We received a question on whether penis size really matters. To tell you the honest truth it seems to be more important to men then it is for women. It’s not the size of the stick that matters. What matters is the magic within. A man with a small penis can be as great in the bed as a man who is well endowed. On the flip side, lousy lovers come in all different shapes and sizes too. I think many people have a misconception of what average actually is. The average penis is 5.5 inches long when erect. That being said, any sized penis can be satisfying. All you need to do is find out which position works the best with your size. Do woman think or talk about their man’s penis? Maybe, but I guarantee it’s more about the hardness factor or how it was used rather then how many inches it is; how it smells and tastes rather then if it’s the size of a tree stump or twig. The great thing about a woman’s vagina is that it stretches and shrinks according to the size of your husband’s penis. The vagina is very accommodating. 😉
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Christian Nymphos 
Peppermintgirl, you are absolutely right. It really doesn’t matter about the size. B/c you can have someone that is well endowed and not know how to use what they have.
That’s where their wives can seize the moment and turn things into a learning opportunity.
A simple thing to remember when questioning ones physical attribute is that God does not make mistakes.
size, shmize, it is definately technique that counts.
hubby is definiety well endowed in length and especially thinkness. i agree it wouldn’t matter if he was smaller b/c of the accomodation factor, and technique is extremely important. B/c of hubby’s size, it can take a while to accomodate him, but once it’s been accomodated, and things are getting really hot , i’m one happy girl 🙂
i believe when God selects you a partner he selects one especially made for you….my husband and i completely ft together, like a puzzle. he is not extremely large, i’d say above average, i have never ended a love making session without climaxing. The shape, size,girth and veins are all distinct for every man, but i know every inch of my husbands and am very pleased. so personally for me size does not matter at all.
When you say that the vagina is very accomodating to a very large penis, when does the accomodating stop? My hubby is way ABOVE the average perception of tall at 6’10”, so doesn’t that affect his size and my supposed “accomodation” at all? Doesn’t the accomodation factor diminish when I’m in pain every time I have sex? I have never and am afraid I will never had intercourse with my hubby without a great deal of pain. It’s not just discomfort, but more than that, it’s a HUGE, burning pain the ENTIRE time, and to top it all off, sharp pains deep inside me during at least some of it. I’ve been told size difference shouldn’t cause that, but at the same time I want to know WHY I am in pain during sex, let alone can hardly stand having my husband moving around inside me. Yet I want to be a generous, loving, giving wife and not deprive my husband of intercourse altogether when I know it’s so iimportant to a marriage. In some ways I still feel like the virgin I was before I got married just about 6 months ago, and I feel so hopeless.
So I guess what I am asking is, what are the various physical reasons women can be in pain (burning pain, like abrasive pain) during sex (other than mental/emotional reasons)? What are some physical reasons I cannot be pain-free with my husband, even when I want to (and the rest of my body wants to) have sex with him?
I have to go now. Someone please answer?
InPainJane
There are several medical issues that can cause painful sex. Some of them are listed on this website. I would advise you to see your ob-gyn soon, to discuss what is going on with your body.
You might not be aroused enough. I had serious pain for at least the first six months of our married life and I still have that burning pain very rarely when I’m too dry or not physically aroused. If I were you, I’d definitely research vaginismus (http://www.vaginismus.com/faqs/vaginismus-questions/what-is-vaginismus), as well as whatever other medical issues you see on the link cumingirl posted that might apply. In addition, make sure that you’re seriously aroused before he comes in (that means you are dripping wet!). Also, if you think the issue might be complicated by the fact that your brain is being trained to expect pain, work on conditioning it to believe otherwise – for example, insert your fingers for 15 mins or so at a time on multiple occasions.
Have you tried lots of lube also? -After I had my kids and was breastfeeding them, I tended to be on the dry side b/c of the hormone changes, that and the fact that my hubby’s above average really made it uncomfortable if we didn’t use a bunch of lube. And even now I notice that if I’m not COMPLETELY turned on, like isaacsgirl said, it is definitely painful and burning, but if I am, it’s heavenly.
I hesitate to write this, knowing there is a chance there could be a physical problem causing this that won’t just go away. That said – in my personal experience, the pain went away after awhile. My difference was, the pain you’re describing wasn’t there EVERY time, only sometimes.
In the meantime, you may find that (sorry if this is TMI) the angle of penetration can really change how it feels. I’m not talking about using a different position, but simply about changing the angle in the same position. Not that other positions would be bad.
another thing – i did kinda stretch my vaginal opening during baths sometimes, and I think that helped.
Use LOTS of lubricant.
Sometimes, if it just is hurting so bad, or if it has been hurting lately – give it a break for awhile. YOu can still ML, just take a break from intercourse. I didn’t know that was an option back then, but now, coping w/ post childbirth pain, it has been invaluable 🙂
In my case, the pain eventually went away. The biggest factor was probably what I said above about the angle – getting that right really helped…. I still do have to be careful of the angle, btw, b /c the pain could come back…
Another tip – while you may feel guilty telling your husband he’s hurting you when he’s trying to make you feel good – I think he deserves to know (although sometimes I felt a bearable amount of pain that was totally worth it and didn’t mention that unless he asked.) But if you’re in so much pain that you can’t hardly get pleasure out of sex, i think that could really start to strain your relationship, esp. if your husband isn’t being sensitive about it (which he can’t be if you don’t tell him).
InPainJane,
I have never commented on this site before, but seeing your comment made me feel compelled. I hope you don’t go on as long as I did with this problem. I was in your shoes up until only a few months ago (we celebrated our 2nd anniversary in November). I experienced the “burning, abrasive pain” that you mentioned, as well as the “deep, stabbing” pain (I’m guessing that the deep pain, at least in my case, came from being really tense from the burning pain). Every single time. I would be in great pain during the “act,” in bed afterward (it felt like my insides were burned), and sore the next day, and sometimes even the day after that. I’d bleed sometimes. Our wedding night, I had to stop him because it felt like someone was stabbing me (we were both virgins) and he couldn’t penetrate me at all for the first week and a half. When he finally got all the way in me, I felt so relieved, even though it hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt before, he was in. I figured, okay, it will just get better from here. But it didn’t.
He was very patient with stimulating me, and at first, I wanted to have sex with him, but it eventually got to the point that I feared the pain of intercourse so badly that I couldn’t get turned on, and faked orgasm just to get it over with. I started resenting my husband, even though he was doing exactly what I would have done (in the foreplay/stimulation department) if I was masturbating. It was just such a mental thing at that time that no matter how patient and wonderful he was, nothing worked. Needless to say, faking it didn’t help matters at all, it just made me feel guilty like I was lying to him. After being married about a year, I was dreading sex. You’ve been married 6 months, and I recommend that you do something about it before it gets to that point. If you keep “putting up” with the pain, you will start dreading sex too.
I dealt with it for almost two years, and I would avoid intercourse for weeks at a time, just stimulating him manually. I wanted to be a “generous, loving, giving wife” too, and I knew that I couldn’t deprive him of sex. I never told him that it hurt me, because I was concerned about making him feel like a failure. So I assumed that it was just my problem and that there must be something physically wrong with me. I became frustrated and depressed to the point of needing medication. I FELT LIKE A FAILURE because for some reason it just wasn’t WORKING for me. I researched all kinds of physical reasons for the pain, too, but before I talked to my doctor about it, I talked to my mom. That was this past fall (a month or so before our 2nd anniversary). Our conversation went something like this, maybe you can relate:
Mom: “Do you use lubricant?”
Me: “Usually…”
Mom: “You need to use it EVERY TIME. Do you use a lot?”
Me: “I guess. Enough to make him slippery.”
Mom: “What about on you?”
Me: “I make my own, that should be enough right?”
Mom: “No. Use lubricant on both of you. Put on what you think is a lot. And then put on more. You can’t use too much. Tell Josh (my hubby) that you heard using a lot of lubricant “enhances” the experience. He won’t question that, and he’ll be excited to try it.”
Seriously, that advice was the best “bedroom trick” I ever learned. I thought we were using plenty, but we really weren’t using nearly enough. After we tried that, sex rarely hurts anymore. When it does, I realize that we didn’t “apply a lot, and then more.” Experimenting with different kinds of lube is a good idea too. I learned very early on that the “warming” lubes won’t work with me. They burn as soon as they get anywhere near my vagina. Several other kinds don’t work either, because my skin is so sensitive. Since we don’t use condoms (I’m on the Pill) we can use coconut oil as lube, and that’s working wonderfully. Plus it smells nice. If you use condoms and need a water-based lube, try the Astroglide brand. We like the liquid stuff in the purple bottle. Also, if you use condoms, you might be allergic to latex, and should get that checked out.
Please, please, please do something about this. I’ve been there, and I can tell you that things don’t automatically get better and stop hurting eventually, if you don’t start doing something different. It turns out after we started using enough lube, I didn’t have to see my doctor, because the problem was solved. I wish I would’ve talked to my mom in the beginning, but I didn’t want her to think I was unhappy in my marriage. I could have saved myself a lot of pain (physical and emotional) if I would have known what I know now. I felt like a virgin too, but now that sex is so fantastic for the both of us, I feel like a seasoned veteran. Your situation isn’t hopeless, and it’s not your fault. Don’t sacrifice your physical and emotional well-being. Try using a ton of lube (like, dripping…) and if that doesn’t work, see your doctor. Please!
Sorry for the long reply. I know from experience how important this is. I’m wishing you the very very best.
Another consideration is the possibility of an UTI or a yeast infection – either can make intercourse VERY painful. Just a suggestion from experience. 🙂
Blessings
I know this post was years ago but I thought I would share for people reading it now and searching for answers. My husband and I were both virgins when we married. We had a very similar situation to what you are describing. For me, I went onto a website for vaginismus and had to buy a dilator set to stretch me out. That helped some but not completely. The other two factors that made all the difference in the world were going off the pill (it doesn’t impact everyone but it was horrible for me – decresaed lubrication and sunk my libido) and finding a lubricant called Pre-Seed. Pre-Seed is available online and at some drugstores. You put it into a tampon-like contraption that they proivde and it goes up into you an works its way down – the way real lubrication works. It didn’t burn like other lubricants (it is water-based I think). I also realized that you can put all the lubricant in the world on you and your hubby but it needs to be up in there for you to be comfortable for more penetration. I am pretty sure you could use the applicators with other lubes but trust me, it is worth trying something like that. It made all the difference for me and my husband. I just wish we had tried it before sex became stressful and shameful for both of us. It took awhile to heal but our sex life is rocking now. Please don’t be afraid to try anything that might help!
For me the issue is how hard he is. The harder the better. And his penis is the only one I’ve seen up close and personal so I think it’s just the right size.
As far as I am concerned my DH penis fits me quite well and I look forward to its coming inside of me without begging for a bigger one as I am very satisfied by his equipment the way it is as long it is hard.