It has come to my attention that there is a site out there that claims that you will go to hell if you think about sex and don’t pray. The first thing I saw on this site was their “Christian Sex Test”. So I decided to take it to see if I was going to heaven or hell.
The first time I took it, I put down that I didn’t think about sex and I prayed 10 minutes every day. It told me the following:
“Heaven awaits you Spicynutmeg! Let all the hypocrites know your verdict. No one really knows when judgement day is coming but when it does we hope to see you there.
10 years from now, you will have had sex 0 times. Tell Mr. Nutmeg that you’re going to heaven…so relax
You spend 0 hours a week having sex.
You burn 0 calories a week by having sex.
WARNING:If you continue to hurt your partner’s feelings during sex, you’ll wind up in Hell.”
So I decided to take it again and change some of the values in the test….this time, I thought about sex 11 times a day and prayed for 5 minutes a day. This time, I got the following gruesome message…
“Welcome to Hell Spicynutmeg! You really earned it this time, how selfishly pathetic you are.
You are joined in hell by: George Bush, Ted Haggard, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Robert Tilton
10 years from now you will have shamelessly had sex 5720 times. That’s a lot don’t you think? You will have already had more relations with (ex BF name here) again by then. That’s fornication. It’s pitiful that you have time to have sex but not much time to pray.
We’ve already sent an email to Mr. Nutmeg so you should expect that call any minute.
You spend 4.4 hours a week having sex.
You burn 330 calories a week by having sex.
Why are you so homophobic? Why are you afraid to talk about sex as a Christian?”
So I began to wonder….why did the person who created this survey decide that I am going to hell for having sex with my husband? Mr. Nutmeg would LOVE to have this much sex! And I know that he would love it if I thought about sex 11 times a day!!! We’re married after all. This quiz goes out of its way to condemn all Christians as hypocrites. Did you see that last question? We here at Christian Nymphos are NOT afraid to talk about sex as a Christian.
I read a little further and found what I thought could be the answer to the meaning of this quiz. The person who created it doesn’t understand about sin. He doesn’t understand that even though a person gets saved and calls themselves a Christian, it doesn’t mean that we are without sin. He couldn’t be further away from the truth. Now as a Christian, the Holy Spirit indwells within us and is our guide, our moral compass, but it doesn’t mean we still don’t make bad choices. I am a Christian, and I still sin.
God’s perfect plan was for a man to leave his father and mother and become united with his wife, and the two would become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24, Matt 19:5, Mark 10:7, Eph 5:31) In the bible, The Song of Solomon is a celebration of sexual love between a man and wife. (see this blog written by Cinnamonsticks) God created sex for the husband and wife, so why then would He send them to hell for wanting to have sex with each other? That makes no sense to me at all. After all, when God created the universe, He called all He created GOOD. God is glorified when a husband and wife come together in their marriage bed. It is his plan all along.
The quiz has some clear deficiencies to it. First of all, it asked me how many times I thought about sex. Then in it’s answer it condemned me to hell for how often I had sex. The quiz never asked how much sex I have, so it’s answer is completely misguided. The quiz also asks for the name of an ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend and then in it’s answer when you go to hell, it assumes that since you think about sex, then you must have also thought about cheating (or have actually cheated) on your spouse. Just because society has no qualms about destroying a marriage in this way, does not mean that my Christian marriage would be infiltrated with this sin as well. Finally, the survey either congratulates you or condemns you at the beginning of the results, but at the end, throws in a condemnation that doesn’t have anything to do with the questions they asked. Notice that when I went to heaven, it ended with ” WARNING: If you continue to hurt your partner’s feelings during sex, you’ll wind up in Hell.” Well, I guess since it assumes I am having 0 hours of sex, that I must be hurting my partner’s feelings, thus I guess I am going to hell. And when it claims I am going to hell, it ends with “Why are you so homophobic? Why are you afraid to talk about sex as a Christian?” Well, I am here on this blog talking about sex, so I am definitely not afraid to talk about it.
So, to my married brothers and sisters, your married sex life is not a sin. It gives God the greatest joy in knowing that you give and receive the greatest pleasure from the wedding gift He has given you. There is no sin in the frequency of married sex, whether once a week or 3 times a day and beloved, if you believe that Jesus Christ died for your sins once and for all, and He is your Savior, you are not going to hell no matter what sin is in your life and no matter how much sex you have with your spouse. Please don’t ever let Satan’s lies lead you astray. Follow the Voice of Truth, follow the word of God, follow the Holy Spirit who indwelled your heart on the day you were saved, but most of all, follow Jesus Christ. He will never lead you astray.
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Christian Nymphos 
Hi, Spicynutmeg! I go by Christlikeness81— I have a question of some sort,… and I hope you can help me to receive clarity from a biblical stand point–for I’m a little confused. The confusion is concerning Anal Sex in a Christian marriage. I’ve been married to my husband for only 6 months and though we are very much Christ lovers, we weren’t always that way. So of course, when both of us got married, we weren’t virgins and have had our own separate sexual experiences and preferences in the past. We are very different sexually as I identify with you sisters as a Christian Nympho while my husband doesn’t have a sex drive as high as mine… anyways, when I was in the world, I had anal sex more than a few times and really enjoyed it. I discussed the possibility of doing this with my husband but he wasn’t too sure if it was right to do as a Christian, and then I went onto a Christian Website for married couples and they absolutely condemned it saying that they do not support or recommend it for it is a Sodomite Practice and a sin to practice Anal Sex in marriage— so of course that got me to thinking and I didn’t bring it up with my husband but just pondered it a bit and then came across this website and saw that you all have no problem with it–it’s not a sin issue at all to you all and I was hoping someone could help my conscience by explaining why you all believe it is not a sinful behavior?? This is no challenge… I just need helpful understanding…thanks!!
Be sure to come back and read tomorrow’s blog…I’ll have your answer!
Keep in mind that I brought up the topic of this poll, I knew that it was bogus. I knew that it was a fraud, but I am sure that there are people who would truly believe the lie that this test was trying to perpetuate…. having lots of (married) sex or even thinking about sex daily will send you to hell.
As far as the people it compared my “sinfulness” to, well, you have to admit, all of them do sin…just like you and me. The key to us as Christians, true Christians, not just someone who calls themself one but bears no fruit, is to realize that we are ALL sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Yeah, I might have been disappointed to hear of all these popular Evangelists caught in their sin, but I realize that it is between them and God. In a news article on the Early show, Ted Haggard told coanchor Harry Smith, “I deserved what I received. And so the way my view is, if people hate me, if people resent me, if people call me names, that’s justice. I deserve that. If somebody’s kind or gives me grace or is gentle, then that’s a gift.” That is what we are called to do…not to condemn the poor man, but to forgive, just like you said. Show grace.
My daughter’s key verse that she chose to memorize over the summer for church is this one… Luke 6:31 ” Do to others as you would have them do to you.” If each and every one of us would memorize that verse and live it in our lives daily, we would emulated Jesus. That is what a Christian is… a Christ follower.
No matter what happens in his life, Haggard says his marriage is stronger than ever and his family has all come back together. God has a better plan. We may take things the way we want to in life, but in the end, we always come back to the path God has for us.
To my married sister’s in Christ, go forth to your marriage bed in peace…make love to your dh’s all night long….dream about making love to him all day. It is all A-Ok. You are showing God that you LOVE the wedding present he gave you!