Monday’s Mission #17

Your next mission, should you choose to accept it, is a night where you call all the shots.  A few weeks ago, we encouraged you to be his genie, granting his every whim… but now, it’s time to turn those tables.  It’s all about you!  All you need is a willing husband to be at your beck and call for the night.  It may be helpful to have some ideas in mind or you can just be spontaneous.  And although he’s doing what you want, we’re positive that your spouse will be receiving pleasure as well.  Since this is a night about you… if pleasing him pleases you… then go for it!  So take the reigns and be the boss for the night!

Position #25: Fellatio Lying Down

This is a great position for your husband to receive fellatio because he gets to lean back and enjoy the show. Have him lie on his back and place some pillows behind his head/neck to help prop him up. You can position yourself between his spread eagle legs. This should give you easy access to his testicles, perineum and anus.

Slowly make your way down to his penis planting kisses along the way. Once you are at his groin you can either moisten his testicles with your mouth or use some kind of lubricant, such as coconut oil. At this point he should be fully erect and ready. Don’t be afraid to try different techniques with your tongue and mouth. You can check out ‘Advanced Oral Techniques’ if you need some ideas.

One of the benefits of being in this position is that while you are working on your man you can give him a show as well. One hand can continue working on him by gripping the base of his penis, fondling his testicles, caressing his perineum or teasing his anus. Your other hand can be giving yourself pleasure by either touching or using a vibrator on your clitoris. If he’s a helpful kind of guy he may even give you a hand by holding his penis as you multi-task.

Shelley Lubben: A Porn Star Set Free

The story of Shelley Lubben has impacted me (and my spice sisters) in a profound way. Shelley is an ex-porn star who God saved from the industry and released as a missionary to be used of God to set women and men free from the effects of the pornography industry. She is a brilliant woman and very well spoken. Not only is she aware of so many aspects of the industry that most people are ignorant of, but she also can intelligently communicate the information to audiences and governmental authorities as she rallies to see girls in the industry set free and laws set to reduce the damage caused by pornography.

I want to share some of her story with you, but encourage you to view the video at her website of her sharing it herself. I have watched it several times because it is so impacting. Shelley Tells the Hardcore Truth. You will find the video listed on this page.

Warning: the video contains some descriptions of what she endured as a victim of the porn industry and is not suitable for children.

Shelley grew up in a home with a disconnect to her parents. She describes her father as a workaholic and her mother as one who loved to nag. They raised her in the church for her first 8 years and then relocated and the family stopped attending church together. When she was 9 years old she was sexually molested by a teenage boy and his sister and she didn’t have the security in her relationship with her parents to be able to go to them for support. As a teenager she acted out her pain and anger towards her parents by drinking, smoking and having sex. When she was 18 years old, her father kicked her out of the house which she describes as feeling that her whole identity and been taken away.

She became homeless and hungry at that point and after not eating for several days a man approached her and told her that there was a man down the street who thought she was pretty and that she would get thirty five dollars if she would have sex with him. At first she was shocked and was going to say no, but then she heard the enemy tell her that no one else cared about her, why should she care. And this was her door into the sex industry. Prostitution, Stripping and Pornography. Shelley began a life of prostitution, but when she started fearing for her life a friend suggested that she try porn because it was legal in California. Knowing that she could make a lot of money and expecting that it was just like prostitution she decided to do it and over time became deeper and deeper entrapped by the lies and pain of the industry. She contracted an incurable sexually transmitted disease which devastated her. Throughout her years working as a prostitute and porn star she had been crying out to God, but she never felt that He gave her any hope. She knew He was there and heard Him speak to her, but she had no way to see how He could help her.

When she contracted herpes she left the porn industry and decided to go back to prostitution, but ended up infecting a married couple with the disease. Shortly after, she met a guy at a bar who she developed a non-sexual friendship with and they would get high and study the bible together. He fell in love with her and wanted to marry her and take her out of the sex industry after he heard of all that she had endured. Although she didn’t love him, she felt the love he had for her and was uncontrollably drawn to him because of it.

When they went to get married it cost them thirty five dollars to get the license, the same amount that she had been paid to turn her first trick. At that moment the Lord confirmed in her spirit that this was His hand.

It took years of recovery for her to be set free, but she is now this amazing voice of hope and freedom to those trapped where she had been and she has been miraculously healed of herpes along with many other emotional and physical wounds caused by working so many years in the sex industry.

If your husband is struggling to break free from an addiction to pornography, if you have sons who need to understand what life is like for the women who are victims of the industry, consider watching this together with them. A great deal of helpful information can be found at Shelley’s website.

Q&A: Swimsuit Modesty?

We recently received the following email:

My wife and I have a conflict.
I prefer to wear “speedo” type swimming suits over trunk style swimming suits for the following reasons:
1. for the support
2. faster drying and therefore I do not get as cold (I have very low body fat)
3. less drag of water and air while swimming
4. less chaffing or rubbing

I only like to wear this suit while swimming or participating in active water activities.

My wife believes this style is immodest. She asked me to put on a trunk style swimming suit while I looked at her and could clearly see her breasts, her nipples; and her swimming suit was right next to her vulva!

I have asked her what is the difference between most women’s style swimming suits that are next to the skin and genitalia and men’s “speedo” style swim briefs? She has told me she intends to now wear a modest swimming suit.

Is there an aversion to the male body? Why the double standard? I much prefer the comfort of a “speedo” brief swimming suit.

Swimsuit modesty can be a tough subject to tackle. There are so many different opinions and views on this subject. I have Christian girlfriends who swim in a large T-shirt and shorts over a one piece bathing suit for modesty’s sake, and I also have Christian girlfriends who wear a two piece bikini with no problem.

As far as Speedos go specifically…I have to admit to being uncomfortable around them most of the time. I think it’s just because it so clearly outlines the man’s “package” so to speak. However, I do realize that there are legitimate reasons for men to wear them sometimes. When I go to the YMCA, I often see men in Speedos swimming laps. For some reason that doesn’t bother me in the least. There are a couple of high schools that use our local YMCA for their swim team practices as well, and I think that wearing a Speedo does indeed help the men swim better. I have a girlfriend whose husband was on the swim team in school, and he prefers to swim in a Speedo if it’s for exercise, but if it’s a family reunion or church get together at someone’s pool, then he wears trunks just out of respect for others.

I think it mainly bothers me when I see someone at the beach just lounging around in a Speedo…lying out in the sun, playing Frisbee, walking around drinking, etc. If the man isn’t wearing them for purely swimming benefits, then that leads me to wonder if he is just trying to call attention to himself, and that is what makes me uncomfortable.

I can understand what you are asking about the double standard, especially with many of the string bikinis out on the beaches today. It’s even possible to tell if a woman shaves her pubic hair, because the swimsuit can hug her so tightly as to reveal the outline of her vulva lips. (Yeah, I saw that myself 😯 ) However, there are many new swimsuits out there for women that fit like regular clothes. These swimsuits are two pieces where the top part looks like a tank top and the bottom part looks like shorts. (Here is an example of a Tankini!) I usually wear a one piece, but I really want to get one of these new styles of two pieces! (I recently saw one on a friend of mine, and it looked so great and trendy and modest, all at the same time!)

As far as you and your wife go, it seems like you two just need to find a compromise. If you are truly into swimming as a sport or as exercise, then maybe you can wear a Speedo while you are in the water, but when you come out of the water you could just slip a pair of trunks on over it or something? Or maybe you can only wear the Speedo in your own backyard pool or while at the local YMCA swimming laps, and wear trunks at the public beaches?

We all have our own modesty convictions and it’s hard sometimes when others do not share our same opinions. I will tell you that if my husband were uncomfortable with the swimsuit I was wearing, then I wouldn’t wear it, out of respect for him. I hope you two can agree on a resolution to this situation soon.

Monday’s Mission #16

Your mission this week, should you choose to do it, would be to play some romantic music during your lovemaking and sing to your DH. It could be his favorite song, your song from your wedding, a current song that makes him feel sexy or get more into the act, you choose since you know your spouse best. Good luck and have fun!

Position #24: Shower Sex

Shower sex can be so exciting. Often spontaneous, it can be wonderfully romantic or hot and steamy, and yet it can be difficult sometimes to get the angle working right. That can be an issue with any standing position so I was happy to find a shower position that worked really well.

For this position it will be helpful if you have a sturdy, built in soap dish in your shower, similar to this:

The woman will position herself so that she can prop her foot up on the soap holder. Depending on how the plumbing is in your shower, you may also find that propping your foot on the tap or even the corner of the tub will work as well, but you might find that it works better if your foot is higher than the edge of the tub. Another option is to wrap your leg around your husband. These options will open you up and allow your husband to enter you more easily. You can do this even without resting your foot on something, but it can be tiring and I find that with the slippery surface of the shower floor it is better to have something to support me a bit more than my one foot. It may help with the angle if you press your pelvis into your husband and then lean back in his arms. Of course, that all depends on the height difference between you and your husband. The position will look something like this:

Pros ~ Steamy shower sex, a fun change, oral sex in the shower can be a good way for couples to start if they are hesitant about oral

Cons ~ Requires you to balance on one leg, can get tiring

Take My Breath Away

About two years ago I realized something. As I am approaching orgasm I have a tendency to hold my breath. I never planned to. I never made a conscious decision to do it. I assume I’ve done it for years and just never realized it. After I came to this realization, I started paying more attention to my breathing patterns during sex.

Breathing patterns are different for everyone. I’ve heard some people talk about how the best orgasms are those that you breathe deeply through. I did a little research, and there are SO MANY different breathing techniques out there. I tried deep breathing and it just didn’t work for me.

Most of the sources that I’ve read have talked about deep belly breathing. (You former band students know what I’m talking about here.) Many people breathe mostly using their chests. But when you are breathing correctly, it is your tummy that should rise and fall, not your chest. Lie on your bed or sofa and place a book on your belly. Take a slow, deep breath in, to a count of 4 or 5. The book should rise. Then exhale slowly and watch the book fall. This is deep breathing. People into yoga or meditation also do deep breathing exercises. It can help to regulate your heart rate and relieve stress. I’ve also heard it said that men who practice this type of deep breathing have better ejaculatory control, partly due to being more relaxed. Here is an interesting read on how deep breathing exercises can help with premature ejaculation issues.

So this deep breathing is supposed to be erotic during sex. It is supposed to help your body experience all the full feelings of pleasure. It can also help extend your orgasms, or so I’ve heard. The problem for me is that the opposite seems to be true. As my pleasure builds, I find myself holding my breath. It adds…something…to it and many times is what pushes me over the top. I find that holding my breath as orgasm approaches helps to quiet everything in my head, and allows me to focus solely on the pleasure sensations that are building. It works for me.

So I guess we are all different in our breathing patterns during sex. I’m going to try and see if I can experiment some more on deep breathing during my intimate times. It’s very hard for me to change how I normally do things, but I am curious to know if it would indeed feel any different? If I have any major breakthroughs I’ll be sure to come back here and update this blog. In the mean time, I’d love to know if there are any other “breath holders” out there besides me?

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