There are times when I feel like a turtle…I creep back into my shell and don’t really want to face something new. It’s scary…it’s intimidating….it’s….naughty?
My hubby and I had a great date night one evening awhile back. We went to dinner and to see a movie… nothing out of the ordinary….except that night, I chose to come out of my comfort zone…
It is so easy to stay within your comfort zone. Especially for me, but that night, I did something that I thought was very daring. I dressed up in a dress that I would not normally wear. I am a tomboy, but this dress was rather skimpy according to my terms. While at the restaurant, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and while there, I removed my thong panty and stuck it in my purse. Later when we left the restaurant and before we got to the theater, I made a plan to reveal to my hubby that I was now commando in the movie. That for me was a major step out of my comfort zone! I stuck the thong in the pocket of his jacket. I believe he really liked it that I was being so daring. We were trying to get into the back row of the theater to “do some business”, but it was packed…we settled for the front row. He had plans, too…he had LUBE in his pocket! Needless to say, during the movie, with his coat over his lap and mine, he fingered me to a couple of orgasms during the movie….with a young couple just a few seats away from us! It was so exhilarating!
On the way home, I gave him a blow job in the car while he was driving…not the safest thing in the world, but it was so much fun. (He drove quite well, too) By the time we got home, we were wishing the sitter could drive herself home! When he got back from taking the sitter home, there was some really good lovin’ that night!
Coming out of your comfort zone can add a lot of spice to your marriage bed. It most certainly did for ours!
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Christian Nymphos 
I love stepping out of my comfort zone. It’s not an easy thing to do but it’s well worth it!!
comfort zone… it generally does not really cross my mind, not sure if i am so ‘in it’ all the time that I dont realize it.. or if i dont really utilize one. (sexually speaking)
with that said, I found myself, yesterday travelling 1 1/2 hour to the hotel my husband was staying in for business meetings for a 4:30 quickie. I was so excited all the way there. I did hang out for the evening and we made plans for a morning quickie before he took clients to the airport, but we overslept. he will be home soon.
for me, being the homebody type that I am, that was relatively out of my existant/nonexistant comfort zone.
we are planning on a movie next weekend. i must say, I have all kinds of ideas whirling around in my head.
Just to be clear to those reading and not really sure what I mean by “comfort zone”, the things that I did during this date night were totally out of the ordinary for me. My ideal date is blue jeans and a nice blouse….whereas I went out for this one and purchased a revealing dress ( and wore it in public!) that is totally out of character for me. Wearing a thong was not normal, nor was going commando in public with a dress on! It wasn’t something that I wanted to do just for him though…it was for us. It made the date really hot and memorable for us. I stepped away from my “good girls don’t do that” mentality that really gripped me for many years in order to do this. Dresses and heels are not me, but I love my husband and wanted to really experience a hot date out with him. It was a really fun date night that we need to do again!!
I do follow where you were going. I drifted slightly, but to know me, it was very out of character. I work from home, so I only leave home 2-3 times a week. I abhore travelling, due to food allergies, that quickie alone meant I had to pack my dinner, breakfast, and snacks. (and the dog) Impromptu is not exactly in my venacular, outside my home.
Now if I were to wear a dress or a skirt…. Hubby would think I surely fell, hit my head, and was suffering memory loss. =)
Thanks for this great blog! I especially appreciated Hubbies comments about the WHY. I have learned through my years of marriage that the WHY is very important. For example, I stepped out of my comfort zone recently in a HUGE way (though I won’t go into details – one thing with DH, another thing in public) by doing something that I knew DH had wanted, though over 10 years he never once mentioned it or asked for it. It was something that a previous partner had done and I was never comfortable doing it. He knew that and respected it – what a great guy!
Anyway, after I did this for DH, he expressed to me how much it meant to him that I had done it for him. Yes, the act was hot, but what he really appreciated was that he knew it was uncomfortable and I did it anyway out of love for him and a desire to meet his needs.
That said, I was still concerned about the previous partner that did the same thing for DH, but was comfortable doing so, which to my mind would make it more exciting for him. I recently broached this concern to him and he set me straight. Basically, she was doing that for her, to meet her needs. His needs and desires never came into the equation. So while he appreciated it at the time, he didn’t really realize what was missing – the WHY, as Hubbie so nicely put it. Basically, to DH, the act is hotter when I do it, and also more special simply because he knows I am stepping out of my comfort zone to show him love.
Great testimony, madeforhim.
I am going to quote “queenandhubbie”:
“The sneaky thing about a paradigm (or a comfort zone) is that unless we are ACTIVELY thinking about it and considering how it impacts us, we tend to be blind to it, and think it’s NORMAL. That is, it is how we judge what’s right.”
Very well said. On one hand a comfort zone is put in place to help us feel safer but when we get too complacent it can be more of a ‘crutch’ or a hindrance at times. Looking at the ‘whys’ is a great tool for self evaluation.
Yes getting out of your comfort zone is really fun. I love to get wild and freaky when my husband least expects it and as always he is very will to oblige. I think i need to do it more though sometimes i do feel a little boring but by God’s grace I am working on it. I know my husband loves it when I get on bad on him and i want to please him as he does me so most definately I’m getting out more and more.
A hubby here: These comments have been an epiphany for me! I started reading the thread and thought, “my wife needs to read this” LOL But then it dawned on me that I need to look into the mirror. On several occassions my wife has said, “you used to write poems for me, and now you never do.” That was 20 years ago back when we were engaged and separated by distance, but it was meaningful to her, and yes it’s WAY out of my comfort zone!
But I’m gonna do it! I can’t wait to see the surprise on her face when she opens a special note with a custom poem from me just for her. I hope she will feel the intense love I have for her when she reads it!
Now I’m thinking about what other things are out of my comfort zone that are special to her….
hubbyforher! That is awesome! I think that is one thing that I, too, miss is the cards and poems that my hubby used to write for me. I have several of them telling me how much he wanted me to be his wife and such. I know it will mean a lot to her. Does she have a favorite song that she doesn’t have on CD or MP3? Or do you and she have a “song” that you consider yours? these are all suggestions.
Way to go!!! She’ll love it!
spicynutmeg, thanks for the kind words. After my post, I sat down with pencil and paper to draft my poem. What a wonderful exercise it was for me. It made me sit back and think about all the aspects of my wife that I’m in love with. Then I got to put some of them on paper, and read it over a few times. I kept thinking to myself, “yep, she’s all that, and all that too,.and …”
I left the poem next to the kids’ breakfast set-up so I’m sure she found it this morning. I haven’t talked with her yet. It was a LOT of fun!
we don’t really have a song that’s ours, but just about anything Al Greene or Marvin Gaye is a safe hit. One thing she really likes is when I’m in the middle of something and am busy (with the kids or work, whatever) and she’s further away, to find her with my eyes and give her a little wink. I guess she knows that she is always occupying that special place even when things are pretty crazy.
I’ll keep thinking of more stuff, and try to incorporate them. Sadly, what she’d really likes is for me to clean the garage and fix some things around the house. Now we’re talking OUT of the comfort zone!! LOL Who knows, since she knows that’s not my favorite, I may just attack a number of those things without her reminding me, and she’ll get a warm “I love you” out of it….
hubbyforher-
When I saw your post about the poems, I truly believed you were my hubby posting (especially when you look at the coincidence of our user names!). But hubby and I have not yet been together for 20 years.
Good for you – I am similar to your wife. I loved the poems that hubby wrote for me before we were married. Then jobs, kids, finances all interfered. Hubby’s response to my missing the poems is that he tries, but never considers anything good enough to show me. Don’t let that interfere – we would be so pleased to see the effort (especially with cleaing the garage LOL) that we are unlikely to be critical.
Good for you!
I’m about two years late on this post but wanted to share that I too have had something my husband wanted and I could not give, due to a previous partner involved. For me though, when I was able to break through and give to my husband this precious act of love, I found it erotic instead of burdening. Why? Because NOW no one but MYSELF can do this with him. I find the exclusiveness that marriage brings to be erotic—no sharing, no worrying about others involved. Its private between myself and my husband….
I am happy that you were able to take a step away from the situation and give to your husband. I know very well how hard this can be. you said 10 years? For me? it was 20!
Sometimes, its all in our minds and the only way to combat our troubles is also with our minds. Putting the “why’s” in place, is a great way!
Thanks for this!!
I wish I would have seen this before doing my recent “puss n boots” (see Monday’s Mission #129) with my hubby. You were even more daring than I was. Now I’m wishing I would have let my hubby finger me to orgasm too : ). Well, there’s always next time! LOL