Question about clitoris pain and orgasm

We had a question from a woman regarding orgasm difficulties and clitoral pain as well.It is my hope in this article to be able to tackle some areas and give some ideas if you, too, suffer from this type of difficulty.

Before you go any further in my article, I suggest you read Cumingirl’s article ”The clitoris” It gives a lot of good information about the clitoris that I will use as reference in this article as well.

The clitoris is one of the most sensitive parts of the female genetalia.When I found the pleasure that could be derived from touching it as a young lady, I also found that there were times when it could become over stimulated and start to feel really odd and even hurt.This is long before I ever knew about lubrication, so much of what I did to stimulate myself was done bone dry.The Discovery Health website says this about the clitoris….” There is a high concentration of nerve endings in the clitoris and in the area immediately surrounding it.The abundance of nerve endings in the clitoris makes it very sensitive to direct or indirect touch or pressure. Stimulation of the clitoral area can be very pleasurable.”BUT what it doesn’t say is it can sometimes be painful, too.

One of the biggest things to realize is that everyone’s clitoris is unique.When aroused, the clitoris swells sometimes to twice its size.Blood flow to that area (like the blood flow to the male penis) causes this swelling.Direct contact to this area can be either pleasurable or painful depending on the type of contact.Too much rubbing directly on the clit can cause it to become desensitized and painful.One of the best things I can recommend to someone who is trying to find the most pleasurable way to stimulate your clit is to experiment with your own finger or a bullet vibe in your own spare time.Find out if your clit is sensitive to direct stimulation or does it feel better when you stimulate around the clitoris (the hood and labia areas).There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this kind of experimentation.It will help you to later communicate to your husband when something is happening during intercourse that is not working or causing you pain.You need to know your body well down there…what feels good and what doesn’t.Be prepared to talk about what starts to cause pain.During intercourse, you may need to change to another position or maybe add some more external lube to the area.Friction is a big source of pain to that area of your body during intercourse if there is not enough lube.If you use lube during intercourse, it is a good idea to put some on the clitoris as well to keep from rubbing it raw.If you use your own natural fluids, then use a finger to gather some from your vagina and put it on your clit.

But part of the Sister in Christ’s question also included about her inability to orgasm.If you read Cumingirl’s article, women, too can get a “blue balls” kind of feeling with their clitoris when an orgasm isn’t reached.The blood can remain in an engorged clit for several hours as compared to relief in 10 minutes or so with an orgasm!Ouch!If you find that you cannot reach an orgasm or if your husband has already had his release, don’t be afraid to ask him for oral sex or for him to use a vibe on you to release the tension that you still have built up.Your husband may find it extremely erotic to watch youmasturbate in front of him to orgasm with your fingers or a vibe.This would be a great time to SHOW HIM what you have learned through your own practice!Show him what area of the clitoris that produces the most pleasure for you.After some study time, your husband will remember how to rock your world, and hopefully be open to volunteering to do this for you in the future.

Our sister, Sugar and Spice documented in her blog “I think I can” ways that helped her to achieve orgasm as well.

I have also read on several websites that clitoral pain can also be caused by vaginal secretions getting under the hood of the clitoris.I know myself that I do at times pull the hood back and use a Q-tip to gently clean away anything that has been trapped under the hood.I use a gentle feminine wash like Summers Eve or Massengil to clean when I shower.

I hope that I have somehow helped you with some suggestions to make intercourse more enjoyable and fun for you!

Monday’s Mission #11

Your mission this week is to use the same tray and blind fold as the last mission I gave you, only this time fill the tray with a selection of items to enhance oral sex for your husband. Warm hot chocolate, iced tea, Altoid mints, use your imagination. Try a sip of hot chocolate and see how he likes the warmth of your mouth on his penis. Then try some thing cold. Then try the mints and let him enjoy the tingling sensation. Provide him with a plethora of oral delights.

Position #19: Reverse 69

For this week’s POTW, I decided to choose an oral sex position that dh and I have both enjoyed together. I call it the Reverse 69. In the true oral sex position “69”, the woman is on top and the husband is on bottom.

In reverse 69, the wife lays on her back on the bed. Her husband lays on top of her, but kneels with his genitals in an area easily accessible to her mouth, while her genitals are easily accessible to his mouth. In this position, the woman can have not only easy access to his penis, but also to his testicles, his perineum, and even his prostrate! If used as foreplay, you could transition to just about any of the former 18 positions mentioned in previous weeks. Or if you are just in for a night of pleasure without vaginal or anal penetration, this is a great way to get an O for both spouses. Even maybe a simultaneous one!

Pros: This is a really great position for foreplay. Both spouses can receive ultimate pleasure simultaneously.

Cons: If the husband is very well endowed, there is the possibility of choking/gagging for the wife. Men are usually the heavier spouse, so I wouldn’t recommend laying on her, but perching yourself up on your knees.

Camping Sex

Tell me what you think of when you hear “May long weekend.” For me, one of the first things I think of is that it’s the start of camping season. Usually the weather is good enough to enjoy being outside so a lot of people head off for a few days of sitting around the fire chatting with friends and family, eating, drinking, reading, laughing, playing and just doing whatever it is they love about camping. However, if you are like my husband and I, you will also have discovered that camping sex is some of the hottest sex you can have and one of the best pastimes of camping.

If you are not an “outdoors girl,” you may not relate to this article, but go ahead a read it anyway. Maybe you can take some of the ideas and use them in your back yard or something. I actually think I am the only Spice Sister who likes camping. If I am wrong, I am sure one of them will speak up. 🙂

So why is camping sex so hot? A couple of things contribute to the hot-factor. One is simply that you are relaxed enough to actually think about sex. You are spending quality time together day in and day out. If you have kids you have been watching your husband do the daddy thing which I always find incredibly sexy. We don’t tend to drink alcohol very often, but we do on occasion and camping is one of the occasions. It’s one of the things we do to enjoy our vacation. All these reasons contribute to a high desire to have sex, but experiencing it is what makes it great.

Usually you can set up your site so that you have optimal privacy around the fire and so making love under the stars with a roaring fire next to you is a very real option. It is amazingly romantic. You can park your vehicle, set up your tent and run a clothes line (with towels “drying” on it when you want to make love) all in certain ways to minimize the likelihood of other campers seeing you.

A nice position is woman on top with your husband sitting in a comfy camping chair. Something your husband may be pleasantly surprised by is that if he is leaning back while you are in reverse cowgirl position, when you move up and down on him he is going to see peaks of the fire as you thrust. It’s a unique visual you may not always have access to, but you can burn it in his memory. If your husband is aroused by seeing you masturbate you might also try sitting on the other side of the fire from him and giving him a show. It’s very excited to do something that is a normal part of your sex life in a new way, like outside by a fire.

Then there is the whole aspect of having sex in a tent or RV, depending on the kind of camping you do, that is enough to add in that spicy ingredient of variety to your sex life. Be sure you have a large, comfortable, inflatable bed if you are tenting. It is not at all enjoyable to have a rock impale your back while you are in the throws of passion. Also, have enough sleeping bags or blankets so that you are warm enough. As well, having to be quieter for the neighbors can be fuel for the fire for some couples.

I recently found a book that looks quite interesting on this topic. It is called Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple’s Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature and it is definitely on my book wish list. It covers amusing things like how to create a romantic dinner in a ziploc bag and how to have sex in a tent without destroying it, as well as truly helpful information like which are the most romantic campsites in North America and how to convince a reluctant spouse.

Camping sex is indeed one of the most fun sexual experiences my husband and I have enjoyed consistently. It never fails to disappoint. So may your summer camping trips be filled with as much great sex as great family fun this year and in the years to come.


Wow what a topic to write on, huh?! For those of you unfamiliar with the above term, “Pegging” is the term given to the practice of heterosexual anal intercourse, where the female wears a strap-on dildo to penetrate the male. Now that you know the topic of this article, look at this email we received from a couple:

“My wife and I like to use a strap-on dildo in our play where she is penetrating me. I’ve heard this practice is growing in popularity as evidenced in self-help movies for couples and has even coined a new term called ‘pegging’. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on this practice.”

Again, here we are with something that is not specifically mentioned in scriptures. We are left to try and decide for ourselves if this practice falls within the category of sin. Does it involve bringing another person into your marriage bed? No, unless you are watching one of those ‘self-help’ movies mentioned above (ie: porn). We have already established that pornography of any kind is sinful in nature, as it does bring other people into our bedrooms, and causes us to lust. Does it involve incest or bestiality? No, it does not. Okay, so let’s take a more in depth look at this practice.

On this blog we have talked about anal stimulation and full blown anal sex. We’ve outlined things you need to take into consideration, discussed what the bible does and does not say, and we’ve cautioned you to weigh all the pros and cons and come to a mutual decision together with your spouse. Should pegging be any different just because the man is on the receiving end?

We have an article on the female G-spot and how you can use that to help reach orgasm. Then we have another on the male prostate, and how it can also help to produce some wonderful orgasms for the men, both directly and indirectly. We talk about toys, and how they can be used to help our sex lives, by using them on both the husbands and the wives. All of these things, when done between married consenting couples, are okay. So now, what about pegging?

Some men have found that they really do enjoy direct prostate stimulation. Wives can use their fingers and/or toys to do this for their husbands. They also have the option of attaching a dildo to a harness and strapping it around themselves, to use on their husbands. When a wife uses a strap on, it frees her hands up so that they can be utilized in other ways, like stroking the penis or caressing the testicles. While this practice may seem a bit…unusual, I have to stop and ask myself, at what point (if any) does this become sin?

So a woman inserting a hand held toy into her husband in the hopes of giving him pleasure is okay. But if she straps that toy to her body in the hopes of giving him that same pleasure, suddenly people start questioning her (their) morals, Christianity, beliefs, sexual orientation, and more. Why?

I’ve heard the following arguments:

“Well it’s just not natural!” Well that toupee that your uncle wears isn’t natural either. And neither is your sister’s blonde hair that she got out of a box.

“Women weren’t meant to function like that!” Well, the mouth is meant to function as something we use to eat with. It chews our food up and aids in the digestion process. Yet many of us use that same mouth for oral sex, even though one could argue that the mouth wasn’t “meant” to function as a receptacle for a penis.

“That is like a complete role reversal and I can’t imagine God being pleased with that!” I would caution any of you who assume to know what God is thinking. Just because you aren’t comfortable with a particular act, does not mean that it’s inherently wrong or sinful.

“Any man who would want that would have to have some hidden homosexual tendencies!” This is just pure rubbish, and again just one big false assumption. I happen to love my own smell and taste, so much so that I would probably give myself oral sex if I were limber enough to do so. 😆 However, the thoughts of being with another woman and tasting her are repulsive and nauseating to me. Just because I am comfortable with my own body and within my own sexuality doesn’t mean that I have lesbian tendencies.

The most basic fact is that men do indeed have a prostate that, when stimulated, can give wonderful sexual feelings and even orgasm. Many couples describe pegging as something that builds onto their intimacy. I’ve heard one man talk about his wife’s willingness and eagerness to do this for him and how it had really brought them closer together and made him feel unconditionally loved. He valued the fact that his wife did not think he was odd for wanting this. They had prayed about it and did not feel the Holy Spirit convicting them against it, so they were at peace with their decision.

We all do need to keep a couple of things in mind though:

1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)

12 “Everything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”-but I will not be mastered by anything.

Romans 14:19 (NASB)

19 So then we pursue the things, which make for peace and the building up of one another.

We need to remember that just because something is not technically a sin, that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily good for us. God calls us to pursue the things that bring us closer to our spouse and to Him. We should be building up each other and concentrating on those things that are edifying for our marriages. There are those of us who have no desire what so ever to try pegging. It would not benefit our marriage. There are also other Christian couples who embrace pegging in their marriage bed. Whether you do or don’t engage in this practice, we all need to remember to be respectful to each other and to refrain from judgment, because we each have our own personal convictions and walk with our Heavenly Father.

I have voiced to my husband that I am open to the possibility if he ever wanted to try this. He has told me absolutely not. He is not into prostate massage and is uncomfortable with the idea of pegging. I dropped the subject and haven’t brought it back up. He made it known how he feels and does not deserve to be pushed into doing something that he is uncomfortable with. Besides, we don’t need pegging to have a hot and spicy marriage bed!

I realize that this can be a controversial or taboo topic, but I have tried to write out my thoughts and feelings on this subject in a balanced way that is in accordance to God’s word. If you and your spouse are considering trying this, then please pray, asking Him to give you clarity.

Taking Care of Yourself

How well do you take care of yourself from a social or emotional standpoint? I know that our husbands are our best friends but they do not need to be our only source for social interaction. I talked briefly about the positive effects friendship can provide in “Orgasm, Chocolate and Friends…Oh My!!!” I am now referring to having friends as a support system.

I was thinking about how important friendships are to children. Young children will even pal around with a pet, stuffed animal or have imaginary friends. In our teen years our friends have a big influence over the type of personality we develop. As we get married many women lose their identity. Sometimes we get ultra focused on pleasing our husband that we lose sight of the things we enjoyed before we were married. I am not saying that you should be hanging out in clubs with your girlfriends if that’s what you did with them prior to being married. You can easily connect with a friend on a short walk or over a cup of coffee. All you really need is one good friend. Quality is much more important than quantity. It is great to know that I have friends with whom I can laugh, cry, pray with, vent to or get advice from. My friends are some of my biggest fans as well as my toughest critics and I know it is because they love me unconditionally.

It is a known fact that friendships can lower blood pressure, heart rates, cholesterol and stress. Have you ever become so consumed in an activity with a friend that issues that had been hanging over your head suddenly took a back burner for a bit? It is a great feeling to be able to pray or laugh with a friend when times are tough.

In the past I have become so consumed with trying to be a good wife and a good mother that I lose my sense of self. While it’s true that I am a wife as well as a mother, I am also my own person. It is so important to have interests outside marriage. In the long run they enrich the quality of my marriage. Plus, my husband fell in love with that person so why would I ever want to get rid of her?

Monday’s Mission #10

Spice up your sex life a bit by trying something new! Your Monday’s mission is have sex somewhere new at home. Whether you choose to make love in the backyard, on the back porch, in a room that you have never made love before…it’s all your choice! Have fun!

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