Faking an orgasm…yay or nay?


Okay, if I mention *THE SCENE* from When Harry Met Sally, what scene do you picture? Are you with me? The scene in the diner where Sally fakes an orgasm and then just keeps on eating like nothing happened? I don’t think I have ever met anyone that didn’t know about that scene (if you don’t, you MUST watch that movie), but is faking orgasms really healthy to your sexual relationship with your spouse?

I went through a long period of refusal and I am not very proud of it now a days. It really hurt our intimacy, but I am past that now. But back then, I could have used Meg Ryan’s technique (though not as vocal) on days that I didn’t really want to have sex, but I thought it would be totally unfair to my husband to do that. Why? An orgasm is showing the ultimate in trust and pure pleasure during intercourse. If you fake an orgasm and you really didn’t have one, it sends very wrong cues to your spouse….”oh, that position really works!” (and that may have been further from the truth)…. “I am a very good lover if I can make my wife orgasm like that” (when in all actuality, you may have wanted to roll over and fall asleep quicker), “I’ll have to use that position/technique again tomorrow night/later tonight” (OH BROTHER)

I really hurt my husband’s ego when I refused him. I wasn’t a willing and active partner at all. If I had added to the mix a fake orgasm, then I think that could have really deflated his feelings of worth. Is it really worth it to cause such pain in your marriage? This is where the lines of communication in bed are really important. If something isn’t working, tell your husband that it isn’t working. Be willing to try something new. Trust me, I have had a REAL orgasm (like Sally’s in the movie) and it is SO worth communicating for! If something isn’t working, suggest a variation, tell him what kind of stimulation you need to help you get there, or if you are simply not in the mood, make a date for another time. Faking an orgasm is not the answer, it can only contribute to the problem.

So gals, let’s go order the Sally special with our husbands! “I’ll have what she’s having!”


  1. I’ll admit it……..I’ve faked it a few times. HOWEVER, it was times where I just knew that no matter what, it wasn’t going to happen for me (the O). The last time I faked was on our anniversary a few years ago. We had had a big dinner and a bottle of wine. My husband had worked so hard to make the evening special and he was doing everything in the bedroom perfectly. But I was tired and had eaten too much and I just knew that nothing was going to work. I just didn’t have the heart to disappoint him.

  2. Gingercookie, I have had those ‘nothing is going to work’ moments as well. Those are the times I tell my husband that I just want to focus on him. Initially he may feel disappointed but it is nothing compared to the disappointment he may feel if he found out I faked it.

    ***Now that I am thinking about it I can’t remember him ever being disappointed by me saying “I’m not getting there tonight. I’m going to just focus on you.” He loves being the center of attention in the bedroom . 😉

  3. Thanks for the response Peppermintgirl! I will say that it is extremely rare when I can’t get there. But the times I’ve told my husband that I can’t, he just wants to stop the whole thing. I think that’s weird, but he seems to get turned off if I can’t O first (which has been our standard since day one).

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