Sex Toys = Pornography?

Question: Aren’t sex toys just another form of pornography because they are used for arousal?

Answer: Whether or not a person is sinning when they use sex toys depends on what they are thinking about while they are using them. It is our conviction that unless a sex act is expressly declared in Scripture as wrong (adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, incest and so on), we are to consider what is happening in the mind according to the principles Jesus gave us to determine if it is sin or not. Since masturbation, with or without a toy, is not talked about in Scripture we use what Jesus taught us about lust and remaining in control of our bodies to separate masturbation that is sin from masturbation that is not sin.

So if a woman uses a sex toy and is thinking about what her body is doing and how it is responding, and/or what she would like to be doing sexually with her husband, we do not believe this is sin. However, if a woman is using a sex toy and fantasizing about a man at work or thinking about a sex scene she saw in a movie then we believe this is sin. As well, if masturbation/the use of sex toys controls her to the point where she plans her day around it or it interferes with her responsibilities and so on, then we believe that it has become something which controls her which we believe is sin. The final issue that we believe would make toy usage sin is if it replaced a wife’s sexual experience with her husband. We believe the needs of the couple come first. So if a wife is using a toy and it results in pleasing her to to point where she is no longer available to him, then we believe the woman is sinning.

So although sex toys are tools that are used for arousal, we believe that they do not fit into the category of pornography because they can be used in ways that are free from lust and a loss of self control.

Thank you for your question.

7 Comments

  1. The question assumes that anything that is “for arousal” is wrong unless you do something to baptize it and make it okay.

    Thanks for your super reasonable Nymph-perspective that there is nothing inherently sinful about enjoyment of sexual sensation.

  2. We believe the Song of Solomon invokes the usage of aphrodisiacs (mandrake), textiles (clothing materials) and environment (garden, mom’s bedroom) as a means used by the wife toward her husband for the sake of arousal.

    The issue with pornography is not its use to arouse. It is the ‘drawing’ from others’ wells to replenish our own that breaks the sacred vow of sexual exclusivity. Toys are just another textile aphrodisiac to create a playful environment!

  3. What you do not address is virgin masturbation for either sex. Whle sexual stimulous in Scripture is largely left to the imagination of a married couple, and thus you derive your interpretation from that principle, premarital stimulation is not discussed at all. Biblically this argument is vague but enough could be drawn to argue either side. What is your position?

  4. Stokie, the subject of masturbation is discussed thoroughly HERE. Cinnamonsticks does talk about premarital stimulation in that article.

  5. My husband thinks I would like to use a sex toy and I think I would probably like it to. My hesitation to use a sex toy is that it will open the door to things I am afraid would hurt our sexual freedom. Do you have any advice or an article that I could read on this subject. I have had a problem with an overactive conscience and so that might be what is giving me this hesitation. I just don’t want to go too far and be in a place of sin and filled with regret.

  6. Tiffany, first off, any type of fear that your “sinning” towards sex is just plain wrong. It should never – ever seem like a “mental battle” we have WAY too much to worry about. Sex and sin should never be one of them. FREE yourself from this immediately.

    We were fully designed to do it. It’s nature. USE THE SEX TOY. AND THEN DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN… and THEN DO IN FRONT OF YOUR PARTNER, and see true arousal. Even One encounter like this can save a marraige from the sores of boredom! It’s gods to gift to us to fully enjoy, explore, and embrace our sexual needs… dreams, desires, and wishes to it’s MAXIMUM potential with your mate. This is how we grow and learn more and more about ourselves. Sometimes we just “think” and get analysis paralysis over the whole god, religious, and christian thing. I’m not condoning “recklessness” or “cheating”… but I was finally set free when I just “let-go” of all that. Now THATS freedom

  7. Since finding this site I have to say, I don’t think my husbnd and I have EVER felt so liberated. We’ve been married almost 9 years now and 99% of those years were a living nightmare for me as I struggled through my husbands porn addiction. I was so seized with fear to the point of not wanting to even go shopping with him incase a scantilly clad female crossed his site of vision.
    To me, sex toys were automatically linked to porn and ungodliness in my mind,
    About a week ago something started to stir deep inside me, although I wasn’t aware of anything major at the time. My libedo was increasing DURING my period which was not “normal” for me, a few days later I came accross CN and I have to say, I have NEVER felt so clean and liberated in my marriage.
    My husband was finding himself challenged with my desires and increased libedo. I shared with him the information here on CN, both of us feel like we could just sit and cry together as we consider how much we’ve been deprived of.
    My point is, last night my husband and I got daring and used a vibrating massager head, without guilt, you can imagine my shock as I lept off the bed with astonishment when my body blessed me with a cliteral orgasm, AND a female ejaculation (sorry if that’s TMI) the first thing I did was go straight to my husbands arms for comfort trembling with deep emotion and joy, if we had never taken that step of faith I would never have had the pleasure to experience something so beautiful, but even more special is the healing and bonding journey it has arroused between my husband and I. For me to not only give him pleasure to see this but running into his arms made him feel like he gained something back that he pushed away with his sin for so long.
    We enjoyed the experience so much that we’ve repeated the experience 6 times since last night, I think we’re both just so dumbstruck that our freedom in Christ has truly set us free. Where we are the church does not discuss sex, it’s treated like a dirty thing, something NOT to be spoken of. Thankyou so much to everyone here at CN, may you each be blessed by our precious Saviour for your boldness to step outside of the box and reach those of us the church has not educated in such matters.


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