Every woman has their own awakening story.  We may share similar catalysts for our awakening but no two stories are identical.  Before my awakening I was a once a week, rarely initiate kind of girl.  On that rare occasion that I did initiate my husband was very willing and eager to please.  Then it happened, my awakening.  I could read his thoughts clear as day, “Who are you and what have you done with my wife?”  My husband now had this “sex crazed” woman on his hands.  What’s a man to do?

When I first had my awakening my husband often had that look of a deer caught in the headlights.  He didn’t know what to expect.  Who was this woman?  How did she go from wanting sex once a week, if that, to multiple times a day?!?  When is she going to go back to her old ways?  She wants to film us doing what?  For him it was like standing in front of a car and not knowing if it was going to turn left, right or go straight.  I remember feeling frustrated because he wasn’t being as receptive has I had hoped. He asked me what triggered this new awakening and where did that term come from anyway?   We sat down and had a heart to heart talk.

I needed to give him time to adjust.  Sticking with the car analogy, I felt like a car that was going too fast and he was now going too slowly. I tried suppressing my urges and I quickly found out that this was not a healthy road to take; it was not what God intended.  I told him how frequently I would like to make love, he told me his expectations and we compromised.  We decided that three to four times a week would work for us.  Sometimes we need to schedule sex just to make sure we are on the same page.  This scheduling can be as simple as saying “After the kids go to school do you want to ____?”  Or it can be something that is literally marked on a calendar.  We did a lot of praying.  Praying that we would eventually be on even ground as far as our sex drives was concerned.  Without communication I think there would have been an enormous amount of resentment.  On one hand I didn’t want to be rejected but how would he know what I was feeling and thinking without me telling him?  Are we always on the same page now?  No, we still have our bumps in the road and that’s OK.  As long as we can respect each others point of view and feelings we will be OK.  He has told me numerous times that he loves my enthusiasm I show when we make love.  It’s nice to hear him say that but I already knew he felt that way from the look in his eyes.

We have reached a new level of trust.  I needed to trust that he wouldn’t make me feel like my awakening was a bad or dirty thing.  He needed to trust me not to revert back to my old ways.  We both needed to step out of our comfort zones so we could grow.  I really didn’t think I changed all that much over the years but in some ways I guess I have.  Sometimes we aren’t really sure which direction we are going.  We defiantly will not be going backwards but who knows if we are going to go left, right or straight?  My husband and I realize that those hands on the steering wheel are not mine or his, they belong to God.  Who needs a GPS system when He is in charge of our destination?

January 14, 2008
Categories: Difficulties and Struggles . . Author: peppermintgirl . Comments: 17 Comments