He will respect you more for being so honest and what man doesn’t like to be focused on in the bedroom?

What I am talking about is self confidence. There is nothing sexier then the confidence we carry into the bedroom. I truly feel that everyone has some kind of physical strength. Think of it while you are getting dressed for the day. Find out what looks good on you. Unfortunately, I do not have a cute table top derriere so I try to stay away from anything that will be super tight across my backside. If you have a flat chest then stay away from plunging necklines and wear shorter skirts/shorts with sexy hosiery. If you have wide hips try to accentuate your neckline with a flattering collar. If you were blessed with nice breasts but heavy legs then stay away from stocking that would draw attention to them and wear a top that is extra clingy. Move around and make sure you are comfortable. Bring out your good features. Everyone has good features whether it’s your feet, hair, skin, teeth, back or eyes. It’s up to you to find it. If you do have an amazing bust line but you feel uncomfortable showing it off in public then just wear it around the house. Let’s say you have sexy legs but you don’t want to flash the world when you bend over in your ultra short mini. Again wear it at home and feel free to flash your husband. I love ‘accidently’ dropping things in front of him just so I can bend over to pick them up. If your specialty is giving oral maybe you can slowly eat a Popsicle in front of your husband. The look he gives you should help you feel sexy.

Another thing that can get my blood pumping and butterflies in my stomach is music. Put on music that makes you feel good. Do whatever you are moved to do. Dance, sing or lip sync. I like to do a combination of all three and yes, my kids do think I am crazy. (Actually, anyone who witnessed this would this I was crazy as well but it makes me happy.) We all have that vixen hidden inside trying to get out. Let her out and enjoy yourself. Think about how sexy you are. If you are not feeling sexy then fake it. Strut around your house (or outside if you have the confidence to do so) like you are the hottest person in the world. Keep reminding yourself that you are the biggest, best, God given gift. Pamper yourself. Paint your nails; throw on some lip stick, heck even cleaning my house makes me feel sexier for some reason. So many different things boost our self confidence and make us feel sexier. Go ahead and do whatever it takes. Just don’t go faking that O in the bedroom.

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Our Hair

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How do you feel about your hair? Specifically, your hair during sex? I was thinking today about my hair. What role it has when I’m being intimate with my husband. All too often I let my hair bother me, and I focus on the frustrations that it sometimes gives. How it falls in my face when I’m on top. How it falls down around his penis when I’m giving him oral sex, thus sticking and getting in my mouth. Ug. That’s why I usually grab for a scrunchie when I know things are going to heat up.

But my husband has told me recently that he likes my hair during sex. He thinks it’s appealing to see it all wild and about. He likes watching it sway and move when I’m on top of him. He likes watching it fall over my shoulders when he’s taking me from behind. He notices when I move it out of the way while giving him oral sex, so that he can see the action better. He likes it when I do that.

I realized that my husband is kind of right. Even though I let it frustrate me sometimes, my hair really does help me feel sexy. I love it when I’m on top, and I lean over to kiss him, and we are cocooned inside my long, wavy locks. I love it when I arch my back, throw my head back, and feel my hair reaching down. I love watching it in our large dresser mirror. It’s erotic looking. It is almost empowering.

And there is nothing like that after-sex do. You ladies know what I’m talking about. You have a nice session of monkey love, and then you get up and walk into the bathroom and notice yourself in the mirror. ACK! There was actually a time when I hated my after sex look, years ago. But now I actually stand there and look at myself in the mirror for a bit. I don’t try and fix it right away. The last time my husband followed me in to the bathroom and our eyes met in the mirror. He smiled. I asked him what he was thinking. He said: You look like you have been thoroughly f***ed. Then it was my turn to smile. He was right, and I liked it. I liked looking all wild and erotic, and I liked that he was the only person that could make me look that way.

So I’ve rambled on about my hair here, and how it is sometimes so frustrating and then other times very accommodating. I guess it depends on my mood beforehand. I need to remember that my husband actually thinks it’s a turn on. Maybe I can use that to my advantage sometime? I’ll probably continue to keep some clips and scrunchies in my top nightstand drawer though, just in case.

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