Position #8: Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)

The CAT technique is a modified version of missionary. We use our own version of it often in this house. It has been criticized for being complicated, yet many couples seem to love this position. This technique is all about getting pressure applied to the clitoris. That makes sense, because we all know that clitoral stimulation is most often what women need for orgasm to take place anyway.

In this position, the husband enters from on top, as in missionary. He then moves his body upward a little, so that the base of his penis, or his pubic bone, is applying pressure to the wife’s clitoris. Then, instead of just thrusting in and out like a piston, the couple takes turns rocking back and forth, keeping constant pressure on the wife’s clitoris. The husband isn’t able to achieve deep penetration this way, but it does help to arouse the wife. She needs to be mostly in control of this give and take. It is all about constant pressure with subtle movements from both partners continuing. For more information on this position, click here.

The wife can fold her feet around her husband’s legs to gain leverage for doing her own thrusting. The key to this technique is for both spouses to be moving their pelvis, not just the husband. It works best if he does not have to hold himself up on his hands or arms. He can lay down halfway on top of his wife, leaning part of his weight to one side of her, while wrapping his arms around her back and holding her tight. I’ve looked for an illustration or sketch of this technique online, but it really can’t be showed in a picture. All pictures of it just end up looking like regular missionary position. There is another site that gives specific steps for mastering this technique, located here.

The CAT can be used to sufficiently arouse the wife to the point where she is almost at orgasm. Then the husband can start thrusting like normal missionary while the woman is experiencing her orgasm. Often times this can result in almost simultaneous orgasms!

Pros: This position gives clitoral stimulation to the wife. It also allows for kissing and closeness.

Cons: Coital Alignment Technique does not allow for deep penetration. It can take the husband a little while to get the hang of it, because it isn’t about thrusting.

The Balancing Act of Beauty

There is something of a balancing act I have found myself sometimes struggling to figure out when it comes to beauty.

Many scriptures seem to indicate that the external things we so often focus on are not the things that determine beauty. In fact some seem to indicate that we should not be utilizing any of the world’s standards for beauty.

1 Peter 3:3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.

So why do I spend time curling my hair and improving the physical features on my face with makeup when it’s what’s inside of me that matters?

The key is that if you have not first and foremost devoted yourself to becoming godly, none of that matters. If you have perfected your hairstyle and know which colors make you look amazing and how to select clothing that flatters you, but you are not living a life of love for God and the people around you, then your true beauty is not developed.

The beauty that matters to the Lord comes from inside of you and it is allowing exactly who He made you to be to be released completely. This is why beauty looks different on different people. I hold a special memory in my heart of the day my husband first expressed his delight in my inner beauty. We were not even engaged yet. It was the end of the day and we were relaxing at the beach. At one point he looked at me and I had no make up on and my hair was completely undone, but he saw something in me that enraptured him and with conviction he said, “You are so beautiful.” I think I originally looked at him with great confusion, but for him to have seen into my inner self and seen the truest part of me and to call it beautiful was inexpressibly meaningful to me.

My beauty is going to look different than yours, and yours different from your best friend’s. God made us all different and it is when we let out the essence of who He made us that real beauty is established. Are you compassionate to those in need? A good teacher, whether it is your profession or not? A lover of mercy and justice? An encourager? Talented in what you set your hand to? Your real beauty will come out when you know what your calling is and when you walk in it.

I love this quote from a Nelson Mandela speech as it pertains to beauty:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So while there is something we call “natural beauty,” that is a very subjective concept and is certainly molded significantly by the society we live in. If you consider the women I have pictured in this article, which one is beautiful?

Mother Theresa most certainly let out the essence of who God made her to be. Her compassion is so much like that of Jesus. That is the rawest form of beauty I know of. I do not know Beyonce’s heart or what kind of compassion she has for the poor and those in need, but she certainly possesses a kind of beauty. And yet, if she has only concentrated on how to perfect her outer beauty, it is quite meaningless. Princess Diana had both outer and inner beauty. She had great compassion for those in need and used the platform God gave her to extend mercy to those who needed it, but she also was a beautiful woman externally.

Making way for the true beauty God put inside of you doesn’t mean that you need to go around dressing frumpy and drab. I believe it is a great gift to our husbands to present ourselves in the best way we can. Consider how educated clothing choices, well applied make up, and the healthiest body you can have would bless your husbands, but don’t focus on them at the expense of your character. If these things aren’t important to your husband then that is fine, but still present yourself the best way that you can. If he likes a certain color or piece of clothing on you, wear it intentionally to please him. If he likes your hair done a certain way, try to wear it like that within reason. You aren’t a servant to his wishes, but you can offer him some eye candy when appropriate. 😉

Above everything else remember:

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

 

Toy Review: The Jack Rabbit

 

(This article contains links to pages featuring sex toys that are not on Christian sites.  Although these pages are “clean”, please be aware that if you travel off of these pages that you may see offensive content.) 

The first actual sex toy that we bought was the Original Jack Rabbit.  This isn’t some pseudo sex toy that can double as a “massager”, but this one is a real deal Lucille vibrator.  I was a little intimidated at first.  I was wondering if I would like it and if it would do what it was supposed to do, which would be to help me achieve orgasm. 

 The Jack Rabbit offers a rotating shaft for vaginal and G-spot stimulation, jumbling pearls that “pop” at the vaginal opening for added sensation and a rabbit-eared clitoral stimulator all at the finger tips of a wired control.  One of the great things about this product is that the user can isolate the shaft or the clitoral stimulus or use both together.  The control has easy dials to set the speed of the shaft rotation and the clitoral stimulation.   It’s made from a jelly material which makes for easy clean-up with an anti-bacterial wash or toy cleaner. This particular model is not waterproof , so it can’t accompany you in the shower.  It relies on batteries to run it’s motors and it’s always nice to keep extra batteries on hand.  The Jack Rabbit is on the lower end as far a pricing goes, so you get what you pay for in some respects, because this only lasted about six months before it started malfunctioning.    

Well, I’m pleased to report that it did just what it was supposed to do.  And I’m equally pleased to say that it happened quicker than I had imagined.  And since our bunny bit the dust only after a few months of ownership, we decided to upgrade to a higher end product.   Although, the Rabbit has been replaced, it’s still on my wish list to get another because we enjoyed using it so much.  I enjoyed its simplicity, its results and my favorite part was the jumbling beads… a sensation that’s not matched in any other vibrator that I own.  The Jack Rabbit is a great beginner’s toy and just as good for veterans as well. I definitely give this toy two bunny ears up and

His Top Priority

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How do you look when you are looking at your husband or better yet your husband’s penis? I love looking at my husband’s body and I am sure he can tell by just the look on my face and my actions but I let him know verbally as well. Having the right attitude in bed can do wonders for your sex life.

If your man isn’t visual and more audio receptive tell him everything you plan on doing to him.  If your husband is visual you may want to strategically place yourself in front of a mirror so he can see you from different angles. Does he love lingerie? Why not put his favorite one on while you perform oral sex on him? If you can walk and chew gum at the same time you may even want to use a toy on yourself while you pleasure him with your mouth. 

During oral sex slowly take your time devouring your husband. Make sure he knows that you are happy being down there and that can’t get enough of him. I mentioned in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article that the husband should make you feel like the most delicious thing he has ever tasted and you should do the same for him. If you try one technique and it doesn’t feel right then don’t do it. Cumingirl wrote a helpful article on “Drinking Him Down” with some helpful tips on swallowing as well as some alternative methods to swallowing.

Don’t forget to smile. OK, smiling while performing oral can be a challenge but eye contact can do wonders as well. If you are stimulating your man with your hands you can certainly smile and tell him how he makes you feel. I’ve often wondered how the phrase ‘Blow Job’ and ‘Hand Job’ came to be. These acts are not like any job I have ever had they are a privilege. If something funny happens, laugh. You are celebrating each other. Not only are you stroking each others bodies, you are stoking each others egos too. Let him know how much he blesses you.

The key is to enjoy what you are doing. If you do swallow and you look like you just consumed a plate full of liver then your husband is not going to feel very good about it. If you are attempting a sexual act that is painful then you are not going to be too enthusiastic about it in the future. He is going to want you to enjoy and look forward to these acts as well so do only what you are comfortable doing. Is there something he really wants you to do but you have reservations? Pray and talk about it. Hopefully the two of you can meet in the middle. I have learned to extend my comfort zone and it has definitely added some spice to our marriage bed. So, what is his top priorty? It’s you, silly.  He wants to know that you are receiving pleasure from him. Don’t keep it a secret and if you are not receiving pleasure then talk to him about what can be done differently. Now go have fun and remember to show him some enthusiasm!! 😉

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Sexual Play Using Coconut Oil

 

If you have read any of our past articles, then you know that we all really like coconut oil. It is a wonderful lubricant. You can find it at grocery stores or Walmart on the aisle with cooking oils and cake mixes. It stores easily, lasts for a very long time, and doesn’t get sticky like some other lubes do. But coconut oil can also be used other ways.

Here is an idea for the next time you want to try something new with your husband. Go to your bedroom and turn off the lights. Light several candles all around the room. Then undress and grab that coconut oil. Apply it all over your body. If you are a little uneasy with that, then at least lube up your breasts. The oil will melt once it comes in contact with your skin, and the results will be wonderful! Your skin will glisten in the candlelight. If your husband is a “rear” man, then lube up your back side for him! Look at yourself in the mirror to see how your body is shimmering. Then call in your husband. You can be standing there totally nude, or you could put on a sexy thong. Either way, notice your husband’s reaction when he sees your body shining in the candlelight.

Another idea is a full body massage using the coconut oil. My husband and I have done this and it is sensual and relaxing. You can use an old sheet on your bed (or on the floor in front of your fireplace!) if you are worried about the mess. You simply take turns giving each other a full body massage, using the oil to help your hands glide easily around each other’s bodies. We also used candles to make it more sensual and had soft music playing. Although we haven’t ever noticed the coconut oil staining our sheets, we still put down a couple towels across our bed to catch excess oil during the massage. . The last time my husband did this, he spent about an hour massaging all my muscles. I felt so relaxed that I almost fell asleep. It was then very hard for me to get up to give him his turn! So you may want to take separate days to do this.

If you are planning on making love while coated with coconut oil, then be aware that you two will slide around more! You may find it fun and exciting, or you may decide that it makes sex more difficult. The feel of both of your bodies sliding around on each other is unlike no other though, so I encourage you to at least try it once, and see what it’s like!

Instead Softcups

 

My friend, Cinnamonsticks has written about the Diva Cup. I am trying my own little experiment this cycle…something new and different for me.

While shopping at the local Walmart for my normal monthly necessities, I came upon the Instead Softcup. I believe it is similar to the Diva Cup in that when inserted, it catches menstrual fluids in a softcup that can be dumped out when removed. The main difference is that these are disposable and not reusable. I just bought a package of 14 at Walmart for $5.48 (online they are about $7.99) Granted, I tried my first soft cup on a heavy flow day, these were pretty comfortable and I hardly noticed it was there! I will be great for using on my long days at work because you may leave these in for up to 12 hours! This is a great relief for me considering pads and tampons need to be changed quite a bit more frequently and potty breaks aren’t always convenient at my place of employment.

Another interesting thing that the Mr. Nutmeg and I might need to try is period sex with these. According to the website, you can enjoy clean sex and he won’t even feel it in there! Hmmmmmm…… I may need to update this article in a day or so with the results! DISCLAIMER: please remember that this product IS NOT for birth control and DOES NOT protect against sexually transmitted diseases.

I was reading on another website something that I didn’t even consider using one of these for…getting pregnant! At the Fertility Shop, I was reading how if you insert one of these cups after intercourse, it helps keep the sperm closer to the cervix. I would never have thought of this, but if I were trying to get pregnant, I certainly would give it a try! There is no guarantee that you would get pregnant, though, even though there are very good testimonials on the site. I wouldn’t take it as the gospel truth considering there are only 7 testimonials.

Since I am rating this, though, on the basis of monthly visits and not pregnancy, I will tell you this. I do have a bit of leakage, but I think that is my fault for trying it on a heavy flow day. As I get used to inserting it and getting it in the right place, I would highly recommend this for anyone who is very active during their menstrual period and I would give it 4.5 out of five chili peppers!

Position #7: Froggy Style

 

My husband and I lovingly call this position “froggy style” because to me, he resembles a frog that’s about ready to jump.   

A few things to keep in mind about this position are:

*This is a modified missionary or man on top position. 

*Deep vaginal penetration and G-spot stimulation can be achieved. 

*This requires a bit of stamina on the part of the husband, since he’ll be doing all of the work.

*Although acrobatic training is not required, this may not be a great starting off position. It may require a little warm up before getting into it. 

1.  The husband is on top, but sitting up on his knees… the wife will be lying on her back with her legs on either side of her husband.

2.  The husband then gently moves his wife’s legs so that they rest on his shoulders. 

3.  The husband then repositions his legs so that his shins are resting on the back of his wife’s thighs… her ankles should now be on his shoulders.

4.  The husband may put his hands either on the bed beside her hips or grasp onto his wife’s shoulders for balance.

5.  The husband then thrusts with his hips using his hands and feet for balance.  The wife may hold onto the husbands shoulders or  brace her arms against his for added support.  

If your husband looks as if he’s ready to take a flying leap, then he’s adequately achieved froggy style.

Enjoying Sex During Pregnancy

Sugar & Spice wrote a great article on embracing that beautiful belly and your sexy self while you are pregnant, so I wanted to offer you some information on the physical side of enjoying your sex life while pregnant.

I really loved being pregnant and found that I felt sexy during those seasons. It was probably the season I had the highest drive, although it did come and go a bit, before I had my awakening. It helped that my husband adored my pregnant body as well. However, pregnancy is met with a lot of questions about how to incorporate your sex life into your changing body.

Is it safe to have sex while pregnant? Will it hurt the baby? What positions work in each trimester? Normally we enjoy breast play so when will my breasts stop hurting so we can enjoy that again? How do I feel sexy when I feel sick all the time? Why is my libido so low? How can I please my husband sexually and maintain a good attitude about it when I feel so tired?

As with every other issue surrounding marriage and sex, good communication and an attitude of generosity will help both you and your husband to ride the waves that come in and out over the 40 weeks of pregnancy. Talk about your expectations and feelings. If your once C cup breasts are now a DD and your husband wants to enjoy them, but it is painful for you, tell him. Tell him that they are sore now, but they won’t always be. The tenderness will subside, but the fullness will stick around. As long as he knows that he can not touch them, consider doing a little strip show for him to enjoy followed by intercourse that is comfortable for you.

If you are concerned about whether sex would be harmful at all to the safety of the pregnancy, the information I repeatedly received from my obstetrician and all the other research I did on my own was that unless your doctor has given you instructions to refrain from engaging in sexual intercourse because of a high risk pregnancy, there is no reason to abstain while you are pregnant. In fact in those last weeks of pregnancy sex may help to induce a pregnancy that you are eager to be over with, though I never had any success with it, and not for lack of trying believe me. My husband and I said we were getting our last bit of sex in as much as we could before we would have to refrain during the postpartum period.

The reason why sex may induce labor is that semen contains a hormone called prostaglandin and it works to help dilate and thin your cervix. As well, nipple stimulation releases the hormone oxytocin which causes the uterus to contract. Once you have your baby and you are nursing this will aid in causing your uterus to return to its proper, non-pregnant size more quickly. Isn’t God brilliant the way he designed our bodies!!!

Once your belly is getting bigger, you may find that certain positions you have enjoyed in the past become harder to do successfully, but we found that nearly all of them can be altered slightly to allow room for the baby. The bigger issue is that as your baby gets bigger it will affect the usual position of your cervix and the angle of the penetration may change and be uncomfortable. It’s a little bit of trial and error in learning which positions are going to work for you. Woman on top can be used pretty much as you always use it and we found that scissors or spooning could be used with quite a bit of success. We didn’t use the missionary position once I was large enough that the weight of the baby pushed on my lungs when I was lying on my back, making it difficult to breathe and causing me to become light headed. However, thinking about it now, if there was a way to prop me up more and maybe have my husband enter me from standing beside the bed that might have worked well, but I was less creative then.

It can be hard to balance a pregnant woman’s fatigue, discomfort and pregnancy sickness with a husband’s drive that has not changed at all. Again here, communication and a generous attitude is the key. Your husband will still want and need to have sexual release with you and both of you are going to need to talk about your expectations and serve each other as best you can. I urge you not to allow pregnancy to become an excuse not to have sex with your husband as I also urge your husbands to extend grace to you as your body deals with housing the creation of a human being. This season will require a lot of give and take. That is why God put families together as he did.

Often the second trimester is a great time to enjoy sex with your husband. For most people, pregnancy sickness has passed and you are feeling good about yourself. Not to mention the benefit of a really great orgasm to your psyche. This is the time to plan a romantic getaway together if you can and focus on connecting as a couple.

Before you know it your sweet baby will be here and this time will be behind you. Enjoy it as much as you can. Get lots of support from whomever you can. Don’t allow the negative people around you to effect your mood. I pray that all of you pregnant Christian nymphos will have a blessed and meaningful pregnancy.

The Clitoris

God gave us women a wonderful little body part. It has no other known function than to give us sexual pleasure. This little nub is a source for great excitement and arousal, and it’s important that we know where it is!

The clitoris is actually larger than most people think. The entire clitoris is around four inches in length. Check out this 3-D image scan of the complete clitoris. (Video is viewed in Windows Movie Player or Quicktime) The part that we are used to seeing and touching is the glans, or head. It is that small pea sized ball at the top of our inner labia. A hood protects it. If you press back on the covering (hood) then you will see the glans. This is what most people consider to be the clit. The clitoris also has a shaft that extends downward for a few inches. This part is hidden behind the tissue of your inner labia. To see an illustration of what the complete clitoris looks like, click here.

As a woman becomes aroused, her clitoris becomes engorged with blood. That can lead to the glans increasing in size. I have indeed noticed that the more aroused I am, the easier it is to see and feel the head of my clitoris. It feels like a firm pebble. This glans has just as many nerve endings as the glans of a penis does. No wonder it’s so super sensitive! As orgasm approaches, the glans retracts a little behind the swollen hood and other engorged vaginal tissues. Then, during climax, the vaginal contractions that occur will disperse the blood that has been accumulating during arousal. It is our “come down” phase, where we bask in the afterglow. When we don’t experience an orgasm, that blood filled clitoris can start to throb or ache with the need for release. I tell my husband that it is a female version of “blue balls.” 😆

The size of the head varies. Some women (and their husbands) have a hard time finding theirs. It’s small and seems hidden away. Other women may have a glans that is visible even when they are not aroused at all. It really doesn’t matter what size the head of your clitoris is. What matters is that you know where it is, and how your body likes stimulation there. You may like direct stimulation, where your husband pushes the hood back and then uses his fingers or tongue to arouse you. For some women though, that is too much. Their glans is just too sensitive for direct stimulation. They may like indirect stimulation, where the husband rubs and/or licks all around the glans, without pushing the hood back and exposing it directly.

Have you ever looked at your own glans? You should sit in front of a mirror and check it out! Even holding a hand mirror will work. Spread your labia lips open and look towards the top, where the inner labia lips meet. You may find that you can feel it easier than see it. It may be that if you stimulate yourself for a few minutes, you will be able to see it easier. Pushing back on the hood also helps. Some women have described it as looking like a pea, a pebble, or a smooth little button or knob.

It’s a good idea for both you and your husband to be knowledgeable about your clitoris. Know where it is and how it helps you to orgasm. Have fun trying different touches to see what your body likes best!

Bunches of O’s (Multiple Orgasms part 2)

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 Whenever I heard of a woman saying that their orgasms would last forever or come right after one another I usually assumed that they were over exaggerating.  Then it happened.  I experienced this wonderful phenomenon for myself.  My husband and I were making love and I actually had to ask him to stop because it was just going and going.  The only analogy I can think of is riding this wave of pleasure but instead of coming down from the crest I just kept going and going. 

These types of orgasms usually come from a little luck and a lot of hard work.  First my body had to learn how to shorten my refractory time to nothing.  You read that correctly, women have a refractory time too.  I talked about how to do this in “Multiple Orgasms; Part One”.  Once you master sequential orgasms then your body may start having these “bunches of  o’s”.

Bunches of O’s:  This type of orgasm comes one after the other in a continuous string until you decide to stop.   They are much less common then the sequential o’s but they are possible.  You just need to work at shortening the time between your sequential o’s and with some persistence these “Bunches of O’s” can be achieved.  Instead of basking in the glow like we discussed in part one of this series you keep the stimulation going constantly. The last time I had one of these my poor husband thought he was going to have to perform CPR.  Do I have this type of contraction every time I have an orgasm?  No, but when they happen it is a nice surprise.

Warning:  If this is making you lose focus on what lovemaking is really about then it is not worth it.  Becoming one with your spouse is much more satisfying then any orgasm.  Trying for multiple orgasms should be a fun thing not something that consumes you. These are much easier to obtain if you just happen to ‘fall upon them’.  Meaning, don’t think about them too much. If you find yourself frustrated then just go with the one orgasm.  Quality is far better then quantity.   

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