Vision of Love

Skimpy, satin, cotton, see-thru, mesh, lace, rubber, edible, silk, leather, rhinestones, costumes, peek-a-boo… SEXY! What do all these adjectives describe? It’s none other than LINGERIE. Intimate apparel manufacturers make millions of dollars per year selling these small items of clothing. Thankfully, they cater to all makes and models of women, because many of us know that one size doesn’t always fit most.

Just the word, lingerie, can make us feel a plethora of emotions. Some of us are empowered while wearing special bedroom outfits; others feel very awkward at the thought. I wasn’t always keen on wearing sexy outfits, because I knew that it would make my husband intentionally look at me and I wasn’t comfortable enough in my own skin to receive all that attention. You may be thinking… well, didn’t he see you naked? Of course, he did, but there was just something different about dressing up for him that I didn’t like.

Not too long ago, he reminded me of a conversation that we had before our honeymoon. We were in a store and I was browsing through their selection of unmentionables, looking for something simple to get for our honeymoon. He saw a garter set and asked “What about something like this?” I was shocked at his suggestion and replied “You’re crazy if you think I’d wear something like that! Those are for prostitutes and strippers!” Little did I know that at that moment, I crushed one of his fantasies.

Over the years, I bought a few items here and there to wear on certain occasion, but I never did it for me. It was a sacrifice that I made to please my husband. It was about seven years into our marriage and right before Valentine’s Day when a light bulb went off in my head when it came to lingerie and my husband. I should ask my husband what he would like to see! What a novel idea, right? My thinking began to change… it should no longer be a sacrifice for me to look sexy for my darling, but it should please me to please him. So, when I asked him what he would like to see for Valentine’s Day, he was surprised and excited. I went to the Mall and looked at lingerie with my husband in mind… again, a new idea to me. And when the day came for the fashion debut… it was a hit! He enjoyed the ensemble, I enjoyed the attention and my mindset was transforming.

All it took was that first step for change to begin. And with much encouragement from my hubby (and the Lord), he helped me change my mental image of my body. He loved me and wanted to see me even if I wasn’t the same size I was when we first married. I had new bumps and curves and he was in love with every single one! It made me want to buy more and more… all different styles, colors and textures. I no longer think that certain items are off limits and my spouse couldn’t be happier with the outfits that I have.

So… you may have a few questions, like:

“Do all men like lingerie?” And the answer to that would be, no. But, the majority of men are visual and there’s an easy way to find out if your hubby falls into that category: simply ask. Find out if he would like you to have bedroom attire and what he would like to see you wearing.

“If my husband says he doesn’t like it, can I try it out anyway?” And that’s a definite yes. Some gals like to dress up because it makes them feel good and if that’s you then more power to you. Lingerie can be thought of as gift wrap! Wearing something that makes you feel sexy will help you feel confident… and confidence is SEXY!

“What if my husband suggests something that I don’t like?” I’d encourage you to start out with an item that you do like, but get a color that he likes. Then you can try something new. You might surprise yourself once you step out of the box!

Look for more upcoming articles that delve into different types of lingerie and accessories. In the mean time, start to see yourself through your husband’s eyes. And remember that we are all wonderfully made in the sight of our Lord.

18 Comments

  1. You stretched your comfort zone and it was such a blessing to your husband, Sugar and Spice!! You go girl!!

  2. Seeing things from a man’s perspective will be extremely beneficial to you and your marriage. Not all women understand this but the ones that do will see a radical change in their man. He will be very grateful and will look to please you in every way possible.

    Blessings to you !

  3. I couldn’t help but feel sad reading your story. I want a husband that wants me to be sexy for him. When I think of why he doesn’t like lingerie, the conclusion I come to most of the time is that he doesn’t really like me or find me attractive. Also, I want sex and passion more than he does. I’m with a man that wants less sex and doesn’t like lingerie. WHAT?!

  4. A lot of husbands don’t find lingerie particularly beneficial to arousal. Please don’t let that alone dictate a conclusion in your mind that he doesn’t like you. Talk to him. The ability and freedom to communicate honestly with your spouse is more important than I could express. Come together with him, and allow your heart to be open to him. Tell him what you need from him. Give him specific things that he can do to show you that he loves you. Be clear, and be respectful in how you talk to him about this. Now, if wearing lingerie makes you feel empowered in your sexuality with your husband, I say wear it whether he likes it or not. You are in charge of your own attitude, not his.

    And regarding you wanting more sex than he wants, keep reading here because you are going to find a lot more women who comment at our blog that are in the exact same situation. It is VERY common. And again, the only way to start pushing through that is to begin having open and honest conversations. Conversations where he doesn’t feel attacked, but where you can tell him the vision you have for what the two of you could be together.

    I know that this is a painful season for you, and I pray that the Lord will release His grace upon your marriage and give you and your husband the wisdom to become what He has planned for you to be.

  5. The lingerie/no lingerie is an issue as old as the Garden of Eden. A rabbi being interviewed on Dr. Phil this week observed that a woman most wants to be thought lovely by her husband; that rabbi was right on, IMHO.

    Many women feel the need for lingerie to veil their (real or imagined) bodily flaws. I prefer my wife totally nude, and I believe most men would agree. It’s not that we don’t “like” lingerie; rather we really get tuned on by our wife displaying herself naked for our approval without shame. Yet this is not an issue that a wise man pushes on his wife. Take it easy, tell her she’s lovely (using the Song of Solomon as a primer), and she’ll gradually come around to being comfortable in the nude. And this may take a few years.

    We celebrated 46 years last June, and we’re still in love.

    Intimacy is about being close. What John Donne 300 years ago called “full nakednesse” enhances intimacy. It’s like the condom/no condom issue. The condom feels unnatural, not because it gets in the way of pleasure, but just because it’s there.

  6. I would like to offer a differing viewpoint to Mysterylover’s thoughts. When I was 17 years old my father got a summer job for me at the company where he worked. He was an industrial engineer, also known as an efficiency expert. The company made women’s lingerie. The company’s products were considered very high end and their motto was “we support half the country.” This was before Victoria even knew there was a secret to be sold. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings the company president would send the keys to his Chrysler New Yorker down to the Receiving Department where I worked and at 9:00 I would leave the factory, drive 45 minutes to the nicest part of town, and pick up his wife, for whom the company was named, and take her back to the factory. She would check to make sure that he was running things smoothly. I came to enjoy these trips as she was a very interesting person and we had some interesting talks. She came from a family of corset makers and she and her husband escaped Hitler’s Poland before the war.. She made corsets in their flat in New York; he sold them door to door. Wives of the company executives could take products home, then write a report to Olga (that was her name). This was mutually beneficial.
    One day Olga casually said to me, “Your mother has very good taste and writes some of the best reports of any of the company wives.” Even at 17 I knew there was a time to keep my mouth shut and I just nodded and said, “Yea, I know.” She went on to elucidate, as I had hoped she would, “Your Mother asks for very beautiful lingerie. I stopped production on one item because of your Mother’s thoughts and two items that she liked have become very successful.”
    She then told me that her design philosophy was that lingerie was like wrapping on a Christmas gift and the wrapping always is less important than what’s inside- and yet the gift was always better when the wrapping was carefully chosen and carefully wrapped. She was a very wise woman and she and Mr. Olga were married more than 50 years. It goes without saying that the only time I ever saw those things that came from the factory in our house, was if I put my stuff in the washer.

    But I did begin to watch how my Father opened Christmas gifts- very slowly, carefully, and with great relish.

  7. BG,
    Thanks for that story.I enjoyed reading it, especially the last paragraph 🙂
    My DH and I are both admirers of lingerie, and I even own a few pieces from your old boss!

  8. Yesterday I posted my thoughts on lingerie. This morning it occurred to me to wonder what had become of Olga. I checked Wikipedia and was very saddened to discover that she had passed away in 1989, at the age of 73, from breast cancer. The other central figure in the story was my Mother. She died from breast cancer in 1975 at the age of 46. I have frankly never gotten over her loss.

    I believe that two of the greatest scourges of our day are breast cancer and prostate cancer-both being an attack on the core of a woman’s femininity and the core of a man’s masculinity.

  9. i always feel a little upset when i go out and buy lingerie. i don’t get any attention no matter how fly it it. iv done the babydoll thingy, the see through body stocking, the thongs and heels, the bra and bikini. even for our honeymoon, i bought a different garment for everyday of the week and it was like he didn’t even see it.

    i like wearing it to look sexy but i don’t think it’s necessarily what turns my man on. he could care less, just ripping off the paper to get to the present

  10. My man’s not into a lot of typical lingerie. He does like it, but I think a lot of it is because he knows what I’ve been thinking when I put it on. But he does appreciate other thoughtfully chosen clothing items, like a sports bra and a pair of snug athletic shorts. Or you can always get one of your hubby’s dress shirts, leave the buttons undone, roll the bottom of the shirt up and tie it around your ribcage. Just because your guy doesn’t go vavavoom for lace, doesn’t mean there aren’t other things your hubby would enjoy taking off of you.

  11. My husband LOVES lingerie….any type, and buys it for me weekly. It is something that we both truly enjoy. He loves to wear silky underwear and at times has even worn some of my items. I have to admit, it is an extreme turn on to both of us when he does wear my lingerie. I guess it’s the naughty factor that gets us both. Is it wrong if my DH likes to wear stockings, garters and silky panties in our bedroom?

  12. Probably not, but it really depends on WHY he is turned on. If he has sin in his heart then it’s wrong, but I don’t know either of you so I can’t tell for sure. You could ask God to show you if there are aspects of it that are wrong. He’ll reveal it to you if you really want to know.

  13. i’m going to see my husband (Lord willing) for the first time in 2 months next month and i want to by some nice lingerie to surprise him with but i’m really not sure what he would like (being married only a few months before he had to leave gave me a disadvantage in knowing what he likes). any suggestions on what to buy?

  14. Try something black. That’s pretty safe in terms of being commonly liked and also available in many different lingerie styles so you can pick the one that looks best on you.

  15. thank you 🙂

  16. My hubby loves when he sees me wearing lingerie. His favorite, if you will, is a short fushia gown with black lace trim. I often wear it when I’m “in the mood”, and unless he’s beat from a very long day, it gets him in the mood as well ;).

    I also like how even though he’s seen them many times, he still tells me how nice I look wearing those colors as though it were the first time :).

  17. My husband and I just went lingerie shopping together, and it was so much fun! I am extremely uninhibited… I was raised in a house that was very open about sex. I talk openly with both my parents about it and go lingerie shopping with my mother.

    Anyways, it was fun to look at all the beautiful things and let DH pick his favorite one. I like to surprise him, but this is almost better because it builds the anticipation 🙂

  18. Anyone have a good list of hot sexy but comfortable lingerie?

    I wear all sorts of outfits but to be honest most of them are not all that comfortable.

    Ooooo the price we pay to make our man smile… 😉


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