Okay, so you have the basics down and you are ready to do a bit more in front of your darling husband. I have some tips and suggestions that will help you to knock his socks off!
First of all get creative and take advantage of transition times during sex. If your husband stops to reach for the condom, or bottle of lube, then use that time to touch yourself. As he is putting on the condom or lube, give him something to look at. Spread your legs and rub or finger yourself in front of him. If you are in a well-lit room, then use your fingers to spread your labia open so that he can see his destination.
Another transition is position changes. Switching to doggy or rear entry position is a great one to use to your benefit. When you are getting on all four, reach between your legs and let him see you touching yourself again. Tell him how wet you are and how you can’t wait for him to enter you. It’s just a few seconds, but you will be stimulating him visually with all the extra effort you are making.
Another thing to try is simply giving him a show. After he’s come home from a long day at work, ask him if he would be up for some home entertainment? Tell him that you have been thinking of him all day long and you want to show him how hot you’ve become because of it. Let him sit in a chair or on the bed in front of you, and start undressing. Make sure you have enough light so he can see! Then touch yourself using fingers or even a toy. Expose yourself to him so that he can see clearly what you are doing. If you normally just masturbate by rubbing your clitoris, then I suggest that you do insert a finger or two anyway. He will be drawn to watching your fingers (or toy) disappear inside of your vagina, and it will probably have some noticeable physical affects on him. If you are able to take yourself all the way to orgasm, then do so! Let him watch you. It may be that your husband is so turned on that he joins you before you get to that point though!
You could also use the shower to help you give a good show. I recommend getting a clear, see through shower curtain. Then have him sit and watch you shower one day. Soap up your breasts really good, and the rest of your body too. Use your hands and fingers in blatantly sexual ways, to entice him more. Drop the soap, so that you need to turn around and bend over seductively to pick it up. Then you could use the shower head to bring yourself to orgasm, or you could simply hike up your leg and let him watch you masturbate with your fingers. A waterproof vibrator would also be wonderful for this type of play. The question is, would your husband be able to sit there watching, or would he eventually have to join you?
If you are comfortable with the whole idea of touching yourself, then that can also lead to some fun sexual games. You could play sexual poker, where the winner of each hand gets to tell the loser what to do for 60 seconds. Some board games even work well with new “sexual rules” added to them!
I know that some of my ideas may be out of your comfort zone right now, and that’s okay! I simply want to encourage you to pray about it and see if you can decide on a way to bless your husband this upcoming week with something special.
40 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
Christian Nymphos 
Cumingirl….. Where were ladies like you in my younger years of marriage???? I needed this kind of encouragment so badly. I inquired and asked my Christian girlfriends about things. But, all I got was…”I don’t do that..” And I listened to the wrong advice. I learned the hard way, but, slowly the Lord taught me to freely give to my husband on my own, without the encouragement of close girlfriends. Even though I enjoy a full sex life with my husband, I still love to read all of your blogs. I appreciate your enthusiasm. And many of the stories where you tell about how your husbands are pleased makes me giggle in delight, because it reminds me of my more enjoyable adventures with my husband. Your articles revs up my thoughts and helps give me some new ideas to share with my husband. I am very thankful for your ministry.
goddessofwine,….Thank you for your comment. I wish I had women to encourage me like this when i was newly married as well. I married as a teen and although I was “in church” there was no one for me to talk to about marriage and intimacy and *gasp* SEX! So I sought information from pornography 😦 I have come a long way in the last 15 or 16 years, and I’m excited to share things that I’ve learned with others. I’m glad you are enjoying our blog 🙂
Recently my husband and I stared to explore Toys:) I love it! We found Covenant Spice, a great site. Then, through the newslettler we found you guys! I wanted to thank y’all for what you’re doing. I love that everyone is so blunt, lol! I will be on this site a lot!!!! Many naughty posts to come;) Thanks again!
WOW! I tried this with my hubby and it was GREAT! I sent him a text msg, and this was our text conversation:
Me: Do you want me to show you what I did to myself while I was thinking about you today?
Hubby: YESSSS!!!
Me: Ok, you can watch, but you can’t touch
Hubby: I can’t touch?
Me: No you can sit in a chair at the end of the bed and watch
Hubby: Stay up!!! (meaning don’t go to bed)
And then he called me saying that he canceled his evening clients, and was on his way home. HAHA He has NEVER canceled like that before. I was shocked! And a little nervous that I was now expected to put on a show (which I had never done for him before). But it was FANTASTIC!!! We’ve been together 5 years now, and this was something new to try. SO MUCH FUN, he enjoyed it so much, and it made me really happy to please him like that!
THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SPICE UP MY MARRIAGE!!! 🙂
I’m TOTALLY THRILLED for you passionateeverafter!
This site is soooo great! I was so glad to see this topic listed, but my question is in regards to asking HIM to do this for me. I know he likes it if I start doing this for him (I would like to do it “un-accidentally” though, usually it’s one of those things that just happens and I would like him to tell me to do it so it can be more exciting). So um, specifically…HOW do I ask him to do this for me?
Probably best to ask in the heat of the moment when you are both already enjoying each other. Just be honest and tell him how hot it would make you feel. He wants you to enjoy yourself with him. Maybe you could start doing it for yourself and then ask him to do the same.
I turned this around on my husband last night and asked him if I could watch him masterbate (I had never done this before even though it is a long time fantasy of mine). I was afraid he would say no, but he said yes!!! It was …. WOW!!! I could not stop smiling afterwards and I even had a dream about it that night and this morning I can’t keep my eyes or hands off him. I am SOOOOO glad that I finally asked. Woohoo!
I also love when my husband does this. Usually it’s in between oral when I switch to hand job (To secretly give my mouth a quick break) I actually reached over to grab his hand and put it where he could enjoy himself. He didn’t complain! The sight was so arousing and also a great learning experience for me!
I would absolutely love for him to watch me pleasure myself. I tried it once during him giving me OS but he didn’t say anything… After getting the courage back I tried again a few months later but he never gives me any hint that it’s something that he enjoys. I honestly wonder if he feels threatened… I wonder if it makes him feel like he’s not doing a good enough job. (which he is). I’ve tried communication during the heat. “Is there anything you’d like me to do or try? The answer is always, “no every thing is great.” (He’s shy about talking about sex which makes me turn shy).
I don’t know if lacking words is just his way… A few times I got up the courage to wear some sexy Lingerie around the room before bed and another time while brushing my teeth… I acted like nothing was unusual 😀 . ONE time he got all giddy it was adorable and made me feel confident enough to try it a week later… To which he acted like he didn’t even notice… I don’t get it! He says he likes it if I come out and ask him..why doesn’t he ever act like he enjoys it. Men?
My over all suspicion is before he found God he used to be into pornography… I feel like he’s afraid to enjoy my visually because he would be reducing me or something. I don’t know enough about the affects of viewing such material to know if my suspicion has any truth.
I hope I’m not stealing this thread! Thank you!
Before I never attempt to “give him a show” again.
How should I take his lack of response?
I’m a married man, and I do believe in Jesus Christ. I just stumbled on this site and would like to comment on this last part.
Listen, we men are fickle in our ‘arousal’ (if you will). Sometimes the mere sight of our wives in sexy lingerie flips the switch in an instant, and can make your husband almost wild. But then sometimes, depending on what’s going on, what he’s been thinking about (politics, football, stress, work, the kids, whatever) that same thing may do nothing. Sometimes men are like bottle rockets, sometimes they’re like bottle rockets with long fuses. Women do an incredible amount of over-thinking things. There’s a lot of conversation up there for you ladies, and it’s not always healthy. I’ve never thought anything with my wife as being ‘degrading’ or taking her down to the level of pornography, and we’ve done some things usually only seen there. I don’t think men think like that, especially with their wives. Even if I did consistently imagine her as if it were pornography, I wouldn’t find that a problem – she is my wife after all, and there is nothing wrong with us making our own private, unfilmed pornography.
My advice is just to keep trying those things. If he doesn’t respond, don’t worry, just try again the next time. Don’t lose your gumption. I wish my wife would be so confident to sport lingerie around the house “acting like it was nothing unusual” – she should have that confidence. Ask him to take risks like that. I know it’s especially difficult for women, but try not to take all your self confidence from his reactions…men will always disappoint you there. Just know you are who you are, and try to put yourself on the line knowing that it might not work. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or doesn’t find you attractive or sexy…it’s just we have moods and cycles as well and we may not always respond like we should. You win some and you lose some…but you can’t win if you don’t try. Keep talking, keep things open. Just keep trying, and don’t for an instant think that some people in the world have it perfect…nobody does.
This was very helpful. Thank you a lot!
I thought I’d just chime in, being that the topic of masturbation is always a fun one for me. I am one of those awful liberals you hear about on Fox News all the time, but I’m also a practicing Lutheran, so I think I’m welcome here. But as for masturbating for my hubby… I can always drive him wild by laying face down in bed , and humping my pillow like a dog in heat! My hubby, who’s been flagelating himself while watching me, is so worked up that he always gives me one last magnificent orgasm! We used to be able to masturbate together and make love all the time when we were first married, until our daughter came into our lives. At four years old, she has been diagnosed with autism, and so she is a handful. Adult time has to wait either for night time, or when she’s taking her nap.
While I agree with steve’s comments, I’d also like to suggest that you talk to your husbands about what they like. It’s great to ask “in the moment” but it may be better to have this discussion while you are just cuddling in bed. Ask questions like, “What do I do that turns you on the most?”, “How would you feel about watching me masturbate?”, “Is there anything we haven’t done that you would like to do?”, “How do you feel about . . . “. Just have an easy going discussion about sex. I think it’s amazing how many people are more comfortable having sex than talking about it. As I read willingtotry’s comments I was struck with her questions about her husband’s thoughts and feelings. He is the only one who can answer those questions. And he can only answer them if she asks.
It’s funny, we talked about it the night before I read this comment. He said any time I want to jump in and “help” it’s fine with him. He didn’t say he enjoyed it but I imagine he wouldn’t have given the go ahead if it were something he didn’t like.
If I can express anything on this site…
Give your spouse lots of positive feedback! I think I’ll try and gently let hubby know about this next cuddle session.
Willingtotry,
My DH is not a very verbal person. Over the years (22) I’ve learned agreeable comments are as good as positve comments! Often we try something new and he won’t say anything about it unless I ask. Then he’ll bring it up over and over saying if you want to do that again, so that tells me he likes it! :). He’s getting better at communicating but wasn’t raised in that kind of home, which I was so at first It was a little frustrating. Now things work well. I know him and how he thinks, and he knows me. It just takes time and patience. In another 22 years he’ll never have to say a thing :). LOL
Thank you for the topic.
It is my expereince that there really is nothing more exciting than to know my wife feels beautiful. For us it was most evident (over time) when we worked together through positive encouragment to the point where she was comfortable putting on a show for me which includes masturbation. For me there is no better foreplay or arousal than to know my wife feels beautiful. I am blown away to be able to look deep into to her eyes as her excitement grows as she touches herself and enjoys herself while i watch. We do this often (just about every date night-Fridays). We prolong it as long as possible and nothing, I mean nothing is more exciting than watching her have an orgasms knowing that it is then my turn to take over to service her.
There is one other thing in this reperterior that as a man totally drive me wild. But for me, once my wife got to the point where she enjoyed tasting herself, it added so much for both of us. Al this drives me over the edge because to me this demonstrates her pleasure in herself of the enjoyment of bith of us.
And woman, please be kind to yourselves if your husband does not react as you expect. It may take some getting used to from both partners but I can tell you there is not a man who does not like watching the beauty of a lady enjoy herself
Willingtotry, I relate very well to your experiences. I asked my initial question months ago because I work myself up to communicate my desires to my husband; sometimes, it’s only to be dissapointed, while other times he gets the message and shows a positive response. It sounds a lot like what you describe…just wanted to let you know that other wives go through the same things (and your post made me feel better about my predicaments, too!).
I became very aroused reading your posting about masturbating for your husband. Great ideas! I was wondering if you ever become aroused writing the posts? If you become aroused during the day, do you pleasure yourself, try to wait for your husband to return from work, call him home for some loving or arrange for a rendezvous for a quickie somewhere? My husband and I are very interested in occasionally rendezvousing for a quickie but haven’t come up with any discreet ideas. Do you or your readers have any suggestions for discreet rendezvous locations? I love my husband and sometimes just need to be with him urgently.
I can only speak for myself and not all the CN writers, but for me I don’t get aroused writing because for me it is about teaching or sharing a perspective I have on an aspect of sexuality. When I write, I don’t invest my brain in the arousing aspects. You have to understand that even before we started the blog, these girls and I have been talking about sex for 3 years. For me it isn’t about arousal. It’s about information.
To answer your other questions, the bottom line is that if what you chose to do with your arousal draws you closer towards intimacy and is honoring to the Lord, you can chose any of several options. You can do phone sex. Masturbation. Write an erotic story to release some of the sexual energy. Or just save it all for later.
I was just asked to do this. I was SO glad that I had read these posts earlier (like, months ago). It made it easier to wrap my mind around the whole idea of touching myself for pleasure (since I don’t make a practice of it). I KNEW he wanted the show. Made it LOTS easier.
Oh–and since I have the amazingly well-endowed body God gave me, I even managed to suck my own nipple. That sent me over the edge. And he was eating it up.
This is my first post here, and I have questions!!! I am looking for some advice from born-again, Christ followers. My husband struggles with pornography and masturbation. I’m pretty sure that I would become aroused watching him pleasure himself in front of me, but because of his struggle, I don’t want to make things worse. I’m afraid that if I ask him to do this, I would just make it harder for him to resist masturbating when the subject is not me. Also, we will be separated for a few weeks, and I really want him to be able to pleasure himself in a God-honouring way. Any suggestions/comments? Thanks so much!
Awhile back my husband and I made a video of us having sex. We watched it together and it was exciting for both of us. I’m wondering if you and your husband might make a video together and then he can watch it while you are gone. The temptation to not look at any sexual material might be too much for him and this would give him an outlet or maybe it would lead to more viewing, that is something you and your husband would know. Skype I hear does not record so if you have internet connection and privacy that may be an option. Again we are into him masturbating but with you as the one lusted after.
It’s hard to know for sure, but it could be that giving your husband the mental image of YOU masturbating would really help him with his issues of lusting after other images. I think this is something you need to talk to him about. Tell him your concerns and what you thing would be fun. Ask him what he thinks. Create a vision for him of what you would love to see for the two of you and ask him if he thinks he can use the sexual energy the two of you would create for your marriage bed alone.
Sounds like it could be really helpful for him. Taking pictures or video, as wynterr suggests below is a great idea.
Okay, so now I need more help!!! My husband and I tried mutually pleasuring each other while on Skype, and it was wonderful… until I “O”ed and the felt so lonely and empty! I REALLY needed him there with me in a moment when he was so far away. HELP!!! He enjoyed it so much (and the fact that I was willing to initiate this) that he is really sad that he may never get to experience this again! For me, the painful feeling of being empty and not having him here makes me not want to do it again, but I ALSO want to love and serve him and show him I physically desire him even while he is gone. What can I do?!?! Please help! Thanks!!!
Mommymaiden! He WAS with you!! Goodness!! I felt so badly for you when you wrote that you felt so lonely and empty. You felt lonely and empty not because you “O”ed but because he was physically away from you. Mentally and spiritually, and visually he was right there with you. You gave your DH an intimate, wonderful, erotic memory of you- don’t spoil it! Enjoy it! I really really REALLY believe that “painful feeling of being empty” is SO misplaced. You did nothing wrong you did something right! We promise to love, honour, cherish our husbands. You did all three by sharing yourself this way with him that’s why he enjoyed it so much that YOU initiated it! That feeling of emptiness is wrong. Being physically lonely and missing his touch is understandable but feeling empty? No. You were thinking of his needs first before your own as he should be putting your needs before his own. Each thinking of the other’s good will eliminate that “emptiness”. I thought it was a beautiful thing to share with him.
I don’t want to sound too flippant but “get over it” My husband traveled also and would be gone 6 weeks at a time sometimes. We used the phone, internet, whatever we could to get past the times we were apart. I would take pictures and send and so would he. Don’t look at being empty but look at it as a way to be fulfilling to your mate. Look from his stand point and not from yours and that will help ease the emptiness. It won’t go away but change how you look it. We used those times apart to increase our intimacy so that when we were able to be together again, the sparks would really fly. I understand his struggles. I too struggle but have learned to change what I focus on and now happily it is my husband whom I love more than life itself.
i love my hubby dearly we are a new couple , been together for a year and half, we have a son together, so things get interrupted, ive tried to convince him to watch me play with myself, to no avail, im 20, and at the peak of my sexual needs, when we make love he comes first, then falls asleep, leaving me to finish and clean him up, ive done things like a full body shower where i tell him to stand perfectly still while i clean him up, (including caressing his package ) <– during the entire wash, and that sems to work, ive also cooked in the nude, i'll do anything to make him more pleased, how do i go about convincing him to watch me masturbate?, and possibly convince him to masturbate for me too?
Gregswife, I noticed that your question never got a response. I don’t know if this will help, but I’ll offer it because I’ve been there (you may notice my very old question, similar to yours, near the top of the comments). My advice to you is just pray. It sounds generic, like something someone would say because they don’t know what else to say, but I’m telling you this is the only thing that worked for me. Pray that your husband will be awakened to your needs. Pray for courage to tell him that you have a need he has ignored. Pray for God to give you the right words to say and tone to use when you tell him. Pray that his heart will be softened and he won’t be defensive. Pray that the whole effort will be worth it when he has that change of heart and acts on it with you. I was married at your age too, so I know your situation and then some. God bless!
Whether or not I masturbated was an issue for the first 20+ years of my marriage. Even when I did it I would lie to my DH and say that I did not because I didn’t think it was any of his business what I did when I was alone. I would do it for him every once in awhile when we were having sex, but I hated it because I felt like I was being forced to do it. It led to many fights.
Based on a new understanding and working through some issues in the past few years, I now feel comfortable masturbating when having sex with my DH, but only if it is an interactive thing. I still don’t like to do it when it is done in a way where I feel like I am on display. Maybe that is due to body image issues. Every once in awhile I will go solo while my DH watches if I am very sexually excited. It is also done with the understanding that just because I did it does not mean it will become a regular thing.
My DH likes for me to tell him when I have masturbated when he is at work or out of town. I still have a problem doing this. My DH has learned that he should not ask about it because I will get very defensive about it. Even knowing that my DH likes to visualize me masturbating when he masturbates does not help matters.
Do others have a problem in this area? Does your DH like for you to tell him when you have masturbated? If so, is it easy for you to do so? Does anyone have any advice on how I can go about getting past not being able to tell my DH when I masturbate? I know it would really turn him on.
ballgirl_3 I, I feel very sad reading your message. You keep your husband at such arm’s length. You put so many conditions and seem to need to have so much control. I am really glad you are working through things and excited that you are reaching out to help please your husband. Gaining trust sometimes requires allowing yourself to be vulnerable. My husband and I had a Skype “date” for the first time last week even though we have been married for years. We sat and giggled and were shy and didn’t know how to start… it was a bit awkward, but because we trust each other it ended up being fun. Getting comfortable telling him when you did masturbate at home will be awkward at first.. you’ll get used to it. Would emailing him at work be a good way to start? I wonder if you have built up your own sexual world without him? Is that a bigger issue?
I’m sorry, I should have edited that to make it sound much more gentle. I am tired and that came out sounding a bit hard.
My husband enjoys this as well, he also loves when I offer him my fingers to lick either during or after. or if I just lick them myself. Very HOT!
It is very difficult for me to know my husband mastrubate. I hate to think “what is he thinking about”!! After a history of drugs, adultry on my first husbands side, porn, being abused as a 11 year old, it so hard to get all that is negative about sex out of my mind. I even try to control what we watch on tv. If there is anything relating to sex on tv – shame, even my husband try to skip to the next channel. But on the other side – I would really like us to have an open relationship and try new things – the sexpo is comming up soon and I wonder if it will be a good thing for us to go – please pray so I cant get guidence.
Dude… I’ve been married 4 years and just recently tried this in front of my husband. Let’s just say it ended up being the most passionate love-making experience we’ve ever had!
I grew up in church, went to Christian schools, and graduated from a Christian university. Everything I’d ever been taught was that this and oral sex are oh-so-sinful and that the main goal of sex is procreation. I always had reservations about this teaching because I’ve always believed that what happens in the marriage bed is no one else’s business. Who is this old man to get up in front of a theology class of 700 students and get on a rabbit trail about what’s right and wrong in married sex? There were things I wanted to do with my husband, things I wanted him to enjoy, things I wanted to enjoy that we were both afraid to try because we didn’t want to shame God or something. Also, I have a very, very strong sex drive, so I felt like something was wrong with me. It was literally missionary position or woman-on-top every time. It became boring quickly and I always felt on the spot to have an orgasm when my husband stimulated my clitoris.
Then, about 3 years ago, my husband and I started trying to get pregnant. After a year and a half of trying, tests, surgery, etc.,we found out we can’t have kids. Somewhere in the process of TTC, sex became a chore, a duty, on our check-list for baby making. In fact, I felt so bad about myself for not being able to conceive that I really hated sex for a while. I’d try to enjoy it, but end up crying myself to sleep. I felt so worthless because I often was getting NO enjoyment from it and I felt like, “What’s the point? It’s not accomplishing anything.”
Well, I stumbled onto your website about a month ago and let’s just say my eyes have been opened. There is so much more that my husband and I are confident with. I feel better about myself. And I have confidence that my desires are not “unnatural” or sinful. I don’t want this to become one of those “it was great at first but now it’s boring” things, so we don’t do it every time we have sex. But my husband nearly had an orgasm watching me the first time, without even being touched himself. Now sometimes he’ll move my hands where he wants to see them. =)
I like your ideas!!! But is masterbating while my husband is out to work wrong? But its bc im thinking of him and I get to hot. But I’m thinking off him!! Is it wrong?
Amy,
Why do you think it’s wrong? That would be the first issue to address.
Iam so happy I found this site. I am a born again christian who has a huge sex drive. I was married before and for the last 4 years of our 8 year marriage there was no sex. Im In my mid 30’s and I feel my hormones rage sometimes. I met someone and we got married .
With this man I am rested..I get full body orgasms and we can make love from 4 to 5 times during the night. I have never used sex toys before and I have no kids yet… so Im pretty tight down there.
I have never thought such passion to ever be possible.
I love to watch him masterbate in front of me and I do it for him.
In my first marriage sex was to be executed and never discussed or enjoyed so I had no clue I had something this beautiful in me.
The stern christian teachings i grew up with didn’t help much either.
I felt guilty and bad about sex in the begining
When Im about to reach orgasm when i masterbate for him, he comes inside me and releases there.
Sometimes I think we are from another world, we enjoy sex so much.
I also have a very naughty mind when it comes to making love with him….we explore together. after 2 years of marriage I come home from work sometimes and he waits for me by the door, kisses me and takes my coat of. He waits for me to get settled and ushers me to the sofa, he kisses me passionately as though we just met and we make hot love there…by the time we get to the bedroom 30 min passed and when we finish, he serves me dinner.
One thing he tells me is he totally loves my sex drive and i love his 🙂
Totally blessed
I like to send him a chat message when that urge takes me and make it really steamy and tell him what I am doing and he likes that. I feel like that is sharing the desire with him instead of letting off the steam alone. Sometimes there is value in holding off… it builds tension that can be shared with him. When you are thinking about him it is probably not bad to masturbate alone… but can waste the energy that could be spent on him and from experience can cross the line quickly into bad territory.
I don’t think it’s wrong if you are thinking about your husband and if what you are doing is increasing your intimacy with him (e.g., getting you in the mood to be with him, or learning to understand your own sexual response better). I would keep it out in the open and let him know what you are doing and why.
That is awesome! I hope you cherish what others like me dream of. 🙂