When you are intimate with your husband, are you vocal about it? Are you a screamer? A shouter? Or are you one of the more quiet ones? For me, I guess it depends on my mood, though I really have come to love being loud.
Sometimes I have to be quiet. When it’s the middle of the day and the kids are wide-awake, I know I can’t really let loose. Sometimes that adds to it. Knowing that I can’t be heard. There are also times that I am quiet and don’t realize it. When I’m concentrating really hard on the sensations my body is feeling, I tend to be quieter. Sometimes I’m thinking very specific things in my mind, and in those times I’m not very vocal either. But I really do like making noise. And I’ve come to realize that my husband likes it too!
Moaning and groaning is sometimes involuntary. When you are making out with your husband, and things are feeling good, moaning is a way of giving some positive verbal cues. It says: I’m happy and this feels so good! Groaning during oral sex can heighten the mood as well.
Heavy Breathing is another thing that lets our husbands know that we are feeling fine! My husband can tell when I’m approaching orgasm, just from subtle breathing changes that he detects in me. I don’t even realize that I do it, but he says it’s unmistakable. I think we women would probably notice the same thing in our husbands if we watched for it.
Sexy talk is a wonderful way to raise the passion level. It doesn’t have to be words that you are uncomfortable with, you can just say what you are thinking in your mind: “deeper baby,” “harder,” “oh yes,” “don’t stop!” “Almost there,” “use your finger,” “kiss me,” “ **** me!” “I love you,” “you’re so good,” “do that again,” “you make me feel so good,” “you’re so big,” “you’re so hard,” “take me from behind,” “you’re driving me crazy,” “your tongue feels so good on me,” “you are wonderful,” “keep going,” “let me ride now!” etc. I know that we women think these things in our minds anyway. If you can bring yourself to say them aloud during your intimate times, your husband will probably appreciate it. It will be really good affirmation for him, and his confidence will go up if he knows that he’s pleasing you! Hearing you talk sexy to him will also help his arousal level skyrocket!
If you and your husband are both comfortable using more erotic or “dirty” words in the bedroom, then by all means, let loose! What you two say to each other is between you two and God. It is no one else’s business and it’s not for anyone else to judge. My husband and I use some very playful and erotic terms with each other, and it’s such a turn on. He knows that I like hearing him tell me specifically what he’s going to do to me, and how he’s going to do it. So in turn, I also talk to him using the terms and descriptions that I KNOW turn him on.
Occasionally, when the kids are in bed (or gone) I’ll allow myself to get louder. It’s nice to be able to let out a yell or scream as orgasm hits. What a rush that is! I think it’s exhilarating for our husbands to hear us abandon ourselves like that too. It gives them a sense of accomplishment, knowing that they helped give us such pleasure.
Think about how vocal you are during sex. Are you quiet more times than not? Maybe it’s time to think about spicing things up by moaning and talking more! And you know what? I have found that talking and moaning and trying to turn my husband on with my words also has an effect on me. I like hearing myself talk naughty. My own arousal goes up when I’m vocal. So it’s a win-win situation!
Get vocal ladies, and let your husband KNOW how much you enjoy making love to him!
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Christian Nymphos 
It is so true. What a wonderful article. My husband loves hearing how he makes me feel. Not only does it fill him with pride and confidence but it arouses me as well.
My husband loves that i am vocal too but he is very quiet in the bedroom. Reading this article how do other ladies deal with this? I would love him to be more vocal and we have talked about it but it just doesn’t feel natural to him.
I must admit I’m a moaner and screamer.I can be quiet if I have to (kids still awake/or in a hotel)but I love letting go and DH loves when I do to. He’s not so loud, and it’s taken awhile but he finally is starting to let go and talk dirty in the bedroom. I love it. I think positive reinforcement helps in this area. Just keep asking him to express himself and let him know what you want to hear. Oh,and NEVER question what comes out of his mouth in the heat of the moment.
Most of my girlfriends would be shocked if they heard what comes out of there good Baptist girlfriends mouth.:)
My husband and I were talking about that just last night. We really have the freedom to say absolutely anything because of the way we have guarded our mouths from speaking those words in other ways that are defiling. It’s awesome to be free!!!!!
Help!!!
Well my loud mouth finally got me in trouble. We got home very late last night (1:30am) walked the sleeping children in and put them to bed. We went to bed soon after and with everyone sleeping thought we would take advantage of this time. We tried the coconut oil we had heard about and got a little carried away. I guess I got a little loud, because our 11 year old daughter knocked on the door and asked if we were ok! I assured her we were got her back to bed and finished quietly. It was 2:30 in the morning she should have been sleeping. Our bedroom is on the opposite end of a big house so this usually isn’t a problem. Now what do I do, should I address it with her or just ignore what happened? My gut feeling is to ignore it unless she brings it up, but then what explaining sex is one thing but the moaning and screamng?? Any advice from anyone out there please!
I shouldn’t chuckle, but if I’m being honest your story did give me a laugh.
My opinion is that you have already assured her that you were fine so unless she asks (as you say) I’d leave well enough alone.
She is getting old enough that with or without this situation she is going to be asking more and more about this.
Blessings on you as you pass on a freedom to be who God has made her to be every step of the way.
Hey intendedforpleasure,
How very funny. You had me laughing as I can identify thoroughly.
We had the same situation a week or so ago…(yes, I know I was griping about my love life yesterday but I am extremely high drive and cannot handle even 2 days without love making with my husband after being asexual for 23 yrs!!! You have no idea how wonderful it was to get replies on this site to my heart ache)
We were having a hugely passionate time and I was RRRREEEAAALLLYYY LOUD, only to have my 10 yr. old banging on our door asking if I was alright, poor little darling. I have been so emo during the past year that all of my kids are literally watching over me more than I am watching over them! They are always asking me if I am happy today, which could break my heart at their worry. I have concluded that my girls will be raised by a passionate mom who ravishes her man instead of a woman in man’s pants.
No, I did not explain to her what went on as to be frank, I was still too deliriously sex-dazed to even figure out the right words for her early the next morning. I simply told her that I was fine and that Daddy was with me so she did not need to worry. She gave me a tight hug and said she was glad I was o.k. I am a blessed woman and I fully thank God for the family He has surrounded me with during this time in my life. I am learning how to be fully female…what a ride.
I can get loud especially if the kids are away or we are traveliing alone…sometimes when you have to be quiet (at a beach house with your in-laws) it makes it a little more exciting.
This is so funny because my daughter, 9 almost 10, did just the same thing about 3 weeks ago. I hadn’t realized how loud I was becoming and she starts knocking on the door, Mommy whats that sound are you ok? There was something telling us to lock the door from now on just a couple weeks before that and knew then God was watching over all of us because if she would have seen what was going on she might have been truly scared and scarred for life LOL I told her daddy was giving mommy a massage that felt really good. That stopped those questions because she has had a short back massage and she says it feels good 😉 For me and my hubby it was a REALLY great massage HAHA So we relate 🙂
What a great way to explain that through a closed door. I will remember that one.
I used to work overnights at a radio station in Southern Illinois, so I was home during the day sleeping, taking care of housework and the baby. One day when my wife was off work from her retail store job, we decided to go at it while our daughter, who was about 2 at the time, was down for her nap. The next day she asked my wife what all that noise was coming from our room. Wifey asked what kind of noise, she promptly climbed up on the bed, positioned herself on all fours and bounced up and down making the mattress and springs squeak and creak. My wife said, “Oh, we were just ‘exercising.'” LOL…she accepted that explanation, but it was really funny how she could imitate the bed noises by herself. We have learned to be quieter and I’ve figured out how to duct tape certain parts of the bed frame for silence. She’s 26 now and so far hasn’t been scarred for life by the experience. Now…being out of town in a hotel. THAT’S another story about being vocal and noisy…LOL!
TPO,
That really is funny, because when that happened to us that’s exactly what my husband told her the next day, when she asked, at breakfast. I didn’t think it would satisfy her curiosity, but she didn’t ask again. 🙂 However the older kids got a little embarrassed and left the room, I don’t think they bought it, but didn’t want to know (no mental pictures).
Ahh the joys of parenting. LOL 🙂
My pre teen has age appropriate knowledge of sex, mostly still of the “where babies come from” variety. I know that she will need more info soon and she will get it (from me, not school or peers), but her maturity level isn’t quite up for the whole gamut yet. Anyways, we live in a pretty small home with a thin wall between bedrooms and for awhile, we just didn’t allow ourselves to do anything when the kids were home, period. This was obviously not a good plan. Finally, we agreed that wasn’t the way to handle it and just made a conscious decision not to be loud when they’re home. We either 1.) talk dirty quietly (oh man, do I need help with this! I’m really trying to come up with some new stuff, because my husband loves it a little TOO much – thank you Cinammon Sticks, I was honest with him and he understands I felt pressured, so he’s not overdoing now but I still want to keep it going for him, just at a more reasonable pace. So I’d appreciate any advice for taking it to the next level.) Anyways, I’ll also 2.) sometimes grab his fist and bite down hard to fight off screaming (he also likes this, particulary when I see a mark on his hand a few days later and say, “Where’d that come from?” (forgetting what I did). His sheepish grin is such a blessing. Maybe one of those options could be helpful, intendedforpleasure and anyone else who needs some ideas for keeping it quiet around the kiddos.
I totally relate, because while the main thing we heard from her was “I know you get stomach aches at night…I hear the noises you make…” yeah, it was humorous once or twice, but after that it was time to come up with a strategy – fast! So that’s what’s worked for me.
So I have found that my hubby would really like me to be noisy, but I am pretty quiet. I would like to learn to be loud (no kids yet; we’ve been married 5 years) and would think that I could’ve figgured out how by now. I’m wondering if I have some kind of shyness/insecurity? Maybe due to my background? (“good girl”, Christian/Baptist, my Mom was VERY shy about discussing sex ) so I was confused at first about what was/was not appropriate. I have never been uncomfortable around my husband, or so I thought, but am wondering if maybe I really am and that I am not really just relaxing and thoroughly enjoying sex? I want to just be able to “let loose” and be, as my hubby puts it, a “vixen” in the bedroom, but just not sure how to go about it. Other than more practice? 🙂
Just start really simple. “That feels great” or “More” or “Don’t stop.” As you get more comfortable you can just go on from there. It’s usually that first time when it feels like such a big thing to overcome, but once you do it, it’s a lot of fun. Good for you for trying to break out of your shell a little bit in the bedroom. Enjoy the process! 🙂
Thanks cinnamonsticks, for your help. I will keep trying!
What if it never feels good enough to make me want to scream? I have to focus SO hard to be able to orgasm, because any little distraction puts me back at square one and completely unaroused. I would really love to have more desire and pleasure with my husband, but it’s hard to want sex when it’s so much work. Climaxing feels good, but not great, and truthfully, a back rub is usually more appealing. 😦
Lovergirl,
I know exactly how you feel, (the shy, good-girl, baptist)that’s me! I had to really try hard and purpose to be verbal and express myself louder. At first it was hard to do, but my DH seemed to like it and the more I did it the easier it was to be that way. Now after 22 years, that’s just the way I am, (but only in the bedroom) otherwise I’m still pretty quiet and shy! Its the same with dirty talk, only in the bedroom!
Just give it a try and if your not comfortable or if DH isn’t then don’t do it-nothing lost.
AnnieGirl, I’ve been in your shoes. I know EXACTLY the feelings you are describing. What frustration! And you know, no matter what I did to try and change things, it never seemed to make a difference. I prayed and prayed for things to change in my husband, “Lord let him do the right things to turn me on, let him do such and such better, etc.” Wow and I thought that the Lord just wasn’t listening to me! I was spending so much time blaming my lack of desire on my husband, and in doing so, focusing more on him than on God!
Not until I finally broke down and realized that it was myself that I should be asking God to change, did I start noticing a HUGE change in my desire and pleasure with my husband. I asked Him not only to change my desire, but to show me what needed to change in my own heart. I honestly never thought it could be so good! I’m still amazed each and every day! Our God is AMAZING! Why did I ever doubt Him?
I don’t know your exact situation, and perhaps you could even have a hormone imbalance that’s affecting your sex drive(a simple blood test could tell you), but I know that God can change ANYTHING! Pray, Pray, Pray.
And spend time THINKING about your DH and about having sex! That truly helps my drive each day. 🙂
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
I know exactly how you feel, (the shy, good-girl, catholic) that’s me! I had to really try hard and purpose to be verbal and express myself louder.
er … um …
i am so unable to do that
Lisa,
I bet you could if you tried. Weren’t you the one who broke the good girl image with underware and lingerie. 🙂
Its for his ears only! Start out with just a few moans and groans and work up to more and louder!
My DH response helped a lot, I don’t think I wouldn’t have been as bold without positive reinforcment from him.
yes, i looooove sexy lingerie …
sad to say i am almost completely silent. i can talk to my hubby with no problem about sex, even when initiating … but once he starts touching me i have trouble.
i always get worried that someone can hear us, which is not true, but i just cannot seem to do the sexy moaning thing. i will try … 🙂
My DH says sometimes I am SO loud, he thinks the neighbors might call the police-LOL! We stayed at a darling carriage house just about 12 feet from the main house for our FL vacation this summer. I was being loud as usual and DH decided to check if I could be heard outside near the main house (our bedroom was upstairs). OH NO…he said he could hear quite well, and who knows what could be heard inside their house too (owners were home and rent out the carriage house). After that I tried to be more quiet! Probably need to check this out here at home too… 🙂
Oh my goodness I have been so free verbally since our last son graduated & joined the marines, that 8 years later I am no having a hard time keeping quiet. He is back from overseas, working married, baby one with baby 2 on its way and we are grand parenting like mad. SOOOOO much fun being a grand parent!
My husband and I can contain ourselves sexually on those short visits; however when they come to visit for extended periods we continue with our marital bliss. The problem is I am so used to letting my vocal go that I now find it very difficult to suppress. Volume is not the issue; it is my sexy choice of words. I am fairly free with them and at times get so turned on that I am in the moment and just let go. Whatever hits me hit me without a thought, of course my husband goes crazy when I am this uninhibited and our sex life has blossomed immensely!
My poor son and his wife have been embarrassed a couple of times visiting and I was seriously attempting to keep it calm.
I whole heartedly agree that with ones spouse both should be okay with letting their hair down on occasion. Notice I said on occasion. I have gotten spoiled over the years and need to rein it in a bit. When one has guests, one certainly needs tact. 😉
I do so love to tell my husband exactly what I think of him and his wonderful manhood!
Yes Yes Yes! Keep working at it. This was the first compliment my husband gave after we had sex the first time. We were so hot for each other we were wild with no reserve, The sex was raw hard satisfyingly hot! I was so vocal that my husband went ape. He lost control and let go himself. It was certainly passionate and very loud! After our first orgasms he told me that was the hottest thing he had ever seen, heard, witnessed, been a part of, or ever imagined anything could be. I am fairly reserved until it comes to sex with my man. He was floored by my desire and my openness. Though we have only been married a few months we have had so much sex and so much variety I feel we have been married forever and can’t wait for the next forever! I used to imagine what it would be like and knew I did not want to be inhibited in any way one that first night. PTl I wasn’t and we have built a good foundation & praying it will last a life time.
I was unable to climax for 12 years for the inability to stay focused as well. I didn’t need distractions, my own mind wandered enough. I once put a pillow over my face (to quiet moaning) and discovered by accident that this kept me focused on what was going on, no more mind wandering. I had my first orgasm. For years I had to use pillow or use a sleeping blindold, but eventually trained myself to focus with my eyes open. I like my husband to talk during sex, but I cannot talk or I am back at square one, still working on that. I was diagnosed with ADD a few years back but do not take medicine for it. That was the reason all those years for no orgasm, ADD, a medical reason. Maybe this will help you, or someone else who reads your post.
It’s also okay to just yell your head off! We like dirty talk, but my husband says that primal screaming is just as amazing, if not more than articulated compliments or explicit directions.
My husband and I do not talk at all during sex. Now that I have been reading this site for 6 months or so, that seems kind of crazy to me, but that’s the way it is. Our sex life is very enjoyable, but I think it would be even hotter if we could get into some “spicy sex talk!” I told him that and he said, “OK, you start, because I don’t know what to say.” Well, I have no idea what to say or how to get started either. We are both fairly quiet, kind of low key people, so just about anything will be way out of our comfort zone. This article is helpful, but I wondered if anyone had any other ideas on how to get started? Thanks.
I moan a lot during sessions. And no faking! That’s the stupidest idea ever! Sorry, had to get that out of my system.
Hubby is the quieter one. That’s all right by me. I’m still content to look him in the eyes. He does respond when I say “I love you” or when he’s nearing the end. 🙂
I am such a shy, quiet person. I didn’t make noise even during labor and delivery. I know my husband would like me to be more vocal (he said so a couple of months ago) but it is so unnatural for me. I can’t even talk about sex to tell him what I do and don’t like, even tho he asks often. The only word I can say now without being embarrassed is sex. The only way I’ve been able to give him any feedback is by writing. I would like to be more free to express myself but don’t know how.
This can be hard for women who are naturally quiet (it is hard for me). I’ve found that starting with making encouraging sounds, rather than using words, during sex is helpful. So when your husband is doing something that feels good, just make little noises (Oooo… or Mmmm… or something similar) to encourage him and let him know you’re enjoying it. Also, because your husband has specifically asked you to be more vocal, I encourage you to step a little bit out of your comfort zone and start saying some small things that let him know what you like or what you’re thinking. Also, I think that writing things to him is fine, if he’s okay with that. Some of the women here have had fun with “sexting” with their husbands – I would like to try that, but my husband doesn’t text! So if you and he sometimes text each other, maybe you could start sending some flirty or slightly sexy texts to him once in a while. In general, just start with something and then try to do a little more and then a little more. It will be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll find that it can be really fun.