Anal Sex: Weighing Your Options

Until a year or so ago, I had no idea that heterosexual couples enjoyed anal sex with one another. I had never had any desire to explore anal sex and my husband didn’t voice any desire either. People told me that he probably secretly wanted to do it and was just afraid to say anything. We have talked about it many times over the last year and he has been clear that anal sex is not something he is interested in. So while we have enjoyed a little bit of anal stimulation, anal sex is not something we wish to incorporate into our sexual relationship at this time.

Primarily, we feel that God did not intend for the anus to be used for penetration of the penis. Its tissue is so vastly different than that of the vagina. It is thinner and tears so easily. Because it is so thin in comparison the thick wall of the vagina, sperm can easily penetrate the lining which causes the immune system to shut down temporarily. The caution that is needed in order to minimize the risk of tearing the anal wall and damaging the intended function of the rectum is too much for me to consider participating in anal sex. Additionally the pain that I understand is involved seems unnecessary to me. My husband and I have a great sex life and I don’t feel inclined to endure the pain of anal sex in the off chance that it would be enjoyable for me.

With all the caution that is necessary in order for anal sex to be achievable, we just don’t find that it is worth the worry, pain and risk. I am not opposed to exploring prostate stimulation if my husband begins to express interest in that, but for me anal sex crosses the line of what I believe is appropriate.

On the other side of the coin there are couples who like to incorporate anal sex into their sex life for a variety of different reasons, all of them valid for their circumstances. For some women who may have given away more of themselves to other men prior to marriage, it is one thing that they share with their husbands only. Others like the full feeling of having something in their anus and vagina at the same time. Some find anal stimulation to release their erotic feelings like nothing else. Others want to actually experience something to know if they like it or not. And still others do it just because their spouse likes it, as a gift to them.

I want to free you to make your decision of whether or not to participate in anal sex with your husband based on what you as a couple feel is acceptable for you. The Bible is not explicit that anal sex is right or wrong so choose whether or not you will incorporate it based on what God has spoken to your heart about it. And if you do not have clarity, wait. If you are in disagreement with your spouse, communicate about it without pressure or anger. The rule of thumb that my husband and I follow is that whoever doesn’t wish to incorporate whichever act is in question has the deciding vote. However, we continue to talk it through as best we can and try to incorporate things that are uncomfortable for one of us if the other would like to experience it. Having said that, no one should feel pressured to do something that they feel is wrong.

My Spice Sisters and I fill the spectrum of views towards anal sex, but we all treat each other graciously without passing judgment. That is the key. Find out what God says to YOU about anal sex based on who you and your spouse are as people and make your decision with that in mind.

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  • February 2008
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