Freebies!

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Are you all familiar with freebies? I use this term often, but it may just be one of those things that I say, and no one else understands. To me, a freebie is when you are doing something for your spouse sexually, or giving something to your spouse sexually, without wanting or expecting anything in return. Something that you do purely out of love.

Sometimes a freebie may be a quickie. Maybe your husband is in a frisky mood, but you have somewhere you need to go. Having a quickie may be a perfect way of meeting his needs while letting you hurry out the door. Maybe he is in need of some affection when you are on your period. Blessing him with a hand job or oral sex would be good in those situations.

In my household, I’m the one with the higher drive. The last time I was extremely aroused and my husband was not, he offered me a freebie. He offered me oral sex because he knew I was in need. I was happy that he offered to give to me in that way. He was able to give me an orgasm in less than five minutes, and then we were able to continue watching the TV show we were watching together, LOL!

So, the gift of oral sex in the shower, just because you love him, would be a nice freebie! The last time I did this for my husband, he had had a particularly stressful day at work. I slipped in, unannounced, and proceeded to service him. Afterwards, he followed me out of the shower and said something like: But what about you? You didn’t get anything out of that! Go lay on the bed and I’ll make it up to you!” I informed him that he was wrong. I did indeed get much enjoyment out of making him come in the shower! 🙂 I was satisfied with showing him my love that way, and I did not want him to feel required to pay me back. He was so appreciative, and I was so happy!

I just wanted to share my thoughts on this subject. I know from personal experience, that when I choose to give unselfishly, motivated out of love, that my husband feels desired, wanted, and loved. When he gives to me, I feel the same way, and it’s a nice feeling.

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Position #1: Scissors

scissors.jpgOne of our favorite positions is one that we call “Scissors.” I’ll tell you why dh and I like it so much, then I’ll describe it so that you can figure out how to do it, in case you’ve never tried it. I was also able to find a picture that sort of shows what it looks like. I say “sort of” because it doesn’t show it exactly the way we do it. Oh, and don’t worry about clicking the link. The picture shows little wooden figurines, not real people.

We enjoy this position because it allows for very deep penetration, complete access to all the other goodies so that they can be fondled with fingers and tongues, plus if the man is a little heavy this position helps keep the pressure of his weight off his wife. It is also easy to use a vibrating egg or other toy while in this position, which adds another element of fun.

Now, how to do it?

First, the woman is laying on her side. Her top leg is either going straight up in the air on a right angle, or she can swing it in front of herself. The man basically straddles her bottom leg so that their genitals are joined in the center, sort of like if you opened two pairs of scissors and joined them in the middle.

That’s basically it. It’s not so fancy, but it is a lot of fun. In fact, now that I’ve written this I think I have major plans for my husband when he gets home. Go try it yourself!

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Dear Spouse … 100, Me…. 0

When I married my husband, I thought I knew everything there was to know about him. After all, we were always very open with each other about our past and every little detail of our life. We thoroughly enjoyed sex when we were first married. Sometimes even enjoying sex up to three times a day! It was incredible.

After our first child was born, something happened. My sex drive plummeted, but his didn’t. It seemed like the distance between our sex drives became like this huge abyss. His was at the very pinnacle of the abyss and mine was at the bottom of the chasm…you know, the part where light doesn’t even touch it? I mean, I think I saw the Loch Ness Monster down there….

So what in the world do you do if your drive is the polar opposite of your spouse’s? First thing that I did was pray about it. I used Stormie Omartian’s book The Power of a Praying Wife to help me with prayer. I truly wanted to be the spouse that God intended for my husband. God created him as a very sexual being, one who would still have sex 3 times a day if I would let him. I came to a point where I knew that something had to give, and God knew when the perfect time would be when I would accept His change in me. I read and learned more about the male body, hormones and what goes on inside his head. The book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman really helped me understand my husband better. One day, while stepping out of the shower, I looked in the mirror, and I caught myself saying, “Wow, I can see why he gets so turned on seeing me naked.” That is exactly what you have to do….put yourself in his shoes and see yourself as he does. Next time he fondles your breast while you are combing your hair, instead of swatting his hand away because you are expecting him to want to start a major sex session, go ahead and let him! It’s all in the attitude. Make his day by saying, “Um, excuse me, you forgot one!” If there is no time for sex, give him something to think about all day…”Baby, I really can’t be late for work today, but if we save it for tonight, you’ll get SO much more later.” If your hubby carries a brief case to work, sneak a pair of panties into it and send him an email saying you aren’t wearing any panties … When you are going out somewhere with your spouse, go commando (no panties) and TELL HIM you are going commando as you walk into the restaurant or movie theater! Give his brain something to really think about on that date! I have been known to take my panties off in the bathroom before leaving somewhere and hanging mine over his rearview mirror of his car. (And I feel really naughty doing it, too!!!) It’s all in the attitude. Take a bubble bath, use a toy to get you aroused for your husband, put on his favorite cologne, help yourself to feel sexy and attractive for him. Get in the right frame of mind. You know what ladies, one thing I have found out in the past year or so is that the more often we have sex, the more I want it. I can see how he feels about 3x a day….I only wish at times my body would cooperate like it did when we were newlyweds!

Is the lower drive spouse always the woman? NO! Does that surprise you? It actually surprised me when I found out several of my female friends were just dying to have their husbands make love to them all the time and their husbands were the lower drive partner. It happens more frequently than you would think. Pray, be patient, do kind things for your spouse. Find out what his Love Language is and really work hard on meeting his needs that way.

Now, am I the picture perfect sexual being that my husband craves? Heck no, I am still a work in progress!! Even as I am writing this entry, I am realizing that I am slipping back into the abyss, and I need to start swimming toward the top to be with my hubby again. Be creative, take some risks, get messy! All is fair in love and sex. Take a walk on the wild side … speaking from experience here, after you start taking some risks in your marriage bed, stepping out of your comfort zone, you will really begin to enjoy the blessing that God has given you in your married sexual relationship!

aka Nutmeg Nympho

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