Life threw me a curve….

I have reached the stage in my life where my body is throwing curveballs at me now. I really wasn’t ready for this, but here it is. I’ve spent too many years not caring about my sexuality, but now that I embrace it better than before, Satan’s sent in a relief pitcher. This one’s got some good stuff, too.

This one has hold of my monthly cycle. I have always had major trouble with hormonal birth control. It was very effective….it took away all the desire I ever had for sex with my husband. So when you aren’t having or wanting sex, there ya go! It works!! And did I really PAY for that? I paid the pharmaceutical companies so I could pump hormones into my body that caused me not to want sex? Whatever was I thinking!! Oh, yeah. I was thinking I didn’t want babies. So in the past 2 years, I have thrown away my packs of birth control pills, and went to charting. My drive is back and I am really loving sex. My cycles were semi-normal, well, they were at least consistent, but shorter than they used to be, but still I could count on them to be there after a certain number of days.

Until this month. That relief pitcher that Satan sent in…..No menstrual cycle.

I tested. It came back negative. It’s been a bit over a month since my last cycle, too. So, here I am again, wondering….did I skip a period? I’ve never done that. How do I know if I ovulated or not? How will I know when I ovulate next? Do we need to consider birth control again? (NO! NOT THAT QUESTION!!) Is it part of my age? Am I perimenopausal?

I have already seen the doctor a few months ago and my hormone tests came back normal. No actual proof that I am perimenopausal. So what are my options?

I haven’t made but one decision. I won’t go back on hormonal birth control ever again. I do not want to put my husband through the agony that I put him through once before. I have a lot of research to do and a trip back to my doctor next month. I will not let Satan get a foothold in my marriage bed again. That is one place that I have forbidden him to venture into ever again.

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  • March 2008
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