Monday’s Mission is to give your husband a hummer. We don’t mean a car, it’s an oral technique discussed in “Advanced Oral Techniques”. Just think of it as you singing a special love song to your man. 😉
Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Position #10: A Girl, A Guy and a Poang Chair
If you have a chair similar to the Poang Chair from IKEA, there is a really great position you can try. It is simple, but so nice. This is an in depth look at a variation of last week’s position.
The husband is sitting in the chair and the wife is on top, sitting facing him with her legs dangling over the arm rests. It would, of course, work in any chair as long the arms weren’t too high, but the special thing about this chair is the gentle rocking movement you get when you are moving in and out from each other.
This position allows for deep penetration and the angle may work very well if you find that some other woman-on-top positions pull down uncomfortably on your husband’s erection. It’s great for face to face interaction and it feels very intimate, being pressed up against each other in a vertical position.
As an added bonus, if you dare, I suggest taking this chair along with a cozy blanket out to your patio or deck and setting a romantic scene with nice wine, romantic lights and music. Then, enjoy this position under a starry sky. Not that anyone I know has done that or anything… 8)
Going Commando
The term going commando originally caused me to have visions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I quickly learned that this term merely meant that you were not wearing any underwear. Some other terms that mean the same thing are ‘going indian’, ‘free balling’ (this term is for men seeing that we don’t own any balls to set free), and free buffing.
I do not go commando 100% of the time. When I do it does help me feel sexier. Once in awhile I may ‘forget’ to put my underwear on which then leads to me confessing to my husband. This can really drive him crazy depending on where we are or what we are doing. Try removing your underwear in the ladies room, discreetly put them in your husband’s pocket and see what happens. Sometimes I go without telling him that I am underwear free and he figures it out soon enough with the touch of his hand. Some people choose to go commando 100% of the time. Cummingirl mentioned not wearing panties in her Ben Wa Balls: A Toy Review. If I remember correctly her ben wa balls did fall out at one point so there you go, woman are capable of freeing there balls. 😉
Sleeping nude is a very common practice. The benefits are that it keeps air circulating, improving fertility in men, increases physical intimacy with your spouse, and it helps us relax. Remember that we entered this world naked and probably preferred to be naked as toddlers as well. It’s a natural state.
That being said, I usually do need to wear something to bed. I have trained myself to feel more comfortable that way. I think I will change my ways after reading all these benefits of sleeping in the buff. In my investigating of this subject I have found that being naked can stop perspiration, therefore decreasing body order. Not restrict blood vessels, which cut down on developing varicose veins. I’m all about smelling good and making my legs look as attractive as they can. Oh, look at the time. I need to get ready for bed. I can’t wait for my husband to experience his ‘morning wood’ while he is free balling. Ahhh, good times!! Hasta la vista, baby!!
Communication In the Bedroom
By now we all know how important communication is in marriage. It’s also a big part of the marriage bed. If we don’t communicate to our husbands what we like and dislike, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I have a few key points to make on this subject.
Your husband will benefit when you tell him what you like in bed. He is trying his best to please you, but no two women are identical. It can be frustrating for him to be constantly trying things that don’t seem to work. Your husband can’t read your mind. He needs to hear from your mouth what you find enjoyable. Subtle hints may work sometimes, but being upfront is best. That way there are no misunderstandings. You can start a conversation over dinner one night or while cuddling sometime. Or even when you are making out and you know things will be leading to sex, you can say “Do you know what I love for you to do to me?”
Your husband will also benefit when you tell him what doesn’t work for you in bed. If he tries something new, and it doesn’t do anything for you, then find a way to let him know. He may have read a book that says many women like anal caressing during oral sex, but you may not care for it at all. He may be going to town down there while you are lying there wondering why he always does that? I love it when my husband gets a new creative idea, but if it doesn’t really work, then I find a way to tell him later, so that he doesn’t add it to his repertoire. He is actually appreciative of that. He has learned that I am honest with him and he doesn’t have to guess or assume anything, because I will tell him the truth. And if something doesn’t work, then we just go on to the next new idea!
Discuss your true feelings on things like lingerie, toys, and swallowing. Don’t pretend to like something if you really don’t. It can lead to resentment later on. Just be honest. Your husband deserves to know how you truly feel. And know that it’s possible that you may change your mind later on. Some women start off just tolerating the taste of their husband’s ejaculate, and then grow to really like it later on! So never say never 😛
Be willing to compromise. Maybe your husband absolutely goes crazy when you wear lingerie, but you feel too self-conscious in it. It’s possible that you can compromise and go shopping together to find something that is still sexy yet more modest for your tastes. It may be certain fabrics or colors that he loves to see on you.
Keep an open mind. Think of how vulnerable your husband is when he comes to you with a new idea for sex. A new technique he wants to try on you. A new position he read about somewhere. A sexy photo shoot he wants you two to have together. Whatever his idea is, give the man a chance. The fact that he’s thinking of ways to bless you and give you pleasure is important. Don’t discount what he says immediately.
Know that your husband’s thoughts and feelings are just as important as yours are. All the things I discussed above are true for him to. Give him a chance to tell you what he likes for you to do to him. Ask him about the things that he doesn’t really like. When he has a thought or concern about something, respect him enough to consider where he is coming from. You two fell in love and chose to spend the rest of your lives together, so keep talking and listening to each other.
What’s touch got to do with it?
The sense of touch is often taken for granted. We take notice when we can’t hear or see well. We love our sense of taste and smell. What about touch and how does it effect us? Most importantly, is touch an important part of intimacy with our spouses?
Even though we don’t think of it, touch is probably one of the most important senses we have. The skin is the largest organ in the body, and in an adult, skin can cover about 18-20 square feet and weigh up to 6 pounds. It protects us from heat, light, injury and infection. It regulates the body’s temperature. It stores fat, water, and vitamin D that our body needs and uses daily. It also is sensitive to painful and pleasurable sensations.
Touch is the primary trigger for the release of a chemical called oxytocin. This occurs when we hold hands, hug, snuggle or touch intimately. Oxytocin is the body’s anti-stress mechanism. Being touched causes a rise in oxytocin levels, initiating a series of events that lead to biological and psychological arousal. Oxytocin heightens that warm and fuzzy bonding feeling, increasing sexual receptiveness and intimacy. Oxytocin also increases the desire to be touched further, reinforcing the cycle of sex hormone escalation!
Oxytocin also has a lot to do with causing orgasm. The release of oxytocin causes the uterus to contract. Oxytocin is released during childbirth, and it also helps in the relaxation and bonding period after birth.
What does this mean to a married couple? It means that if we are not touching each other, we may be starving our bodies! Seriously! The body uses oxytocin to feed the muscles, nerves, organs, tissues and blood. I guess this is the very reason that Mr. Nutmeg likes for the both of us to sleep in the nude. The skin on skin contact is very important to our own sense of intimacy. It bonds us together like no one else could do. And after intercourse, it has a tranquilizing effect. Ever wonder why you fall asleep after sex? No, it’s not because sex was boring, it was the oxytocin level increasing in your body that makes you sleepy, and this is a normal reaction! You are more likely to fall asleep after orgasming since the level of oxytocin in your body is at it’s highest level then.
So, ladies (and gentlemen), please don’t forget the skin when you are planning an intimate evening. If you want to raise the arousal level of your spouse, watch a movie together starting off with cuddling and hand holding. Give your spouse a massage with scented lotion or oil to set the mood. Let your hands do the touching all over your spouse’s body, and ride the oxytocin wave to pure ecstasy in your intimacy!
Monday’s Mission #1
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to plan a night to do a strip tease for your husband. Find the music, find the outfit and go for it. Remember he just wants to see you release your sexual energy towards him. Don’t take yourself too seriously and just enjoy it! He loves YOU!!!
Position #9: Straddle Cuddle
This week’s position is one we just tried the other night, but I just didn’t know what to call it. I found it on Dr. Sue Johansen’s website, and it is called Straddle Cuddle.
Straddle Cuddle is a modified version of the Woman on Top or “Cowgirl” position. When using this position, the husband could be lying on his back to start out and the wife can position herself on top of him and mount him, just like WOT. (We started in the seated position) After insertion of the penis, the husband then sits upright while still inside her. This provides maximum closeness between the spouses. Her breasts are more accessible to be stimulated by hand or mouth in this position. Also, with the husband in the seated position, this keeps the wife’s clitoris closer to his body and his pelvis for greater grinding ability for stimulation. The wife can either sit on her own folded legs for thrusting power or she could wrap her legs around him for more grinding ability or even use a circular motion for stimulation. This may not be the perfect position for the husband to orgasm in since it isn’t a good position for deep penetration, but if she comes first, he could flip her over and the couple could go for multiples or just to finish him off.
Another option would be for the man to start in a seated position in an armless chair and his wife could mount him from there. In this way, you are not limited to the bedroom, you could make love in any room of the house or basically anywhere you have privacy for intimacy. (Great for outdoor sex, camping, in the hot tub, you name it!)
I Think I Can!
I want to let you in on a little secret… I have trouble achieving orgasm through intercourse. And I know that I’m not alone. I also know that it has nothing to do with my husband because he’s always been a very attentive and passionate lover. Through out the years, he has always made sure that I reach orgasm either through oral sex or manual stimulation, but there is always something so special, to the both of us, when I can orgasm while having sex.
We’ve been at this for over ten years and the story has always been the same. Every once in a while, the planets align (or something like that!) and I will have an orgasm during sex. A few months back, I had an epiphany of sorts… maybe I could teach myself to orgasm through intercourse! A couple of years ago, we introduced sex toys into a regular part of our foreplay. I was amazed at how quickly I learned to orgasm from those, so that made my wheels begin to turn. Instead of just using them during foreplay, now we often incorporate a vibe during sex. My thinking is that maybe I can train my body into recognizing what it feels like to orgasm with my husband inside of me.
I am blessed because my husband is not intimidated by the incorporation of something extra into our repertoire. It provides a great visual for him and great stimulus for me… but is my experiment working? Am I able to orgasm during sex without the use of a vibe? I wish that I could say that the results have been immediate and outstanding, but I know that anything worth achieving demands a lot of practice and I’m willing to put in that work. However, I do believe that since I have started this journey that my ability to orgasm during sex without the use of anything extra has increased by a little. It’s a jumping off point that I’m willing to accept. And I’m so thankful that I can thoroughly enjoy lovemaking even though I don’t orgasm from it on a regular basis.
If you are one of those ladies who also have orgasm difficulties, please be of good cheer even during the frustrating times. You may want to experiment to find something that works for you, and then continue building from there. For me, it was making a conscious decision that this was something that I’d be willing to work through. It was also finding a position that worked (which for me is WOT, Cowgirl style) and taking some other good orgasm advice… like making sure I’m relaxed and enjoying the moment and when the moment seems to be on it’s way to tighten up my kegel muscle. But, I think the best thing that I do is enjoy my husband no matter what the outcome may be.
Just because I can’t always orgasm through intercourse doesn’t mean that I’m deficient in the lovemaking department! It just means that I’m a work in progress! I’m hoping that in the months to come that I have some more good news to report.
In Someone Else’s Home
For the first several years of my marriage I notice a peculiar pattern forming on the part of my husband. Whenever we visited family or friends it seemed to bring out his frisky side. For whatever reason, he always seemed to want to fool around when we were in someone else’s house. Perhaps it was simply the ability to relax away from home and be free enough in his thoughts to think about it or maybe the excitement of being in a new place. Interestingly enough, this tendency on the part of my husband played a key part in my awakening.
We were visiting friends and everyone had gone out so we were in the house alone. My frisky husband asked if he could take some risqué pictures of me and I timidly agreed. This was the beginning of my awakening. Somehow through the voice of Jesus to free me and the voice of my husband to speak life to me, in my soul and spirit I suddenly believed that I was incredibly beautiful to him and that it felt good to embrace my sexuality in a godly and passionate manner.
So I have very positive feelings about taking opportunities to push out of our comfort zones a little bit and be a little risky if we are staying with friends or family, while at the same time not disrespecting the people we are staying with by purposely invading their space with loud screaming and moaning.
Having said that, trying to be quiet is part of the thrill. When a certain touch usually causes you to vocalize, the need to be quiet can build the intensity. When your husband has to resist the urge to tell you in one way or another how great it feels to have your mouth on him during oral sex, the need to release those feelings without words can be very exciting. Thus, the thrill many feel at the prospect of having sex with others nearby.
In much the same way that a couple might embrace having sex outdoors as exciting, but limit the true potential for voyeurism you need to consider the same when you decide to have sex at someone’s home you are visiting. The point is not to parade your sex life in front of your friends and family. The point is to take an exciting opportunity to demonstrate your love to one another in a unique way.
So go for it. Next time you are visiting friends or family and you have chance to sneak away for a little romp, give it a try.
Satin Sheets
I love satin sheets. We’ve only had them for a year or so. Some friends got them for us for Christmas one year, in sexy black! Now that I know what it’s like to have satin sheets, I’m hooked!
I know some people who don’t like them. They complain that the sheets actually allow for too much movement. In other words, when they are being intimate, they can’t do some of the stuff they are used to doing because the sheets are causing them to slip around on the bed. This has caused some frustration.
When we first got ours, the main thing I noticed was that my pillows kept falling off the bed! And remember, we have bed risers. So it was a pretty good fall. So when I would try to reach down and get it, I couldn’t reach it. That was somewhat frustrating, but I got used to keeping a firm hold on my pillows, and now that is no longer an issue.
The satin feels so nice against our skin, and not just during intimate times. I love sleeping on the satin. We have noticed that we do slip and slide a bit more during sex now, but we don’t view it as a bad thing. We almost look at it as if our bed is wearing lingerie. It’s sexy and inviting, and it makes us feel even more erotic when we are making love on it. It makes our bedroom romantic, and is really pretty when using candlelight.
Our children love the feel of the sheets also, and have asked for them for their bedrooms too! If you are interested in trying them, you can find some reasonably priced sets at Wal-Mart and Amazon. Overstock.com also has some good deals on them. Be sure to read the customer reviews for each product.
We give pepper heart ratings here, when we write a review for a new toy or product. I’ll give satin sheets 4.5 pepper hearts, because I really do love them!
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