Monday’s Mission #4

Your mission for this week is to write your husband a letter of affirmation. Tell him all the reasons why you love and appreciate him. Write from your heart. Spray some of your perfume on it and leave it some place you are sure he’ll find it (his briefcase, his car, sticking out from under his breakfast plate). You will brighten his day 🙂

Position #12: X’s & O’s

 

This position is really simple and should work for any body type. It provides great visual stimulation to the husband, because he has a full frontal view of his wife, while the wife will have full view of the husband’s upper body.  This position also allows for manual or toy stimulation of the clitoris while the penis gives G-spot stimulation

 *The wife lies down on her back, while the husband positions himself between her legs by sitting on his bottom.  His feet will be by her head/shoulder area if his legs remain straight. 

*The wife may leave her legs straight, thus the pair of legs forms an X, or she can wrap her legs around her husband, bend her legs with her feet behind his hips or any other variation that comes into the imagination.

*Once in position… have sex!

(See!  I told you it was simple! 🙂 )  (This is the closest picture that I could find.)

 It’s a lot of fun to vary the leg positions and switch off between who does the moving.  The husband may want to lean back on his arms while thrusting or hold onto his wife’s ankles.  The wife may ask her husband to sit still as she gyrates her hips. 

 This is one of our favorite positions because multiple orgasms (O’s) can be achieved because of direct clitoral stimulation.  Have fun getting into your groove with X’s & O’s!!

Eating Seductively

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I am going to make a list of words and I want you to say, to yourself or out loud, what basic human need I am describing.  Ready?  Here we go hunger, appetite, craving, spice, heat………..OK, what’s the first thing to pop into your head?  Sex?  Food?  Both of these needs can be described with similar, if not identical words.  My girl, Sugar and Spice, has already made a post on aphrodisiacs and I’m going to talk more about eating in a seductive manner.

If you are trying to seduce your husband my first words of advice is to loose the silverware and stick mainly to finger foods.  There is something highly erotic about licking the juices off  your lips or fingers.  Imagine yourself placing a piece of juicy fruit into your husband’s mouth and then slowly and deliberately licking/sucking your own fingers.   If you want to start off with something easy you could always begin by eating something phallic shaped.  A banana, popsicle, celery, asparagus …..many foods are phallic shaped.  Take some cherries or grapes and dangle them over your mouth while your tongue plays with them or gently suck on one of them.  I guarantee that your husband will need to pick his jaw up off the floor.  Whipped cream, frosting, chocolate sauces are all fun to play with.  Just dribble them at a desired location and have yourself a yummy treat and a very happy hubby.   

I could go on and on with the possibilities because I believe that every food can be eaten in a seductive manner.  It’s mostly the attitude you have while you are consuming your food.  Look at your husband and talk with your eyes.  You may not even need to say a word for him to interpret your look as you saying “I am pretending this food is really you that I am eating and you taste delicious”.   You could even suck on a straw in a way that gets his fire going.

Try thinking outside the box and use your imagination to help yourself think and feel sexy.  It doesn’t take much for my imagination to kick into gear.  I was watching my husband pay bills one day.  Suddenly he looked up at me while licking an envelope and I could not for the life of me take my eyes off of him.  I sat there all eager for him to start licking the stamps.  I think those self adhesive envelopes and stamps are two of the worst things invented.   Thank God we will always have ice cream cones.

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The Tie That Binds

When I mention bondage play, what does that make you think of? Some people will immediately think of BDSM and hard-core stuff that holds little to no appeal to most of us. But light bondage play can be extremely sexy and fun!

Using a blindfold during sex play can make things….different! There are several things that can be used as a blindfold. The silk or satin belt of a robe, a sleep mask, one of your husband’s ties, or any long piece of cloth will work. Using something to take away your sense of sight can make your other senses more sensitive to external stimuli. When you can’t see what is going on, that hot breath on your thigh from your husband may mean more to your body than it usually does. Using a blindfold in the bathtub while showering together would also be very erotic!

A pleasure feather could also be used when you are blindfolded, to heighten your sensitivity. I have one that looks more like this one. When we used it, we found that there were certain parts where the feather felt very nice. Then there were those places where it just tickled! It was fun to be able to give each other new and different sensations though. I found a Silky Seduction Kit at Book22 that has a blindfold, feather, and seduction guide all in one kit. It is inexpensive too!

Handcuffs are also fun to use! There are some pretty ones out there in a variety of colors. Novelty handcuffs always come with keys and also a safety release valve, in case you loose your key! It’s usually easy enough to get out of them yourself if you really need to. For those of you who have always wondered about this type of play, you could always start out with something like gummy handcuffs!! They also make candy ones. And for you chocolate lovers, can you believe that there are actually chocolate handcuffs now? Mmmm, you could eat your way out of bondage while your husband was having his way with you! 😆

Another fun thing to try is tying your spouse up to something. I’ve tied my husband up to the bedpost before and had my way with him. I believe I used one of his neckties. I also incorporated some whipped cream during that event. 😎 He told me afterwards that it was highly erotic; yet almost frustrating that he couldn’t use his hands to touch me. When he turned the tables on me, and tied me up the next time, I saw what he was talking about. It takes a whole lot of trust to do this with your spouse. It’s almost unnerving to surrender the use of your hands/arms. But it can also be a turn on. I’ve heard that bondage tape is good for this type of play. It sticks to itself but does not stick to skin or hair. I’ve also heard that it isn’t hard to break free of if you need to.

This kind of light bondage play can be lots of fun for couples. However, if you or your spouse have some kind of abuse in your past, then this may not be something you want to experiment in. Be sensitive to the needs and desires of your spouse. Talk about what you feel comfortable doing. And as always, if you have some thoughts about bondage play, please feel free to leave a comment!

Life threw me a curve….

I have reached the stage in my life where my body is throwing curveballs at me now. I really wasn’t ready for this, but here it is. I’ve spent too many years not caring about my sexuality, but now that I embrace it better than before, Satan’s sent in a relief pitcher. This one’s got some good stuff, too.

This one has hold of my monthly cycle. I have always had major trouble with hormonal birth control. It was very effective….it took away all the desire I ever had for sex with my husband. So when you aren’t having or wanting sex, there ya go! It works!! And did I really PAY for that? I paid the pharmaceutical companies so I could pump hormones into my body that caused me not to want sex? Whatever was I thinking!! Oh, yeah. I was thinking I didn’t want babies. So in the past 2 years, I have thrown away my packs of birth control pills, and went to charting. My drive is back and I am really loving sex. My cycles were semi-normal, well, they were at least consistent, but shorter than they used to be, but still I could count on them to be there after a certain number of days.

Until this month. That relief pitcher that Satan sent in…..No menstrual cycle.

I tested. It came back negative. It’s been a bit over a month since my last cycle, too. So, here I am again, wondering….did I skip a period? I’ve never done that. How do I know if I ovulated or not? How will I know when I ovulate next? Do we need to consider birth control again? (NO! NOT THAT QUESTION!!) Is it part of my age? Am I perimenopausal?

I have already seen the doctor a few months ago and my hormone tests came back normal. No actual proof that I am perimenopausal. So what are my options?

I haven’t made but one decision. I won’t go back on hormonal birth control ever again. I do not want to put my husband through the agony that I put him through once before. I have a lot of research to do and a trip back to my doctor next month. I will not let Satan get a foothold in my marriage bed again. That is one place that I have forbidden him to venture into ever again.

Monday’s Mission #3

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to have breast sex with your husband.  Grab you favorite lube, apply generously between your bosom and on his shaft, and assume your favorite position!  You can lie on your back or go over the top of him…  you can incorporate oral and/or manual stimulation… you can do it to completion or just as foreplay… just have fun with your booby boom boom experience!

Position #11: The Standing T-Position

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I love this position because it is easy.  Those positions that require you to have extra coordination or flexibility are very difficult for me.  I have a confession to make.  I was the only cheerleader in my high school’s history who could not do a split.  OK, while we are being honest, I couldn’t do a cartwheel either. You got me, everyone that tried out that year made the squad but that’s beside the point.  In my book simple is better.  I am sure that my husband’s book says that as long as he get a nice visual, it’s all good.  This position gives him a great visual so every body’s happy.

Let’s get into position.  Lay face up on your bed so that your headboard is to one side of you and your foot board is to the other.  Move your rear down to the edge of the mattress.  Your husband stands at the side of the bed and places your legs or the bottom of your feet up on his shoulders.  You should be making a 90 degree angle with your bodies.  We have bed risers so the height of our bed makes us match up perfectly.  If your genitals aren’t lining up try putting some pillows under your rear to lift you up. Now he can grab your ankles or hips as he thrusts.  This provides nice G-spot spot stimulation, gives easy access to the clitoris for a vibe or fingers, and the husband gets a great visual.  That reminds me.  I like to line my husband up in front of a mirror when we are using this position so that I too can get a nice visual of his backside going to work.  (That’s our secret though.  I don’t think he realizes what I am truly doing when I am lining him up. 😉 )

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“Oh Yes Baby! Don’t Stop!”

When you are intimate with your husband, are you vocal about it? Are you a screamer? A shouter? Or are you one of the more quiet ones? For me, I guess it depends on my mood, though I really have come to love being loud.

Sometimes I have to be quiet. When it’s the middle of the day and the kids are wide-awake, I know I can’t really let loose. Sometimes that adds to it. Knowing that I can’t be heard. There are also times that I am quiet and don’t realize it. When I’m concentrating really hard on the sensations my body is feeling, I tend to be quieter. Sometimes I’m thinking very specific things in my mind, and in those times I’m not very vocal either. But I really do like making noise. And I’ve come to realize that my husband likes it too!

Moaning and groaning is sometimes involuntary. When you are making out with your husband, and things are feeling good, moaning is a way of giving some positive verbal cues. It says: I’m happy and this feels so good! Groaning during oral sex can heighten the mood as well.

Heavy Breathing is another thing that lets our husbands know that we are feeling fine! My husband can tell when I’m approaching orgasm, just from subtle breathing changes that he detects in me. I don’t even realize that I do it, but he says it’s unmistakable. I think we women would probably notice the same thing in our husbands if we watched for it.

Sexy talk is a wonderful way to raise the passion level. It doesn’t have to be words that you are uncomfortable with, you can just say what you are thinking in your mind: “deeper baby,” “harder,” “oh yes,” “don’t stop!” “Almost there,” “use your finger,” “kiss me,” “ **** me!” “I love you,” “you’re so good,” “do that again,” “you make me feel so good,” “you’re so big,” “you’re so hard,” “take me from behind,” “you’re driving me crazy,” “your tongue feels so good on me,” “you are wonderful,” “keep going,” “let me ride now!” etc. I know that we women think these things in our minds anyway. If you can bring yourself to say them aloud during your intimate times, your husband will probably appreciate it. It will be really good affirmation for him, and his confidence will go up if he knows that he’s pleasing you! Hearing you talk sexy to him will also help his arousal level skyrocket!

If you and your husband are both comfortable using more erotic or “dirty” words in the bedroom, then by all means, let loose! What you two say to each other is between you two and God. It is no one else’s business and it’s not for anyone else to judge. My husband and I use some very playful and erotic terms with each other, and it’s such a turn on. He knows that I like hearing him tell me specifically what he’s going to do to me, and how he’s going to do it. So in turn, I also talk to him using the terms and descriptions that I KNOW turn him on.

Occasionally, when the kids are in bed (or gone) I’ll allow myself to get louder. It’s nice to be able to let out a yell or scream as orgasm hits. What a rush that is! I think it’s exhilarating for our husbands to hear us abandon ourselves like that too. It gives them a sense of accomplishment, knowing that they helped give us such pleasure.

Think about how vocal you are during sex. Are you quiet more times than not? Maybe it’s time to think about spicing things up by moaning and talking more! And you know what? I have found that talking and moaning and trying to turn my husband on with my words also has an effect on me. I like hearing myself talk naughty. My own arousal goes up when I’m vocal. So it’s a win-win situation!

Get vocal ladies, and let your husband KNOW how much you enjoy making love to him!

What Does Intimacy Mean?

~ I ~ N ~ T ~ I ~ M ~ A ~ C ~ Y ~

I hear intimacy talked about all the time when it comes to both marriage and our relationship with Christ. Perhaps that is why the authors of the Bible parallel our relationship with Jesus to the relationship between a husband and a wife. There is something about both of them that requires a great deal of intimacy. So what is it? What is intimacy?

Here are some definitions I have heard:

~ Merriam-Webster: something of a personal or private nature
~ Intimacy = In to me you see
~ Dennis Rainey of Family Life Today: Intimacy means taking the risk to be close to someone and allowing that someone to step inside your personal boundaries.

To be honest I think the dictionary definition is lacking if you ask me. My bank account is of a rather private nature, but my relationship with it isn’t intimate as I understand intimacy. That is too broad a definition to be helpful in understanding why intimacy is important in relationships. “In to me you see” is a play on the word intimacy (broken up into similar sounds) which is a little more helpful if you think about it long enough. You are allowing someone to look inside you to know the real you, but I love the definition that Dennis Rainey offers us. Making the true you available for someone to know is a great risk, and that is an effective and concise way of explaining what intimacy is.

 

I like to think of intimacy as connecting with someone on every level; physical, emotional and spiritual. Physically, when we become intimate with someone there is some sort of touch involved and to varying degrees depending on the relationship we have with the person. Emotionally, our decision to be intimate with someone becomes a connection of our minds and our hearts. We share the real stuff of who we are and find that we are stronger for it. Spiritually, as we connect to the God-part of another person in prayer and unity of heart for the Kingdom of God, we find that that part of intimacy is marvelously intense.

 

Obviously the physical, emotional and spiritual way that Jesus effects me and the way my husband effects me and the way my best friend effects me are all different, but there is a connection on all three levels that we have with people once we become intimate with them, once we trust them enough to let them into our personal boundaries.

 

Can you have intimacy without one of these factors? Maybe, but it might be limited. Let’s take the example of the women who write on this blog with me. I haven’t met most of them in person, but I have been friends with them for over a year. We have shared an intimacy that is of a nature I do not have with any other girlfriends, and yet we have never physically met. So it isn’t that it is impossible to have intimacy without one of those aspects, but the level is limited. I am sure that once I meet these ladies in person, the potential for more intimate friendships is greater.

 

So how does all this relate to marital intimacy? Why is intimacy with your husband important? So far we have spoken more generally, but a marriage couldn’t thrive in what God planned for it to be, that is a reflection of His relationship with us, without all three aspects of intimacy.

 

If a husband and wife have walls of mistrust, deception, a lack of forgiveness, and bitterness that keep them from allowing one another into their real presence they can not develop a deep intimacy. Their hurt may not even be toward their spouse, but if they have walls up to protect themselves from people getting close to them, it will damage their relationship with their spouse.

 

Intimacy is important in marriage because it is the only way to receive the full blessing that God intended marriage to be. God planned for marriage to be intensely wonderful and a lifelong journey filled with passion and deep connection which ends up providing us with the most amazing human relationship we can experience, but it would not be possible without a willingness to pursue intimacy.

 

Intimacy is risky, especially at the beginning, but it gets easier over the years if you are committed to it. The more you do it, the more you see if your spouse can be trusted with your heart. And then, the more you see that they are trustworthy, the more willing you are to keep on sharing yourself with them.

 

The real commitment to intimacy is challenged when you have opened yourself up to your spouse and they have not been trustworthy. That is when we start asking ourselves the big questions of whether intimacy is worth the cost when we get hurt. I would submit to you that if you married someone with a desire to live their life in surrender to God and they have hurt you that it is worth the work to push through the season of pain and come out stronger on the other side. I know many couples who have worked through tough issues like infidelity and some who could not. It is not easy and is a long, hard process, but it is possible with the right conditions. Those are, the amazing reconciliation ability of the True Lord Jesus and two people honestly seeking to honor Him. If you have found yourself in such a situation I pray that the grace of God would be upon you and that you would know His presence is near you as you walk through this season.

 

Overall though, intimacy between a committed husband and wife has the greatest potential for a relationship that is deeply life-giving. Intimacy is worth the effort, worth the risk, worth the vulnerability. Intimacy is just one of the many different ingredients that make a marriage great.

Faking an orgasm…yay or nay?

 

Okay, if I mention *THE SCENE* from When Harry Met Sally, what scene do you picture? Are you with me? The scene in the diner where Sally fakes an orgasm and then just keeps on eating like nothing happened? I don’t think I have ever met anyone that didn’t know about that scene (if you don’t, you MUST watch that movie), but is faking orgasms really healthy to your sexual relationship with your spouse?

I went through a long period of refusal and I am not very proud of it now a days. It really hurt our intimacy, but I am past that now. But back then, I could have used Meg Ryan’s technique (though not as vocal) on days that I didn’t really want to have sex, but I thought it would be totally unfair to my husband to do that. Why? An orgasm is showing the ultimate in trust and pure pleasure during intercourse. If you fake an orgasm and you really didn’t have one, it sends very wrong cues to your spouse….”oh, that position really works!” (and that may have been further from the truth)…. “I am a very good lover if I can make my wife orgasm like that” (when in all actuality, you may have wanted to roll over and fall asleep quicker), “I’ll have to use that position/technique again tomorrow night/later tonight” (OH BROTHER)

I really hurt my husband’s ego when I refused him. I wasn’t a willing and active partner at all. If I had added to the mix a fake orgasm, then I think that could have really deflated his feelings of worth. Is it really worth it to cause such pain in your marriage? This is where the lines of communication in bed are really important. If something isn’t working, tell your husband that it isn’t working. Be willing to try something new. Trust me, I have had a REAL orgasm (like Sally’s in the movie) and it is SO worth communicating for! If something isn’t working, suggest a variation, tell him what kind of stimulation you need to help you get there, or if you are simply not in the mood, make a date for another time. Faking an orgasm is not the answer, it can only contribute to the problem.

So gals, let’s go order the Sally special with our husbands! “I’ll have what she’s having!”

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