Not in the Mood for Love?

hotcold.jpgIf you’ve read more than a couple of our posts here on Christian Nymphos, you might think that we are all always on the lookout for sex, ready to pounce on our loving husbands as soon as we see them.

This may be the case for a couple of us (lol), but not all.

As much as I enjoy making love with my husband, there are times when I’m preoccupied, or tired, or busy, or just generally “not in the mood.”

Earlier in our marriage, I would think nothing of giving my husband an excuse, or pretending to be asleep already, or secretly wishing he’d just go masturbate if I wasn’t in the mood for sex. This was what my friends did, this was what the world told me was normal and acceptable. But then I read a book called Intimate Issues. It challenged many of my perceptions of marital intimacy, and specifically it challenged me about ignoring my husband’s needs.

I now understand that I am the only person in the world who has been ordained by God to meet my husband’s sexual needs. My body belongs to him, and his belongs to me. Through the bonds of marriage, our bodies are God’s gift to one another. For this reason, I have a duty to try to fulfill his desires, and he mine.

Now please don’t think that I’m talking about that kind of grim old, “oh-great-just-what-I-need-another-duty” kind of thing. I find that it’s all in how you look at a thing…how you approach it. You can say “I have to do it, so I will” or you can say “I get to do it, so I will.” If we view sex as a gift from God, something really special and good that He’s given us for pleasure as well as procreation…well that’s a different kind of duty, isn’t it?

Intimate Issues (the book that I mentioned above) offers an excellent technique for getting yourself a new attitude about sex on those doldrum days. Start off by saying a silent prayer. Ask the Lord to help you to make love to your husband right now, not just to lay there and “have sex.” Ask Him to help you to make your husband feel desired. Ask Him to help your body to respond. Even as you begin to make love, look deeply at this man whom God has given you. Thank the Lord for him. Thank the Lord that He has given you this special person as your mate in life. Thank the Lord that this man wants to be with you, and that he is able to perform. Thank the Lord that he is doing this or that right now to bring sexual pleasure to you.

And then just relax. Just enjoy the moment. Don’t allow your mind to go back to your “to-do” list or to what is less than perfect about your husband’s technique, or the fact that the dog needs to be fed. Just be right there in that moment with your beloved.

This works for me. I hope that it will work for you. I have seen myself go from bored and uninterested to wildly orgasmic by employing this technique. Ask and you shall receive, ladies, ask and you shall receive.

(I do find it necessary to mention here that I am not talking about times when a woman legitimately needs a night off. There are situations in which sex drives are wildly incompatible and the couple must find a way to balance that. I’m not talking about those cases, but rather the “I just don’t feel like it” moods.)

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8 Comments

  1. This was a good article gingermama. I, too, have made up excuses and tried to “get out of” having sex with my husband. Although it’s years behind me, the memories are still haunting. I did it to the point of refusing. I thank God daily for breaking me free of my old habits and sin. And now, when I tell him I have a headache, he knows it’s because I really do, and not because I am trying to get out of sex, lol.

  2. This article really hits home for me, too. And it reminds me of something else I should blog about. Thanks for your awesome article!!

  3. This is one of those rare articles that almost every woman can identify with. Great job expressing yourself , Ginger mama!!!

  4. Love the article, I am guilty for not wanting to please my husband and sometimes I catch myself in the mind frame of another thing to do on my list.

  5. Hi I read this article and it really made me think. I have only been married 6 weeks and already find myself making excuses! I will use this wonderful article to remind me what a blessing I have in my husband.
    I would love some advice on something… We were abstinent prior to marriage and I’m finding sex to still be painful at times. We pretty much stay with ‘regular’ sex and use a lot of good quality lube but it still feels less than great. I do try to get really aroused but sometimes it just doesn’t happen! I am praying that God allows me to embrace the sexuality he gave to us and overcome the lack of desire and the discomfort. So nice to have a place to learn without seeing offensive images or stuffy people!!!

  6. Any ideas of what to do to get our husbands in “the mood”. Being a husband and father and self-employed has alot of cares attached that sometimes take over his mind. I’m sure you already have articles about this?

  7. sugarcookie, you know your man best but here is what works for mine:

    I do flirt via text and email during the day. Everything from “you looked really great this morning, looking forward to seeing you tonight” to far racier comments.

    He loves coming home to a tidy home, smiling wife and whatever kids we happen to have home at the time (ours are 16, 20 and 20) so I make sure that the living areas and our bed and bath are tidy…not neccessarily spotless but decluttered and picked up. Even if I am crabby or out of sorts I am genuinely happy to see him every evening so I put on a happy face, give him a hug and a kiss offer to get him a drink and a snack and tell him I am glad to see him.

    Then I leave him alone for awhile (5-10 minutes or more)

    My H’s Love Language is Acts of Service so whenever I can give him a body or foot massage he feels turned on because he feels loved. Don’t know if you have kids or how old they are but at some point in the evening you may try putting on lingerie or one of his shirts and wordlessly come grab his hand and lead him into the bedroom.

    If your H likes little gifts, things like lip balm, candy, or something to go along with one of his hobbies might be the thing to make him know you are thinking of him.

    We all need incouragement and it sounds like your man has a lot on his plate so if you can tell him how wonderful he is: for working so hard for you all, for being a caring husband and a loving father that can get him feeling sexified too.

    Number one I would say to find his love language and love the dickens out of him by speaking to it. The 5 Love Languages is linked here on CN if you are not familiar, just do a search.

    From personal experience I can tell you that though I was always a sweet wife and my H a great man, my husband and I did not share a wonderful sex life until I learned his LL and used it as my focus in interaction with him. We went from rarely making love more than once a week to rarely not making love 5 times a week. We have been married over 21 years now and things are better than ever in our bedroom.!

  8. Oh if he has said he likes your hair a certain way or a certain outfit or something, go ahead and wear it. It makes them feel listened to cuz well…you are šŸ™‚


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