The Five Love Languages


Do you know what your primary love language is? We each have one or two, and it helps when you know what your spouse’s love language is. If you haven’t read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book: The Five Love Languages, then I encourage you to do so.

My husband and I took a class on The Five Love Languages, a few years back, and it really opened our eyes. We had been arguing a lot at the time, and after we read the book, things improved a lot. It was an eye opening experience. This book helped us to realize that we were both different in how we expressed our love to each other, and in how we individually felt loved by the other.

Right now, my primary love language is physical touch. That means that I feel the most loved when my husband is touching me. It is soothing and comforting to me. Whether he’s stroking my arm as we watch a movie together or has his arm around me during the sermon at church. And can you imagine how loved I must feel during sex?

My husband’s primary love language is words of affirmation. When I tell him how handsome he looks before he goes off to work, it boosts his self-image and makes him feel loved by me. When I tell him that he is a wonderful father to our children, he feels confident and loved. Words can have such a powerful influence on him.

A decade ago, my primary love language was acts of service. When my husband would step up and do something for me, without me having to ask (such as the dishes or laundry) I would feel all warm inside. It really meant so much when I would see him giving of himself in that way for me.

Quality time is another love language. This involves just being together and spending time with one another. Cutting the TV off and playing a card game together, or taking a walk outside together would be examples of quality time. Planning and cooking a meal together or tackling a small home project together are more ideas.

The last of the love languages is gifts. I have a friend who has gifts as her primary love language. When her husband stopped and picked her wildflowers beside the highway on the way home from work one day, she cried. When he bought her a hallmark card, for no reason at all except that he had been thinking of her that day, she cried. Those things may be strange to others, but to her, his small gifts speak volumes.

When you find out what your spouse’s primary love language is, then you can learn how to best show him/her that you love them. You can begin to express your love in a way that makes him/her really feel it. I highly recommend buying the book I linked to above, but if you are curious as to what your love language is, then you can take this simple online quiz to get started.


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  • January 2008
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